The last few days leading up to Christmas had been normal, normal but relaxed and enjoyable and of course casual. Kurt and Blaine share down time together, meals and snacks and drinks, they watch movies and TV shows whilst sitting side by side, thighs brushing and the occasional tangle of fingers before one of them gets up to fetch pop corn or Jes jumps up in the middle of them.

They take walks in the park and the frost lined streets with take out hot-chocolates, they browse many a window display, occasionally nipping inside the odd store to make some small purchases.

Kurt is sometimes recognised when out in busy public areas on these jaunts, but nothing that cant be handled, sometimes a quick autograph or the odd picture sends humbled fans or interested shoppers off on their way. Blaine often takes a back step when this happens, glancing around curiously, he usually offers to take the picture or provides the pen for Kurt to use from his messenger bag that Kurt had bought for him.

Blaine often wonders how we would react to this, should his career in whatever the hell he wanted to achieve had taken off higher and further than it did. How would he like it, to be interrupted during sharing a sugar coated waffle in a small side bistro, or discussing the advantages of a double stitch in a narrow aisle, with his friend-personal assistant?

Blaine certainly did not expect the time when he was dragged into a group picture too and asked a boat full of entirely too much questions about his and Kurt's relationship. He also certainly didn't miss the way Kurt's face turned glacial and after one click and a flash, turned on his heel and pulled Blaine away from the small group and off towards the car. Thankfully Sam was with them that day and had valiantly doubled up as security, effectively paving an escape route for them.  

It's when they're walking back home one day with tired cold feet, hands occupied with boxes of leftovers from their lunch, a bag of cat-nip treats, and a new throw cover for the couch that Kurt already has three of but this season's version with an intricate silver swirling pattern was a just ‘must have', when Blaine thinks about Sam.

He misses him, honestly, the two had become fast friends and of course he was very handy to have around for all car-associated needs, but also he was just very grounded for Blaine to be around.

Sam is somebody Blaine imagines he could have became friends with back in school, they have the same boy-ish sense of humour and similar interests. Big hearts without a big enough outlet to hold them.

They've been texting occasionally since Sam left for the holidays, nothing has been mentioned about what's going on between Kurt and Blaine but Sam is not as quietly silly as he may portray himself, he's the silent but knowing type, he gets things.

Blaine will never admit this aloud but he's very aware of how Kurt's ears will perk and prickle whenever Sam and Blaine are talking, or the way Kurt's eyes glow darkly when he enters the living room on a late Friday or Saturday night to find them at the bar or playing poker at the kitchen island. Kurt is always invited to join, sometimes, most times he politely declines, but on the odd occasion he'll slot himself onto a spare stool, pour a drink and join in quietly. Blaine never misses the way Kurt's eyes dart to him when he laughs or smiles or makes a joke, there is always a look there, a look of hopeless wonder, and longing and almost a tinge of possible jealousy.

Blaine thinks about this and the fact that he literally wishes Sam would just pull up to the curb in the Lexus right this instant when he blurts out, “Hey didn't you say that you have another driver, your own personal car?”

It's not until Blaine feels like he could collapse thinking about the next few blocks they have to make in the sleet and frost-bitten pavements, that he realizes he's never met ‘the other one', they've only ever been driven by Sam.

Kurt seems a little taken back by the question at first, his eyes raise from the ground where he's been watching himself walk, he buries his chin into his wool checked scarf and stays quiet for a moment, his eyes never leaving the ground or their walk ahead,

“Yes, I did-do, but he's more of a temp these days, nice old guy, large family all over the place, will probably go off into early retirement soon,” Kurt speaks low and quick and steadily, like its well rehearsed. Blaine nods and Kurt turns his head slightly to watch him, eyes darting back and forth, clear and sparkling in the crisp bright cool air, the tips of his ears and nose and cheeks are blushed adorably with a flush of pink from both the cool bite of wind and what Blaine supposes to be maybe a little something else. He continues before Blaine has the chance to think of some way to reply.

“I think Sam is doing rather sufficiently dealing with us both don't you think?”

