Kurt woke up slowly, feeling the cool sheet over his thighs and the warm morning breeze from the window brushing over his bare torso. He blinked his blue eyes open to see his roommate, Julian, still sleeping on the other side of their dorm room.

Kurt sat up quickly, throwing his legs over the side of the bed, and stretched his arms over his head, then reached over to his nightstand to grab his black framed glasses. He would never dare wear them to class - even though he really did need them; he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. He fumbled to open them and place them on his nose before placing his hands on the bed and pushing himself upwards. He strolled into their small bathroom, picking up his discarded uniform on the way, and closed the door behind him. He threw the crinkled clothes in the overflowing hamper before turning around to look into the full body mirror nailed to the inside of the bathroom door.

Kurt shifted his weight as he looked at himself. His body was a mixture of girlish and boyish features covered in near sickly pale skin. Strong jaw and straight nose but soft neck and plump lips. He had a nice chest and a slight hint of abs poking through his stomach but his arms were thin and his hips were wide. His thighs were toned but still big and his ass was no better. At least his cock was impressive.

Kurt hadn’t critiqued himself in the mirror in a long time, though. He had learned to accept his body a little while ago, had stopped trying to lose weight, and even come to realize that his wide hips and thighs were what attracted many guys. He just couldn’t help but be harsh on himself, though, when the entirety of his yesterday was spent comparing himself to Blaine; beautiful Blaine.

Blaine was everything Kurt wasn’t. His skin had the perfect tan, his arms were deliciously strong, and his hips were wonderfully narrow. Kurt had stared countless of times at Blaine during English and had tried to imagine what his chocolate curls would look like without the massive amounts of gel taming them down. Yesterday, Kurt had stared into Blaine’s eyes and barely heard a word Blaine had said as he memorized the way Blaine’s thick, dark lashes fluttered under his dark, thick eyebrows and around his honest, hazel eyes.

Kurt liked Blaine. Really, really liked him, and it scared Kurt. He wasn’t sure what it was, exactly; he knew it had started though with the fact that Blaine had never been involved with his life the same way everybody else seemed to be. He had never asked Kurt for sex or made fun of him face to face or talked about him behind his back – at least, from what he had heard. And most importantly was that Blaine smiled at him. Whenever they passed by each other in the hall or caught each other's eyes in English class, Blaine would send him the smallest and sweetest of smiles that made Kurt’s chest tighten in a way no other boy could do.

Kurt liked many things about Blaine; he had become obsessed with listening to Blaine’s laugh as he talked to his friends and pretending that he was laughing with him. On their date, Kurt had liked being taller then Blaine a little too much - he just couldn’t help but find Blaine so cute with his puppy dog eyes and his massive personality trapped in the small but strong body. He had managed to contradict every idea Kurt had about men, and it made him terribly weary and overly excited all at the same time.

Kurt reached up his hand to pull at the skin around his eyes, still obviously blue even through the glasses over them, and play with the two piercings that went through his right eyebrow - they needed to be plucked again soon. Kurt had gotten those piercings when he was fourteen; his first act of rebellion against his parents. The second had been the metal through the bridge of his nose and then, finally, the one through his bottom lip. His parents had been most furious about that one after the pink hair. Afterwards the piercings were just something he did because he wanted to, and he kept them to places that his parents couldn’t see such as the one through his belly button or the ones on his hips. Kurt loved his piercings, and despite how the fad had started, he didn’t regret any of them.

Kurt had tried to be stern with himself when it came to tattoos, though. He decided he would let himself get one when he lost all the stupid fat; but, like many other rules in his life, he hadn’t listened. For Kurt’s eighteenth birthday last May he had got his buddy to ink him a tattoo and all it had cost him was a good fuck. Kurt had thought long and hard about what he had wanted and in the end he had decided on the phrase 'We Damage We'. It was from a book Kurt had read when he was sixteen, The Instructions, and it had stuck with him ever since. He got the words tattooed across his collarbone in the generic calligraphy.

Kurt couldn’t help but to feel sad when looking at himself this way, knowing that even if Blaine really did like him now, it would never last long. Those things never did. Blaine was nothing Kurt had ever expected and everything he would never deserve.

As Kurt brought his hand down from his body, his eyes ghosted over to where his shame would lay for the world to see, if only he would let them. He let both of his pale arms rest at his sides and took a deep breath to steady his rush of emotion. Emotions he tried to hide from everyone. There was only one person who knew about the result of his struggle and that person was currently making a ridiculous amount of noise on the other side of the bathroom door. It would be hard to hide almost your whole life from someone you live with.

