August 22nd 2012

["Blaine-wave"] Hey everybody, Warble On! In case you need a helping hand [points downstairs] ask is open!

[face serious] I will say it right now, this video will discuss death. All sorts of death, including, trigger warning, suicide and other nasty stuff.

This Wednesday Well-being will be about grief.

[questionable expression] Now you might wonder: Blaine, how the fuck is this well-being? [neutral face] I just want you to know that there is nothing wrong with mourning a loved one.

Whenever its a family member, a friend, a pet, a fictional character, a celebrity … dont let anyone make you feel bad for feeling sad.

Why am I saying this? Because over the span of a couple of years, people have been shitty about this to me too. When my bird died, people didnt understand why I was so upset about a bird. Also about fictional birds. Spoilers! When Hedwig got hit by that killing curse, I burst out in tears.

What Im trying to say is that your feelings are valid. You are valid. Dont ever forget that…

April 8th 2014

"Are you going to ignore me?"

Blaine shrieks when he sees Kurt suddenly standing in front of him. With his door still in his hand, he looks behind Kurt and he can see people looking at them.

"I am not ignoring you," Blaine says in his defence.

"Its been a week," Kurt points out, "Are you even planning on attending the dinner this evening?" Blaine has actually planned to go out so he could avoid going. "I was actually going to-" "Thought so."

Blaine has no idea what to do and this time its not because he doesnt know how to act around strangers. Its because he really has nothing to say in his defense.

"I have to go to work," Blaine eventually says. Its not an excuse, he really is running late. "I work at the library. If you ever want to talk, you- uh, can come over?" Hes as surprised as Kurt. He never invites people over to his work. He never invites people. Period.

"Hey 206!" Both men turn around to see Leidra waving, "Do you have a knife?"

Blaine freezes.

"Why do you need a knife?" Kurt asks when he sees that Blaine is unable to speak.

"Roberto and I are on dinner duty, remember? But Robertos are blunt and mine… are broken."

"Broken?" Kurt raises an eyebrow.

"Dont ask."

"I wasnt planning on asking."

"But anyway, youre the only ones on the floor at the moment," Leidra continues, "And we really need one, because hey, Roberto had the brilliant idea to make vegetable soup! Someone needs to cut those veggies!"

"Youre an embarrassment," Kurt says before turning to Blaine, whos still frozen in shock, "Well, do you?"

Blaine forces himself out of his shocked state. "I what?"

"Have a knife. For Leidra."

"Uh, I- dont."

"You dont? Then how do you cook?"

"I, uh, dont."

"O-kay," and then he turns to Leidra, "Hang on, if you give me a minute Ill get one from my room." Blaine sees that as his chance to leave.

April 9th 2014

Blaine is freaking out. Okay, take a deep breath. You can do this. Theres nothing to be afraid of. Its just Kurt and maybe Mercedes. Okay- okay- calm down. Just do it, Blaine. Just knock.

After one final deep breath, he knocks on the door that leads to the double room that Kurt and Mercedes share.

OH GOD I DID IT I ACTUALLY DID IT OKAY PLAY IT COOL, BLAINE, YOU CAN DO THIS YOU CAN DO-

"Blaine?" Mercedes is very surprised to see him, "Hi, what a- uh, surprise! What can I do for you?"

Okay, just ask her. "I was actually looking for Kurt," he says and he mentally high-fives himself for doing so, "Is he here or does he have class or…" he trails off before he can ramble.

Mercedes opens her mouth to say something, but then looks alarmed. Blaine tries not to panic. She looks back to her room and doubt is written all over her face.

"Is- Is this a bad time?" Okay, okay, dont freak out this isnt you fault- I shouldnt have- no no no it isnt your fault if its a bad time you didnt know.

"He- he is having a bad day," Mercedes eventually says and when she sees the alarmed look on Blaines face, she quickly adds, "Its not an excuse or anything, he- uh, hes just really not in a good mood. Good days and bad days, uh?" She tries to lighten the mood with a (very bad) joke, but she has no idea how close that comment hit him.

Yes, I know.

"Oh, uh, can you tell him I stopped by?" He quickly checks his watch. Maybe he can shoot his Wednesday Well-being now real quick.

April 10th 2014

Blaines putting all the books back to their places, when someone taps him on his shoulder.

Since he didnt expect it at all, he shrieks and because of that, he drops the stack of books he was holding.

"Holy shit, Im sorry!" Kurt crouches next to him to help him. Another librarian shushes them. "Oh man, seems like the clichés are true," Kurt whispers. Blaine just nods.

"No really, sorry for scaring you," he gets up and hands Blaine his books, "I didnt mean to. Mercedes told me you stopped by and well, I know you work here and you told me to come over, so… here I am."

"Uh, hi," Blaine waves awkwardly. Kurt is watching his hand curiously.

"What?"

"Oh, no, just… nice wave," Kurt says awkwardly. Hes referring to Blaines "Blaine-wave". Its a small wave that only lasts a second or two and he has his hand shaped as the letter B in American Sign Language. That wasnt intentional, but someone pointed it out in the comments a couple of years ago and Blaine decided to keep it.

