November 10th 2010

[looks awkwardly] Uh, hi, it is me. [waves in his own way] Blaine. So, like I said yesterday, Im going to start using this channel. I mean, my friends told me to start today, so here I am.

[looks unsure] This will be my first official video, so please, bear with me [laughs] And yeah, I guess I want to talk about dreams.

You dont know me yet, but let me tell you that I dont know what to do with my life. I, uh, am very introverted and the thought of going to places scares me [shudders slightly]. I once wanted to be famous, you know? Broadway or music in general, but then I realised that people would look at me and talk to me and- people!

[apologetic] Sorry, I still dont know if it is a good thing to open up. You are all strangers to me. But that used to be my dream. Im still working on a new one, but that is okay. If you havent figured it out, then dont feel pressured. Take it slow if needed.

This is your life. Your feelings. Your dreams.

[checks something on screen] So, this is a short video, but its my first. I have to run, sorry.

[looks at his hand] [smiles] [mock salute] Blaine… Warbler, signing off.

May 31st 2014

After Blaine started opening up to Kurt, Kurt started trying to help Blaine.

Normally, Blaine would scoff at people who tell them that he just "has to do the thing a several times and poof, hes cured from all his problems in life", but theres something different about Kurt.

He knows that "exposure therapy" only works when he chooses to do the therapy despite the fear and most of the time, it only works in a controlled setting. Kurt doesnt push him or anything, he is really helping him.

He lets Blaine tag along when he goes out, so Blaine doesnt have to feel alone or awkward (although, he still feels uncomfortable most of the time, but hey hes working on it). Kurt and also Mercedes have been knocking on his door on a daily basis. Mercedes once again was on dinner duty and she let Blaine help with the small things. He also helped him shave that ugly beard ("Holy shit, are you sure that thing isnt alive?") and then he stared at him for way too long, as if he was remembering something, but Blaine let that slide.

Kurt has also started to ask him simple questions about his family and his friends. But also about his favourite things (Kurt mightve sung My Favorite Things a several times).

"What is your favourite food?"

"I crave for pizza."

"Same. What is your favourite musical?"

"Next To Normal."

"Isnt that a bit depressing?"

"Your favourite musical is RENT, like that one isnt depressing!"

"Except for Harry Potter, what do you like to read?"

"Fanfiction? Do not judge!"

The questions arent life changing, but they are nice. Its nice to be able to talk without worrying that youre actually annoying the person youre talking to.

And Blaine is happy.

Sure, he still has his own borders and Kurt respects them. They do not hug or even touch, because they both know that Blaine cant handle physical contact very well. One time, Kurt invited him for a party and Blaine politely declined.

He did help Mercedes and the other students with planning Kurts birthday party. Sure, Blaine only stayed for an hour, but the smile on Kurts face made it all worthwhile.

But with good days come bad days.

"Not today," is the first thing Blaine says when he opens the door, "Please."

Kurt doesnt know what to say, so Blaine decides to answer the obvious question. "I am not okay," he says, "Im not feeling it today, please leave."

"Is there anything I can do to help you?"

Blaine almost laughs at the thought of that. He cant even help himself on days like this. Days like this are the worst. On days like this, Blaine just wants to lock himself in his room and eat. Or sleep. Or read. Or watch something online. Just something that might cheer him up.

Days like this are the worst, because he has no idea whats going on. Hes not really sad, or depressed, or he doesnt feel unhappy. He isnt mad at anyone, including himself, but hes just not feeling it. Hes not feeling like doing anything.

All he can do is wait for the day to be over.

Mercedes shrieks when Kurt suddenly re-enters their room. "I am changing!" she yelps and Kurt sings, "I am cha-a-a-anging!" Mercedes rolls her eyes.

"Werent you finally going to ask Blaine out or whatever?" she says, pretending to be annoyed.

"I knew it was a bad idea, yknow, telling you about my crush on our next-door-neighbour," Kurt sighs as he walks straight past her to his bedroom, "And Id like to remind you that I was planning on asking him out a time ago and you interrupted us!"

"Kurt!" she sing-songs, but she then realizes that something mustve happened. She quickly puts on her dress and follows him. "What is going on? Did he reject you?"

"Mercedes, I wasnt even planning on asking him out!" Kurt says. Because he wasnt. Now he knows that he just cant do that.

"Why? You clearly like him and he clearly likes you. Everything is so… clear. It isnt that hard."

"With someone else, it wouldnt be, no," Kurt says, "But this is Blaine were talking about." Mercedes is looking at him, expectantly. Kurt hasnt told her, obviously. Blaine has trusted him and Kurt cant just go blabbing around. Then again, it is Mercedes. Kurt knows she also cares a lot about Blaine and Mercedes mustve noticed something is up with him.

"Fine, dont tell me," Mercedes sighs, but there isnt any malice. She mustve understood that he cant tell her, "But promise me something, okay?"

Kurt nods absently.

"Do not blame yourself for this, okay? I assume hes having a bad day and that theres nothing you can do," Mercedes says, "Dont feel bad for the fact that you cant help him today, uh?"

