When Blaine comes home, the apartment is empty. Kurt’s phone and Springo are lying on the table in the living room. Kurt might be reintegrating in the 2020s, but he’s still going rogue.

Blaine doesn’t know what to do. Really, all he can do is wait. He showers and he cries. He heats up some leftovers and he eats in silence. He is so lonely that he asks Mimi for some trivia questions. But his AI is still an AI. Mimi doesn’t care about his feelings. Mimi doesn’t know how to rescue Blaine from this rut he’s stuck in.

He can’t call Kurt. Kurt’s gone rogue.

Around 10pm, Mimi indicates that Blaine’s gotten a text from Kitty.

> He’s with me, Anderson

Blaine knows that Kitty’s referring to Kurt, but he’s still a bit surprised. Kurt’s gone to Kitty? The thought of Kurt going to a friend hadn’t really occurred to Blaine, but Blaine would’ve imagined Kurt going to Rachel, not Kitty.

Blaine picks up his phone and he types a reply.

> Thanks, Wilde

> I don’t think he’s going home.

Blaine takes a deep breath.

> You mean, like, forever?

The reply is quick.

> No doofus! I meant tonight. Jfc, sorry for worrying you. Roderick is literally singing him to sleep no one asked for this but then again, can you deny Rod’s singing??? 🥰

And despite everything, Blaine laughs. The mental image of Kurt tucked in with Roderick at his side is quite funny.

> Good night, Wilde

> Good night, Anderson

Kurt comes home at six in the morning. It looks like he expected Blaine to be asleep, because the moment he sees Blaine sitting in the living room, he stops and he tries to awkwardly walk away.

“Good morning,” Blaine says lightly, “Coffee’s brewing and it should be ready in a few minutes.”

“You’re up early,” Kurt says and Blaine laughs nervously. He never really went to sleep. He dozed off around 3am, but that’s it. He’s in the desperate need for coffee.

“I think we should talk,” Blaine gets straight to the point.

Kurt looks like he’d rather set himself on fire, but he forces himself to nod.

“Coffee first,” he says and Blaine wholeheartedly agrees. Blaine has never been a morning person, especially not now. He’s about to get up to check the coffee pot, but Kurt tells him to sit down and that he’ll do it. Alright then.

A minute later, Kurt comes back with two cups of steaming hot coffee. He hands one cup to Blaine and then he sits down next to him. Blaine drinks the coffee and he burns his mouth in the process, but he needs coffee.

“So.”

“So.”

The tension is palpable.

“Blaine, I’m sorry for-” “I must apologise for-”

The two of them look at each other.

“You go first,” Kurt says and he takes another sip of the coffee.

“I am sorry for holding you back,” Blaine starts, “I can’t imagine what it is must be like for you to be stuck like this. I should’ve known that you wanting to go on with your life doesn’t mean that you’re giving up. And even if it does, I will support you, since I also should’ve known that it feels terrible to constantly wait. You don’t need my approval or anything, but you can totally go back to Broadway if that is what your heart desires.”

Kurt nods slowly.

“Thank you for saying that,” Kurt says earnestly, and the tension slowly ebbs away. They can do this. They can have a grown up conversation about this.

“Just so you know, I am going to be on the front row when you get back on that stage,” Blaine says and Kurt smiles, “Opening night 2.0!”

“I have something to say as well,” Kurt quickly says.

Blaine nods and he makes a ‘go-on’ gesture.

“I wasn’t kidding when I said that I wanted to continue living my life, but you’re right. I should’ve discussed with you beforehand-”

“Kurt, no, that’s-”

“Please, let me talk. I have a lot to say.”

Blaine nods again.

“I am scared too, Blaine. I am scared shitless,” Kurt mutters and Blaine instinctively puts his hand on Kurt’s leg as reassurance. Kurt puts his hand on Blaine’s. “I thought- I had this idea in my head that if I would just go into life headfirst, everything would be fine. If I could just act confidently, I would actually become confident about where I currently am in life.”

