I guess I'd like to be alone

with nothing broken, nothing thrown

Just don't ask me how I am,

Just don't ask me how I am.

--------

Kurt felt empty, like a shell of his former self. Would his 17-year-old self let his boyfriend beat him and do nothing in return? Would his 17-year-old self sit, frozen with fear, whilst the man he supposedly loved walked all over him?

Not in a million years.

But Kurt wasn't his young, happy self anymore. Within a week of returning back to his 'home', he and Josh had argued over many minute things; Josh's disregard for Kurt's feelings, the fact that Josh disliked having to sleep in his guest room, even Kurt's playbills that he desired to have on the walls. Even though each argument had a different reason, they all ended in the same way.

Josh throwing a fist in Kurt's direction, and Kurt having to buy even more cover-up for the bruises adorning his face and arms.

On the plus side, he'd been having lots of flashbacks, mainly of he and Blaine in their home, just generally enjoying each other's company. Despite seeing how happy his past self was, it made him even more confused. If he and Blaine were so happy together, why did they break up? Heck, they were even discussing marriage in the last flashback! What went so wrong?

By the following Monday, Kurt was grateful of the fact that he had to return to work that day. His Dad had informed him that he had just been scouted by a design company, who were now producing his first line. This made Kurt the happiest he'd been in a long time; even if things weren't exactly unicorns and rainbows in his personal life, he found comfort in the fact that his career was taking off. Kurt was avidly avoiding Josh that morning; he was too nervous about work to even put up with Josh's bullshit. What if the designers didn't like the stuff he came up with? He couldn't, for the life of him, remember what his current designs were like. He could also only remember up to his 2nd year at Parsons; not really enough experience for a working fashion designer.

Picking up his messenger bag with shaky hands, he surveyed the apartment, checking everything was neat. Feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket, he pulled it out and smiled when he saw whom it was from.

Good luck on your first day back. They'll love you; don't worry your pretty little head about it. Call me if you need me. –B xxx

Why did it feel like Blaine still loved him? He clearly didn't, otherwise they wouldn't have broken up. God, everything was so confusing.

Kurt pulled up at work soon after, heart beating fast in his chest. He knew that there were quite a lot of people worked for him and cared about him, although he'd have no idea who they were. This was going to be super awkward. Taking a deep breath, he stepped out of the car and headed into the studio, hoping to God that everything would be ok.

As soon as he got into the studio, he saw that this was going to be a problem. Everyone spun round to stare at him, an awkward silence setting over the room. There were at least 20 pairs of eyes on him, and it made Kurt rather uncomfortable. He coughed, and this seemed to kick them all into action. Every single person ran towards him, thrusting various fabrics and designs in his face.

"KURT! How are you feeling? What happened?"

"Mr Hummel, on this design, were you going for more of a silky finish?"

"Sir, do you like this fabric for the skirt on Design 6?"

"Kurt, what the hell happened? You fell down the stairs? HOW?"

Kurt's breathing began to shallow slightly, and he felt the voices muffling and becoming distant. Shit, not enough panic attack! Everyone's faces began to pale, and they all stepped back cautiously. Kurt fell to the floor, gasping for air. He thrust his phone in the direction of a small, brunette girl who reminded him of Rachel.

"Call… Blaine… Please. Please."

The girl nodded, alarm clear on her face. She began to talk rapidly into the phone, before passing it to another blonde girl, who checked a few things with Blaine before kneeling down in front of Kurt.

"Kurt, my name's Becky. I-I'm one of your best friends at work." Kurt met her eyes, and could see tears welling up in them. Come to think of it, he recalled a text from Becky earlier in the week asking how he was and saying how much she missed him. "Blaine's on his way, ok? He's coming to pick you up. Ju-just come with me into your office."

She shot a glare at the rest of the workers, who shuffled guiltily back to their workstations. Pulling Kurt to his feet, she led him gently into his office, settling him down in the chair. Grabbing a Starbucks cup off the side, she passed it to him, taking his hands.

"How are you feeling, sweetie?"

He felt himself calm down slightly. Even though he couldn't remember who the girl was, she had a calming effect on him. Maybe he subconsciously remembered that he trusted her.

"I've felt better."

Her features softened, and she pulled Kurt into a hug. He inhaled her perfume, recognizing the flowery smell. Suddenly, it hit him.

"Becky! I remember you! How could I forget you?"