Kurt lifted out his arms and turned his forearms upwards so the red and pink scars would stand out even more as the light in the ceiling shone down on his white skin and made the cuts - older ones near the wrist and getting newer and newer towards his elbows - become just that more prominent.

There were fifty-six on each wrist. They were not scattered but instead perfectly parallel to each other all the way up. Kurt had a messy room and a messy life but he always made sure he kept the lines on his skin perfectly organized.

It was this side of Kurt, the one nobody should ever see, that made Kurt want to pull away from Blaine. Kurt was a mess; he had a permanent stench of cigarettes and booze no matter how much he tried to hide it with his vanilla bath wash, he had been fucking strangers for two years, and the only one who hated Kurt more then his father was Kurt himself.

He looked back up into the mirror and stared at the bruise on his jaw. Who was he kidding thinking that someone like him could ever be with someone like Blaine? Blaine was sweet, kind and innocent in the best of ways while Kurt was tainted in all of the worst.

Kurt knew he should put a stop to things with Blaine. Getting attached to Blaine while knowing the inevitable ending of the story is Blaine leaving him behind would break him to pieces. He should tell Blaine that they couldn’t see each other again; he should let Blaine go back to how things were before, let him live his life and be with somebody who could handle his love for life and keep that lovely smile on his face.

It would hurt, yes. But Kurt knew that it had to be done. He couldn’t lead Blaine on, thinking that he could change and be better for him when he knew very well that he couldn’t. He couldn’t lead himself on to think that Blaine was the one person who would accept him for everything he was.

Kurt sighed sadly, wishing he had never let himself indulge in the paradise that was Blaine Anderson. Now he was going to have to end it before it had ever really had a chance to begin. It had to be done though, and today - before Kurt tried to steal another.

From outside the room Kurt heard movements which meant that Julian was up. He reached over to a pile of clean clothes placed on the counter and took a pair of purple briefs to slip on before strutting out of the bathroom.

“Good morning, Jules,” Kurt greeted with a smile. Julian was one of the few people Kurt really liked. He had accepted Kurt from the very beginning, had let it go fairly quickly when it was clear Kurt did not in any way want to discuss the marks on his wrists, and even teased him about his very active sex life and generally poor lifestyle instead of dancing around it like everybody else did. Also, Julian was never fazed in the least with Kurt’s lack of clothes around the room. If it wasn’t for Julian’s friends who sometimes liked to barge into the room without notice Kurt would always be naked in their room and knowing Julian wouldn’t have a problem with it. But, circumstances as they are, Kurt made sure he always had at least a pair of underwear on.

“Hey Kurt,” Julian greeted with a smile, looking up from his laptop, “How’d the big date go last night?”

Kurt had had to tell Julian about his date with Blaine because they always met up on Monday‘s to study - not that he minded sharing the info with him; they told each other a lot.

“Not bad,” Kurt lied. It had been amazing. “I haven’t been on one in so long I think I might have fucked it up.” Kurt chuckled to make it sound like he really didn’t care.

Julian eyed Kurt like he knew he was lying - which he did - but didn’t say anything as he smirked and looked away. Kurt figured that Julian knew the date had been amazing but thought Kurt was too embarrassed to say so. The fact was that Kurt didn’t want to say anything because he’d be ending it today anyway.

“You better get dressed,” Julian commented, eyeing Kurt‘s briefs. “Class starts in half an hour. Unless you want to go just like that. I‘ll support you in whatever you choose.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kurt mumbled, but he was smiling, “Whatever.”

Kurt reached into their shared closet and pulled out a clean uniform. He had been smart to get a shower last night so all he had to do was jump into his slacks and pull his white shirt over his head before going back into the bathroom to fix his hair.

He came back out ten minutes later with his hair perfectly coiffed in its usual way and his skin freshly moisturized.

“I’m thinking about changing the color in my hair to something besides pink,” Kurt mentioned to Julian as they both tied their ties and shrugged on their blazers. It was easy to make small talk with Julian about such trivial things, and it made Kurt feel as if things were normal and not even more of a mess then they usually were.

“Oh yeah?” Julian replied, looking up to eye Kurt’s pink streak, “What color were you thinking?”

“I don’t really know. Maybe blue, or purple or something.”

