Ethan held the door open for Kurt as they walked into Breadstix, earning a small blush from Kurt. Both boys were yet to say anything since they’d left Dalton; it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, just a strange one. When they were together, they usually had so much to discuss, whether it was the Warblers or fashion, but Kurt couldn’t take his mind off of Blaine. What had he wanted to say? He had looked so nervous; Kurt could have sworn he was sweating in unease. And Blaine Anderson just didn’t do that.

The waitress led them over to a small booth in the corner, a couple of metres away from the rest of the tables. Kurt suspected Ethan had chosen this table purposefully, but didn’t say anything about it. He was too nervous to say anything really; apart from Blaine, he hadn’t been on a date with anyone before. Ethan seemed so… relaxed. If he was as nervous as Kurt, he certainly wasn’t showing it.

Ethan smiled comfortingly at Kurt before pulling his chair out and taking a seat. Kurt blinked momentarily before sitting opposite him. Just because Blaine pulled my chair out for me, doesn’t mean everyone has to. He immediately started berating himself. Stop comparing him to Blaine! And stop thinking about Blaine! He noticed Ethan looking slightly concerned and shot him a dazzling smile. Ethan shot back in his seat in surprise and Kurt toned it down, wincing at his mistake. No need to freak him out, Kurt.

Ethan leant towards Kurt, taking his hands in his own.

“I’m glad we finally did this, Kurt. I thought this would never happen.”

Kurt’s brow furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Ethan shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Well… It’s just… Ever since you got here, you’ve been distant and sad and… I’m glad you finally got out of your funk.”

Kurt scowled. “I didn’t realise I was in a funk.”

Ethan winced at his mistake. “I didn’t mean it like that I just… You’re fine when you’re with me, alone, but when we’re with the other Warblers, Wes, David, Blaine… You seem sad. Wistful, almost, if that makes sense. Let’s just… Change the subject, eh?”

Kurt nodded, and the other boy launched into a conversation about the newest Vogue. Kurt agreed in all the right places and laughed at Ethan’s jokes, but he couldn’t stop thinking about what he said. Did he really seem wistful when he was around Blaine? Sure, his feelings for the boy were… complicated, but did he regret what happened? Sure, everyday. And if he had the choice would he be with Blaine?

It doesn’t matter. Blaine wasn’t an option.

The date with Ethan went surprisingly well. He was polite, witty, charming; everything Kurt could want. Ethan placed a few notes on the table before reaching for Kurt’s hand, squeezing it gently in his own. Kurt let himself be led out of the door and towards Ethan’s car, opening his own door and sitting inside. Ethan pulled away from the restaurant and they headed back to Dalton, both grinning widely.

They soon got back to Dalton, and both sat waiting in a comfortable silence for a few moments. Kurt looked over to Ethan, smiling slightly.

“Thank you for tonight, I had a great time. Really.”

Ethan grinned, leaning forward slightly. Kurt met him and their lips touched softly. It was nice. Kurt relaxed, enjoying the soft contact. He felt Ethan push his tongue into his mouth and tried to ignore the foreign feeling. He pushed away the thought of Karofsky’s lips on his own. He wasn’t going to ruin tonight too.

Kurt pulled away as soon as he could and smiled. Ethan grinned at him.

“So what does this make us?”

Kurt was startled by the question. He honestly didn’t know.

“Um… Boyfriends?” He immediately mentally slapped himself. He wasn’t ready for a boyfriend!

Ethan chuckled. “Boyfriends it is.”

Kurt had to get out of there. Thanking the boy again, he got out the car and headed back to his dorm, berating himself as a complete and utter idiot. He didn’t even want to think about the fact that he’d have to now go and face Blaine.

He finally reached his dorm room, ready to collapse onto his bed in exhaustion. He half hoped Blaine had gone home for the weekend, but he knew that wasn’t the case when he heard soft guitar playing.

