June 18, 2022, 4:48 p.m.
Myosotis series
Myosotis sylvatica: Quarrel
T - Words: 8,518 - Last Updated: Jun 18, 2022 Story: Complete - Chapters: 24/24 - Created: Jun 18, 2022 - Updated: Jun 18, 2022 265 0 0 0 0 Warnings (Story): Past canonical character death (Finn). See chapters for additional warnings.
I’m back, you sorry bastards!
I hope someone gets that reference but uhm, hi, dober dan from Slovenia. As I mentioned, a lot of crazy stuff happened since the last update but suddenly, inspiration struck and I completely threw away my old plans for this chapter and I churned out 3,6K+ words in two days. I hope you enjoy it.
Oh, fun fact: the charity Heads Up (mentioned in the previous chapter) is made up by me. I created it for an unpublished Check, Please! fanfic. Jack Zimmermann runs it, and it’s about mental health awareness in sports.
Added notes 2022: I miss Slovenia 🇸🇮
Someone knocks on the door. This person doesn’t wait for Kurt to tell them to come in, because the door flings open. Rachel is looking very beautiful in her long gown.
“Knock knock!”
“You’re already inside,” Kurt says and he rolls his eyes playfully.
“I am just very enthusiastic, Kurt.”
“There is no need for the afterparty,” Kurt says, but he gets a warm feeling when he thinks about the afterparty. Everyone’s treating this as a real Broadway debut. Well, Kurt guesses that it is a real Broadway debut, since he cannot remember his initial debut.
“There is always need for the afterparty, Kurt,” Rachel laughs, “I know I am supposed to be in the audience with the others, but I am just here to deliver more flowers.”
Kurt looks around, but he cannot see a fresh bouquet in Rachel’s hands. Then, Rachel steps aside to reveal a huge gift basket with flowers, candy and a bottle of wine.
“Oh my days,” Kurt has to blink a couple of times. He cannot believe it. Ever since word got out that Kurt Hummel was returning to Broadway, people have been sending him gifts and flowers. Kurt isn’t fully back in the role. He’s starting out as the understudy for his original understudy, who has become the principal performer after Kurt’s accident, but Kurt doesn’t mind. It’s still Broadway!
The last three weeks have been crazy. He was reintroduced to the show, its theatre and the company. He got his old dressing room back, which was mostly left intact, and some memories have resurfaced, but isn’t much.
Kurt was shocked to find that he still knows the lyrics to one of his many solo’s, though.
Rachel needs Kurt’s help with moving the gift basket inside the room. “It’s from Mr. Schue, Mrs. Pillsbury and the kids.”
Kurt sometimes can’t believe that Mr. Schue and Mrs. Pillsbury finally got it together and that they now have several children, but Kurt sometimes also can’t believe that he’s lost fifteen years of his life, so he takes it for what it is. Kurt’s been told that their first son is named after Finn and he really appreciates the gesture. Danny Finn Schuester-Pillsbury is turning 13 this year, which makes Kurt realise that his brother’s death truly is old news to everyone around him, but that is how it is.
So yes, they got him a huge gift. There’s a card and Kurt smiles when he sees all the little drawings. The kids must really like drawing. Maybe Kurt should meet them when he goes back to Lima.
Mr. Schue isn’t the only person from the glee club who has given him flowers. Every member of the glee club has sent at least something, with Sam’s being the most outrageous. All the New Directions alumni living in New York are in the audience and so are Tina, Artie and Mercedes, who flew out to see him. The reunion was short, but heartfelt, and Kurt knows that he will have the time to catch up during the afterparty. A part of him is more nervous about that than about his damn Broadway debut.
The lights start to flicker and a voice on the intercom says that it’s almost time to begin.
“Good luck,” Rachel says before hurrying back to her seat.
Kurt watches his reflection in the mirror and he takes a deep breath. He can do this. He is wearing his costume, he’s mic’d up, he knows his lines and songs. His dream is coming true. He nods at his reflection before following his cast members to the stage.
Others cheer and slap his back as he passes. The company has been wonderful ever since Kurt’s gotten back to the stage. Kurt is sad to realise that he cannot remember a single thing about all these people, but they understand and they aren’t mad when Kurt has to ask someone’s name again.