Julian nodded and then bent to pick up Kurt’s bag and hand it to him. Kurt had made sure he put his new pack of cigarettes in his school bag the night before so he just did a quick look around the room to make sure there was nothing else obvious he was forgetting. He took his glasses off - he wouldn’t be caught dead wearing them in class, although pretty much everyone had seen him with them on in the halls - and set them on his nightstand. When he couldn't find anything else he was forgetting, he turned to see Julian standing there with the door open for him. Kurt smiled and made his way towards him, Julian winking at him quickly, and then the pair made their way down the hall towards class.

On their way, Kurt and Julian stopped to talk with some of the other boys until the bell rang; when it did rang, they said their goodbyes and Kurt started making the journey to English slowly, knowing full well that yes, he’d be late, and no, it didn’t matter, because he knew all of the material anyway and both him and the teacher were very well aware of that. And yes, Kurt may have been walking extra slow today to put off seeing Blaine. He tried going over all of his reasons for stopping what was happening between him and Blaine so that even if Blaine turned the charm on him he could still keep his resolve.

Kurt knew he shouldn’t have gone to the stupid class at all when he walked in the door. Sitting in the back was Blaine in his usual spot, with the most relieved, happy smile Kurt had ever seen. It caused butterflies flutter in his stomach and his heart clench at the thought of what he was going to do. He almost told himself that it would make much more sense to sit next to Blaine as to not confuse him and then explain later. But no, Kurt knew that if he sat next to Blaine he’d never be able to go through with his plan. Being able to smell Blaine’s cologne and personal scent of summer would end in him begging Blaine for another chance when he inevitably screwed up and Blaine figured out what a shit piece of trash Kurt really was. He had to make a clean break. Start straight away so Blaine knew that something wasn’t right. If things really went his way then Blaine would get angry with him and end it himself, or at least agree with Kurt when he did it.

So Kurt walked down the aisle, past the occupied desk, ignoring the teacher's usual greeting of sarcasm towards him, while he used all of his will power not to look at Blaine as he sat down at his old desk-for-two across the back of the room from Blaine. He didn’t want to see the look of confusion; he didn’t want to hear the desperate whispers of his name during the lecture; he didn’t want to hear Blaine’s chair being moved closer and then more loudly hear Blaine’s frantic whispering.

“Kurt!” Blaine whispered harshly after they were instructed to get their books out. “Kurt, what’s wrong? What did I do? Please talk to me.”

Kurt tuned Blaine out in the best way he knew; he remembered his awful weekend and the last fuck he had and the pain of hearing people coughing 'whore' as he walked by in the halls.

It worked almost too well, and Kurt had to keep his eyes perfectly focused on the clock to avoid getting too emotional.

He didn’t hear a word the teacher said that hour. He didn’t even know what the homework was and he had been planning on actually doing it tonight. Kurt didn’t even hear the bell, he just suddenly noticed that half the class was gone and the other half was heading to the door, and when he looked down he saw a note on the back of the one he had written to Blaine the previous day.

Please talk to me -B

Kurt sniffed and stood up to follow the stragglers out of the room. He debated throwing the paper in the trash by the door, but after a moment of hesitation he groaned and stuffed it into his blazer pocket along with his lighter.

Kurt's next two classes that morning were hell. He wouldn’t usually attend them when he felt this bad about something, or simply about himself, but they surprisingly made an excellent distraction. Math was too challenging in general, let alone after not attending the class last week, and French was so easy that it made his heart swell with pride when he watched the others suffering with it.

Lunch came around eventually, though. Kurt metaphorically patted himself on the shoulder for being able to avoid Blaine in the halls all day. In his head, he knew he couldn’t avoid the situation forever and that it had to be done, but in his heart, he knew that just because it had to be done doesn't mean he wanted it to.

Kurt decided to skip his diet coke that day - childishly so because Blaine would be in the cafeteria, not that he’d admit that to himself - so he just went outside around back for a smoke.

The sun was shining bright that day, so before he walked outside the backdoor Kurt took off his blazer, folded it, and then put it in his bag. He dug out a pair a huge designer sunglasses to put on, his smokes, and his lighter from his pocket before putting his bag back over his shoulder and stepping out into the warm heat.

There wasn’t anyone else outside where Kurt was - it was one of the perks of going to a private school. There really wasn’t anyone else who came out to smoke, so the back of the building wasn’t ever patrolled or checked up on.