I want you to know, that I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both
An older version of me
Is he perverted like me
Would he go down on you in a theatre
Does he speak eloquently
And would he have your baby
I'm sure he'd make a really excellent father

'cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak his name
Does he know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, till you died
But you're still alive

Kurt stopped dead. He was singing about him; about how he broke his heart. What? Since when did Kurt break Blaine’s heart?

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

You seem very well, things look peaceful
I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me when you fuck him?

'cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak his name
Does he know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, til you died
But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

Kurt felt anger bubbling inside him. What on earth was going on?

'cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me
And I'm not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it

Well, I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

Kurt swallowed his anger and headed in the opposite direction. He didn’t want Blaine to know that he’d heard.

*********

A week passed, and Kurt had barely seen Ethan. Heck, he’d barely seen the inside of his room, choosing to spend the majority of his time in the library working. Dalton’s workload was about 10 times as difficult as it was at McKinley, not to mention the fact that he was at least 4 chapters behind in each of his subjects.

To put it lightly, Kurt was up to his eyeballs in work.

Not to mention the fact that he hadn’t slept more than 4 hours a night in a long time. It felt like every single time he closed his eyes, Karofsky was there, placing his meaty hands on the sides of his face and pulling him towards terror. He would wake up at around 4am in a cold sweat, before grabbing his books and working some more. It was impossible to go back to sleep after having a nightmare.

Blaine was starting to worry about Kurt. He’d occasionally hear whimpers from the opposite side of the room during the night, but he ignored them. Kurt didn’t need him; he had Ethan now. He also pretended not to notice when a light flickered on at around 4am each night and the scratching of a pencil woke him up. It wasn’t his place to interfere with Kurt’s life.

Blaine also noticed how the workload affected Kurt’s appearance. His face was pale and gaunt, with huge purple bags under his eyes that no amount of concealer could cover up. He also barely ate. Blaine had been watching him in the cafeteria as he pushed his food around his plate, anger bubbling inside him when he saw that Ethan said nothing. He’d been practically living off coffee; empty cups were piling up on Kurt’s dressing table (another thing that was off about Kurt; his room was normally spotless). He almost wanted to say something to Ethan about it all, shake some sense into the boy, but something had been off about him too. Ever since Kurt had arrived, he’d been smug and spiteful. They hadn’t been the best of friends before the countertenor’s arrival, but he didn’t feel like he’d ever done anything to spite Ethan.

Blaine arrived back to his dorm quite late that Friday evening after having a COD marathon with Wes and David in their room. He glanced at his watch, wincing when he saw that it was nearly midnight. He opened the door silently in an attempt not to wake Kurt, but was shocked when he saw that the light was still on. He swung the door open and his eyes found Kurt.

He was asleep at his desk, his face pressed against a textbook and a long line of pen down his cheek.

Blaine’s heart nearly broke at the sight. Kurt was so obviously exhausted, his face practically ghostly. Walking towards Kurt, he nudged him slightly to wake up, with no response. Kurt had always been a heavy sleeper.

Scooping Kurt up in his arms, he carried him towards the bed, placing him down gently. Kurt looked so peaceful when he slept, despite the bags under his eyes. Blaine pushed the hair back off his face, smiling. Kurt stirred underneath his hand and Blaine pulled it back in shock. Kurt’s eyes fluttered open and he smiled softly.

“Hey.”

“Go back to sleep, Kurt.” Blaine said with a smile. “It’s late. The work can wait.”

Something clicked in Kurt and he sat up quickly, eyes wide.

“My work! I fell asleep, how could I be so stupid?! I still have Math, and 5 chapters of Romeo and Juliet to read and a Psych essay that’ll take me at least an hour and…”

“KURT!” Blaine interrupted him. Kurt shot back in surprise. He’d never heard Blaine raise his voice before. “You need to sleep. I know you’ve only been sleeping 3 hours a night. And that you haven’t been eating. You can do it tomorrow morning, and Ethan can help you with your Math, he’s like the top of the class. Sleep. Please.”