A smile broke out on Becky's face, although she looked slightly confused.

"How?"

Kurt shrugged. "The doctor said anything could trigger my memory. It must have been your perfume."

Becky laughed and began to converse deeply with Kurt, filling him in on all the office gossip. Soon, their conversation was interrupted as they heard a knock on the door, and a concerned Blaine stuck his head round it.

"Kurt, are you ok? What happened?"

Becky answered smoothly. "He had a panic attack."

Blaine's eyebrows furrowed, and he ran towards Kurt, pulling him into a hug.

"What do you want to do?"

Becky answered for him once more. "Sweetie, go home and get some rest. We can hold up the fort for another day. And I'll give them a talking to, make sure they don't bombard you again tomorrow." Kurt shot her a grateful glance, and stood up shakily, grabbing his bag and heading out the door with Blaine.

The car ride passed in a comfortable silence, Blaine not wanting to upset Kurt more. He really was concerned about the countertenor. Once they got back to the apartment, Blaine led Kurt straight into the bedroom (get those undapper thoughts out of your head right now, Anderson) and helped him lie down, getting him comfortable.

"Can I do anything for you Kurt?" Kurt could see the worry evident in Blaine's eyes, and it killed him. He didn't like Blaine having to worry about him all the time.

"Sing to me?"

Blaine chuckled, sitting down on the bed next to Kurt.

"What do you want me to sing?"

Kurt pondered the question, before deciding on his answer. "Something Disney."

Blaine laughed, trying to come up with a Disney song that was perfect for the situation.

When you wish upon a star

Makes no difference who you are

Anything your heart desires

Will come to you

If your heart is in your dream

No request is too extreme

When you wish upon a star

As dreamers do

Kurt sighed happily. Blaine's voice always made him feel so content, so at home, so peaceful.

Fate is kind

She brings to those who love

The sweet fulfillment of

Their secret longing

Like a bolt out of the blue

Fate steps in and sees you through

When you wish upon a star

Your dreams come true

Blaine held the last note, not losing eye contact with Kurt. The countertenor's eyes were swimming with tears at Blaine's beautiful voice. Once he finished singing, the room filled with a comfortable silence, only punctuated with the boys' breathing. They never broke their eye contact.

Blaine leant towards Kurt, his eyes taking in every single detail of Kurt's face. Kurt moved towards the curly haired boy, meeting him in the middle. They were both inches away from each other.

Blaine closed the gap, pressing his lips delicately to Kurt's.

Before Kurt could even register what was happening, Blaine jumped back, touching his lips in shock.

"I'm so sorry Kurt! You have a boyfriend, and it doesn't matter how I feel. I'm so so sorry, I should go. I'll just… Bye."

And with that, Blaine ran out of the room, slamming the door to Kurt's apartment behind him. Kurt flopped back onto the pillows with a sigh.

Why was everything in his life so frigging complicated?

---------

The week passed relatively uneventfully since Blaine had kissed Kurt. Work had been pretty easy; everyone loved his designs, and Kurt found himself fitting in well. It was exactly how he'd imagined his career would go, and he loved it.

Despite his happiness at work, he'd barely spoken to Blaine all week. He'd had a few comforting texts along the lines of 'Call me if you need me' but nothing more; he obviously felt awkward about the kiss. Kurt had felt fireworks when their lips had met. Maybe Blaine hadn't felt the same way.

He couldn't dwell too much on what happened, because his family were visiting that weekend for Eliza's birthday. Sadly, Kurt still hadn't had any flashbacks about his sister, and it was killing him. He felt incredibly guilty, and tried with all his might to remember something, anything about the little girl.

A knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts, and he wrenched himself off the sofa, limping towards the door. Pulling it open, his eyes met with Blaine's. Blaine quickly averted his gaze, choosing to stare at his feet instead.

"Am I early?"

Kurt coughed awkwardly. "Um… Yeah. But come in anyway."

Just as he was leading Blaine into the living room, Josh came in from the kitchen. Seeing Blaine in his sitting room, his eyes narrowed into slits. Many of their arguments were about Kurt and Blaine's 'friendship'. Striding over to Kurt, he pulled him into a kiss, misconstruing his moans of protest for moans of pleasure. When Kurt finally managed to escape, his eyes found Blaine, who looked positively crushed.

Kurt tried to apologize, but was interrupted as the doorbell rang once more. Sighing, he turned to answer it. Before he could even greet his father and stepmother, a small child flung herself at Kurt's legs, grabbing on as tight as she could.