Kurt looked at the dimmed blue sky through his dark shades while taking out a stick to expertly place between his lips. He didn’t have to struggle to get his Pac-Man lighter to come alive with the lack of wind that day. He brought the flame up to touch the end of his cigarette and then pulled it out of his mouth to exhale the smoke that had immediately filled his lungs. His nerves numbed with the relief of tobacco and suddenly instead of the nervous feeling that had been in his stomach, he just felt very accepting and sad. Sad about how his life had turned about, sad that he had to turn away the one boy in his life who had come up to him and asked him out on a date - the one boy who wanted to listen to him talk in a coffee shop instead of listen to him scream and moan in bed.

His phone interrupted the string of thoughts as it buzzed in his back pocket. Kurt threw the filter to the ground and reached into his back pocket to retrieve his phone.


Incoming: Unknown Caller


Kurt frowned but still pressed the 'talk' button and put the device near his ear.

“Hello?” he muttered, as he fumbled for another smoke.

“You free tonight?”

Kurt sighed and stood back up straight. From the tone and lack of greeting Kurt knew right away that this was one of his previous hook ups. They must be calling for a friend because everyone knew Kurt didn’t fuck anyone twice except Sebastian. Kurt wasn't even surprised anymore that he couldn’t remember this voice or who it could belong to, despite knowing that he had at some point had his dick up their ass.

Kurt thought about the request. His instinct was to just agree, because he didn’t really care and he never really had anything alternative to do, but then he remembered Blaine and stopped short to tell him that he was in fact busy. Then he remembered the plan. He did have a date with Blaine as of the moment, but after they talked they sure as hell wouldn’t.

“Yes,” he swallowed then cleared his throat, “Yes, I’m free. When and where?”

“Around ten. Last room on the left in the right wing.”

“Fine.”

The phone disconnected.

Kurt snapped his cell shut. Yesterday he had a date and today he has a fuck. Great. Kurt leaned down and snapped open his bag. He dug around to the bottom and felt around for the condoms he always kept in there. One… Two… Three… Four. That should be plenty for the rest of the week. Kurt decided he’d go shopping that weekend to pick up another box; he wouldn’t be able to get cute little ones with Hello Kitty wrappers again - he had stole those from a guy he had fucked last week - but he figured he could get some flavored ones or something. Possibly strawberry…

“Kurt!”

Kurt’s head whipped up to see Blaine jogging towards him. His breath caught at the strong legs moving and the warms arms pumping at his sides and his face wearing the most peculiar expression.

Then it registered. He wasn’t supposed to be talking to Blaine. He was ending it.

“What the hell, Kurt?” Blaine panted as he stopped in front of the taller boy.

“What do you want, Blaine?” Kurt sighed as he stuck another cancer stick in his mouth and gave Blaine a bored look.

“I want you to tell me what your problem is,” Blaine snapped, “I want to know why you didn‘t say two words to me today.”

“Maybe because I didn’t want to,” Kurt said before blowing smoke in Blaine’s face with a mocking wink.

Blaine didn’t look fazed, “Was it something I said, Kurt? Or do you just not like me? If that’s it then just tell me. Cut the act and tell me.”

Kurt didn’t answer and instead just stared levelly at Blaine while taking a drag.

“Are you pissed that we didn’t go back to bed together? Is that it?”

Kurt’s eyes flashed up to Blaine’s; he saw the raw anger but also realization flickering in them. His heart sank to hear Blaine say that. Kurt knew, of course, that Blaine had heard and believed all of the things the other boys said about him, mainly because it was all true - but it hurt to hear him say it. Say it like he should have known it all along. Say it like he should have expected nothing less from Kurt.

“Fuck you,” Kurt chocked as he stalked past Blaine.

“Kurt, wait!”

Kurt felt Blaine’s hand clasp around his wrist and on instinct he tore his arm out of the strong grip and spun around snarling, “Don’t touch me!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Blaine said softly as he held up his hands.

Kurt nodded but kept his posture stiff and his lips pressed in a tight line.

“I just want to know what I did wrong,” Blaine explained in that same gentle tone.

Kurt closed his eyes and took a deep breath before answering with, "It’s nothing you did, Blaine.”

“Then what?”

“It’s me,” Kurt looked up at Blaine with eyes pleading to understand, “I can’t be with you, Blaine.”

“Why not?” Blaine whispered as Kurt looked away, ashamed, “Talk to me, Kurt.”

