Kurt should be happy.

His dad and Carole are in New York for Christmas. Kurt and Blaine arranged a car to pick them up, since they avoid going outdoors. Ever since Kurt posted his extended statement, the press has been everywhere. Luckily, thanks to privacy laws instated in 2023, the press is gone for Christmas. Still, Burt and Carole arrived by a car.

Kurt’s happy to see them. He hugged his dad tightly and he kissed Carole on the cheek. They did the generic greetings and even though Kurt expected it, he was sad to realise that the shallowness from Thanksgiving break had not completely disappeared yet.

Blaine put away their stuff, so that they can take it with them to the hotel, and he them poured some coffee. It’s all going so well and Kurt should be happy.

He should be happy to see that his dad and Carole are so comfortable in the apartment. He should be happy that his dad clearly loves Blaine. He should be happy that Blaine fits in this family like a piece of a puzzle.

He should be happy.

Growing up, he never truly imagined this scenario: him, living in New York with a man, and his family being completely comfortable with it. Sure, after his coming out in his sophomore year, the scenario became more plausible, since his dad has been nothing but supporting, but it’s still a dream.

Or it was a dream.

Kurt still isn’t sure what tenses to use. You’d think he’d be more understanding of his situation after almost half a year, but no.

The conversations remain a bit shallow, but the familiarity between Blaine and his family makes it seem less forced. They still avoid the more serious and difficult topics, but Blaine talks freely with Burt and Carole pitches in every now and then. It makes it easier for Kurt as well, but it is clear that the others have reached a certain moment in their relationship that Kurt isn’t even close to.

It’s strange to be jealous of this, but then again, everything is strange to Kurt.

When they’re exchanging gifts, Kurt almost breaks down. They’re all drinking expensive champagne (alcohol-free for Blaine) near the Christmas tree and his dad hands Blaine a parcel.

Blaine unwraps it. It’s a box and when Blaine opens the lid, he looks like he’s ready to burst. He shuts the box and he basically throws his arms around Kurt’s dad.

“Thank you! You’re the best dad ever!” he yells and Kurt goes stiff.

No one notices. His dad is returning the tight embrace and Carole looks incredibly satisfied.

“You like it?”

“I love it! I thought that they were sold out everywhere,” Blaine opens the box again and Kurt moves closer to get a better look. He frowns when he sees a bowtie.

“Don’t you have 69 of those?” Kurt asks.

Blaine laughs and he immediately takes it out of the box to put it on. “Well, 70 and counting, love. This is a special edition.”

“It was quite difficult to find one without Kurt’s assistance,” his dad says jokingly, but to Kurt it feels like another stab to his heart. Is he supposed to know that Blaine wants this specific bowtie? He can’t even understand what’s so special about it. Surely, he appreciates the aesthetic, since Kurt can always appreciate good fashion, but he has no idea how to react.

“Oh, I can imagine. Carole?” Blaine hands the bowtie to Carole. Carole helps Blaine with tying his bowtie and Blaine lets her. It’s a familiar move. It must be. Carole pats Blaine on his cheek when she’s done.

Kurt feels incredibly out of place. He’s watching his family, but they’ve all carried on without him. Blaine fits in perfectly and it is very, very clear that his dad and Carole have accepted him as part of the family. It’s all Kurt ever wanted.

Blaine even calls Kurt’s dad ‘the best dad ever’. Blaine is completely at home here.

Kurt feels like he’s the one who should be in Blaine’s position. He should be the one to make inside jokes with his dad. He should be the one to talk about latest trends with Carole. He should call his dad ‘the best dad ever’.

Goddamnit, he should be happy.

Instead, he sips his overly expensive drink and he watches how Blaine gives Carole a gift. Of course it’s all familiar to them. Of fucking course.

After his dad and Carole have gone to the hotel, Blaine asks him if it’s okay if Blaine goes to the office. Kurt wholeheartedly agrees, since he’s also in the mood for some alone time.

He goes to the bedroom to clean his mother’s dresser. Swipe left. Swipe right. Swipe left. While he’s at it, he also taps his nose three times and you know, he also has the time to rearrange his wardrobe to have it colour-coordinated. It’s a very colourful wardrobe, since Blaine’s clothes are in it as well.

He cleans his mother’s dresser one more time, just to feel good, before he turns to the wardrobe. Rearranging clothes feels like a nice distraction from the fact that he feels like a stranger amongst his own family.

He’s been doing a lot of rearranging lately. It’s just nice to feel in control of something, although Blaine was very confused to see that the kitchen counters’ content had been rearranged. Kurt likes it.

While colour-coordinating, he sometimes looks over at his mother’s dresser.

Would she have loved Blaine as much as his father?

“I think you would’ve adored him, mom,” Kurt says, and then he adds, “Dad certainly does.”

