May 15, 2013, 11:44 a.m.
Through The Eyes To Your Soul: Chapter 5
T - Words: 4,635 - Last Updated: May 15, 2013 Story: Complete - Chapters: 17/17 - Created: Jan 20, 2013 - Updated: May 15, 2013 847 0 4 0 1
Blaine has been trying, unsuccessfully, to distract himself with homework ever since he got to his room two hours ago. He would prefer to stay in denial a little longer and not have to think about the meeting from that afternoon with the New Directions. His rambling brain, however, has other ideas.
Finn. The guy is just so clueless. Even if this isn’t meant to be romantic, even if he isn’t gay or bisexual, how can we be soulmates? Isn’t your soulmate supposed to be the one you connect with above all others? Unless Finn has some hidden, untapped well of intelligence and compassion buried deep down, past the football and the obliviousness and the, God, the homophobia, I don’t see how this is going to work. There are the people who don’t get along with their soulmates or who can’t be in a relationship. Maybe we’re one of those.
What happens if we’re one of those?
Then again, people are a product of their environment, right? If Finn’s hanging around with guys like Puck, I can see how he wouldn’t be challenged intellectually or praised for his sensitive side. Maybe what he needs is to spend more time around people who don’t pride themselves on being a “badass.” I wonder what his life is like outside school, what his parents might be like. What kind of influence they have. What they do. Are they nice? Would they be open to a Finn’s soulmate being a boy?
Hold on! Blaine sits up. Mercedes said Finn was over at Kurt’s house because their parents are dating. If their families are spending time together, that must mean it’s serious, right?
Kurt. If Kurt knows Finn pretty well, I could find out more about him through – No. No, that’s not okay. It is not okay to use Kurt to learn more about Finn. But what if I do both? What are the ethics of genuinely wanting to help a guy who needs a friend and secretly hoping to get something else out of it, too?
No. How can you expect Kurt to trust you, to let you help him, if you have another agenda? Doesn’t matter whether he knows what you’re doing or not; it’s still a breach of trust, right? Right. So, if Kurt brings up Finn, I won’t discourage it, but I won’t follow-up, and I definitely won’t ask. They are separate. Kurt is my friend, and that’s it.
Crap! Except that Kurt isn’t my friend. Not yet, anyway. Talk about getting ahead of myself! Kurt doesn’t even know who I am.
Blaine grabs his laptop off the desk and carries it with him as he sits on the bed. He opens his Facebook account and searches for “Kurt Hummel.” Fortunately the name isn’t all that common; Blaine finds him easily. Most of Kurt’s account is on private lockdown, but there are a couple of pictures in which he’s tagged that are accessible.
I don’t recognize him from that day at The Lima Bean. Maybe he wasn’t there. Oh, of course – he wasn’t there. Blaine rolls his eyes at himself. Kurt was the one who had to go home after being slushied. He’s cute, though. I’m sure I would’ve remembered if he’d been there later when I came back to find Finn.
Blaine sends Kurt a friend request; it takes him over half an hour to craft a message he thinks sounds okay and not completely stalker-ish.
Hi, Kurt.
You don’t know me, obviously, but I’m the Warbler you were
waiting on today before you had to leave. I'm sorry I missed
you. After talking with your friends this afternoon, it sounds
like you and I have some things in common.
I thought maybe you’d like to talk sometime or maybe just
have someone listen. I know what it’s like to be singled out for
being different. I’m all too familiar with waiting for someone
to care because I’m being bullied for being gay.
I want you to know that I care, Kurt, and if you’d ever like to
chat – about your school situation or music (but not glee
while we’re competitors!) or even just the latest issue of
Vogue – I’m around.
Hope to hear from you soon, but if I don’t, good luck at
Sectionals.
Blaine
He hopes he hasn’t messed up with the Vogue mention. Blaine isn’t proud of it, but he’s sort of relying on stereotypes here, both the general gay stereotype and the fact that Puck said Kurt was happy to discuss their costumes (with feathers).