"KURT! I missed you! Daddy said you're hurt! It made me sad. Are you poorly? Do you want my teddy? It always makes me feel better!"

Kurt looked down at the small girl. She had long brown hair almost down to her waist, and she was wearing a flowery dress, which Kurt expected he had picked out as it was quite fashionable (he didn't suspect for a minute that Burt or Carole would choose it). She was clutching a teddy bear, which she was now thrusting up in Kurt's direction. Frankly, she was gorgeous. Her skin was as pale as Kurt's, and she had warm brown eyes, which she had obviously inherited from Carole. Her nose was similar to Finn's, yet she had Burt's mouth. It was like she had inherited something from the entire family. Kurt felt a burst of warmth towards the small girl, similarly to how he had felt towards Becky; as if his subconscious knew that he loved her.

He bent down and scooped her into a hug, burying his head into her hair. Once again, it hit him. He looked up at Burt with a flash of recognition in his eyes, and Burt instantly relaxed, mouthing 'He remembers' to Carole.

After pulling Kurt in a bone-crushing hug, Carole ran across the room and pulled Blaine into a similar hug. She turned to Josh and smiled slightly, only increasing the awkward tension in the room. Burt shook hands with both Blaine and Josh, and everyone stood in an uncomfortable silence, only broken when Eliza spotted the present on the side.

"Kurt! Is that my birthday present? Can I open it now?"

Kurt laughed, pulling Eliza into a hug. "Just wait until Finn and Rachel get here sweetie."

Eliza ran towards Blaine hugging him just as tightly.

"Blaine! I missed you soooo much! Are you and Kurt in love again?"

Blaine coloured, unsure of how to answer her question. Luckily, the doorbell rang and saved him, and Finn and a heavily pregnant Rachel entered carrying a couple of presents wrapped in pink paper. Eliza squealed and ran for the couple, wrapping her stubby arms around their legs. She turned to her Mom with her puppy eyes wide.

"Can I open my presents now Mommy? Pwease?"

Carole rolled her eyes and laughed as Eliza dragged Finn, Kurt and Blaine (which was impressive considering her size) into the living room, and they began to unwrap various presents. Eliza was exceedingly pleased with them all; especially the clothes Kurt had bought her. Kurt suspected she didn't really like her Mom's style. A girl after my own heart, he thought to himself.

Soon enough, it was time for the meal that Kurt had prepared. The conversation flowed at the table, although Josh was ignored for most of the time. Kurt noticed that most of his family really disliked him, and he wondered if Josh had done something to piss them off or was just his normal self. Once they had finished the gorgeous food, Kurt stood up to collect the dishes and was shocked to find that Josh had beaten him to it.

"Don't worry baby," he cooed. "I've got it."

He placed a chaste kiss on Kurt's lips, and everyone diverted their eyes. Watching Kurt and Josh together made them feel slightly sick. Josh looked over at Blaine, a slightly malicious look in his eyes.

"Blaine? Fancy helping me?"

Blaine shifted awkwardly, not wanting to be impolite but really not wanting to spend time with Josh.

"Ok… Sure."

Blaine picked up the remaining plates on the table, meeting Kurt's eyes for the first time that evening. Kurt looked slightly concerned, and he had a right to be. Josh was practically a psychopath. Blaine followed Josh out of the room into the kitchen, slightly concerned for his own safety.

He placed the plates in the dishwasher, and turned to see Josh glaring at him. Blaine rolled his eyes and placed his hands on his hips. He knew he'd have to face Josh at some point.

"We all knew this was going to happen at some point, Josh. So just get it over with. Say what you have to say."

"Stay away from Kurt."

Well, Blaine hadn't expected that. Because that's not what every jealous boyfriend says to the threat.

"I'm not going to stay away from Kurt. He's my best friend, and I can't imagine my life without him. So I'm sorry Josh, but I can't do that." Blaine kept his eye contact with Josh the entire time, even though he felt like crawling into a hole. Josh's glare was practically boring into his soul.

"You hear me, Anderson. If you don't stay away from Kurt, I'll make you pay."

Josh clenched his fist, waving it in Blaine's face, inches away from his nose. Blaine flinched, backing away from Josh. Josh laughed manically, before heading back into the dining room, leaving Blaine quaking in his boots.

This wasn't good.