Well fuck me gently. A few things, one I can’t believe I said it so smoothly without my voice cracking, or the insufferable stutter I seem to of acquired coming out. Two, I can’t even begin to believe I said it at all, I mean honestly? I went from stuttering idiot to that? How in the fuck? Three, why hasn’t he said anything yet? Oh dear god, if you even exist help me now. I heard him breathing steadily, but heard no signs of him speaking anytime soon. “Kurt?” I managed to whisper. No response. I stood up and walked slowly towards his bed, I looked down at him. Fast asleep, he hadn’t even heard me. I knelt down beside his bed, looking at his still sleeping form, I was tempted to reach out and wake him, but that could end horribly. Instead, I just spoke. All the things I was to afraid to say came out.

“Kurt, I know you might not be able to hear me right now. But you need to know that I am so in love with you. I know I shouldn’t be, you’re going through so much, and you don’t need a boyfriend right now. All you need is a friend, a mentor. I’m honestly being ridiculous in thinking that telling you all of this while you’re asleep is going to help me be around you. I know it isn’t, but I just… I can’t keep it from you anymore. You’re my best friend Kurt, and I love you.” He didn’t stir, he didn’t move. No reaction, at all. Honestly, I felt worse than I did before. Why on earth did I think this would help? Now I have to be around him, all the time. And just know. That he didn’t hear a word of what I just said.

Best idea you’ve ever had Anderson, confess everything while he’s fucking asleep and cant hear a damn word you say. Brilliant, legitimately brilliant. Now what are you going to do? Just pretend you aren’t in love with him, because that works so well for you Blaine, so freaking well. You tried that once, and it led to you this. “I am such an idiot” I put my face in my hands and let the tears fall freely, who did I really have to impress anymore? Kurt will never know how much I care about him, what’s the point?

If Kurt had moved at all, I wasn’t aware. The tears were falling heavily now, the sobs quiet but racking my body still. Have you ever felt so strongly about someone, that it hurts sometimes to think about them? It’s not a bad pain either, it’s more of an ache in you’re chest to know they aren’t yours. I’ve come accustom to that ache, but I honestly feel that no one should have to be accustom to it, or to any ache. I would say that honesty is always the best way to go about it, but look where honesty got me? Nowhere.

”Blaine…” I looked up at the sound of my name, oh fucking hell. I woke him up with my damn tears. He looked concerned, I just stood up and looked anywhere but him. “I’m sorry I woke you up Kurt, I-I- just, uh… go back to sleep.” I started backing away slowly and tuned away from his bed. I tried to wipe the tears off on the back of my hand, but really what was the point? They weren’t going to stop any time soon, might as well let them fall.

”Blaine, stop. Come back over here please?” I stopped, but I didn’t move to turn around. “Alright then, I’ll come to you.” I heard Kurt get up from the bed and pad over to me; I felt his arm on my shoulder. But still made no attempt to move. “Blaine, what’s wrong? Please, you’re my best friend. I’ve told you everything, why can’t you do the same for me? It’s clearly something important, all I want to do is help.” “Well you can’t help Kurt, you just… I just need you to leave me alone.” I sniffed and choked back a soft sob. “You and I both know you don’t mean a word of that, now sit down, and you and I are going to talk through whatever this is.”

I moved and sat down on my bed, still refusing to look Kurt in the eye, or look at him at all for that matter. I’ve humiliated myself enough for one night thank you very much. I felt his hands on my knees; I’m assuming he was knelt in front of me. “Kurt, we have nothing to talk about. At least nothing important.” “If it’s making you cry, it’s clearly important to you, which in turn makes it important to me, I’m supposed to be your best friend Blaine. Just let me in.” I hesitated for a moment before managing to croak out “I… I can’t Kurt, I can’t risk losing you.” “You could never lose me.” I looked up at him and met his soft blue eyes, pleading for me to tell him everything, I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

”I’m… I’m… in love with you.” I managed to whisper the last part, and put my face back in my hands. Letting the sobs out louder and stronger than ever. I felt his hands leave their place on my knees. I knew it was coming, the sad drawn out let down. The heartbreak only seconds away now, I felt him let out a shaky breath. “Blaine I-“ “Don’t say it Kurt, I already know you don’t feel the same way, but I’m not sure if I could handle to hear it out loud. And I know I’ve ruined our friendship, and you’ll probably want to switch dorms so it isn’t awkward. I completely under-understand.”

I felt a warm hand on my cheek, brushing away the fallen tears. I looked up to meet his eyes once more, he didn’t look remorseful, and he looked happy? The smile playing on his lips was infectious, or at least it would have been if I weren’t feeling so horrid. “You spoke for me Blaine, but not the right words. You’ve actually kind of got this backwards. If you were in a situation, where your very handsome and incredibly sweet best friend told you they were in love with you. How would you feel? I’m sure it couldn’t possibly compare to how I’m feeling right now Blaine. I realize we haven’t known each other all that long, but I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I might not know what love feels like, but if I had to take a guess I’d say it was this.” He leaned forwards; I couldn’t really process any of what he’d just said.

His breath ghosted over my lips, “Stop me if you don’t want this Blaine. I know how it feels to have a kiss stolen, I’m not about to do it to you.” I let go of all the doubts in my mind and closed the gap between us. Some people describe their first kiss, of being incredibly awkward and yet thrilling at the same time, but there was nothing awkward about kissing Kurt. I felt like I should’ve been doing it all along, the fluttering in my stomach had no intentions of stopping, but as long as I got to continue kissing Kurt. I could care less.

I pulled away breathless and embarrassed, he looked absolutely stunning. His cheeks were flushed and his chest was heaving, all I could think was that kissing me did that. Me, Blaine Anderson, Sir Dapper Pants among the Warblers. All of the things I’d been thinking of for the past few weeks seemed so insignificant, I just kissed the man of my dreams. Literally, I’d been dreaming about my first kiss with Kurt for weeks. Hell, before I even knew about the Karofsky mishap, I’d been dreaming about what it would be like to kiss his lips. Let me tell you, nothing compares to the real thing.

He looked deep into my eyes, and I let go of everything. Let the want take over, I pulled him onto the bed beside me and kissed him with as much passion as I could muster. Well, it was what I hoped was passion… I wasn’t exactly a kissing expert. He seemed to be enjoying himself though, that’s always a good sign. The kiss lasted seemingly forever, until… a small moan escaped my lips and I pulled back completely embarrassed. One look at Kurt was all it took to tell he didn’t mind.

His pupils were blown with lust and his lips were bruised from the kissing, he grabbed the front of my shirt and our mouths collided again. But this time, I felt Kurt’s tongue swipe across my bottom lip. I opened my mouth only slightly, his tongue licked its way through my lips and I parted them further. Our tongues danced together until it became too much and I pulled away. I smiled shyly at him before ducking my head down, he lifted it with his fingers and looked me into the eye. “I’d love to.” Confused I asked, “Love to what?” he smiled and said, “Be your boyfriend Blaine, I’d love nothing more. Well, I love you more, but I don’t think that counts.” He winked at me and I pulled him into a hug. “Will you stay with me?” I whispered into his shoulder. “Always.”