June 11, 2022, 2:19 p.m.
Mendacious: Petulant
T - Words: 4,498 - Last Updated: Jun 11, 2022 Story: Complete - Chapters: 31/31 - Created: Jun 11, 2022 - Updated: Jun 12, 2022 236 0 0 0 0 Warnings: Internalised homophobia
After Kurt has taken a long walk around the block, cried in the shower, and drank three cups of coffee, he decides to message Blaine again.
Eddie Andrews: Does no one at
McKinley wonder why you’ve left
Dalton Academy?
After all, his arrival at McKinley was big news and Blaine made a big deal out of Dalton being beneath him.
Blaine Anderson: Oh they did. Then, this
wannabe school journalist got a soundbite of
me talking about it and it was
taken out-of-context, but I went along
with it.
Blaine Anderson: I sounded like a petulant
child, but for some reason, people loved it.
People never want to know the
truth, only the things they wanna know.
McKinley loves to love assholes.
Blaine Anderson: No one knowing my reason for
transferring seems like a metaphor for all of this.
I just decided to hide it all away, instead
of dealing with the consequences.
Eddie Andrews: Another question: why
do you go to PFLAG meetings if
your parents don’t accept you?
Blaine Anderson: I go there with my gran.
Blaine Anderson: And I guess I am kind of the
result of what happens when kids fuck up their
children, so new parents who are still
struggling with accepting their kids hear my
story and hopefully have a change of heart.
Blaine Anderson: *parents.
When parents fuck up their children.
Blaine Anderson: Fuck I told you I’m a mess.
Blaine Anderson: Anyway, I don’t mind telling people
at the PFLAG meetings. I hope it helps
parents realise what they are capable of.
Blaine Anderson: Although I realised that
I never fully talked in depth about all the
effects that it had on me. Truly, today
was a terrible wake-up slap.
Eddie Andrews: What are you
going to do now?
Blaine Anderson: I don’t know.
Blaine Anderson: Is it bad that a part of me
wishes I didn’t realise this? I was better
off living a lie and not knowing.
Eddie Andrews: Don’t say that.
Eddie Andrews: Would you much rather hate a
whole part of your community
than feel this discomfort?
Blaine Anderson: When you put it
like that, it sounds even worse!
Blaine Anderson: I can’t stop thinking about
the anger and disgusted look on Kurt’s face.
And on the face of his friend.
Blaine Anderson: He hated me before
and he will definitely hate me now.
Eddie Andrews: Maybe try to
explain the situation to him?
Blaine Anderson: Do you really think
that would work? After everything?
Eddie Andrews: Look, maybe Kurt just
doesn’t know better either. Maybe
he will understand. How can he not?
Eddie Andrews: What happened to you
was terrible. It shouldn’t have happened
and I am sorry that it did.
Eddie Andrews: And what you said about
Kurt possibly looking down on you? I
have been in his shoes.
Blaine Anderson: Really?
Oh, if only Blaine knew.
Eddie Andrews: Hearing your story
made me realise that I have
been on the other side of
this story, Blaine.
Eddie Andrews: I am not innocent either.
It sounds like I am more like that Kurt.
I’m the flamboyant gay guy you don’t
really hate but who you are jealous of.
He really is. But Blaine can’t know that.
Eddie Andrews: I’ve met a guy like you
before, a “good gay” and I always
thought of him as someone who pretends
to be better than me.
Blaine Anderson: I didn’t pretend to think
that I was better than Kurt. I truly believed that,
but not because I genuinely thought so,
but I guess I was just scared or jealous of him.
Eddie Andrews: I get that now.
But you’re not this guy I’m talking about.
That’s a lie.
Eddie Andrews: Everything he said and did,
I made sure it was bad. If he were
nice, then surely there must be an ulterior
motive somewhere, right?
Eddie Andrews: What if I was wrong about
that guy? I don’t know him.
I never took the time to even consider
that things were different than it seems.
Eddie Andrews: The same way you looked
down on a part of the community, so did I.
Blaine Anderson: Wow, we’ve really
messed it up, huh?
Eddie Andrews: I was always so angry
at him for “catering to straight people” or
I suppose “not being gay enough”.
Eddie Andrews: It’s not like you. I don’t
want to be that person. I’m not jealous
of that person at school. I love
being my very flamboyant self.
Eddie Andrews: But maybe I should’ve
given him a chance as well.
Eddie Andrews: Even if you truly were
a so-called “good gay”, without the
emotional baggage of it becoming
a coping mechanism for dealing with
past homophobia, I still shouldn’t
have automatically hated you for it.
Eddie Andrews: People like him can’t help
it that straight people’s acceptance is
conditional and that they are seen
as “better ones”. Only if they truly
believe that, then they are shit, but if
not, then why did I automatically assume
that every gay guy that doesn’t act
“gay enough” would hate me?
Eddie Andrews: But I guess I now know
that they’re just living their lives and
existing in the way they think is comfortable,
just like I am doing.
Eddie Andrews: There’s no one way
to be gay. A straight
friend pointed that out recently.
Eddie Andrews: We know we’ve messed
up when a straight person is the
correct one.
Blaine Anderson: Damn Eddie, when did
you get so smart?
Eddie Andrews: I think I needed this
wake-up slap as much as you did.
Blaine Anderson: What will happen now?
Blaine Anderson: I can’t just change everything
I’ve done at McKinley and go back to the way
it used to be, before I knew this.
Eddie Andrews: You can try, can’t you?
Blaine Anderson: I don’t think I can.
Eddie Andrews: Why not?
Blaine Anderson: Because despite everything,
I am still so afraid.