Kurt’s character isn’t on stage when the lights go on and the curtain rises, but he’s on soon. He watches his cast members sing the opening number, introducing Kurt’s character, and Kurt waits for his cue to begin.
After three minutes or so, Kurt takes another deep breath before running on stage and the applause is tremendously loud. Kurt blinks at the sudden stoplight, but he doesn’t have time to think about it. He has a role to play.
Right after Kurt and Blaine’s quarrel, Blaine had asked Kurt if he misses who he used to be.
“I don’t know. How can I miss being someone who I can't remember?” Kurt had replied. He can’t miss the things he lost, since he doesn’t know what he’s missing. Sometimes, he yearns to know, though.
But not tonight.
Not while he’s taking his first bow on Broadway and the audience is roaring. Blaine and his dad are the loudest of them all. He knows that he’s felt this mix of joy, relief, happiness and utter pride before, but he doesn’t mind not remembering, because now he can completely absorb every minute of his night. He loves it all.
Kurt’s not used to having a lot of money. He’s not used to his friends having a lot of money. So when he enters the hotel lobby that Rachel and Jesse have hired for the afterparty, he’s stunned into silence. It is enormous for a relatively small group of people.
The group is small for the huge room, but there are still a lot of people here especially for Kurt. Some of the New Directions are here. Friends like Sebastian, Adam, Mae, Wes, Dani, Clara, Luke and Elliott are here as well. All of the cast and crew of the musical are invited too.
Rachel, Jesse and Sebastian had also insisted on inviting some other Broadway actors and the press, so that it would all be turned into a nice story for Broadway.com and Playbill, but apart from a few interviews, Kurt isn’t being roped into promotional stuff all night.
He doesn’t really freak out about the Broadway people. Rachel and Jesse have introduced him to some of them, but they all got big during the 15 years that Kurt’s lost, so he doesn’t know them very well. Maybe it’s better that way. Now, he can just get to know them. If Idina Menzel were here, he’d just look like an idiot.
Kurt’s a bit overwhelmed. All these people are here for him.
His dad and Carole are also here.
“Boys!” Carole runs towards Kurt and Blaine when she sees them and she extends her arms.
Kurt happily accepts her hug. His dad is not as quick, but he’s also lost some of his mobility. Carole lets go of Kurt to hug Blaine and Kurt wraps his arms around his father.
“I’m proud of you, Kurt,” his dad says softly.
“Thanks dad.”
Kurt makes the rounds and he tries to talk to everyone, but the moment he arrives at the New Directions table, he’s hooked.
Kitty grabs him and she presses a kiss on his cheek. It’s a bit uncomfortable, but Kitty does it effortlessly, so Kurt assumes it’s something from their past friendship. Jesse is bragging about the show, but apart from Rachel, no one pays attention to him. Roderick slaps him on the back. Mercedes wraps him into a tight hug and Tina and Artie congratulate him on his debut.
“Thank you for coming,” Kurt says earnestly. He knows that Mercedes has a very busy schedule and he knows that Artie and Tina are talking about a new project as well. Still, they found the time to fly to New York.
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, hon,” Mercedes says, “I’ve done it once, so I can definitely do it again.” Mercedes’s face falls when she realises what she said.
Tina’s eyes widen and she looks at Mercedes in shock, but Kurt just laughs and says: “I’m not planning on a third Broadway debut, so take it all in.”
Tina laughs nervously and Artie also looks a bit uneasy.
“Oh guys, come on! It’s been months since my accident. I’m over it,” Kurt reassures them. He doesn’t want the night to be awkward. Kurt is aware that there will definitely be some more shallowness and awkwardness, but he’d like to avoid it for as much as possible.
Tina takes his hand and frowns. “Are you really?”
“Guys-”
“We just want you to be happy, Kurt,” Artie cuts in, “We’re not here to rain on your parade. We’re here to enjoy the evening and to celebrate your night, but we worry.”
Mercedes also nods. “Kurt, apart from some fleeting conversations, we’ve barely spoken. We understand why you kept us away, but I hope you can also understand why the lack of information worries us.”
“I’m-” Kurt swallows. “Well, I might never get over it, but I am making peace with that. I’m really great, guys. I- yeah, I am good. I’m happy.”
Tina squeezes his hand and smiles widely. “Rachel has been keeping most of us up to date, but it’s nice to hear it from you personally.”