“I’m no good for you, Blaine. A fuck-up like me doesn’t belong with someone like you. And I’d rather leave now than wait until you figure it out for yourself.”

“You won’t know what will happen unless you give us a chance.”

“Blaine, you’ve heard what people say about me and you know that most of it is true!”

“Just because it’s true doesn’t mean I believe it. I don’t believe that any of that is the real you. The man I was with yesterday was real and I happened to really like him.”

“Blaine -” Kurt tried to protest.

“Just one chance, Kurt,” Blain insisted. “If it doesn’t work out, I promise it won’t be because of what others think about you. Whatever happens will be because of what I think of you.”

“What do you think of me, Blaine?” Kurt whispered.

“I think that you’re beautiful,” Blaine answered without missing a beat. “Witty, insightful… I think there’s so much more to you than you let people see.”

Kurt sniffed and goddamnit he wasn’t going to cry! But it had been so fucking long since someone had talked to him like that - like he was a person who had feelings. Kurt had forgotten what it was like to talk to someone who didn’t want to whore you out. There was Julian, but sometimes Kurt doubted even him.

Kurt couldn’t help but crave at least a friendship with Blaine. He wanted more, god did he wanted more, but Kurt couldn’t deny that he would accept anything Blaine was willing to give him.

The bell signaling the end of lunch sounded but neither Kurt nor Blaine even flinched, much less made any move to go.

Kurt looked down at the ground and knew that his next decision could very well end up being the stupidest thing he would ever make. But he couldn’t go through life without at least trying to do something good in it, could he?

“Okay,” Kurt breathed, barely audible.

“Okay?” Blaine asked.

“Okay,” Kurt repeated louder, nodding.

Blaine smiled softly, “Want to go up to my dorm or something?”

Kurt huffed out a chuckle and looked up again to meet Blaine’s eyes. Was Blaine offering to skip class? He raised his eyebrow and smirked in his trademark way. “You sure this is a good idea? Looks like I’m already becoming a bad influence on you.”

Blaine shrugged and smiled innocently, but Kurt could see the real humor in his eyes. Blaine stepped forward and walked a few paces ahead until he reached the backdoor of the building, turning to face Kurt.

Blaine shrugged his shoulder in invitation. “Come on, you.”

Kurt was taken back by the innocent phrasing and smiled before complying.

The walk through the halls was silent as the boys shared a few shy glances. It wasn’t until they reached the stairs leading up to the dorms that Kurt spoke.

“How did you find me?”

“Huh? What?” Blaine spluttered.

“How did you know I would be by the backdoor?”

“Oh!” Blaine exclaimed, “I asked your roommate.”

“Julian?”

“Yeah. He said you always go back there for your smoke.”

Kurt took a mental note to talk to Julian about revealing information later. Not that he wasn’t grateful, of course.

They neared Blaine’s dorm and the latter reached into the pocket of his blazer to take out his key. He unlocked the door and pushed it in, first peering in to make sure there was no sign of his roommate, and then opening it and stepping for Kurt to enter before him.

Kurt stepped inside to see a room much cleaner then his own. Both Julian and he were messy people and it looked as if Blaine and his roommate were the exact opposite.

“Over here,” Blaine murmured, suddenly looking nervous, as he gestured to the left side of the room. Kurt walked over and without hesitation threw his bag on the floor and perched himself comfortably on Blaine’s bed. By now he was quite used to walking into strangers dorms and invading their beds.

Kurt took in the perfectly laid out sheets, the beautiful red plaid comforter, and the nightstand with a picture of Blaine and what Kurt could identify as other members of the Warblers. Blaine sat down in the desk chair across from Kurt and seemed to watch as Kurt continued to let his eyes wander and then land on the acoustic guitar.

Blaine must have seen Kurt’s interest peek because he asked, “Do you play?”

“Just the piano,” Kurt said softly. “Though I haven’t played in ages.”

Blaine then smiled at him, and Kurt was smiling back before realizing, immediately wondering when was the last time that he had smiled back at someone so effortlessly.

- - -

Blaine’s heart pounded at the sight of Kurt’s face so lit up and so carefree.

“So… What do you want to do?”

It had been Blaine’s decision to skip class, sure, but he hadn’t really thought through what they would do instead.

“I don’t know…” Kurt shrugged as he adorably scrunched up his nose. “I mean we could - Oh, I know! Give me your phone,” Kurt smiled, holding out his hand.