Blaine smirks when their eyes catch carefully and nods, “and you don't suppose that he minds sharing?”

Blaine's grin grows wider as he tries to hide it in the upturned collar of his pea coat, he nods in understanding and Kurt nods back silently with a look of smug satisfaction and that was that, another thing to add the list of ‘ask later'.          

Nothing had really been discussed of Christmas itself, and the obvious plans or such, apart from the multitude of cards propped up on every available surface of the condo and the complimentary care packages that Kurt receives from his sponsors and associates and the odd super fan that feels like he really needs a mug with his own face on it, that usually remain unopened, there is no flurry of bow-strung gifts waiting under the Christmas tree.

And Blaine gets that, after everything he's learnt about Kurt he'd not really pin him to be the overly jolly, festive type, but that doesn't stop him from wondering how Kurt has spent this period over the years, has Kurt truly been alone all of this time?   

They have a couple of loose ends to tie up in the office before everything starts to shut down and most of Kurt's business associates and staff from all over the place head off on vacation.

They work for just half of their normal working hours each day, never leaving the condo office unless it's for a break and some fresh air. Kurt's sets a rule of dressing down slightly which Blaine's raises an eye brow at but loves. They wear slacks and jeans, sweaters and cardigans, fluffy socks and slippers and Blaine tries out Kurt's suggestion when gelling his hair each morning, which he knows get's a kick out of Kurt. They go over deadlines and meetings, send emails and correspondence, and events to be approved for the next New Year, all normal working stuff.

Not a lot has been said or discussed in great detail throughout the day, not unless it was about Gucci's winter collection, why Starbucks should do home deliveries and if Jester would agree to wearing a knitted coat of some kind.

Since that fateful evening a few days back nothing has been said at all about it, nothing had been said but Kurt's actions and the way he would look at Blaine had said it all really. Kurt had very much stuck to his word and had remained very casual about the whole thing, casual but wanting all the same.

Only Blaine doesn't think that beforehand, whenever he'd make Kurt his coffee using the stuff he'd bought, Kurt would have followed him into the kitchen, purring demands into his ear enticingly over the counter before chasing him back into the office.

He also doesn't think that he would have gotten away with a quick grope whilst Kurt bends over his desk pointing at something on the computer screen, and the odd nibble behind his ear, deviously pulling his concentration apart. But it's only casual after all.

They haven't gone further than that or been quite so intimate with each other again, nothing quite like that Sunday. Whenever anything was beginning to grow a little bit heated, a cell phone would beep, or Jester would meow embarrassingly loud from somewhere, or one of them would simply throw the breaks on and redirect them to their work.

Blaine knows that it's not because neither wants to ‘explore' again, it's quite the opposite actually. It's a little like a game, a game of who will take the first step, if it does go further, who will stop, who will be the first to deem what is casual and what is not? Blaine does not quite trust himself and is therefore leaving everything in Kurt's hands, he has set this rule for himself and shall remain as strict as he can. Kurt wants casual, let him be casual, let him decide.

Blaine just hopes that he doesn't have to wait too much longer, he doesn't think that he can.

*

Christmas Eve is spent in a way that Blaine has never quite spent it before.

First of all, it's deeply relaxed and comfortably quiet, filled with Christmas background music and old black and white feel good movies. Blaine's nostrils are filled with the sweetest, freshest smells and the fireplace burns brightly, warm and inviting all day long.

Second of all, apart from crowds of busy hurried shoppers, stressed out coffee shop staff, half drunken students and old men who have no life or care for other people's feelings, or his disinterested self-absorbed family, Blaine isn't actually spending the day alone.

He doesn't have to spend any of the holiday period alone this year, and alone as in none-human company, not the one of a human-minded feline.

And best of all, Blaine is feeling utterly content, like he finally understands the meaning of Christmas. After all of this time, he has a reason to enjoy it.

