Sept. 20, 2011, 7:58 a.m.
Don't Leave Me: Chapter 1
T - Words: 2,739 - Last Updated: Sep 20, 2011 Story: Complete - Chapters: 2/2 - Created: Sep 19, 2011 - Updated: Sep 20, 2011 1,117 0 2 0 0
“So, Anderson.” Puck settled himself heavily on the couch next to Blaine, drink in hand.
“Yes, Noah?” Blaine responded, smiling wryly.
“How are things with Hummel?”
“Somehow I doubt that question is as innocent as it sounds,” Blaine replied. “What do you really want to know?”
Puck gulped his Coke, swallowing hard and licking his lips. “How’s the sex?”
Blaine choked on his drink, and Puck smacked him hard on the back. “I--,” Blaine coughed hard, gasping for breath. He cleared his throat. “I fail to see how that’s your business,” he managed, face flushed.
“I’m just curious, man. Hummel looks like he’d be an amazing fuck.”
Blaine’s eyebrows shot up. “I don’t know if I should be flattered or offended by that statement.”
“It’s a compliment, Anderson. Hummel is hot.”
Blaine took a small sip of his drink. “While I’m pleased that you find my boyfriend attractive, I still hold to my previous statement. Our sex life is none of your business.”
Puck finished off his coke, setting the cup aside and turning to face Blaine. “So you’re not doing it?”
“What do you--How--What makes--” Blaine sputtered.
“‘None of your business’ is code for ‘it’s not happening,’” Puck replied easily. “So what’s the deal? Is Hummel too much of a prude?”
Blaine looked affronted. “I’m not answering that.”
“That’s a yes, then,” Puck said, his gazing shifting to the doorway and then back to Blaine, who had opened his mouth to protest. “No, no, I get it,” Puck said. “It’s just first relationship jitters; he’ll get over it soon.” Blaine remained silent, and Puck stared at him thoughtfully. “You’re wishing he’d get over it now, aren’t you?” Blaine still didn’t respond as Puck continued. “I’d bet you want to tap that so hard you can’t think straight, but you’re hung up on being ‘nice,’ and ‘proper,’ and ‘taking things slowly.’ On respecting Kurt’s wishes ‘cause he’s ‘not ready,’ when all you really want to do is slam him down on your bed and fuck him until he forgets his name.” Blaine still hadn’t spoken, his hand clenched hard around his now-empty glass. “Am I right, Blaine?” Puck asked.�
Silence greeted him. “...Blaine?” Softer now, with a slight edge of worry. “If I overstepped, man, I’ll apologize--”
“You’re right,” Blaine said quietly.
“I’m so--Wait, what did you say?”
“You’re right,” Blaine repeated, his voice carrying. “There are days when I can barely breathe because I want him so badly, when I can hardly focus on anything other than him when we’re together.” He paused for a breath. “I don’t know what to do. The one time we went any further than kissing, he nearly had a panic attack.” Blaine stopped, his eyes losing focus as he gazed unseeing at the TV. “I almost think it’d be better to go back to what we were, before we got together.” He sighed, rubbing his face with his hand. “At least we were comfortable with each other.”
Blaine lowered his face into his hands with a groan, and Puck sighed as well, reaching out a hand and resting it on the other boy’s shoulder.
Hidden just around the corner of the entryway, Kurt stood, his back pressed tight against the wall and a hand clamped over his mouth as tears began streaming down his cheeks.
---------
When Blaine saw Kurt on Monday morning, he found himself pinching his arm hard to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. It wasn’t so much that Kurt looked different, although his outfit deviate slightly from his usual fare. He was wearing tight, jet-black jeans with his black mid-calf boots. This combination wasn’t unusual; in fact, it was one of Kurt’s (and his) favorites. The difference lay in the clothing covering Kurt’s upper body.
...or, rather, the clothing that was not covering him.
Instead of his usual layers--which Blaine truly did love to see--Kurt was wearing a dark, short-sleeved dress shirt with the cuffs rolled up slightly. Blaine’s jaw dropped open, and he closed it hastily as he approached Kurt’s locker, forcing himself to appear calm and composed.