Blaine gave Kurt a skeptical look but still reached into his pants pocket for said device. "What for? You’re not going to do the same thing you did to my bag and go through it, are you?”

Kurt chuckled and made a grabby motion with his fingers. “Of course not.”

Blaine didn’t exactly believe him, but for some reason he just couldn’t say no to Kurt. Not until he became more confident around him, at least. He slid his thumb across the lock screen, put in his password, and handed his phone over to Kurt, wondering what he could possibly be doing. The possibilities were both extensive and terrifying.

Kurt pressed a few buttons but didn’t look too long before smiling up at Blaine and waving him over.

“Get over here,” Kurt encouraged, patting the blanket beside him.

Blaine was confused, but moved over from his chair to the bed nonetheless. He could feel the heat radiating off of Kurt, and he tried to stop himself from leaning into the soft warmth when Kurt beat him too it. Suddenly Blaine could feel Kurt’s entire right side pressed against him and he stiffened, unsure how to react.

Kurt looked over at Blaine as he pushed into him playfully. “Take a picture with me?”

Blaine looked over to see the phone on camera mode, the screen currently displaying a shot of their touching thighs. He nodded.

Kurt surprised him again by leaning in even closer and pressing their cheeks together as he raised the backwards-facing phone an arm length away; Blaine could feel Kurt’s smooth, silky skin against his rough stubble.

It took a lot of focus to look into the camera when Kurt told him to do so, but no trouble at all to smile.

Kurt pulled the phone back, and from the look on his face Blaine could tell he was satisfied. He waited as Kurt’s thumbs moved around for a moment before asking. “What are you doing now?"

“I saved our picture as your wallpaper and lock screen.”

Blaine’s heart thumped at the thought of seeing Kurt every time he pulled his phone out to read a text or check the time.

“What are you doing now, then?” Blaine asked when Kurt didn’t look away from the screen.

“Adding myself to your contacts.”

Blaine felt absolutely giddy.

Another minute passed.

“Now what are you doing?”

“Looking through your texts.”

Blaine launched himself across at Kurt; he knew that there was nothing to hide, though, and apparently so did Kurt, as Blaine could hear – and feel - him laughing underneath them. He joined in on the laughter when he finally wrestled the phone away from Kurt and tossed it onto the nightstand. Kurt lunged at him, and then they were both rolling around on the bed and laughing so much it hurt and tears were in their eyes.

Blaine was soon declared the winner as he had Kurt pinned underneath him as he straddled his waist. He basked in his glory with his hands above his head and Kurt rolled his eyes but was smiling anyway.

Once Blaine was content with himself he brought his hands down onto the bed on either side of Kurt's head and smiled softly down at him. His breath had evened out from the panting it had been a few moments ago, and Blaine knew he should be embarrassed by the intimate position they were in and should be apologizing and climbing off of Kurt, but the only thing he could do was stare.

Kurt was so beautiful. For once Blaine really looked past the metal in his face and looked into the blue eyes that were shining with excitement, and the loveliest blush that had graced Kurt’s cheeks in all the exertion - and then those parted lips. Blaine suddenly became fixated with Kurt’s lips. Pink, plump, and moist… Just begging to be captured between -

“Blaine.”

“Yes?”

“You should probably kiss me now.”

Blaine hesitated a moment, hardly believing what he was hearing and needing a moment to rip himself from his trance, before looking back into Kurt’s eyes. The questions “What?” and “Are you sure?” danced on the tip of his tongue, but the answers were clear to him just by looking at Kurt.

Kurt was watching him in a way he had never seen before; not just seductive, but giddy and nervous. Blaine’s eyes flickered back down to Kurt’s lips, parted in invitation, before glancing back at Kurt and jerkily nodding. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

Blaine had to stop and take a breath before starting to lean down. He tried to take in the moment; he tried to savor it. His brain was screaming at him to slow down and enjoy because this was Kurt Hummel underneath him but Blaine couldn’t think about anything when he got within a few inches of Kurt’s face and stared as Kurt’s eyes fluttered closed in anticipation.

Without making that unreal boy beneath him wait any longer Blaine closed the distance between their mouths and kissed him.

It started out soft and slow. Neither of them was moving, just breathing in each other. Blaine breathed heavily from his nose and tilted his head to get even closer without opening his mouth. This was Blaine’s first kiss, and although he knew what he wanted he wasn’t exactly sure how to do it right.