She turns around and leaves and Kurt has time to think. Mercedes is right. Shes always been his voice of wisdom. Well, she and this other person online.

Speaking of that person… he hasnt watched the videos in so long. Its been years. Maybe he should. Kurt doesnt think as he starts up his laptop. He doesnt think when he clicks on the videos. He doesnt think when he sees that the channel has been updated.

He does think when a familiar face appears.

Blaine finishes his post and publishes it on his blog. This is the first time in a very long time he has to write a post like this. He doesnt like skipping videos, but hes not even feeling it to do a Saturday Show.

Instead of doing that, he ends up watching musicals. He should go to class, but he doesnt want to. Hes already called the library to tell them he isnt coming. He just wants to sit back and watch musicals.

He tries not to sing out loud, since he still has to share this floor with other students, but when he hears the opening notes of his favourite song, he cant resist it.

I am what you want me to be,
And Im your worst fear
Youll find it in me.
Come closer...
Come closer...

He rips off his earbuds. He cant sit still during this goddamn song.

I am more than memory
I am what might be,
I am mystery.
You know me
So show me.

He doesnt exactly know how much he can relate to this song, but he still feels like he can.

When I appear its
Not so clear if
Im a simple spirit
Or Im flesh and blood...

He jumps out of his seat and dances.

But Im alive,
Im alive,
I am so alive,
And I feed on the fear
Thats behind your eyes.

No one can see him dance like this, which is a relief.

And I need you
To need me
Its no surprise
Im alive...
So alive...
Im alive.

Maybe he should record it. His followers have been craving for a music video for so long.

I am flame and I am fire,
I am destruction,
Decay and desire
Ill hurt you...
Ill heal you...

Another time, maybe.

Im your wish,
Your dream come true,
And I am your darkest
Nightmare too
Ive shown you...
I own you.

Again, the lyrics doesnt fit his situation at all, but he still feels a rush of energy while singing this.

And though you made me,
You cant change me
Im the perfect stranger
Who knows you too well.

And Im alive,
Im alive,
I am so alive,
And Ill tell you the truth
If you let me try.

Youre alive,
Im alive,
And Ill show why
Im alive...
So alive...

Would it be too embarrassing to play air guitar even though there isnt a guitar solo in this song?

Im alive
Im right behind you.
You say forget,
But I remind you.
You can try to hide,
You know that I will find you.
Cause if you wont grieve me
You wont leave me behind...

Ah, this is his jam. After all this time, music is his relief. Sometimes he wonders if he shouldve gone to NYU to study music after all.

Ah, ah, ah,
Whoa, oh, oh,
Whoa, oh, oh...
No, no, no
Im alive,
Im alive,
I am so alive,
If you climb on my back,
Then we both can fly.

He knows that this wont change his shitty day, but it is a small bright spot.

If you try to deny me
Ill never die
Im alive...
So alive...
Im alive...
Yeah, yeah...
Im alive...
Im alive...
Im alive...
Im alive!

Kurt goes to the library later that day. Sure, theres a lack of Blaine, but it has also become Kurts save haven. He wasnt lying to Blaine when he told him he sometimes needed a break from the social life on their floor.

He sits at their table for more than an hour, before he goes back to the dorms. And the students of the floor are once again abuzz. Kurt wonders if Mercedes gave, like, a small concert. But hes surprised to see everyone standing at door 206.

"Kurt, come here!" Leidra hisses and motions to him to come quickly.

"Is there a reason youre all listening at Blaines door?" He wont like that.

"Dude, Kurt, did you know that 206- I mean, Blaine could sing like that?" Danny is amazed, which means something. That convinces Kurt to listen too and he cant hide the smile on his face when he hears Blaine singing Im Alive.

"Holy shit, I never knew he had this in him. Does anyone know what hes studying at NYU?" Roberto asks and others shake their heads, "Kurt?" "Undecided," Kurt replies quickly so that he can continue listening.

"Has he considered music?" Rebecca wonders and Kurt knows he has, but since Blaines sure he wont do that, he decides to remain silent.

"I didnt know he had this in him," Michael says, "I mean, cant deny that he has changed, because he leaves his room more often, but sometimes when I pass him in the hallways, it looks like he doesnt want to see us." Manja nods in agreement. "True, were finally on speaking terms- do not judge, hes cute- but every time I see him in the library, he doesnt sit with us. Why? Is he afraid."

Kurt doesnt know what to say, but before he has time to make up his mind, the music fades away.

When the song ends, everyone is shocked as the door opens. "… what the," Blaine obviously isnt used to all these people.

"Dude, that was awesome!" Tamara squeals.

And Blaine smiles. Its weak and hes clearly still upset, but it is genuine.

June 7th 2014

["Blaine-wave"] Hey there, Warble On! If you need me, scroll down.

First of all, Id like to apologize for missing my Saturday Show last week, but I- [trails off] I get you know why. Anyway, for todays Saturday Show, Id like to talk about musicals. Its not a secret that I love them.

Recently, my friend [smiles widely when mentioning his friend] has been trying to drag me to Broadway and I think I should do it, you know?

Anyway, before we continue [gets up], I have a treat for you [music starts] …