Blaine is propped up at the kitchen counter, a glass of eggnog in one hand and a decorating tool in the other, with flushed cheeks, flour powdering his nose and loose curls and a worn, smudged apron wrapped around his hips. He's wearing red PJ bottoms covered in candy canes and a white shirt rolled up to his elbows. He is also sporting a shit eating grin as he leans one sided against the counter whilst he watches Kurt bent at the waist, pull a metal tray fresh from the oven, laden with piping hot gingersnap cookies shaped like snowmen.

Kurt is wearing blue PJ bottoms dotted with tiny white and silver snowflakes, they were gifts from their tailor and were told to open them on the Twenty-Forth, he's also wearing a navy turtleneck folded up his forearms, which wraps around the column of his slender throat beautifully, and a long apron draped over the top.

Kurt straightens up and approaches Blaine at the counter with a roll of his eyes and a disobedient smirk playing on his lips. He bats at Blaine's hand when he tries to reach out to him, unsure whether it was towards the tray or just Kurt himself. Jester winds himself through Kurt's legs with a pitiful mewl and Blaine snaps his fingers at him to get him to back off.

Kurt empties the cookies onto a cooling rack and bends over the counter next to Blaine, dragging over a small glass dish of sugar coated drops and shapes and chocolate buttons.

“Ok, so you need to- stop that-” He swats at Blaine's hand when he rises the frosting tool up and steps towards him, aiming for his nose with a tongue sticking out mischievously.

“You need to carefully trace this edge here with the- hey cut it out-” Kurt laughs and backs away. “Concentrate Mr Anderson, where is your professionalism-”

“Oh, so you want professionalism,” Blaine laughs at Kurt's feigned expression of dismissal, “Ok got it.” He squares his shoulders and sticks out his chin, barely hiding his smirk as he sets about his task and Kurt's laughs quietly, nudging into his side playfully.

Hour's later when the sky outside is a midnight blue, flurried with snow, they're huddled on the floor in between the two couches in the living room, legs stretched out in front of the crackling log burning fire, seeking warmth from both the glowing embers of the live flames and of the ones alight in each others eyes. They drink mulled wine and eat Blaine's speciality spicy tomato soup and tear off shares of Kurt's baked bread rolls.

Jester is sprawled by their feet, sleeping soundly and stealing as much of the warmth from the hearth that he can. They eat in a pleasant silence, occasionally laughing at what ever is playing quietly up on the TV screen, and then proceed to chew on the recently decorated snowmen treats, bickering over who did the best job. Afterwards when the dishes have been cleaned away Blaine stretches out on the floor, arms tucked behind his head and his bare toes burying under Jes's warm furry body, who whines in annoyance but doesn't move.

Kurt flops onto the couch behind him, one leg dangling down, his slipper just brushing lightly against Blaine's forearm. “Do you have some kind of an aversion to the couch or something? I swear you actually used to be a cat in your past life.”

Blaine tilts his chin and peeks up behind him with a grin, he tickles Kurt's ankle until he moves out of reach. “I like it up there, when you're up there.”

“That was not an invitation.” Kurt's eyes are closed, head back but Blaine can see the upturn of his lips, he can hear the smile in his voice, and the possible hinting tone of a lie, the possible hint of ‘actually yes it was an invitation, so don't make me say it aloud and get up here.”     

Blaine wonders what Kurt would do if Blaine did actually just leap up there and join him, press himself against him and bury himself, loose himself in Kurt's clean smelling skin and soft hair, in his embrace, he wonders how Kurt will react to that.

The truth is he actually thinks, in fact he's pretty certain he knows, that Kurt would welcome it, he would revel in it. He can already feel Kurt carding his fingers through his curls which Blaine has come to realise he absolutely loves doing and Blaine has no problem with that at all. He can already feel Kurt's long legs wrapping around him and his strong arms holding him firmly in place. 

What frightens Blaine, what's refraining him now from getting up and doing and having what he really wants, is the fear that Kurt will eventually tell him to stop, that Kurt will eventually stop himself and deny each other of what's real and what's true.  Because Blaine never wants it to stop, and that is the problem he was already aware of before this whole thing had started.

Maybe he's asking too much, though he hasn't actually asked or said anything aloud at all, maybe he'll be waiting a looong time for Kurt to spell it out, maybe once again he's over thinking it all.

