Kurt and his dad have never truly lost touch. Even now, Kurt speaks to his dad weekly. They mostly text, since that’s the main form of communication these days, but they also call.

Kurt just hasn’t seen his father yet.

He’s refused his father’s requests for video calling. He doesn’t want Blaine to put the photos of his family members back up. He’s been completely ignoring it.

Kurt still finds it difficult to see his own reflection in the mirror, so he certainly isn’t ready to see his dad’s. He’s not ready to see how blatantly his dad has aged. Same goes for Carole, who is probably sprouting grey hairs by now.

Blaine keeps encouraging Kurt to see them and Kurt keeps finding excuses, until he doesn’t. His dad wants him home for Thanksgiving. Just him. Blaine agrees that it’s a good idea that he stays behind in the city.

The day before his flight, Kurt’s shaking in front of his mother’s dresser and Blaine’s holding him. Kurt knows that he can’t escape the fact that he’s lost his memories. Even with some small things resurfacing, it’s still not enough. He hasn’t been able to escape it for weeks, but it was nice to pretend that his dad was still his dad.

He flies home with Sebastian and Adam, who are visiting Sebastian’s family for Thanksgiving, but they part at the airport. Kurt has to go back to Lima. To him, he hasn’t been back to Lima since he moved to New York. He stayed at home during Thanksgiving and his dad came to visit him in New York for Christmas where he dropped the prostate cancer bomb.

In the midst of all the crazy, Kurt had completely forgotten about it, and no one brought it up again, since it’s in the past for everyone else. That has been happening a lot, so Kurt just has to adjust to taking some things for granted. Kurt can’t believe that his dad’s cancer became an insignificant thought.

Well, he supposes he’s grateful that he can’t remember all the stress. When Kurt had asked his dad about it over the phone, Burt had laughed (“Oh yeah, that happened.”) so it’s clear that he’s completely recovered.

So Kurt’s back in Lima. Technically, the last time he was home was fifteen years ago. Lima isn’t ugly. It will never match New York or any big city, but it’s definitely gotten better and more modern.

Of course, there are tracking wires everywhere. Kurt isn’t going rogue for once, because he has his phone with him, and it makes him anxious. It’s easy to tell someone to ‘just go rogue’, but the truth is that 2027’s society has completely embraced the new tech, so without the tech, Kurt’s limited. He needs his phone to find the condo in the suburbs and his Springo for public transport and payment.

Kurt doesn’t like to admit it, but Lima is still home. Right now, he just doesn’t know where to find it. His dad had offered to pick him up, but Kurt declined. He’d like to postpone their inevitable meeting.

Since he can’t ask his bus driver to go the long way round, Kurt has to face his father earlier than anticipated. He arrives at the small condo in the suburbs and he has the sad realisation that the home in Lima is long gone.

Maybe Kurt’s wrong. Maybe Lima isn’t home anymore. The moment Kurt moved into the loft, he knew it was going to happen one day, but he expected it to happen under different circumstances.

He rings the bell and his dad immediately opens the door, as if he’s been waiting at the door.

His dad is older, as expected. There are no grey hairs, since he’s bald, but the number of wrinkles has increased and to Kurt’s sadness, there’s a cane in his father’s hand.

That cane falls to the ground when Burt hugs Kurt tightly. The hugs still feel the same and for a second, Kurt forgets the sadness and he leans into his father’s embrace.

“Welcome home, kiddo,” his dad sounds happy.

I’m not home, Kurt thinks, so he just nods and he follows his dad inside. The condo is well decorated and it’s definitely Carole’s doing, since his dad is unable to do this on his own.

Or maybe…

Kurt stops in the doorframe of the living room. The dark teal shades on the wall is something he would choose and he knows that he’s picked it, probably with the help of Carole. These small things have been happening a lot lately, and it really messes with Kurt’s head.

“Kurt, darling!” he hears and he sees Carole walking towards him with open arms. Seeing Carole is like a punch to the gut. Her dark brown hair has gone grey and she’s wearing glasses and some sort of cast around her wrist. She’s not limping like his dad. On the contrary, she moves quickly and she pulls Kurt into a hug before he has time to say anything.