His shoulders slump and he almost drops Blaine’s lobster cardigan. Yes, he has a cardigan with lobsters on it.

“I am just so tired of feeling out of the loop, mom. It is clear that Blaine’s part of the family, and I am glad, but I’ve missed all the steps in-between. I’ve missed the awkward first meeting and my dad probably threatening Blaine with his non-existent shotgun. I’ve missed Carole gushing over Blaine’s politeness. I’ve missed the moment my dad and Blaine started calling each other ‘dad and ‘son’. I’ve missed the moment I told them about our apparent engagement. I’ve missed it all and I hate it.”

That’s also a recent thing. Kurt thought he was finally making peace with not knowing things, but ever since he posted the statement on Firmspring, he can’t help but wonder how he must’ve felt during the highlight of his career. It started with his career, but now the uneasy feeling is reaching other aspects of his life.

Watching this gift exchange truly felt like someone drop kicked him into the ground.

“At least I can still talk about these things with you, mom. I know it’s a terrible thing to say, but with you, I can sort of pretend that everything’s new and exciting when it comes to Blaine. I can introduce you. He knows that I talk to ‘you’. I truly don’t know what you’d think of him. Unfortunately, I will never know the answer.”

But then Kurt sighs sadly.

“Who am I kidding? This is my life now and unless there’s a neuroscientific breakthrough, it will remain this way. The wardrobe is finished.”

He closes the wardrobe door and he decides to go to the bathroom to brush his teeth. They have to get up early, since his dad and Carole are coming over for breakfast. When he opens the bedroom door, the sight of Blaine surprises him.

Blaine looks like a deer caught in headlights. Kurt understands why.

“How much did you hear?”

Blaine doesn’t reply. Instead he leans closer, and Kurt’s almost certain that Blaine’s going to kiss him, but then he wraps his arms around Kurt. Kurt immediately sags in Blaine’s arms. Damn, he needed a hug.

“I’m sorry you have to go through all of this alone, love,” Blaine says softly, “What can I do to make this better for you?”

“Nothing,” Kurt tells him, “I can’t ask you to not be comfortable around my dad and Carole. That’s not fair.”

“I’d do it for you.”

Of course, he would. That’s what Blaine does.

“You can’t. I’d feel shit for a different reason. I don’t want to ruin Christmas.”

“They would understand as well,” Blaine points out. It’s true, since everyone’s been incredibly helpful and accommodating.

“No, just please act like nothing is wrong,” Kurt says, knowing it is impossible, but hey, it’s nice to pretend, “Right now I want to go to sleep. Despite everything, I am very excited for breakfast. We’ll talk about this later.”

Blaine hugs Kurt for a little bit longer, but then they go to the bathroom to get ready. They need some time, since their skincare regimes are quite long, but when they’re finally lying in bed, it’s worth it.

“Blaine?”

“Yes?”

“Why do they have to stay in a hotel? Isn’t the office also a guest room?”

“The office is filled with a lot of stuff, Kurt,” Blaine reminds him, “Besides, we don’t want them to hear us having sex and they don’t want to hear us having sex, so it’s better for everyone if they just go.”

Kurt can feel himself turn red, so it is a good thing that the lights are out. At the fine age of nineteen, Kurt’s over his whole innocent penguin stage, but it is still weird to hear Blaine talk about their sex lives so casually.

Blaine must’ve noticed the awkward silence, since he quickly wishes Kurt a goodnight and he turns away.

The day after, Kurt and Blaine don’t mention their small conversation about sex. Everything is fine. Burt and Carole come over around 9am to have breakfast at their apartment, and it’s a nice morning.

Sure, it still stings to see how everyone else is so comfortable with each other, but now that he’s shared his feelings with his mom and Blaine, it’s sort of easier to let go of it. It is still there in the back of his mind, but he focuses on trying to have fun. His dad is in New York for Christmas!

Around 1pm, they leave the apartment and they head towards Broadway. They’re going to see a show. Apparently, it’s tradition for his dad and Carole to see a show in New York. They come to New York as often as possible, since even today, they have a huge case of empty nest syndrome.

Going outside attracts lots of attention. Going outside to freaking Broadway certainly attracts lots of attention. People are filming Kurt from all angles. He can hear people whisper as they walk by. Some even stop Kurt to ask him some questions.

Even when you go rogue, like Kurt, privacy isn’t given. The tracking wires might not pick up his exact location, but everyone with an internet connection and a Firmspring account knows where to find him. Lovely.

Blaine handles the invasive fans with such grace, which makes Kurt’s annoyance barely noticeable. While Blaine talks to fans, Kurt looks around. He has set foot on the actual Broadway (as in the street), despite the amnesia, but he has never really paid attention to the many billboards and marquees.