Blaine thinks about this for a moment when Jester turns over on his side, digs his claws into Blaine's ankle during a stretch, causing him to flinch, pull his legs up and sit up. He rubs at his leg, turning his head to find Kurt watching him with wide eyes, and parted lips, his arms are draped over his head, he looks excited almost like he's anticipating something.

It's Christmas, let's be casual…

Blaine twists round and crawls towards the couch, coming to stop and crouch just in front of where Kurt's head is resting on the arm of the chair. Kurt can barely contain a lopsided grin as Blaine leans in, noses almost brushing playfully, “Hi,” he breathes.

“Hi.” Kurt whispers back, eyes glowing from the embers burning brightly behind, there's twinkling flashes of red and blues reflecting on his beautiful pale face from the string of lights wrapped around the Christmas tree. Blaine could just take a photograph of this moment right now, he needs to mentally hold on to this feeling, he feels like a kid creeping down the stairs early in the morning, wondering if the big guy in red has been.

“It's Christmas in like,” Blaine tilts his head to look at Kurt's watch, buckled around his left wrist above his head, “three hours.”

“It is.” Kurt replies with a look of serious amusement, voice deep and low, he pulls an arm out from behind his head, he curls his fingers around the back of Blaine's neck, scratching lazily through his curls as a shiver runs up Blaine's spine and pulls him in, closing the distance. “It's now, official vacation time, how do you wish to spend it Mr Anderson?” Kurt asks against Blaine's lips.

Blaine closes his eyes and kisses back, he kisses Kurt soft and slow, fighting to bite back the hum of pleasure he wants to moan in to it and his body threatening to buckle underneath him. Finally. Blaine needs this, he's needed this ever since he had Kurt under his touch, and in his mouth and his hands, he will always need this.

“With you.” Blaine finally replies, honestly and with utter conviction, between each gentle teasing brush of lips, “Just, with you.”

“That can be arranged.” Kurt whispers back with a small smile, he curls his fingers around Blaine's biceps and pulls him up alongside of him on the couch. Blaine automatically curls himself inwards, propping himself up on an elbow and leaning down, almost draping himself half over Kurt.

“Tell me though,” Blaine trails kisses down Kurt's cheek, stopping just as he reaches the hinge of his jaw, it's best not to get too excited too fast. “How would you have spent it, if I wasn't here? What would you be doing?” Kurt smiles a little, never taking his eyes off of Blaine looking down at him.   

“Well,” Kurt leans up on his elbows slightly, “I have a holiday home over in England-”

“In the UK?” Blaine asks impressed, but really he shouldn't be so surprised.

“Yeah, I haven't been for a while though-”

“Why is that?”

“I guess I couldn't really find the time to go after a while, or a good enough reason to.” Blaine hums and brushes his toes against Kurt's, storing that information away for another time. A winter getaway on the other side of the ocean, with Kurt, sounds too amazing.

“What do you do when you stay here?”

“This.” Kurt says quietly and smirks, arms curling behind his head again as he stretches lazily and causing Blaine to shift beside him, “…minus one... of course.” Blaine's chest gives a dull thud, other people involved in the more ‘intimate areas' of Kurt's life is still something that he knows nothing about.

Is he privileged enough to be the only one to share this side of Kurt? Surely not.

“Are you always left alone? No Sam or Santana?”

“Sam always goes back to Ohio whenever he gets the chance, he's a home boy through and through. Santana and I tried vacationing together a few years ago, almost ended in bloodshed, we need the time apart.” Blaine laughed at Kurt's serious expression and Kurt broke out into a grin.

“What do you eat for Christmas dinner?” Blaine knows the most obvious question to ask is whether Kurt has ever been back to Ohio for Christmas, whether he sees and spends the time with any of his family, but Blaine also knows that it's the most obvious answer that he's most likely not going to get. He also knows that Kurt knows exactly where he's going with this.

Kurt smirks and brushes a curl back behind Blaine's ear, “Whatever take out place will be open and available to my every beck and call, the Greek restaurant around the corner and I have become fond friends over the festive period, they send a greetings card.”