“Hello Carole, you look great,” he says, but Carole just laughs.

“You always say that, Kurt, I just got old,” she jokes, but then she realises what she must’ve said and her face falls, “I mean- I did get old and I, uh, well…”

Kurt shrugs. He already feels out of place in this unfamiliar condo. The last thing he needs is an awkward atmosphere, so he says: “Still, you look great. I just look young.”

He does a dramatic hair flip to show off his styled quiff. He’s also shaved again. Broadway will have to wait.

“Oh Kurt, I am so glad you’re here,” Carole says, sounding more relaxed, “Finally someone who appreciates Thanksgiving cuisine as much as I do.”

“What’s wrong with getting some microwaved turkey?” his dad asks and both Kurt and Carole start protesting at the audacity of that comment. Maybe it will all be okay.

The next morning, his dad is already having breakfast by the time Kurt comes down. He’s slept in the guestroom, since this condo does not have his own room. He wonders what happened to all his stuff.

Kurt hasn’t slept very well. Everything is too unfamiliar and he couldn’t wipe his mother’s dresser, since that’s still in New York. At least he can still tap his nose, but it’s not enough. Right now, he is in the desperate need for coffee.

“Morning, kid,” his dad grumbles.

“You’re up early.”

“Not everyone is like your fiancé. Some people are morning people.”

Kurt snorts. Blaine is indeed a pain in the ass in the morning, especially before he’s had his first coffee.

“He truly is a night owl,” Kurt says and his dad nods knowingly. It is a surreal conversation for Kurt. Of course he knows that his dad knows Blaine and judging by the way he talks about Blaine, he likes him. Blaine also seems to adore Burt.

So logically, this conversation isn’t very weird at all, but to Kurt, Blaine is his first boyfriend.

Oh wow, his dad probably knows his boyfriend - fiancé, Kurt reminds himself - better than Kurt does.

“You really like Blaine, don’t you?” Kurt says while he makes a pot of coffee.

“What is not to like, Kurt? He’s nice, he’s kind, he loves you and cares for you. He’s a great man,” his dad answers easily.

“Of course,” Kurt also grabs some yogurt and he joins his dad at the breakfast table. His dad unlocks a tablet to read the news, since paper newspapers are a thing ‘from the past’, but every now and then, he looks over to Kurt.

Kurt sighs. “It’s okay dad, you can ask.”

“Just wondering how the amnesia is going, kid. Yesterday was very nice, but we both know that it was all a bit too polite.”

His dad is right, of course. They had a really nice evening, but the conversations were very shallow and there were some awkward moments where Kurt, Burt and Carole realised that they do not all have the same knowledge. Apparently, Kurt’s aunt Mildred has died in 2017, so when Kurt asked about her, it fell silent.

“What can I say, dad? The memories are still gone.”

“Really? There’s absolutely nothing?”

Kurt takes a sip of his coffee, so that he can avoid talking about it. His dad doesn’t know about the recent developments and Kurt wants to tell him, but he also doesn’t want his dad to have false hope. Kurt knows that he subconsciously has started remembering some things. He would say something or do something, and then Blaine’s entire face would light up.

And then Kurt would become confused, and Blaine would realise that Kurt cannot remember remembering it, and his face would fall.

Yet, he wants to tell his dad.

“Dad, promise me not to think too much of this, okay?”

“What?”

“I don’t want you to think that everything will be fine and that my memories are back.”

“Kurt, what are you talking about?”

“But sometimes, I do remember something.”

And as expected, his dad gets a hopeful look on his face. Kurt hates it.

“I’m not exactly remembering things. Things just feel familiar to me and I can’t remember why. I don’t remember doing it, but I just remember or know that I’ve done it. Does that make sense?”

“Is it like a déjà vu?” his dad asks. He still looks hopeful, but not as much anymore now that he knows it’s not as simple as it sounds. Kurt knew it was coming, but it still makes him feel uneasy.