“‘Morning, Kurt!” he said brightly, pecking him on the cheek. “I’d love to stay and chat for a bit, but I need to go see Mrs. Williams about my research paper.” He turned to walk away. “You look great, by the way,” he said over his shoulder before making his way down the hall.
What Blaine hadn’t noticed was the nervousness clearly visible in Kurt’s eyes and posture, in the way his hand had shaken slightly as he reached for his boyfriend� as he walked away.
And he certainly didn’t see the tears that Kurt blinked away before closing his locker and heading to his first class, head held high and lips set in a firm line, determined to hide the hurt threatening to crush his heart.
---------
Blaine found himself at a loss for words again on Wednesday, when Kurt decided that leaving a few buttons loose below his collar was suitable for his outfit that day. The short -sleeved shirt was a deep blue, bringing out the color of Kurt’s eyes and contrasting beautifully with his pale skin. Blaine swallowed hard, ordering his body to behave itself as he wrapped his arms around Kurt. “Good morning,” he whispered, brushing his lips over Kurt’s ear before pulling away.
“Morning,” Kurt replied, breathless. He leaned closer to Blaine for a moment. “Mmm.” He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. “You smell great today.”�
Blaine felt his cheeks heat. “Thank you,” he replied, glancing at his wrist. “Shoot, I have to go; I need to see Mr. Jordan before homeroom.” He turned away. “See you in calculus!” he called over his shoulder.�
Kurt bit his lip, resisting the urge to grab the sweater in his locker and pull it over his head.
-------
“Are you and Kurt okay?” Mercedes set her tray down next to Blaine’s with a loud smack.
“...Yes,” Blaine replied, eyes wide with surprise. “What makes you ask?”
“He’s been acting strange, and he won’t tell me anything,” she said. “I thought you might have an idea?”
“He hasn’t said anything to me, either. I’ll try to talk to him during calculus.”
----
“Hey, Kurt?”
Kurt’s head jerked up as Blaine whispered his name.
“Yes?” he whispered back, eyes wide and expression carefully blank.
“Are you...” Blaine’s brow furrowed. “Are you alright? Mercedes said you’ve been acting strange, and she thought maybe something was wrong between the two of us.” He stopped speaking, his eyes locked with Kurt’s. “Are we okay, Kurt? Is there something going on that I should know about?”
Kurt’s eyes widened slightly. “No, there’s nothing you need to know about.”
“...Kurt...”
“We’re fine, Blaine,” Kurt said, squeezing his boyfriend’s hand.
The soft smile on his face didn’t quite reach his eyes, but Blaine smiled back, squeezing� Kurt’s hand as he returned to his work.
---------
Blaine was determined to get an answer out of Kurt on Friday. He strode purposefully towards his boyfriend’s locker. He was early for a change and would actually have time to talk with Kurt. As he rounded the corner, he was disappointed to find the hallway nearly empty. Kurt was nowhere to be found. Blaine leaned casually against his boyfriend’s locker and waited for him to arrive. The four-minute warning bell rang, and Kurt still hadn’t arrived. Blaine was worried now; Kurt was never this late. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and sent a text.
Blaine walked away from Kurt’s locker two minutes later, pocketing his phone as he raced down the halls.�
----
Blaine spent his lunch period in the library, his appetite gone. He had texted Kurt a few more times, but had yet to receive any replies. He headed to Calculus early, hoping his boyfriend would be there. To Blaine’s dismay, Kurt’s seat was empty. Blaine found himself glancing at the door whenever he heard a student enter.
Kurt’s seat remained empty through the entire period.
----
By the end of the day, Blaine was sure something had happened to Kurt. There was no other reasonable explanation for his texts going unanswered. As he finished pulling books from his locker and arranging them in his messenger bag, his phone vibrated.
Kurt:
Sorry for not replying all day. My phone was lost, and I wasn’t feeling well enough to look for it. I’m feeling better now, though, and you can come over if you’d like.
Kurt:�
PS: We’ll have the house to ourselves until 6.
Blaine tapped out a hurried reply before slamming his locker shut and racing from the building.