Blaine turns his head and bites lightly into the pad of Kurt's finger which he's trailing down his face, tickling his unruly stubble which he has been allowing to grow for the past couple of days. “Sounds good.”

“It is, tell me about you Blaine, why are you here right now-” Oh he wants to play this game, now.

“Are you being serious?” Blaine rests an arm over Kurt's chest and taps his fingers lightly up and down his sternum playfully. It is no longer any secret all between them, the want that Blaine has for Kurt, and Kurt's shared feelings are slowly appearing from the woodwork. But this is not a question directed as to why Blaine is currently squeezed onto a couch with Kurt, flirting and beating around the bush like teenagers, they both are fully aware of this.

Kurt nods, amusement lighting his eyes.

“Very, I get how things are with you and your parents and that brother of yours but, what would you usually be doing? You don't talk about your friends much, or at all even.” Kurt's words are quiet and low, eyes hooded and careful as they search Blaine's face.

“Have you met my cat?” Kurt laughs and shakes his head, nudging into Blaine's side playfully with a bent knee, Blaine resists the urge to duck down and steal another kiss, and then another and another just to distract and direct Kurt off course of the conversation he knows is about to happen. He's surprised it hasn't been brought up sooner, but honestly Kurt deserves to ask, he's already trusted Blaine enough with parts of his private life. And Blaine has never been able to deny Kurt anything. 

“I um, I didn't stay in touch with that many of my buddies after school or college, I mean I roomed with some of them, and we performed together, travelled over half of the country desperately seeking work and I loved it, but I uh, I guess that I became too focused on my career and when the opportunity opened up for me to move out and in to my own place I took it without looking back because I thought that was what you were supposed to do-”

“Supposed to do what?”

“Take chances.”

“And you don't keep in touch?”

“We did for a while, I get the odd group text or joke now and then, everybody just goes their own way eventually you know.”

“Friends are important Blaine, even I know that.” Blaine purses his lips and nods a little, he's not very open to the idea of having this conversation, not right now. Blaine fully believes that friends are people who can wade in and out of your life at different times, there are friends for each stage of your life, each new beginning and opportunity. Blaine has new friends now, he has a new beginning.

Kurt seems to pick up the fact that he's not going to get much else out of Blaine, it's not often the tables are turned like this.

“Don't you still feel that way?” The question is spoken very calmly and seriously, Kurt is in no way judging him, he's generally curious, his eyes are soft and his heart beats hard and strong under Blaine's hands.

“What way?”

“About taking chances.” Blaine thinks about the question, really thinks about it, and the truth is yes, he still is taking chances, that's all he's ever done really, whether he's supposed to or not.

Only now the situations are different. Now there appears to be more at stake, when at one time Blaine would have never believed anything could come before his love of music and performing and even his old pals.

But he continues nonetheless as always to trust and to feel, and to take life's endless chances that are thrown at him whether he's expecting them or not.

Blaine looks back to Kurt, eyes soft and warm, he takes a breath, but Kurt is already shifting, pulling his arms out from behind his head and wrapping them around Blaine's shoulders, Kurt already knows the answer, he can see it in the depths of Blaine's golden green eyes, he already knows what Blaine is just about ready to pour out.

Blaine clears his throat, the intensity and the warmth in Kurt's gaze and what seeps through his clothes and skin is enough to knock him breathless. Now is not the time to dwell or doubt, or even think, now is the time to act and savour and have, he doesn't know how long this time will last.

He swallows and when he speaks again his voice is low and rasped, tinged with want and need and a trace of humour.   

“Do uh, does that Greek place you mentioned serve Halloumi?”

Kurt rolls his eyes as he grasps Blaine's chin with two fingers, smiling that half a smirk that sends gooseflesh running through the short hairs on Blaine's arms and legs, Kurt tugs him down as he nods, their noses brushing, “Mmhmm, with pretty much everything.”

“Sounds perfect, sounds delicious actually.” Kurt sucks Blaine's bottom lip between his own and hums responsively.