This is why he hasn’t told anyone else, like Kitty or Rachel or Mae. He can’t bear seeing the disappointment on Blaine’s face and he also won’t be able to bear the disappointment on his dad’s face, but Blaine and his dad are inarguably the most important people in his life. Is it weird to say that he feels a very strong kinship? Probably, but that is how Kurt feels.

Even though he’s only known Blaine for three months, Blaine feels like home.

“I don’t know. Kind of? I don’t have flashbacks or concrete memories or anything, dad. I truly have never been here before,” Kurt makes some hand motions, so that his dad knows that he’s referring to the condo, “But it’s more like I just know. Did I pick the teal shade for the walls, dad?”

His dad nods solemnly.

“That’s what I mean, dad. I can’t remember doing it, but I know that I’ve picked it with Carole. That’s all it is. I just know. I don’t know, dad, but that’s how I can describe it best. I’m sorry I can’t say more.”

His dad looks away and he balls his fist. He doesn’t immediately tell Kurt to not apologise, that he can’t help it, and that there’s nothing wrong. Instead, he breathes in and out. And again.

Kurt reaches out to touch is dad’s hand.

“It’s fine,” his dad eventually says, “It’s- It’s something.”

“That’s what Blaine said.”

His dad does another breathing exercise. Kurt obviously can’t remember everything, since his memories haven’t fully come back, so he doesn’t know why his dad knows all these techniques. Did Kurt teach him? Did Blaine?

Kurt gives his dad time to fully process it.

“Please don’t tell Carole yet. I don’t want her-”

“-to feel disappointed?” his dad finishes.

Kurt nods.

“Alright. I won’t tell her,” his dad promises, “But what does this mean?”

“We don’t know,” Kurt says and once again, the disappointment on his dad’s face is evident, “We’ve started talking with the hospital again. They referred us to some neuroscientists who specialise in different kinds of amnesia, since this is too difficult for the doctors at the hospital.”

“Why is this too difficult? Shouldn’t there be high-brow neuroscientists at the hospital?”

Kurt wishes he could understand as well. All he knows is that his amnesia is not ‘normal’ amnesia. He has no history of brain damage, he has no drug history, there’s no psychic traumatic past, there is no illness… Kurt is in absolute perfect health. Everything is great, except for the memory loss.

“There is this thing called retrograde amnesia, which basically means that I’ve lost my memories up until a certain point,” Kurt tries to explain, but it’s going to be difficult, since he barely understands it himself, “There have been neuroscientific studies about retrograde amnesia without direct brain damage, and neuroscience has come a long way, but many are still grasping in the dark. There’s also dissociative amnesia or something. They call it autobiographical, since I cannot remember my own life. I mean, I think that is what autobiographical amnesia means.”

“What can you do about it?”

“Occupational or cognitive theory have been discussed, but since we can’t really find the core of the problem, we can’t really treat it. Besides, reminder treatment doesn’t seem to work at all. Most people recover from retrograde amnesia through spontaneous recovery. We just have to wait. It sucks.”

“So you being here… it isn’t going to trigger any memories?”

Kurt nods, but then he turns to look at the teal shade wall. His dad follows his look.

“But you remember the teal shade wall,” his dad sounds confused.

“Like I told you, I don’t exactly remember things. I just know things. For example, I know that Blaine’s favourite sauce for a barbecue is garlic, but we haven’t actually grilled anything since we can’t fit a grill on our balcony. I don’t remember him liking it, but I know it. It's little things like that. And it messes with my head, dad, it really freaks me out.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Kurt.”

“Sometimes, I don’t even realise that I know something that I can’t remember,” Kurt says and he thinks back to the few times he figured it out by reading Blaine’s facial expression, “I don’t know what’s real or not. When I saw the teal shade, I knew I picked it, but I couldn’t know for sure till I asked you a few minutes ago.”

“And the neuroscientists don’t understand it either?”

Kurt laughs bitterly. “As far as I know, I am completely defying all the laws of neurology. I am creating a new research branch.”

“I see.”

The two of them eat their breakfast in silence, although Kurt doesn’t really feel hungry anymore. A few minutes later, Carole comes downstairs and the conversations turn shallow again.

Kurt really, really likes seeing them again, but he can’t wait to go back to New York.