Blaine has a question, but he remains silent. Kurt sees the look on Blaine’s face, so he nods. Blaine can ask.

“Are you- Do you actually want to be on Broadway, or are you just hoping that it will be fulfilling and that it will boost your confidence?”

“I truly want to be on Broadway, Blaine. I really am getting bored and I really want to do things, but it scares me,” Kurt answers, sounding very sure about the first part, but more nervous about the latter, “But I also hope that it will make me feel more at ease. But now that I’m actually working on making it happen, I am not sure if it will work like that. Maybe I’ll never be at ease.”

“You can always try. You can try again if the first time goes wrong.”

“I know that,” Kurt groans out, “Fuck, I know there’s no rush, but I’ve already lost fifteen years, Blaine! I don’t want to lose any more time, I’m tired of it!”

“Love, I am going to take that coffee cup now, before you start spilling on your fancy clothes,” Blaine says when he sees that Kurt’s shaking with… is it anger? Blaine puts his own cup down so that he can take Kurt’s.

“Don’t- Not now,” Kurt grumbles.

“What?”

“Please don’t call me ‘love’ right now.”

That stings, but Blaine nods. Last night, Kurt confessed that he is not in love with Blaine yet, but that it might happen. It had completely dumbfounded Blaine. He understands why the simple declaration of love is a bit much right now, but he hopes that it will be back soon.

“I know that you love me. And I know what I said last night, but this is also- Fuck, I don’t know what to do with you, Blaine!” Kurt sighs.

“What do you want, Kurt? I’d do anything for you. Do you want me to leave? I can probably crash at Wes and Mae-”

“No! I want you to be here,” Kurt says in shock and he immediately grabs Blaine’s hand, as if he’s physically stopping Blaine from leaving. Then again, Blaine wasn’t planning on leaving without an actual reason.

“But?”

“This is another thing that- You heard me yesterday, Blaine. All those things with you… I still want them,” Kurt confesses and Blaine’s heart skips a beat, “Being with you, having sex with you, loving you… heck, even marrying you. I want those things.”

“You still want to marry me?” Blaine asks quietly. Hopefully.

“Yes, of course! But not now. This is all too much, too soon, I can’t handle it. Who the hell gets married after five months? Not me!”

“Wait, do you want to call off the wedding?”

“Can we not talk about the wedding right now, please!” Kurt yells out and Blaine almost falls of the couch in shock at the sudden volume. Kurt apologises immediately.

“I am just trying to understand what you’re trying to say, lo-” Blaine stops himself before he can call Kurt ‘love’ again. It’s still a reflex that has gotten more prominent over the past few weeks. “You don’t want to talk about the wedding, but you do tell me that you want to marry me one day?”

“Sorry, sorry, I am just- I’m not really great with expressing my feelings.”

“You’ll get better at that, so no worries.” After all, you’ve done it before.

This really isn’t new for Blaine. It reminds him of their first arguments as a couple. Kurt having problems talking about what he’s feeling and Blaine being too quick to judge. They will get better at this. They’ve done it before, they’ll do it again.

Blaine waits for Kurt to find his words.

“I thought that me going headfirst into life, including our relationship, would make it feel less scary. I want you, Blaine, but I’ve never been in love before. I don’t remember being with Adam, or with you, and over the past few months I’ve gotten a taste of it, and now I want more. That is a terrible metaphor.”

Blaine snorts. “It’s okay. I’ve heard worse from my friend David.”

“I want to continue life, truly. I really am tired of being held back by this here,” Kurt says and he taps his forehead, “But I think it’s not going to go like I expected it to go. And yesterday, while at Kitty’s, I realised that. I can’t rush things and that makes me sad and frustrated, but I can’t rush things. A part of me might forever be stuck in 2012, and I will have to deal with that.”

Kurt looks a bit confused by his confession, as if he’s wondering whether or not he should’ve said all that. Blaine is less conflicted.