They broke apart and Blaine found it to be enticing how Kurt’s eyes stayed closed for three quick heartbeats before opening slowly. Blaine could see the longing in the widened pupils and was all of a sudden very aware of the heat in his groin.

He was about to pull away to avoid embarrassment when suddenly Kurt was everywhere, invading all of his senses. He felt a sure hand knotting itself in his hair and another pulling aggressively at his tie pulling him down to smash his and Kurt’s mouths together hungrily. Unlike their first kiss, which had been tentative and sweet, this kiss was all want. It was filled with lips and teeth and Blaine was getting aroused and becoming obsessed with the wetness helping their lips to slide easily and quickly with each other.

Blaine was sure it couldn’t feel any better until he felt a warm pressure against his lips. It was Kurt’s tongue, and from the pushing it was doing Blaine could tell that Kurt was asking for something very specific. Without even thinking about it - although if he had, his answer would have been the same - Blaine opened his mouth and instantly was filled with a dragging heat that he quickly began sucking on. The heat was so intense that it startled him enough for him to jump against Kurt when he felt the cool sliding of metal against the roof of his mouth. Kurt’s tongue ring. Blaine finally allowed himself to moan loudly as he curled his own tongue along the stud. Kurt tasted overwhelmingly like cigarettes and it was bitter, but it was the best thing Blaine had ever tasted. He was then fully hard and trying his best under the circumstances not to thrust and rut against Kurt. He suddenly wished he had been sitting somewhere else, though, because from where he was there was no way to tell if Kurt was as hard as he was or even at all.


The kiss ended once the need to breathe became too much for their squished noses to handle, and they pulled apart with an obnoxious, wet smacking sound. Blaine then slid his nose across Kurt’s cheekbone until his swollen lips were at Kurt’s ear where he began panting heavily again, even more than he had after their wrestling match. He felt Kurt shiver and felt the warm breath rapidly leaving Kurt’s chest rush across his neck.

Blaine pressed a teasing kiss to Kurt’s side burn before flicking his earlobe with his nose. A giggle bubbled from Kurt’s mouth and Blaine swore in that moment he had never heard a sound more wonderful. Blaine started to lift his head to look at Kurt when the door opened.

Both Kurt and Blaine’s heads whipped to the side. Blaine knew before he even saw who it was that it was his roommate Matt.

“Hey Blaine, the guys and I were wondering if- Oh…”

Blaine could only imagine what the scene looked like. Kurt Hummel in his bed, underneath him and between his legs, both of their clothes wrinkled and their lips puffy.

“Sorry, sorry,” Matt chanted frantically before pulling his head back out of the room and shutting the door.

Blaine gaped and then began worrying. Would Matt’s obvious assumption of what was happening upset Kurt? He had thought that Kurt was so immune to the things people said and thought, but after their conversation earlier Blaine began to realize that Kurt was sensitive to those things. When Blaine looked back at Kurt, though, he was grinning. He brought his hands up to rest on Blaine’s chest between their bodies and lifted his head to kiss the corner of Blaine’s mouth. Blaine sighed and tried to nuzzle into Kurt when he felt a hand patting his thigh.

“Alright you, get up.”

Blaine faked an offended scoff but smirked and climbed off to sit on the side of the bed. Kurt scooted up to sit against the headboard.

“Hey, can I ask you a question?” Blaine wondered after a few blissful seconds of silence.

“I suppose,” Kurt shrugged.

“Why… Why did you agree to go out with me?”

Kurt looked down at his hands and seemed to take a moment to think before taking a deep breath and murmuring quietly, “Your smile.”

“Sorry?” Blaine leaned in closer.

“Your smile,” Kurt said more firmly, but still gently, looking up.

“My smile?”

“Yeah, without even once having spoken to me, you always smiled at me - while everybody else didn’t care to bother despite me having fucked the majority of them.”

Blaine searched Kurt’s face for something but only found sad honesty.

He tilted his head. “I’ll always smile at you.”

Kurt ducked and shook his head, bashfully saying, “You say the most ridiculous things.”

“I know,” Blaine whispered, suddenly sheepish.

Kurt laughed and Blaine blushed.

They decided just to hang out for the rest of the afternoon. They talked for hours about everything that seemed important, but nothing that they’d remember tomorrow. Before the class they never attended was let out, Blaine snuck down to grab them coffee from the cafeteria which, although being the worst coffee ever, was downed quickly before they settled down on the bed to explore YouTube. They were way in the back roads watching lyric videos of songs by Lana Del Rey when they finally drifted off. Kurt woke up first, saw that the sun had gone down, and sat up to stretch before not so subtly shaking Blaine awake.