"So, Mercedes told you were having a bad day. Are you doing fine now?" Its a reflex to ask that.

"She told you?" Kurt is slightly annoyed, "Oh."

"She didnt tell me why you were having a bad day!" Blaine quickly adds, "Dont worry, I have no clue. I only know you had a bad day. But really, do you need someone to talk to?"

At first, Kurt is hesitant, but then he asks: "When are you off-duty?"

"Uh, thirty more minutes and then class, why?"

"Mercedes is at one of our friends place this evening. Meet me after class." He leaves without another word.

Hes just going to talk to you, no need to worry. Well, talking is worrisome for me- yes, yes, but you will be fine.

He knocks on door 208 and when Kurt opens the door, he actually looks nervous. "Uh, hi, you actually came," he says and he steps aside.

A couple of minutes later, the two of them are sitting at the table, sipping tea. "So, the reason I had a bad day-" Blaine quickly interrupts him. "Kurt, you dont have to tell me!" he says, distressed, "You dont owe me an explanation."

"I know, but I want to. So, like I said, the reason I had a bad day yesterday was because it reminded me of my brother," Kurt admits slowly, "Mercedes obviously knows, but still. Shes hurting too, but not like me. I mean, duh. He was my brother."

Past tense.

Oh no.

"My brother died a couple of months ago- unexpected. Its been hard and I know he wouldve wanted me to move on, I cant. Not really. Not yet."

"Oh, Kurt…"

"Please, dont say youre sorry. Ive had enough pity in the last couple of months," Kurt tries to smile, but fails.

"I wasnt going to," Blaine says, "And Id love to say I know what youre going through, but I really dont, because the only creatures Ive mourned were either fictional or, well, stiff." Not that Pavarotti was stiff, but most of the time he just sat there. So yeah, maybe he was a bit stiff.

"Its good days and bad days," Blaine quotes Mercedes. The comment still hits close to home, but this time, it isnt about him. "Thank you for telling me."

"Now youre probably going to think that Im one of those clichés, uh? Looks confident, but is actually very emotionally troubled."

Blaines eyes widen. Shit shit shit shit shit shit. "What? No- No, I wouldnt- no, thats- no!" I fucked up, shit, damn, fuck.

"Relax, relax, I was only joking. Badly, apparently."

Well, with me you just cant make those jokes.

"Sorry," Blaine says.

"My fault," Kurt says shortly, "I just- I dont even know why! Weve barely talked in the past two months and suddenly Im telling you my life story- or at least a very important part of it."

"Yeah, that not talking is my problem," Blaine says apologetically

"Can I ask you why? I mean, youve listened to me, all I can do is returning the favour."

Blaine shakes his head. He doesnt know if hes ready to open up to someone whos technically still a stranger. Kurts right, theyve barely talked.

"That was your choice," Blaine states and tries to change the subject, "Why did you tell me?"

Kurt tries to wave it away. "Oh, I dont know. You look like someone I can just talk to you know? Like an old friend."

I look fucking homeless.

"Thank you."

April 12th 2014

Its only been two days, but Kurts already hanging around in the library on a daily basis. Most of the time hes just watching Blaine work and very often they exchange some words.

Its weird.

Blaine doesnt know much about friendship, but hes sure it isnt supposed to be like this. One working and the other staring. At moments like this, hes really happy that he has a pretty good self-esteem, otherwise he wouldve died.

Although then again, he looks homeless.

Guess thats what happens when you dont shave. Several people have already pointed it out in the comments section.

Ah well, thats what happens when youre afraid of sharp things, like blades.

"This book for check-out," Kurt suddenly says, "At least its not To Kill A Mockingbird, since Im already a walking cliché."

"Not a cliché."

"Still joking. Still badly."

In fact, its a picture book.

"Uhm…" Blaine inspects it, "Check-out, then?"

Kurt follows him to check-out and explains himself. "Look, I know it might look weird, but I strongly believe that the best works are childrens books. They are simply here for enjoyment and okay- sometimes to teach you something, but the innocence of a child is bliss."

"That is very deep," Blaine says, impressed, as he puts the name of the book on Kurts library card.

"Im a cliché, I am deep."

April 19th 2014

["Blaine-wave"] Heya, Warble On! Hope youre having a lovely day and if you need a helping hand, you know where to find me.

Ive talked about books before- hence, you can probably see my collection of Harry Potter posters behind me, but last week, someone said something that really stuck with me.

And yes, I talked [looks proud]

They told me why they loved childrens books the most; because of the innocence. Theyre simply here for enjoyment. Of course, they do teach stuff.

Now, I have to admit that theyre totally right and- crap, Im going to turn this into a Harry Potter Saturday Show, again. [sighs deeply, looks at camera, cracks a smile] How do you guys manage with me? Anyway, here goes my long talk about the depth of Harry Potter.

Again.

..