---------
Blaine let himself into Kurt’s house, leaving his bag and shoes at the door before slowly climbing the stairs to Kurt’s room. He knocked softly on the door before gently pushing it open. The room was dark, the outside light blocked out by the thick cloth draped across the windows. A few candles were lit around the room, giving it a soft glow. Blaine entered the bedroom, closing the door gently behind him. “Kurt?” he called softly, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the limited lighting.�
Hands grasped his shoulders firmly, pushing him into the door as lips crashed against his. Blaine inhaled sharply, the familiar smell of Kurt’s light cologne reassuring him as he wound his arms around the other boy’s waist. Kurt tugged on Blaine’s shoulders, walking backwards toward the bed, taking small steps until the back of his knees pressed against the side of the bed. Blaine deepened the kiss, pressing Kurt into the bed as his tongue traced over Kurt’s lips. Kurt sighed, his mouth opening just enough for Blaine to slide his tongue in, gently tracing the inside of Kurt’s mouth as if he were committing it to memory.�
Blaine rested a leg on either side of Kurt’s body, their only point of contact being their mouths pressed so tightly together that their noses brushed each other’s cheeks. Blaine sucked Kurt’s tongue into his mouth, one of his hands drifting to Kurt’s chest and fingering the button at the collar. He worked it loose, moving quickly down his boyfriend’s chest and feeling him shudder under his hand. Blaine pulled away from Kurt, sitting up and yanking his shirt over his head and tossing it to the floor before leaning forward and smashing their lips together once more.
Blaine’s knees slid down slightly, flattening his body and bringing his chest into contact with Kurt’s. Kurt gasped at the contact, his back arching and his hands burying themselves in Blaine’s curls. Blaine’s hand trailed down Kurt’s chest again, fingers teasing one nipple and then the other before walking lightly down his side. Kurt wriggled at the contact, and Blaine rested a hand on Kurt’s hip as his mouth began sucking on his neck. Blaine bit down lightly on the spot before shifting his attention lower and sucking hard on his collarbone, licking and biting along it as Kurt cried out beneath him.
Blaine surged forward, his mouth slamming into Kurt’s as he pried his lips apart with his tongue. His hand moved from Kurt’s hip, and he ran his fingers lightly over the waistband of Kurt’s pants. Kurt tensed slightly, and Blaine stilled the movement of his hand. Kurt moaned, the sound muffled by Blaine’s mouth on his, and Blaine bit down on Kurt’s lower lip as he began toying with the button on Kurt’s pants.
Moments later, Blaine found himself sprawled on the ground, the back of his head throbbing where it had cracked against the floor.
“Blaine? Blaine? Oh my God, I’m so sorry; please don’t leave; please don’t break up with me. I didn’t mean to panic; I’m so--”
Blaine silenced Kurt with a finger to his lips. He was leaning over the end of the bed, eyes too-bright and worry etched into his face.
“Kurt, I think it’s time you told me what’s really been bothering you,” he said quietly.
Kurt froze, his eyes wide as saucers. “No, no, nothing is wrong,” he denied. “I’m fine; we’re fine. Just come back up here and--”
“Kurt--” Blaine leveled a hard stare at him. “I may have believed that earlier this week, but not with the way you’re acting now.” He stood, wincing a little, and resting a hand on Kurt’s shoulder. “Blow out the candles while I let some light in here. I want to be able to see you while we talk.” Kurt bit his lip, eyes downcast as he circled the room, blowing out the candles while Blaine tugged the cloth away from the windows, letting in the late-afternoon sun. He opened a window, and a gentle breeze wafted in. Blaine inhaled deeply, taking in the scents of Lima in the early fall. He turned around, his back to the window, and saw Kurt huddled on the bed, arms wrapped tight around his knees which were folded up to his chest with his forehead resting on them.�
Blaine crossed the room, sitting on the edge of the bed and reaching out a hand to run it through Kurt’s hair. The other boy shuddered at the touch, trying to curl further into himself. Blaine tugged gently on Kurt’s hair, trying to coax him into raising his head. Kurt resisted, shaking his head hard and forcing Blaine to release his head on Kurt’s hair.
“Kurt, c’mon, talk to me? Please?” Blaine watched as Kurt’s shoulders rose and fell briefly before his head shot up, his hands flying forward as he pinned Blaine to the bed.