“It will be.”

*

Blaine huffs a silent laugh at the old comedy rerun that's playing quietly over on the TV, it's a Christmas classic, he can mouth the words with perfect timing. He picks up his phone over on the night stand and looks at the time, he thumbs over the screen watching all of the early generic Christmas messages on each of the social networking sites he's signed up to flood in one by one.

Both the small screen in his hand and the large screen over on the wall casts a blue-ish light into his dark bedroom, highlighting his bare chest and arms and face as he lies in bed propped up against the headboard.

Jester snores lightly by his feet at the bottom of the bed and Blaine is actually a little envious of him and how relaxed he seems. Blaine's tired yes, but sleep seems to be far from his list of his priorities. Blaine is not sleepless and a little restless because he is excited for what day it will be in a little under thirty minute's time. Anticipation thrums and vibrates under his skin and bones, because of what he is hopeful might happen in the very next instance.

The toilet chain flushes from behind the closed door of his en suite, Blaine flicks his phone off and slides it carelessly back onto the little side table. The door creaks open and the slither of light from under the door shuts off just as Blaine politely nudges Jester's curled up body with his covered foot, gently persuading him to get up and off and into his own bed where hopefully he will become none the wiser to what may or may not happen in moments to come.

Kurt pads out of Blaine's bathroom with an impish grin on his face and a slight blush to his cheeks. Blaine smiles as he comes closer to the bed and pulls back a corner of the quilt beside him. Kurt is still dressed in his Christmas Eve PJ bottoms as is Blaine, but their shirts had been removed shortly after the second round of making-out had occurred whilst downstairs on the couch.

“Remind me why I'm here.” Kurt says with smile as he slides a little hesitantly into Blaine's bed under the covers, their bare shoulders brush and Blaine feels like he may have to sit on his own hands to keep himself from turning and pinning Kurt down to his mattress.

Kurt is in his fucking bed. Shirtless.

“Because it's Christmas Eve, it's exciting.”

“Bullshit.” Blaine doesn't have to look at Kurt to see the amusement and happiness in his features, he can hear it, he can feel the giddiness flowing through Kurt beside him, even though he still may be a little tense, this whole situation is very weird after all but what hasn't been weird between them?  

Yes, it was Blaine's idea for Kurt to come and take part in a little Christmas Eve tradition of his that he had started as a kid, but he didn't think that Kurt would actually agree to it.

Things had been steaming up quite nicely downstairs but neither man still seemed willing to bridge the gap, shirts were discarded, socks and slippers were wriggled out of, hair had been raked through and pulled at but pants were still attached, give or take the odd pull and grope here and there.

When Blaine finally climbed off of Kurt and rose to his feet he didn't know whether to laugh elatedly or whimper and the crestfallen look Kurt was throwing at him from where he was stretched out below like some kind of Greek god.

Blaine doesn't think he's ever seen Kurt quite so eager when he stuck his hand out in offering and asked if he wanted to join him in the countdown until midnight.

Blaine tries to think why it was so easy for Kurt that Sunday, so easy to just let Blaine see him and have like that, so intimately, what is so different now, why is Kurt so reluctant to take it that far again. Because it's as obvious as the sky is blue how much he wants him, no matter how much he tries to cover it or won't verbally admit it.

Blaine has to try and stir things up a little, if Kurt was going to constantly remain stubborn about this than Blaine should consider taking the reins a little.

And if not on Christmas, then when?

Kurt turns over on to his side, pressing his face into Blaine's spare pillow, his hair crumbling from its style in all directions. He looks so good, too good right now in Blaine's bed and Blaine still cant quite comprehend that this is actually happening.

“I still think that this was just some kind of rouse to get me here.” Kurt says playfully.

Blaine knocks off the TV using the remote and places it beside his phone, the screen shuts off and plunges them into a sudden darkness, save for the wedge of moonlight that is peeking from behind the heavy snow clouds, out behind Blaine's bedroom window where the curtains don't quite meet.