“Okay, sad and deep stuff is over! Let’s talk about your outfit!” Mercedes says happily, “You probably don’t remember it, but you wore it to Blaine’s first Grammy nomination.”
“I did?” Kurt asks, surprised. He’s usually not keen on recycling outfits, but since he can’t remember the first time, it doesn’t matter. He found the suit in the back of his closet and he immediately loved it.
“Oh, are we talking about the suit?” Roderick jumps in and the next thing Kurt knows, the entire table is talking about fashion. He knows that there are many more guests, but they can wait. His glee club is here, and yes, that includes Kitty and Roderick.
“Please, the real snack of the room, apart from Rod, is Blaine!” Kitty says at one point. Kurt raises his eyebrow at the word “snack”, so Artie quickly explains that it’s late 2010s slang and that Kitty’s never grown out of it.
“Oh, piss off, Artie,” she says jokingly before continuing to talk about Blaine’s good looks.
Kurt looks over his shoulder. Blaine is talking with Sebastian and Adam. Kurt still isn’t entirely sure how to feel about Blaine hanging out with Sebastian, but when Blaine looks up and sees Kurt staring, he smiles warmly, and Kurt doesn’t care about anything else.
He quickly turns away. God, he’s acting like a high schooler. And yes, Kurt knows that he’s only a year out of high school, but it still feels like ages ago. Well, technically, it is.
“I refuse to call my boyfriend a snack,” Kurt says, “But yes, he looks very handsome. As ever.” Kurt starts to blush. Which is ridiculous. He shouldn’t be embarrassed about telling his friend that his boyfriend (fiancé?) is handsome, but it feels unreal. Mercedes is right. They’ve barely spoken, so Kurt is just happy that he can gush with Mercedes, just like they used to do in sophomore year of high school.
But now he actually has a boyfriend to gush about.
“You’re endearing when you blush, Kurt,” Kitty says smugly.
“As if you aren’t smitten by Roderick, Kit-Kat,” Kurt says back and Kitty looks like he’s slapped him in the face. Ah, he probably has done something he used to do before the amnesia kicked in. Kurt doesn’t want to dwell on it, not on his damn opening night, so he says: “I can appreciate a good man and I happen to have the best.”
Suddenly, someone taps on Kurt’s shoulder. It’s Blaine.
“You talking about me, love?” Blaine says smugly.
Kurt dramatically rolls his eyes. “I’d never!”
Blaine wraps his arms around Kurt from behind and he leans his chin on Kurt’s shoulder. He’s probably tip-toeing and the thought makes Kurt snicker.
“What is so funny?” Blaine whispers in his ear.
“Nothing,” Kurt says back.
“You were amazing today,” Blaine says.
“Well, you keep saying that. You said that even before it was time for me to go on. You told me during intermission. You told me after the show. You told me at least ten times this evening how amazing I am.”
“Hmmm. I’m right,” Blaine says warmly, “I’m so proud of you. You’ve done so much in the past few weeks.”
“And you were there for me,” Kurt says back. It’s true. Blaine was there at his first rehearsal, since Kurt felt nervous about going back in. Blaine listened to Kurt when Kurt told him that he didn’t want to start therapy since he’d be too busy with the show, and Blaine talked about it with him and he understood and said: “Maybe another time.” Blaine is writing a new album, so he’s swamped with work himself, but he still is home every night to be with Kurt.
Blaine presses a kiss on the back of Kurt’s neck.
Someone coughs and both Kurt and Blaine remember that they’re not alone.
“You guys need a minute alone?” Rachel says and she winks.
“It’s fine. I gotta talk to Elliott about something, so I’ll be out of you guys’ hairs,” Blaine says and he literally bows out. He even does the hand gesture.
Kurt watches him go with a smitten look on his face.
“And Kurt is far gone,” Roderick says jokingly.
Yeah, Roderick is right. Kurt is far, far gone.
The night goes on like that. Kurt eventually does leave the New Directions table to also talk with his other guests. The people of his company are still a little bit unknown to him, but they’re nice and they’re all very happy to be able to work with him again. After all, Kurt’s a Tony winner.
Kurt finally gets more time to get to know the people who work behind the scenes. He’s seen the people who help with the costumes and some people from tech a lot, but now he’s finally able to talk to the people from lightning properly.