He’s not surprised to see that the Phantom of the Opera is still running, so he can’t say that it’s a relief to see something he recognises. There are some revivals that Kurt recognises, but as expected, many titles are new. Who calls a musical Mr. Millenium and the Wonder Emporium? Why is there such a big line around Hamilton? Did Breaking Bad truly get a musical adaption? Kurt doesn’t even want to know what Mr. Barley and the Incurable Itch is about.

Jazz Hands the Musical does sound amusing, though.

Blaine thanks the fan and the four of them continue their walk. They pass Kurt’s theatre. His name is no longer on the marquee, now that his understudy has taken over full-time, and it makes Kurt a bit jealous. Then again, he doesn’t even remember the show or his role, so it feels foolish to be jealous over it.

They walk past the theatre and Kurt doesn’t look back. Instead he shifts his focus back to the many colourful marquees.

“Hey, isn’t that your favourite show?” Kurt points towards a marquee for Hadestown.

“It is,” Blaine says quickly, “But let’s keep moving. We have to be in time for the matinee performance of The Gondola.”

Kurt’s dad and Blaine lead the way, since they picked out the show together.

Kurt and Carole are behind.

“How is everything, Kurt?” Carole says, “We haven’t really talked yet.”

“I’m just pulling through,” Kurt answers and they both know it’s the truth. As promised, Kurt and his dad haven’t told Carole about the recent developments. Sometimes, Kurt regrets it, but then he sees this poorly hidden hopeful look on Carole’s face and he knows he’s done the right thing.

She’s already lost so much. Hope is the one thing she can hold on to.

“Do we need to send you more photos?” Carole suggests. Kurt shakes his head. Carole doesn't know that he hasn't looked at the photos yet.

“I don’t think there’s much you can do, Carole, but thank you for offering.”

Carole huffs. “I don’t want you to feel alone, Kurt.”

“I’m not,” Kurt says, and he starts to smile, “I have friends here, Carole. I see Roderick and Mae the most. I regularly talk to Rachel and Kitty. I even talk to Jesse on a regular basis. I’ve recently had some drinks with Wes, Sebastian and Adam.”

He looks at Blaine and his dad. They’re in a heated discussion about the show’s set design.

“And I have Blaine. He’s… he’s, uhm, great.”

“We love him,” Carole says.

“I’ve noticed,” Kurt says, sounding a bit bitter. Carole looks up in surprise, but she doesn’t argue with him.

“Is it weird for you that we love Blaine?” she asks. There’s no judgement. She sounds sincerely curious. The thought probably hadn’t even occurred to her. No one feels as left out as Kurt, so Kurt doesn’t blame them for not noticing.

“It is,” Kurt admits. He’s not in the mood to relive all those emotions again, but there’s no reason for him to lie.

“How can we make it better for you?” Carole asks and Kurt feels like the luckiest man alive. His family is just so incredibly supportive of everything. Blaine asked the exact same thing last night.

Therefore, Kurt gives her the same answer.

“I understand, Kurt. I hadn’t even thought of it. I’ve completely accepted Blaine as part of the family, since he’s kind and lovely and he desperately needs a family.”

Blaine still doesn’t talk about his own family that much, but by now, Kurt knows that it’s not good. He barely talks to his father and his mother isn’t ‘just in the Philippines’, she’s unexpectedly moved there without telling anyone. She did call them to ask how they’re doing, since she read Kurt’s Firmspring statement. Blaine’s only somewhat close to his ecstatic brother Cooper, but that’s recent. Cooper flew to New York after he read the Firmspring post and Kurt realised that Blaine's family life is not to be discussed. Not yet, at least.

“That’s another reason why I don’t want you guys to change the way you act around each other,” Kurt says, “It’s not natural.”

“I am just sad that you feel this way. We love Blaine, just like you do.”

The words almost make Kurt stop dead in his tracks. He doesn’t love Blaine?

Well, it makes sense. The relationship is no longer brand new, since they’ve been dating for a while, but does Kurt love Blaine? He certainly likes Blaine, but he hasn’t really put much thought into it. He’s been too preoccupied with the whole amnesia thing.

Oh wow.

Kurt’s dad and Blaine erupt into laughter, which make Kurt and Carole look at them.

“What is it, boys?” Carole asks and she has an amused look on her face.

“Nothing big, mom,” Blaine says nonchalantly. Mom. Not even Kurt calls Carole ‘mom’.

“We’re here!” Kurt’s dad says and it’s true. They’re stood underneath the marquee of The Gondola. Of course, people are taking photos of Kurt and Blaine.

Blaine takes Kurt’s hand and he tries to shelter him from the many phones. He’s thoughtful like that.

Kurt’s not entirely sure if he loves Blaine. He truly hasn’t had the moment to stop and examine his feelings about Blaine. He just accepted it for what it is.

Whatever it is, it is good. He can totally imagine himself falling in love with Blaine. After all, what is not to love?