After he sends the request to Kurt, he wonders if maybe he should friend the others he met today. He sends requests to Mercedes (because she seemed the most normal), Rachel (because he can’t legitimately think of a good reason not to), and Finn (because even though Blaine still can’t think of him without cringing, he can’t run away from this). However, Blaine cannot bring himself to friend Puck.
Next, Blaine returns to his homework. He really ought to study for his upcoming English test, but he can’t focus at all. He settles for doing more geometry homework. The math problems might be taxing, but at least they’re fairly repetitive and somehow require less concentration.
Forty-five minutes and nineteen problems later, Blaine checks his Facebook account. Mercedes has accepted his request, and Kurt has messaged him back.
Blaine,
Thank you for your message and for this afternoon. Mercedes
said you stood up for me. That means a lot, especially since
you don’t even know me. I don’t get that kind of help much.
I’d like to accept your friend request, but I’m not sure I should.
Rachel’s already upset, and if she sees I’m friends with a
competitor, I’ll never hear the end of it. I mean that literally;
that girl can shriek like a banshee, and my ears might never
recover. I need my ears, Blaine
Also, one more serious point before I move on to the heaven
that is Anne Hathaway and the November Vogue photo
spread. I didn’t leave Dalton because of you or the Warblers
(Mostly.) When I found out Finn knew where I was, I needed
needed to get home to intercept him. Our parents are dating,
and we usually have dinner together. Finn can't keep his
mouth shut, and my dad wouldn’t have been okay with me
driving to Westerville without telling him. I am sorry I
couldn’t stay.
Aaaaaand now you will regret bringing up Vogue. Anne
Hathaway. Gorgeous. Go.
Kurt
P.S. Maybe we can meet for coffee sometime without it
turning into a mini-drama.
Blaine beams. He hasn’t really been all that worried about whether or not he’ll like Kurt. There wasn’t a question, really, after Nick said he likes him, but Blaine is pretty certain now they’ll get along. Although it’s getting late and Blaine should go to bed, he sends one last message.
Kurt,
If it makes you feel better, Mercedes accepted my friend
request. And while I understand about Rachel, I hope you'll
reconsider.
Important matters: Anne Hathaway is stunning. The
description of her as a cross between Leslie Caron and Audrey
Hepburn was dead on (and understand that I have loved
Leslie Caron ever since I first saw her in An American in Paris
when I was seven years old. The picture of Anne on the
staircase in the white gown made me gasp it's so perfect.
*She’s* so perfect. My only complaint, actually, is the cover.
I know that I have an amateur eye, but in my opinion the
touch-ups are too much. It's like they airbrushed out her
vibrancy. Does that sound weird?
I would love to meet up for coffee. This weekend is bad, but
maybe next week? The place in Bellefontaine was good and
would be roughly equidistant.
Going to bed now, but we’ll talk soon.
Blaine
He sends the message then gets ready for bed. Right before he turns off the lights, he checks Facebook one more time. Already there’s another message from Kurt, along with a notification that he accepted Blaine’s friend request.
If Mercedes gives you the okay, that’s good enough for me.
Not only that, but how could I not accept the friend request
of someone who has the same reaction to the Anne photos as
myself? The first thing I thought when I saw the cover was,
“who is this Stepford Anne??” but then I opened it and pored
over those Audrey-esque pictures and promptly forgot about
the cover. C’est magnifique!
I would love to have coffee next week. We can talk more Vogue
then, so bring your copy. Let me know when you're available.
Good night, Blaine.
Blaine happily shuts down his computer, turns off the lights, and slides into bed. Even though the circumstances aren’t ideal, Blaine already finds himself eager at the prospect of a new friendship. He hopes it will be good both for himself and for Kurt.
* * * * * * * * *
Over the next few days, Blaine and Kurt realize they have so much more in common than just Vogue, especially since it quickly becomes apparent that Kurt’s knowledge of and interest in fashion far exceeds Blaine’s. They also share similar interests and tastes in music, movies, television, politics, food, travel, ambitions… The list may well be endless, and Blaine wonders if there’s anything on which Kurt doesn’t have an opinion.
(And if Blaine also happens to find out that Kurt’s dad is remarkably accepting and supportive and Carole is kind and lovely and gets along wonderfully with Kurt, well he didn’t specifically ask. He’d be kidding himself if he said he isn’t relieved, though. At least that’s one less thing he has to worry about when he reveals everything to Finn.)