Blaine mirrors Kurt's position and has to take a moment to just look at him, pale and slender, with hooded eyes and parted lips curling into a smirk. His arms bare and thick and muscled are curled around Blaine's blanket and his toned chest is peeking out over the top, Blaine could get used to this.

“What if I said that you're not wrong?” Blaine says quietly, his foot slowly moving sideways under the covers, cold toes gently brushing against Kurt's, causing him to gasp.

“I'd say that I know I'm not wrong and that I can't say that I care at all, actually.” Kurt pushes his leg out, his knee bumping with Blaine's until his thigh is lying thick and heavy on top of Blaine's. The hems of their pants ride up and the bristle of their course leg hairs rasping together is an all too delicious sensation.

“What if I said I've been waiting, waiting to have you here, in my bed.” Blaine tilts his hips, and places a hand on Kurt's side, gently pulling him closer, Kurt takes the hint and moves further on top of Blaine. The thick tell-tale swells of their crotches push together, lining up and Blaine's breathes grittily into Kurt's neck, mouthing at rapidly warming skin.

“I-I'd say that- I'd ask rather-what's been stopping you?” Kurt breathes into the side of Blaine's head, he nuzzles into the soft curls at his temple, his fingers curling in and out and their hips move lazily. Blaine lifts his hands and angles Kurt's face to look at him at best as they can in the pale light of the room. Kurt looks breath taking on top of him, eyes like silvery blue pools.

“Y-you, you have. I know what we said, what we agreed on and where we're at, what we're doing or not doing for that matter, b-but I-I don't know what-” Kurt sits up suddenly, straddling Blaine's hips and gripping his face on either side.

“I have fun with you Blaine, you make me forget, you make me different, I-I often feel like I don't know how to be sometimes, how to act and I don't even care most of the time, but with you I-I try, you make me want to try, you make me like this, I feel free with you and-and, I'm hard work and stubborn, I am what I am, just-just don't give up on me, please, try not to give up on me just yet.”

Blaine sits up, wrapping his arms tight around Kurt's thick shoulders as he perches in his lap.

“I won't Kurt, I promise-” Never.

“You can tell me no, I may be asking a lot from you, you're a wonderful man Blaine and I may be- may be I'm too selfish with you, but I-I just- you can tell me no-”

Never. Blaine doesn't think he could ever say no to Kurt, he doesn't know how. His mind is whirring, his chest thumping, he cant think straight, he should take this more seriously, he should be listening intently but he cant give this up he cant risk what he has already within his grasp.

Blaine's hands skim down Kurt's sides, his fingers landing on the sunken waistline of his blue pyjama pants, “Just shut up and kiss me Kurt, get back down here and just…kiss me.”

Kurt smiles into the kiss, all tongue and teeth and breathless pants, he knocks Blaine back down into the pillows, fingers and hands fumbling. “What about your tradition?”

“Screw that-” Blaine licks a trail from Kurt neck downwards, he nips at his chest, sucks a perk nipple into his mouth as Kurt groans beneath him, hands roaming and mapping, marking their territory.

“Blaine?”

“Huh?” Blaine moves his hands down to Kurt's ass, squeezing firmly, pulling him in, impossibly closer and tighter.

“Merry Christmas.” Blaine stops, his movements slow and his hips fall back down to the mattress, his hands move up to Kurt's face and gently caress, a thumb stroking over his lip. Kurt looks down at him, with wide bright eyes, and a look that Blaine cant quite place, its one of those looks, one of those smiles that Blaine feels like he needs to keep his very own ‘Kurt Journal' for. Blaine's life may possibly never be the same again because of this curious, beautiful man on top of him, watching him with a eyes that Blaine will never forget, and a curl of lips that Blaine will never get enough of.

A deep, strong need grows in the pit of Blaine's belly, firing its way up and in to his chest, desire mixed with a flair of hope is possibly the most dangerous cocktail, but it's too late now, it's much too late for anything now.

Kurt whether willingly or not and very much without intention is slowly starting to unfurl, the ice in his chest thawing.

And Blaine can see it, he can feel it, and he's not going to let Kurt stop now.   

“Merry Christmas, Kurt.”