Blaine yawned himself into consciousness and when he opened his eyes Kurt was turning his head from side to side as if he was looking for something - but Blaine could tell that really, he just wanted to ask something.

“What do you need?”

“You mind if I smoke in here?” Kurt asked.

“Well,” Blaine thought about it. “I don’t mind, but I’m not sure about Matt -”

“Say no more,” Kurt assured him. “I’ll go outside.”

“Want some company?”

Kurt turned from where he had begun shrugging his blazer back on. “Sure,” he smiled.

They snuck down quietly from the room. It wasn’t hard to get out near curfew if you knew what you were doing, and Kurt sure knew. The sun was nearly all the way down and the school lot was empty. Kurt led Blaine around to the back, the same place where Blaine had found Kurt the morning, and leaned up against the wall to pull out his smoke while Blaine came up beside him.

Kurt took a long drag and just stared at the stick curiously for a moment before looking at Blaine and offering his hand. “Want a drag?”

Blaine pulled back and waved his hand dismissively. “No, no. I don’t smoke.”

Kurt raised his eyebrows and shrugged but he was smiling as he did so. “Why not?”

Blaine thought about it, wanting to answer honestly. “It’s not good for my voice… and I’m not really interested in getting lung cancer and dying.” It may have been a harsh thing to say to someone currently holding a cigarette themselves, but Blaine thought that maybe people weren’t harsh enough with smokers.

Kurt just chuckled though, “I don’t worry about that.”

Blaine looked over at Kurt with a questioning look.

Kurt eyed him before looking back away. “Ever wonder if we’re already dead?”

“What do you mean?”

“Sometimes I wonder if we’re already dead and this is the place we’re sent to be punished,” Kurt whispered.

Blaine just stared at Kurt. He took in the dark, almost black hair in the low light and the haunting, deep sea blue of his eyes. He stared at the smoke being blown from his mouth in what looked like slow motion and the flick of Kurt’s long fingers as they tapped the tip of the cigarette from the end.

How could one person be both so tortured and so beautiful at the same time?

Blaine was just coming up with a response when Kurt spoke again.

“I wasn’t always like this, you know. I was different back home.”

“Where is your home?”

Kurt looked very sad as he sighed. “Lima.”

“Lima? So you went to…?”

“McKinley.” Kurt provided.

Blaine nodded slowly.

“I was in the glee club.”

Blaine looked up quickly at that.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Kurt murmured. “I was an amazing singer back then…”

Blaine didn’t even have time to think before his mouth was saying, “I know.”

Kurt’s eyes flashed over to glare at Blaine, “What do you mean?”

Blaine flushed. Shit. He was caught.

“I - I didn’t mean - I wasn’t intending - I heard –"

“Spit it out, Blaine.”

“I heard you singing. A little bit after your transfer. In the English classroom.”

Kurt just looked at Blaine, and the latter hurried to make things better.

“You’re really, really good,” Blaine assured him.

Kurt just scoffed, all of his previous bragging disappearing with the coming of embarrassment.

“You should join the Warblers,” Blaine continued. “Your range is incredible, I - The Warblers would be lucky to have you.”

Kurt kicked his foot against the ground and muttered, “I don’t think so, Blaine.”

“Why not?” Blaine failed at trying not to sound whiny.

“I don’t sing anymore.”

“But -”

“I said no, Blaine” Kurt snapped.

Blaine went still under Kurt’s threatening tone.

“I-I’m sorry. I -" Blaine stammered.

Kurt huffed out a breath and turned to fully face Blaine.

“No, Blaine… No, I’m sor-”

“Don’t apologize,” Blaine interrupted.

Kurt smiled softly, his smile still a bit apologetic, and leaned in. Blaine closed his eyes once he could feel Kurt’s breath and held his own until he felt Kurt’s perfectly gentle lips press against the side of his mouth. He didn’t open them again until Kurt was gone and the air was suddenly bitter and cold after Kurt’s warmth.

“Kurt…?”

Blaine couldn’t read Kurt’s features at all. He needed more practice.

“Come on,” Kurt said with a strange, longing tone. “Let’s get you inside and out of the cold.”

Blaine watched Kurt walk past him and stood alone in wonder for several seconds before finally forcing himself to follow.

TBC