“That is quite an epiphany,” Blaine says proudly. Kurt looks slightly abashed when he hears the pride in Blaine’s voice, but Blaine keeps pressing. “No really, Kurt, this is good for you. And I also meant what I said. You’re right and you should not be held back by my stupid, conflicted feelings. I was still kind of an ass towards you.”

“It is forgiven,” Kurt says.

“Can I say that I love you, or is that a bit too much? You don’t have to say it back!”

“Yes, you can. And I know.”

“Well, I love you a lot!”

The smile on Kurt’s face is genuine.

“So. Broadway, huh?” Blaine then says and Kurt nods proudly. Broadway is next!

They decide to go to bed early. They need it.

Blaine brushes his teeth and he washes his face before going to the bedroom. In the bedroom, he finds Kurt at his mother’s dresser and it looks like he’s cleaning it.

“Did you talk to your mom about today?” he asks.

Kurt looks up in shock, and Blaine thinks that’s silly. Blaine knows that Kurt talks to his mom, so Kurt has no reason to act like he’s caught in the middle of a scandalous act.

“A bit, yes. I wish she would talk back, but…” he trails off.

“Come to bed,” Blaine says.

“Yeah. And I will call my dad tomorrow. He needs to clear his calendar for my upcoming Broadway debut.”

“He’d fly out immediately,” Blaine says and he gets into bed. He’s more tired than expected. Then again, today was a heavy emotional day.

“Yeah. I should talk to him, but he’ll probably be biased,” Kurt sighs and he lies next to Blaine, “No offense, but sometimes I wish I could talk to someone less biased- someone who’s removed from all of this. You and my dad are a big part of my life, but that means you’re also very close to this.”

“None taken.”

“Good. Anyway, that’s why I sought out Kitty, since I barely know her. But then again, she knows me. She knows me better than I do, probably.”

Kurt turns off the light and that seems like the end of the conversation, but all of this has given Blaine an idea.

“Maybe you can talk about this with a therapist?” Blaine suggests.

Kurt snorts. “Yeah, right. A therapist. Let’s do that.”

Blaine winces at the tone. “You say that as if it’s a bad thing.”

“It’s- I don’t know,” Kurt says flatly.

Blaine tries not to be too hurt at this. He knows that the views on mental health were different in 2012 and 2013. There’s still a stigma surrounded mental health, even in 2028, but it’s way, way better than in 2012. Blaine remembers having the 2012 mindset himself, so he’s not here to judge.

“It can be good,” is all that Blaine says. He looks over, but he can only see Kurt’s outline in the dark.

“Do I have experience with it?” Kurt asks nervously.

“No,” Blaine answers, and then he takes a deep breath. He’s going to do it. Oh God, it feels like a leap of faith and a part of Blaine is still afraid that Kurt’s gonna dump him for it, especially since Kurt has an outdated mindset. But then he says: “I have.”

The silence hangs in the air and for a second, Blaine’s afraid he’s going to burst into tears. This is what he meant all those months ago, when he told his friends that he’s afraid of Kurt knowing him again.

But then Kurt asks: “Well, if it works, then that is okay. Good for you that you, uhm, well that you did that.”

It sounds awkward, but genuine. It reminds Blaine of his mother’s initial reaction to the news. All those years ago, she also was a bit uncomfortable with the idea, but she knew enough to understand that it was a good thing for Blaine.

“Thanks.”

Kurt might be uncomfortable with this honesty, but he’s never been an asshole. Blaine figures that Kurt knows to not make fun of someone for this, even with his 2012 mindset.

“Can I ask you why?”

“Sure,” Blaine says. But then Blaine yawns. “Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow,” Kurt agrees.

Blaine’s pretending to be asleep, just so that he has more time. Kurt’s already gotten up, cause the other side of the bed is cold and empty. Usually, that’s Blaine’s cue to wake up, since he can’t stand it, but for now, he waits.