There is also music playing and of course, there is a karaoke machine and Rachel dominates it. People are dancing and singing and overall just having a good time.
After two hours or so, people started to slowly leave and Kurt is busy saying his goodbyes. His dad and Carole also leave around midnight, since they’re old and tired. After a while, the first wave of goodbyes seems to end and Kurt notices Mercedes sitting by herself.
“See anyone interesting?” Kurt asks.
“Kurt, you know that I am with Sam,” Mercedes says. Kurt stops in his tracks. He does recall Mercedes telling him about that, but as Mercedes pointed out earlier in the evening, they haven’t properly talked yet. He’d sort of forgotten about it.
“I heard he couldn’t make it.”
“He wishes you the best of luck, though!” Mercedes immediately says and Kurt laughs. He definitely knows that. Mercedes arrived in New York with a huge bouquet of flowers from Sam as an apology for him not being there.
Kurt just doesn’t really understand their relationship status. He’s slowly recalling the small titbits that Mercedes has told him, but he’s been so busy with his own life that he doesn’t really keep track of the lives of his friends.
Blaine’s told Kurt that Sam moved to New York to fulfil his dream of being half naked on a side of a bus and then he moved back home to Lima. And he’s happy there. Mercedes lives in Los Angeles, so they’re sort of doing long distance without knowing where they’re heading. Mercedes wouldn’t be happy in Lima, but Sam doesn’t need the speed of a big city. It’s quite complicated and Kurt wonder if they’ll last. He hopes they’ll last for their sake.
“Mercedes, can I ask you something?”
“Surely.”
“I hope I don’t come off rude, but I’ve lost 15 years and I am just trying to understand. Uhm, why are you and Sam together, even though the odds seem to be against your favour?”
“Not rude, dear, you’ve asked me this before, right after this entire arrangement started,” Mercedes says calmly.
“What was your answer then?”
“Same as it is now,” Mercedes says and she a small smile forms on her lips, “We love each other.”
Ah, love. Kurt should’ve seen it coming. He looks around the room for Blaine, but the venue is quite big and there are still quite some people. Love has been on Kurt’s mind for a while. He thinks he can be in love with Blaine, but he doesn’t know how it goes. He’s a sucker for movies about love and he’s fantasised about being in love ever since he was a kid, but actually being in love? Kurt has no idea. When he was a teen, at one point, he even looked up the actual definition in the dictionary.
“What is it, Kurt?” Mercedes asks when she sees the look on Kurt’s face.
Kurt turns back to her and he confides in her. He tells her everything that’s on her mind and to his surprise and slight annoyance, Mercedes burst out laughing.
“This isn’t funny,” he hisses and he turns away from some people who started looking at them, “I am in a deep crisis here.”
Tears are forming in Mercedes’s eyes and she’s bowled over with laughter.
“Mercedes!” Kurt hisses again, but a bit louder this time, “Focus!”
He snaps his fingers real quick, but that makes Mercedes laugh even more.
Mercedes wipes her tears away and she slowly calms down, but she’s still giggling when she says: “Oh Kurt, sorry, but this is so fucking funny. You think you could be in love with Blaine? Are you hearing yourself, boy?”
“Yes, that is exactly what I am saying and I fail to see the joke,” Kurt says seriously. The tone of voice must’ve shaken Mercedes out of her funk.
She’s still a bit playful, but she’s calmed down mostly. “Kurt, have you seen yourself today? I haven’t seen you since what? August? When did the memory loss happen? Anyway, I haven’t seen you in a long ass time and the first time we meet again, you’re all over Blaine. You’re either super focused on your show, or you’re definitely in love with Blaine. It’s like the Vine ‘heart eyes motherfucker’, but in real life!”
Kurt knows that Vine, since Adam has sent him a lot of Vine compilations in the past few weeks, and he blushes. “Am I- Is it- how-”
“Spit it out!”
“I don’t want to mess this up, Mercedes,” Kurt admits, “My only brush with love was my crush on my stepbrother and that was just a big fat crush. Not like this!”
“Kurt, I remember you looking up the exact definition of love in our junior year. Has it ever occurred to you to just allow yourself to feel?”
“I am feeling, Mercedes. That is the thing. I am feeling a lot!”