“Kurt, no,” Blaine protested, turning his face away and grasping Kurt’s face with his hands. Kurt struggled, trying to sit up, and Blaine rolled them, pinning Kurt in place with the weight of his body and his hands on Kurt’s forearms. Kurt rolled his head to the side, refusing to meet Blaine’s eyes. Blaine lifted Kurt’s arms over his head, holding both of his wrists in one of his hands and grasping Kurt’s jaw with the other.
“Talk to me,” he pleaded, his hand moving to cup the side of Kurt’s face, the thumb� brushing gently over his cheek. “Tell me what’s wrong so we can fix it.” Kurt’s eyes filled with tears, and he blinked to clear his vision, warm wetness spilling down his cheeks in thin rivulets. Blaine leaned down, kissing each one, and Kurt began to cry harder, his shoulders shaking as he sobbed.
Blaine released his hold on Kurt’s wrists, dropping down to wrap his arms around Kurt’s head and pull him close. Kurt threw his arms around Blaine, his hands wrapping almost too-tightly around him and forcing the air out of his lungs. They stayed that way for a few minutes, Kurt’s arms still wrapped tightly around his boyfriend and Blaine’s fingers running gently through Kurt’s hair as he murmured soothingly in his ear. As Kurt quieted, Blaine tried to prop himself up, only to be stopped by Kurt’s arms tightening even further around him. Blaine chuckled softly, tugging gently on his hair. “I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered. “I just want to look at you.” He laughed again. “And you’re cutting off oxygen to the rest of my body...”
He felt Kurt shudder beneath him, arms falling to his sides, and Blaine rose up on one arm, the hand of the other resting lightly on Kurt’s face to brush away the remnants of Kurt’s tears. The two were quiet for a moment, the silence only broken by the boys’ quiet breathing.
“So...” Blaine said, voice soft. “Let’s talk about what’s been eating you all week.” Kurt’s eyes widened, and Blaine rested his thumb over Kurt’s lips, preventing him from speaking. “I’m going to ask you questions, and I want you to answer with ‘yes’ or ‘no.’” Kurt bit his lip. “Okay?” Blaine asked, removing his thumb. Kurt nodded.
Blaine took a deep breath. “It’s something about our relationship.” Kurt nodded.
“Have I been too forward?” Kurt shook his head.
“Do you feel like I’ve been ignoring you? We’ve both been busy lately...” Blaine trailed off as Kurt shook his head again.
“Are you...” Blaine paused as he searched for words. “Are you okay with where we are...sexually?” He felt his cheeks heat as he whispered the last word, and Kurt froze beneath him. Bingo, Blaine thought. “Do you...do you want more, Kurt? I don’t want to go farther if you’re not ready...”
Kurt’s eyes filled with tears again, and Blaine felt his heart break as he watched Kurt’s face crumple. “I’m sorry,” Kurt whimpered. “I’m sorry, please, please don’t leave me--”
“Kurt, why do you keep saying that? What could possibly make you think I want to leave you?”�
Kurt took a shuddery breath, blinking rapidly as tears continued to fall down his face. “Last weekend, I overheard you talking with Puck at the party...”
Blaine’s eyes widened. “Kurt...”
“Blaine, do you really want us to go back to being just friends?”
Comments
can't wait for the rest
I love this on so many levels I'm going to have to use bullet points. 1. Your writing is so good. It's simply and not too flowery, but it doesn't need to be. It simply elevates your narrative, which is exactly what good writing is supposed to do. 2. I, like so many others, read and enjoy countless stories (okfinesmut) of Kurt embracing his sexuality with confidence. While I will never stop reading those, I think this might be the most accurate portrayal of Kurt about his sexuality that I've ever seen in a fanfic. He's not a complete prude but is scared to go further, which, contrary to popular belief, is OK. 3. I love how Blaine admits that he wants more because it shows how in-tune with himself he is. However, the way you made Puck really work to draw that information out of him shows how little that thought truly preoccupies his mind. Blaine just loves Kurt, and if he wants 'more,' it's because he wants more with Kurt, not just any random boy.