Luckily, he’s known for sleeping in. At one point, Blaine hears the door open, but after pretending to be asleep, he hears the door close.

He wonders how long he can get away with this.

It’s not that he’s scared to talk about it. In fact, he’s somewhat open about it. He doesn’t really talk about it in detail, but his fans have noticed that Blaine does a lot for charities like Heads Up, Strong Minds and other charities about mental health, so they got that Blaine’s passionate about it.

But it still changes things. Even in 2028, people have preconceived notions about mental health, and Kurt is from 2012!

Blaine lies there for an unknown amount of time before realising that it’s getting ridiculous. He gets up and it’s time to face the music.

Kurt’s in the kitchen.

“Good morning, my sweet,” Kurt says absently, since he’s looking for something in the kitchen. The nickname makes Blaine feel warm. “I’m thinking about pancakes. How about you?”

“Uh-”

“Yeah, pancakes are great!” Kurt doesn’t wait for an answer, “Hey Lizzie?”

“Good morning, Kurt,” Lizzie says from the kitchen counter.

“Can you Google some strange pancake toppings for me?”

“I do not understand.”

“Uhm, Lizzie Google pancake toppings.”

“I do not understand,” Lizzie says again in her monotone voice. Blaine wants to interject, since this is quite funny, but Kurt continues asking Lizzie to Google pancakes.

“Lizzie, Google pancake chocolate butter sugar cream syrup fruit – what else is a topping?”

Blaine shakes his head. “Kurt, love, that is-”

Lizzie interrupts him. “I do not understand.”

Kurt gives Lizzie a strange look. “Lizzie, what is going on?”

Blaine laughs. “Kurt, Google is gone. Lizzie doesn’t know anything about Google.”

“Oh, right,” Kurt says, “I still can’t believe all of that is gone. You know what, forget the AI thing. Let’s do it the old-fashioned way. Well, that is fine! We can just improvise topping with the stuff that we have. Also, do you like a lot of pancakes, or should we go a bit more ‘low-key’? My brother-”

Kurt falls silent for a while. He shakes his head and says: “Finn used to eat loads of pancakes, but I always got full after two or three of them. Then again, I used a lot of toppings. What toppings do you like the most? Should we make a lot of pancakes for a lot of toppings?”

Kurt again doesn’t wait for an answer. Instead, he continues to walk around the kitchen and he’s rambling about breakfast.

Blaine knows what he’s doing.

He’s stalling as well. He’s just as nervous.

“Kurt, let’s just talk, okay?”

Kurt looks over his shoulder. “What?”

“Let’s talk,” Blaine says and he takes a seat at their kitchen island.

“But… pancakes?”

“You can make pancakes while talking,” Blaine says calmly, even though he’s probably as stressed. Yet, one of them has to be the stable one. “So, yesterday evening was quite an evening.”

Kurt looks a bit frozen. He clearly wants to continue stalling, but he also knows that they promised to talk about it. So he nods. “Did you put the eggs in the fridge again?”

“They belong in the fridge!”

“They do not, Blaine Devon Anderson!”

“Ooooh, full name?” Blaine raises his eyebrow.

Kurt start with his mixing his pancake batter and Blaine realises it is finally time to stop stalling.

“Therapy?” Kurt says awkwardly.

“Yes, I went to therapy.”

“And why is that?”

Goddamnit. Even though Blaine’s been awake for a while, he needs coffee.

“I kind of went off the rails when I left for college,” Blaine says. It’s one way of saying it.

“How so?”

Blaine takes a small pause. He’s better, truly, so it’s not too painful to talk about his hectic period before New York, but he doesn’t really know how to say it. He can say it very boringly and factual, or he can tell a more emotional but harrowing story.