“Good,” Mercedes says and she looks around. She lowers her voice and the playful look on her face is replaced by a serious one. “I know you’re young, Kurt. You’re what? Nineteen, right?”
“Almost twenty,” Kurt says. It doesn’t matter that he’s technically turning thirty-five. To Kurt, he’s almost twenty. That’s how he feels and that’s what it is. It is actually quite nice of Mercedes to acknowledge that.
“Exactly. And I remember twenty-something Kurt Hummel. I used to live in New York for a while. I’m sure the others have told you that.”
“Yeah, together with Sam and Artie,” Kurt nods.
“So yeah, I got the first-hand experience of twenty-something Kurt Hummel. From the few hours that we’ve spent together today, I can see you’ve grown a lot in the past few months, but Kurt, I know how you can easily close yourself off. I know it is difficult for you to admit things or ask for help. I know you’re probably stressed out about this, but trust me when I tell you that you gotta trust your gut feeling. I know you can do it, because you’ve done it before.”
Mercedes looks somewhere and Kurt follows her gaze. They see Blaine.
“You see that man?” Mercedes says.
Kurt nods.
Blaine is talking to one of the Broadway actors, and by now Kurt knows that she’s known for Hadestown, Blaine’s favourite show. He has no idea what they’re talking about, but Blaine looks so passionate and invested in the conversation.
He’s just so wonderful and passionate and caring. This isn’t an act. This isn’t a face that he only puts on for Kurt. He’s just genuinely amazing and it is almost hard to grasp the fact that this same man used to suffer so much, because he always kept a positive side.
And something in Kurt’s mind just clicks.
There is no magical moment where the love brings all the memories back. There is no instant clarity. There is no big epiphany. There is no moment that makes Kurt stop and think, Oh there you are, I’ve been looking for you forever. All that Kurt has are fleeting memories that he can’t even fully understand.
It’s not like the movies, but despite all of that, it just makes sense. Blaine makes sense. He’s the only thing that has made sense from the very beginning. Ever since Kurt woke up on the kitchen floor, Blaine’s made sense.
“What do you think right now?” Mercedes asks.
“That he is the most amazing person I’ve ever met in my entire life,” Kurt replies automatically.
“Usually, I’d take offence by that, but just for now I’m gonna agree with you there,” Mercedes says.
The woman from Hadestown and Blaine share some goodbyes and Blaine looks around. When he sees Kurt staring, he smiles brightly and he starts to walk towards Kurt and Mercedes. He has such a happy look on his face and he looks like he’s going to kiss Kurt.
But Kurt beats him to it.
Kurt gets up from his seat and he flings himself around Blaine and he kisses him deeply. Mercedes whistles in the background, but she disappears to the back of Kurt’s mind.
“What was that for?” Blaine asks when Kurt pulls away. He has an amazed look on his face.
“I love you,” Kurt blurts out.
Blaine blinks a couple of times before his entire face lights up. “I love you too.”
Mercedes claps politely and Blaine’s face scrunches up in confusion. “What is that all about?”
“I’ll tell you later,” Kurt says and he leans in to kiss Blaine again.
A song starts playing on the karaoke machine. It is a slow song and people are starting to dance. Kurt doesn’t know what it is, but one of his cast members sings: “All I’ve ever known is how to hold my own/But now I wanna hold you, too.”
“How ironic,” Blaine says. Kurt doesn’t really understand why Blaine finds it ironic, but to Kurt, the song is spot on.
He asks Blaine why he thinks it’s ironic.
“You don’t remember, but our first date was Hadestown. We saw it right after it opened. That is why it is my favourite musical. This song is the first big love song of the show.”
Kurt’s eyes widen. “How ironic.”
“How amazing.”
Blaine takes Kurt’s hand and he drags him to the dance floor to join the many, many couples who are already dancing to this song. It’s not like Kurt expected his first love confession to happen this way, but it is perfect.
Would you believe it when I tell you that back in December, I completely changed the entire timeline of this story in order to have Kurt and Blaine go and see Hadestown on their first date?
Yup. I did that.
In the earliest versions of my story, Kurt and Adam immediately broke up in 2017 when Blaine arrived in the city, but I just really, really love Hadestown and I think Blaine would love it so much, so I truly rearranged my entire Advent fic idea and I stretched the entire Adam/Kurt storyline out all because of this damn show.