Well, it feels like it does
I feel guilty because
There are days when I just want to be who I was

I'm not saying I'd trade the life that I had with him for a minute
That was once in a lifetime love and I know I was lucky to win it

Blaine mouths the words and he feels a sting of bitterness at the last line. Unlike Julia, Blaine wasn’t lucky to win a once in a lifetime love. He never was. All the people he’s dated dumped him.

Even though he has music on, he can hear the thud of a door. He opens his eyes and Kurt’s closing his coat before shuddering in the cold. Blaine takes out his earbuds.

Kurt’s eyes are on Blaine.

“You’re… here,” he breathes out.

“So are you.”

Kurt shakes his head, as if he can’t believe this is real. The feeling is mutual.

“This is insane. How do you know Yannick?”

“My friend Bella knows him. She asked me to be here,” Blaine replies. And it’s awkward. It reminds Blaine of their last two years of their friendship, where everything became one big awkward mess.

Back then, they could barely look at each other without getting angry, even though they were supposedly best friends. At least this time no one seems angry. Uncomfortable? Sure! But no anger.

“How do you know Yannick?”

They’re both dancing around the real question: how did they both end up in Rotterdam of all places?

“We’re… trying something,” Kurt says and he starts to blush.

Blaine sucks in a breath and he looks down to his feet. He knows that Yannick is bi, but he didn’t know that Yannick’s dating again. He and Yannick aren’t friends and to be honest, Blaine doesn’t really like him.

“That’s nice,” Blaine says, still not looking up. He tries to ignore the stab in his chest. This is ridiculous. They haven’t spoken in seven years!

He tries to tell himself it’s because of Yannick. Kurt deserves better than him. That’s it. Totally.

But the voice in the back of his head tells him otherwise and he knows that he’s lying to himself. He couldn’t give a rat’s ass about Yannick’s dating life.

“And you and Bella?” Kurt asks.

Blaine lets out a shaky laugh. Is Kurt asking him if they’re together? He sounds like Blaine’s dad. Blaine drags a hand over his face and the realisation that Kurt doesn’t know about his sexual orientation hits him like a ton of bricks. There was a time where they knew everything about each other, but now, years later, Kurt’s never learned one of Blaine’s biggest reveals.

“No, no,” Blaine says, “She’s gay.”

“Oh.”

“So am I.”

Kurt’s jaw drops. Blaine tries to not squirm underneath his gaze.

“You’re gay?”

“Flaming.”

“I didn’t know that!”

“Jeez. I wonder why,” Blaine mutters and Kurt’s face hardens.

“That’s not fair. You blocked me.”

“Right.” Blaine looks away in shame. Kurt has a fair point and Blaine knows he’s not mad at him, but at himself. Blaine is the one who pushed Kurt away. Blaine is the one who stopped trying. Blaine is the one who cut Kurt off without giving him a chance.

And then Kurt delivered the final blow. But Blaine’s not going to hold that against him. It was deserving.

“Christ, I don’t know…” he can hear Kurt say under his breath. When Blaine hears Kurt sniffing, he dares to look at him again. A tear rolls down Kurt’s face.

“Kurt-”

“I don’t even know why I thought this would go well. You made it very clear that you don’t want me to be around.”

“That’s-”

“I’m still blocked, you know. I’ve foolishly checked several times over the past years. I’ve sent you messages, but they never arrived. I know I said- fuck, forget this.”

“Kurt…” Blaine tries to reach out.

“No. Stop,” Kurt backs away, “I told myself all those years ago that I am finished. I need to uphold that promise to myself.”

That’s indeed what Kurt said. When Blaine blocked him, he forgot that Kurt had other means to contact him. Mercedes sent Kurt’s voice message a week after the whole ordeal. In that message, Kurt told Blaine that he’s done trying to retain a one-sided friendship and that’s when the realisation of Blaine’s actions sunk in.

Kurt gave up on him. Blaine gave him reasons to do so. And a few months after that, Mercedes stopped talking to him as well.

“You know what’s the worst part of this?” Kurt says silently.

Blaine shakes his head.

“That I am still so happy to see you.”

“Kurt…”

“No. Stop,” Kurt says again before turning around. He goes back inside and he slams the door. Blaine’s left all alone.