“Well, Sebastian played a role in it-” Kurt tenses up “-but there was so much more going on. The ever growing pressure of my father, my parents’ divorce, and me feeling incredibly lost. I moved from a sheltered boarding school, known for weed, to the state’s capital. I might’ve been born in Columbus, but I always lived in a wealthy suburb and I spent my teen years in Westerville, so moving closer to the center was quite a difference. I thought I was ready, but I was not.”

“Yeah. I get that,” Kurt says silently.

“Sebastian’s told me that he’s told you what has happened.” Blaine’s also noticed that Kurt has gotten more distant when it comes to Sebastian. “I know that he’s told you his perspective and I can confirm the story.”

“Yikes,” Kurt immediately says and Blaine snorts.

“We broke up when he left for Paris and I, well, I didn’t know what to do with my life. For a long time, Sebastian was my life. I went to college for music in Columbus, since I’ve always dreamed of doing music, but it did not go well.”

Kurt mixes the pancake mix and he looks very disgusted. “Can I ask you something, or do you want me to ask questions after you’re done?”

“Ask away,” Blaine says. He might need a breather.

Kurt frowns at his pancake mix and he asks: “Why did you forgive Sebastian? How could you forgive Sebastian?”

Blaine’s gotten that question a lot, mostly from Wes. All his old Dalton friends wonder why Blaine and Sebastian are friends, so Blaine has his answer ready: “I don’t think I did.”

Kurt looks up in confusion. “You didn’t?”

“Or maybe I did? I don’t know, Kurt, it certainly looks like I forgave him, so maybe I did,” Blaine sighs. This question has left him awake too many times. “All I know is that I want to stop looking back at the past and put my focus on the present and the future. We’re fine, we’re friends, but I’m not letting him off the hook. And if I’m not doing it, then Wes is the one keeping Sebastian in check. Or Adam, but mostly Wes.”

“Sebastian did say that Wes probably hates him.”

“He does,” Blaine clarifies, “He’s civil with Sebastian for my sake and sure, time does wonders, so Wes truly enjoys Sebastian’s company sometimes, but they will never be friends and God knows what Wes tells Sebastian when I’m not there. Sebastian has told me that Wes has the tendency to be very harsh and rude towards him.”

“Doesn’t it bother you that two of your friends are on the fence like that?”

Blaine shrugs. People who know about Wes and Sebastian’s difficult relationship often think that Blaine is bothered by Wes’s behaviour, but honestly, if Blaine were given the choice between telling Wes to stop and reminding Sebastian that he’s given Wes reasons to dislike him, he’d choose the latter.

This is why Blaine is sure he hasn’t fully forgiven Sebastian yet. If he had, he probably would make Wes stop.

But enough about Sebastian.

“Just to be clear, Sebastian definitely contributed to my declining mental health, but he isn’t the sole reason. But yeah, I was studying music and I had a great place to stay and Columbus is a nice city, and I kept thinking to myself: ‘I am supposed to be happy. Why am I not happy?’. Well, uhm, this led to me feeling guilty all the time. I couldn’t enjoy a single thing, which would fuel the guilt, which made me not enjoy things, which would make me feel even more guilty… and so on.”

“Like a spiral?” Kurt asks. He puts the pancake mix into the frying pan, but he’s still clearly listening. Blaine had expected him to be have more comments, but Kurt just lets Blaine talk.

“Basically,” Blaine says sadly, “I was so lost, Kurt. Everything I knew was gone. My school had been my safe haven for so long, my life had been about Sebastian for too long, my family was dysfunctional, but it was something I was familiar with. When all that fell apart… All I had ever known was being smashed into pieces during the time I needed the stability. And that put me in a rut.

I just… I didn’t feel anything, you know? So I drank a lot. I found my solace in alcohol. The reason I don’t drink is because I used it as an unhealthy coping mechanism and one way for getting better was sobering up. I was living with Wes at the time, since he studied law at OSU, and he hated to see me like that.”

