2011

Four months is nothing compared to eight years, but four months feels so fucking long. Before this, the longest Kurt and Blaine have gone without speaking was two weeks. Blaine and his family went on a vacation to the Philippines when they were twelve and they didn’t have a mobile phone yet.

Well, Blaine did send a card, so maybe they didn’t go without speaking for two weeks.

It sucks. Some big things have happened in these four months, like Kurt’s NYADA audition, and Blaine isn’t there. After four months, Kurt’s gotten used to it. He went from checking Blaine’s profile picture on a daily basis to a weekly basis and now he only checks if he’s still blocked when he feels like it.

One day he realises that he’s no longer blocked, but Kurt doesn’t send anything. He doesn’t know what to do.

Kurt can’t sleep. He’s lying underneath the covers with his earbuds in, so that he won’t wake the others. He knows that he has to get up early, but it’s past midnight and he’s listening to Once On This Island because he feels like it.

But when Forever Yours (reprise) starts playing, his chest feels heavy.

You gave him love
Love he would soon betray!
You gave him life
I am the price you’ll pay!

Sure as the grave
You must accept what is...
Now your life is
Forever mine...

By the end of the song, Kurt’s in tears. He isn’t crying over Ti Moune and Daniel’s story, but about his and Blaine’s story.

Kurt loves Blaine. He loves Blaine so damn much it hurts. After two years of being in love, it’s become something he’s gotten used to. He doesn’t think much about it. The grass is green. Water is wet. Kurt’s in love with Blaine. The sky is blue.

But now that Blaine’s gone, it hurts even more. And sure, Blaine doesn’t know that Kurt’s in love with him, or so Kurt thinks, and Blaine’s straight so he’s definitely not in love with Kurt, but they have another kind of love. Their friendship is everything to them, or so it used to be.

And honestly, Kurt cannot hold on to this. Blaine’s the one who turned his back on this. Kurt’s still crying when he opens WhatsApp.

Me: I cant do this

Me: I cant fucking do this anymore

Me: ive been waitying for a sign of life

Me: but I think I’m nt getting it

Me: idk why you did this

Me: but fick I need to end this for myself

Me: I deserve closure and ive been waiting for this for too long

Me: but im not gonna get it

Me: if this is what you want then have it

Me: I cant do this

Me: I miss you like crazy and yoj don’t seem to care

There are many more thoughts, but Kurt locks his phone, turns off the music, and tries to sleep. He’s giving Blaine a last chance. Now Kurt waits.

Blaine replies the next day. Kurt almost laughs at the desperation. Blaine writes how much he fucked up and how he regrets everything and how Kurt can kick him, slap him, shake him whatever, because Kurt’s the most important person in his life and Blaine needed these sleep-deprived messages to see what’s in front of him. Blaine wants to fix it and he’ll do whatever he can.

Kurt shows the messages to Mercedes. After all, Blaine sent them while Kurt, Mercedes and some others are at the Lima Bean. Kurt wanted to check something on his phone when he saw all the new messages.

“What will do you?” Mercedes asks.

Kurt doesn’t know. He’s been waiting for this moment for four months, but now that it’s actually here, he’s angrier than before. At first he was sad, but now he can’t help but feel annoyed. Blaine’s acting as if he’s suffered so much.

“I’ll see.”

Me: No.

Me: No, you don’t get to do this.

Me: You don’t get to ignore me for 4 fuciking
months only to crawl back like it’s nothing big

Me: I cried. I cried so damn much. I was hurt

Me: Don’t act like you’ve been hurt the same way
when you seemed to be doing fine without me

Me: So we’re not going to meet up now

Me: Here’s what you’ll do Blaine

Me: You’re going to take a fucking step
back and think about what you’ve done

Me: Because right now you’re only coming back,
begging for forgiveness, because I was done

Me: If it hadn’t been for that, you would’ve been fine with this

Me: Text me again when you’ve fucking thought about it

Me: No worries. I’ll be waiting

“You did the right thing,” Kurt’s dad says proudly.

“Yeah?” Kurt asks nervously. He was so certain of himself, but now he’s wondering if he’s being too harsh. Mercedes and Rachel also complimented Kurt, but his dad’s opinion matters the most.

