Blue eyes.

    It was always those damn blue eyes.  Kurt could feel his heart rate quicken and his breath catch every single time the man with the blue eyes came through for his daily subway ticket.  He had the most brilliant smile and if the man had said two words to him he wouldn’t have been able to reply coherently. 

    It was the only bright spot in his ordinarily dreary life.  He’d come to New York with big Broadway hopes and dreams when he was just shy of nineteen.  That was nearly six years ago and the bright shiny lights of the stage had seemed to become dimmer and dimmer with each passing day.  He was nowhere where he had wanted to be at this point in his life. 

    Kurt had a small low-end apartment with very poor upkeep handled by a landlord who hit on him every chance he got.  The man was sweet, if Kurt was being honest, he had allowed Kurt a place to stay when every other place in the city had refused (thanks to having no credit to his name) and he also knew the man was lonely and meant nothing by the shameless and very unsubtle flirting “techniques” he would ply on Kurt every time they interacted.  Kurt also had a pet cat named Liza, who almost enabled him to forget that he had no current love life; in fact he’d never had one to begin with.

    His years in high school had been a time full of confusion, fear, and bullying.  He’d tried to be brave enough, to fight back against those who tried to intimidate him but he when he once tried to stand up to the main football player giving him hell, the reaction he got due to his resistance was not the one he’d expected.  He had not in anyway expected to be kissed, to have his first kiss stolen by the one person he had been absolutely terrified of.  Afterward, he found himself pulling back into himself.  The guy who’d kissed him, Karofsky, had threatened his life and Kurt had felt he had no one to turn to for help. 

    Kurt had started eating less, withdrawing even further into himself, he’d stopped being social with his friends, and his fashion choices for school had started to suffer horribly.  Everyone knew something was wrong but only tried to say something when it became too much to ignore; Kurt had just blown them off.  His father had even tried to corner him while trying in vain to get him to help with dinner.  Kurt had felt trapped and got angry and had lashed out.  His heart had hammered tightly against his chest as he rushed from the kitchen and up to his room where he had locked his door, and his father had given up and decidedly left him alone. 

    He ended up fainting in Glee a week later.  Kurt could honestly say he was unable to remember anything that happened that day.  He’d been in a haze for most of the day and had found himself in Glee club rehearsing for sectionals, on autopilot, when the next thing he knew he was falling to the ground and he heard the raised voices of his friends as they quickly rushed to his side along side Mr. Schue’s command for someone to call for help.  The next thing he knew he was waking up in a hospital bed, with an IV in his arm, and the fatigued figure of his father sitting at his bedside. 

    Everything had felt blurry and Kurt had wanted to cry but he had seemed to be unable to which made him want to cry even more.  His father gripped his hand and held it in his own as he explained to him that he (Kurt) was severely dehydrated, underweight, and on the verge of malnourishment.  The pained expression on his father’s face made him want to crawl inside himself and hide forever.  He’d done that to his father because he’d been trying so hard to hold onto some kind of control in his own messed up life that he’d given no thought to what it might end up doing to those he loved.  Kurt felt so lost and confused, but the squeeze from his father’s hand caught his attention and his father asked him to explain what was going on, reluctantly Kurt spoke quickly of what was going on at McKinley and of what Karofsky had threatened to do.  He hated feeling so powerless and scared that he had reached out his father.  All he had wanted in that moment was to be held by his father, his daddy, to feel safe.  Burt had reached forward and taken his weakened son into his arms and calmly tried to sooth him as the tears finally started to fall from Kurt’s sleep heavy eyes.

    Kurt had been taken out of McKinley the following week.  His father had lodged a complaint with the school along with the school board and he had fought for Karofsky to be disciplined fully. From that week onward, Kurt had been home schooled. 

    Kurt’s father had made sure to get him into counseling for his weight loss and eating as well as his health and his recovery was being monitored by both Burt and his new stepmother Carole.   The changes were for the best and Kurt ended up graduating half a year early, and before he could change his mind Kurt saved what he could and moved to New York City.  He’d thought about college but decided a year off before starting would do him good; it became a year that turned into nearly six. 

    In all that time Kurt went on audition after audition hoping for his big break but it never came.  He had tried meeting others socially but had seemingly failed at that as well.  Kurt had begun distancing himself from everything he loved again.  His father in Lima still called regularly to make sure he was taking care of himself and eating right, but nothing much outside of that.  Miss Rachel Berry herself was in New York City attending NYADA but Kurt rarely heard from her and had never once met up with her.  Kurt was alone in what was supposed to be the city of his dreams.  His one and only kiss had been from the one boy who had tormented him in public school, and he had no promising future romantic ties or professional opportunities in sight. 

    That’s why he loved his almost daily brief encounter with Mr. Blue Eyes himself.  The man had a kind smile, even though he was almost always on his cell whenever he got his subway ticket from the booth Kurt manned more often then not. 

    Kurt would find himself day dreaming of the life he and Mr. Blue Eyes would have together.  They’d get an upscale condo in the center of New York City, right near the “Great White Way” (Broadway), they’d go out for dinner and a show every weekend.  They’d constantly hold hands and kiss, Mr. Blue Eyes would constantly surprise him with flowers, and on Sunday mornings they’d stay in bed having amazing sex until they exhausted each other to the point of falling back asleep in each others’ arms.  Kurt would always blush at the thought of sex but the idea of it was something he had always longed for, but not just with anyone, with someone he loved with all of his heart and who loved him. 

    You matter Kurt.

    His father’s word’s had always stuck with him after that ill fated attempt at “the talk” between them years ago, but even then Kurt knew it would be a very long time before he would be doing anything with anyone.

    “Hey Kurt!  Here comes your man.” 

    He glared at the other woman, Crystal, who often shared the booth with him during her shifts, and he turned forward right as Mr. Blue Eyes walked up, right on cue, once again chatting away on his mobile phone.

    Kurt took his money and gave him his ticket and received a smile and a wink in return.  It was later in the day and there were a few people around and so Kurt just watched as he walked away towards his platform. 

    Get a grip on yourself. 

    “Finally propose yet?” Crystal asked teasingly. 

    Kurt just kept watching Mr. Blue Eyes resting his chin gently in his gloved hand.

    “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

    Crystal laughed gently shaking her head as she turned back towards her window, leaving Kurt to his thoughts.

    That’s when it happened, the moment that would set into motion the events that would change Kurt and his life forever. 

    Two hooded figures seemed to come out from nowhere.  Mr. Blue Eyes wasn’t even aware of their approaching presence and Kurt could see what was about to go down. 

    Quickly he leapt from his seat and began banging against the glass trying in vain to get Mr. Blue Eyes’ attention, but he remained aloof.  The two hooded figures used him being distracted to their advantage, there was a scuffle as Mr. Blue Eyes was knocked to the ground and he began to fight back with the two men.  Crystal was in shock at Kurt’s side as he rushed to the door leading out of the closed off room, he told Crystal to call 911 and without even thinking he rushed out heading towards the three men. 

    “Hey!  Hey!”  He yelled out without thinking. 

    This must have caught the two hooded men off guard because they roughly shoved Mr. Blue Eyes backwards as they ran from the scene.  Kurt barely caught the sight of Mr. Blue Eyes just as he went over the edge of the platform, landing right on top of the subway track.