Blaine doesn’t tell about the many nights he spent crying with Wes rubbing his hand on Blaine’s back, or the times Wes freaked out because Blaine had left without taking his phone, or the time Wes had to cancel a first date to come home and make dinner for Blaine, since Blaine was too tired and upset to do it himself. That will be for another time.

“What- uhm, what made it stop?” Kurt asks.

“Hm?” Blaine tilts his head in confusion.

“Like, what made you stop and think: ‘Oh, this is bad.’ Or did Wes state an intervention, since that is something he would do.”

Blaine thinks for a while. He never really had a big reason. One day, he just had an epiphany and he realised that he could not go on. Many people expect him to have this huge revelation, or people expect him to almost die and realise life is precious, or people think others made him realise what’s going on.

But for Blaine?

“I realised that I wanted to keep on living.”

Kurt and Blaine’s eyes meet. It’s the same thing that Kurt’s told Blaine, but there are obviously different circumstances.

“To me, it wasn’t that I wanted to die. I wanted to live, but I didn’t know how.”

The scent of burning pancakes truly ruins the mood, but Kurt doesn’t hurry to turn off the electric cooking plate. Instead, the two of them stare at each other, letting the words sink in. It’s been a while since Blaine talked about it and this is all new for Kurt.

Blaine doesn’t want to set fire to their gorgeous apartment, though, so he coughs and nods towards the burning pancakes.

Kurt looks behind him. “Oh. Right.”

“I don’t think pancakes will do, love,” Blaine says. His eyes widen when he realises he’s called Kurt ‘love’ again, but Kurt doesn’t comment on it.

“Can’t we just get something from Pret?” Kurt asks while throwing away the remnants of the burnt pancakes.

Blaine jumps off the barstool. He is itching to leave. “Sure. Let me get dressed and I’ll get it. We can basically have an early lunch.”

“You’re the one who slept till 11:30am, Blaine,” Kurt says jokingly.

Blaine shrugs half-heartedly. “Ah well…”

When Blaine comes back with their late breakfast/early lunch, Kurt’s in the bedroom, cleaning his mother’s dresser again.

Kurt sniffs the air and he gets a blissful look on his face. “Oh that smells good. I am starving.”

When they’ve unpacked everything and they’re enjoying their food, Blaine asks how Kurt feels about their earlier conversation.

Kurt was extremely patient and calm, which is something Blaine did not expect.

He was almost sure that Kurt would at least resent him in some way. Blaine wasn’t kidding when he voiced his fears all those months ago. It was terrifying to tell Kurt all of this, since Blaine is afraid it would change things, but why?

He watches Kurt think about his answer. There is no trace of disgust or annoyance.

Maybe Blaine was sort of projecting on him. Did Blaine truly have a reason to think that Kurt would look down on him for this? Or was it just his own fear and anxiety?

“I don’t really know how to feel or act,” Kurt admits, and Blaine can understand that, “All I do know is that I am glad that you felt comfortable enough to tell me and that I am proud of you.”

Yeah. Blaine definitely did not expect that reaction. Of course he did consider the more positive options, but those were all cautiously optimistic, the bare minimum, not this.

Blaine has a stunned look on his face and it makes Kurt squirm a little bit, but that is how Blaine feels.

“I love you,” he says automatically.

He is about to remind Kurt that he does not have to say it back, but Kurt takes his hand and smiles warmly.

He did not say it back, but it is something.

“How do you feel about the idea of talking to a therapist?” Blaine asks.

Kurt pulls a face. “I don’t know. I admit that this is all a bit weird and new for me. I know it isn’t bad, but there is a difference between knowing and feeling, you know what I mean?”

Blaine squeezes his hand. “You don’t have to. For some people, it doesn’t work. For some people, it does. It certainly worked for me.”

“I am glad.”

“I am too.”

That’s it. They’ve talked enough for now and they’re spent. They will obviously come back to this, but not now. They spend the rest of the day having fun and enjoying each other’s company. Adam drops in unannounced and the three of them have dinner. It’s a nice day, which is something they both needed.