He tucked Kurt’s bangs behind his ear and left Kurt on his bed, climbing into his own and falling asleep almost instantly.

********

The light came on at 3:28am and the scratching of a pencil began. Blaine rolled over in his bed, trying to keep his tears at bay as his heart broke for Kurt.

*******

Blaine walked into his dorm room a week later to find Kurt smearing the largest glop of concealer onto his face that he’d ever seen. Nothing had changed in the past week; Kurt was still up to all hours working and eating as little as he could get away with.

“What are you doing?”

Kurt spun round in shock. To be honest, Blaine was shocked to hear the sound of his own voice. Kurt regained his posture and turned back round, continuing to smear it onto his face.

“Finn has taught my Dad how to use Skype, so he’s calling later. He… He’d want to see me looking my best.”

“So you recognize the fact that you’re breaking yourself?”

Kurt glared at Blaine. “I’m not breaking myself Blaine, I’m purely trying to keep up with the insane workload at this school. Not all of us can have a GPA of 4.0!”

Blaine sat in silence on his bed, choosing to ignore the other boy’s comment. He’d already said that it wasn’t his place. He chose instead to stare at the collage of pictures on his wall that he’d been building up since he started at Dalton. More precisely, he was staring at the picture of himself and Kurt in the bottom left corner, arms wrapped around each other, grins plastered across their faces. Kurt didn’t know about the picture, and Blaine had no desire for him to find out. It was a reminder of a happier time for them both that Blaine treasured. They’d both been so… happy.

Kurt eventually turned round to look at Blaine, clearing his throat. “My Dad will be calling soon. You better go, unless you want to be killed via Skype.”

Blaine’s brow furrowed in frustration but stood up anyway, leaving the room. Why would Kurt’s dad want to kill him? It’s not like he did anything to the countertenor.

Back in the dorm, Kurt’s computer began to ring. He checked his reflection before answering the call. His dad’s smiling face appeared on his screen.

“Kurt!”

It was so great to see his face, even if it was by computer screen. “Dad. I’ve missed you so much.”

“Miss you too bud. How’s the posh school?”

“It’s… Tough. The work load is about 10 times as hard as McKinley’s but I’m hanging in there.”

Burt smiled, pride evident in his eyes. His son was bright, he’d always known that, but a student at a posh private school? He’d never have guessed it in a million years.

“I’m so proud of you, kiddo. Although we miss you like crazy. Carole keeps setting the table for four!”

Tears welled up in Kurt’s eyes. Carole and Finn had literally become a part of his family recently; he almost missed them as much as he missed his Dad.

“How are the New Directions?”

“Great! Finn had them all round yesterday for pizza; they all asked about you. Mercedes said you had to come back soon or “she’d come down and kick some skinny white ass”. She asked me to relay it word for word.”

Kurt snorted, ignoring the want in his chest. He missed the New Directions like they were his second family. Heck, they were his second family!

“I’ll come back down as soon as the work slows up a bit. I really do miss you. You better be eating healthily!”

“Of course I am, kid. But it’s not your job to take care of me; that’s my job.”

“Dad, you’re sick. You haven’t had any chest pains at all, have you?”

Burt squirmed. “Of course not.”

Kurt felt his heart stop. “You have! Don’t lie to me!”

Burt looked exceedingly guilty. “Only a bit of heartburn kid, don’t worry about it! I rang the doctor and he said it was fine, calm down. You worry too much.”

Kurt sniffed, trying to hold back a sob. He knew it was coming.

“I better go Dad. I-I have an essay to do.”

Burt nodded understandingly. “Alright, kiddo. Ring me at some point this week, ok?”

Kurt nodded, before signing off Skype. Pulling his legs up to his chest, he began to sob. Life was so unfair.

By the time Blaine came back, Kurt had climbed under the covers and fallen asleep. Ignoring the tear tracks down the countertenor’s face, he climbed into his own bed and fell asleep, paying no attention to the knot of guilt in his stomach.