“Yes,” his dad says, “I think it’s proper that you’re giving him a chance while also pointing out that he can’t get away with this.”

“I agree,” Finn says.

“Finn, don’t speak with food in your mouth,” Carole chastises him. Then she turns to Kurt. “But I also agree, honey. I think it’s good that Blaine takes some time to think about what happened.”

“So I wasn’t too mean or-”

“Dude, even if you were, it’s nothing compared to the shit that Blaine pulled,” Finn cuts him off.

Kurt’s dad and Carole both hum in agreement.

Blaine: can I come over?

Blaine: I’ve been thinking a lot this week

Blaine: or maybe I can come to McKinley, since we’re both busy

Me: I’d like that

Blaine’s loitering outside the choir room. Santana taps Kurt’s shoulder to tell him that Blaine’s here. Kurt turns to the door and it’s true. Blaine’s wearing his Dalton blazer, which means that he’s indeed cutting class for this.

Kurt asks Mr. Schue if he can be excused and he leaves the choir room before Mr. Schue can answer.

“Hi,” Kurt says awkwardly. He’s face to face with Blaine for the first time in months and he hates that his heart skips a beat. Blaine hasn’t changed at all.

“Hey.”

“Should we go outside?”

The two of them walk in silence and the tension is almost unbearable. Kurt can almost feel Blaine’s guilt. Good. Once they’ve left the building, Kurt gestures to Blaine to talk.

“I’m sorry, Kurt. I truly am,” Blaine says, “I meant what I wrote. I never should’ve let this happen. You mean the world to me!”

“Then why… did this happen?” Kurt asks. He’s been wondering this for four months. He’s thought it over so many times. He’s discussed it with Mercedes, with his dad, with Carole, with Finn, but no one understood it.

Blaine stares at the ground.

“Was it…” Kurt trails off. It can’t be. “The discussion about weed canvas?”

And to Kurt’s utter horror, Blaine nods.

“What. The. Fuck.”

“It’s stupid-”

“It sure as hell is!” Kurt yells angrily. He had made a plan. If Blaine wasn’t going to express any remorse, then Kurt would be angry. If Blaine was going to express guilt, then Kurt would try to be forgiving. But that plan was created before all of this.

“Sorry.”

“Really?” Kurt says, indignantly. He puts his face in his hands and he takes a deep breath. “Really?”

Knowing that Blaine willingly threw away an eight year old friendship over something so small and insignificant hurts more than all the pain and loneliness of the past four months.

“I know!” Blaine says desperately, “Which is why I never- I was so ashamed of ruining it over something so small!”

“So you just let it go altogether?”

“I couldn’t face you after that!”

“And now you can?”

“I really needed that wake-up slap,” Blaine sounds even more desperate, “Because my embarrassment is nothing compared to losing you. God, you’re always so right. You’re… always right.”

Kurt kicks the ground, since he doesn’t know what else to do.

“Now what?” he asks.

“Let’s just pretend this never happened!” Blaine suggests.

And a part of Kurt knows that this is a bad idea. He knows what they should talk it out. He knows that this isn’t something they can ignore.

But a bigger part of Kurt is just so happy to have the possibility to be friends again. He nods.

“Hey, what a surprise,” Mr. Schue says when Kurt re-enters the choir room with Blaine in tow.

“No worries, sir, I’m not a spy. We’ve lost.”

Mr. Schue nods. “Sorry to hear that.”

He doesn’t sound sorry at all, but no one in this room is. The New Directions still make a chance!

“Blaine’s just visiting,” Kurt says quickly.

“Well, have a seat. The more the merrier,” Mr. Schue says.

Kurt and Blaine sit down and Mercedes throws an arm around Blaine. They lean closer and Kurt sees that Mercedes has something to say, but Kurt doesn’t want to impose. After a while, both Blaine and Mercedes smile at each other.

Santana also nods with a smile. Rachel waves. Sam holds out his fist for a fist bump. And so on. Everyone seems to have accepted that things are okay again.

Only Finn’s seething.

Kurt ignores him.