At first his chatting with Kurt is confined to Facebook, but they’re talking so much (and Blaine has never done that in class) that soon they exchange phone numbers so they can text. Kurt is witty and intelligent, sensitive and snarky. Blaine has friends, very dear friends, but this feels different. They text, email, and Facebook throughout the day. Their conversations are kind of all over the map.
THURSDAY
Kurt, 12:17pm: Shouldn’t being a “friend of Dorothy” (and why do ignorant jocks think that’s an insult?) come with more perks? Why can’t I drop a house on someone? I feel like that’s something she should teach me.
Blaine, 12:22pm: I think it requires a permit now.
Kurt, 12:24pm: Well, there goes that idea. I’ll never pass the background check.
Blaine, 12:26pm: Kurt! What are you hiding in your shadowy past? Illegally transporting a flying monkey? Owning a Munchkin sweatshop?
Kurt, 12:31pm: Worse. Hijacking Glinda’s bubble.
Blaine, 12:32pm: KURT! How could you?
Kurt, 12:34pm: There was an Alexander McQueen sample sale, Blaine, and I don’t own ruby slippers. How else was I supposed to get there?
Blaine, 12:39pm: Does Alexander McQueen have sample sales?
Kurt, 12:42pm: Really, Blaine? THAT’S your problem?
FRIDAY
Blaine, 5:55pm: Just finished Warbler practice. Nick says hi.
Kurt, 6:01pm: Hi, Nick. Sorry again about running out the other day.
Blaine, 6:03pm: Nick says don’t worry about it, and he understands. (I told him very generally why you had to leave. I hope that was okay.)
Kurt, 6:04pm: That’s okay.
Blaine, 6:11pm: Jeff says hi, too. He wants me to make it clear that if he’d known he was allowed to say hello he would have done so before Nick.
Blaine, 6:16pm: Hi Kurt! It’s Jeff. Hi! We miss you. Will you come spy on us again? We didn’t get to finish talking about your favorite Matthew Perry movies since Nick kept interrupting. Or is it our turn to spy on yohtfxaz
Blaine, 6:19pm: Sorry. Had to wrestle Jeff to get my phone back. He’s a big overgrown kid, but he’s sort of a savant at breaking into people’s phones or computers or whatever.
Kurt, 6:22pm: :) Tell Jeff hello, and I’ll try to visit sometime soon. Maybe we can have a Matthew Perry marathon.
Blaine, 6:25pm: Oh Kurt, you have no idea what you’ve done.
Blaine, 6:31pm: It’s Jeff again!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SATURDAY
Kurt, 1:43pm: Do you have a crush on Robert Downey, Jr.?
Blaine, 1:56pm: Um, what?
Kurt, 1:57pm: On Facebook - you’ve liked pages for every movie he’s ever done. I’m just curious.
Blaine, 2:00pm: Oh! No crush. I respect his talent, but all those likes are from a Facebook-liking frenzy at 3am after watching Sherlock Holmes twice in a row with David.
Blaine, 2:01pm: Why? Do you have something against RDJ?
Kurt, 2:03pm: No, nothing against him. Like I said, just curious.
Blaine, 2:12pm: Are you Facebook stalking me, Kurt?!? ;p
Kurt, 2:18pm: I don’t know what you’re talking about Blaine. I’m simply learning more about my new friend via a socially accepted medium instead of reading a completely pointless English assignment.
Blaine, 2:20pm: What’s the English assignment?
Kurt, 2:21pm: Ethan Frome
Blaine, 2:22pm: Oh. Ugh. Stalk away.
SUNDAY
Blaine, 9:38pm: Of the following, which is your favorite ice cream flavor: chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, butter pecan, dulce de leche, rocky road, mint chocolate chip, peppermint, pistachio, or chocolate chip cookie dough?
Kurt, 9:51pm: What? I don’t eat much ice cream, Blaine.
Blaine, 9:54pm: Just pick one. Whichever is your favorite or closest to it.
Kurt, 9:57pm: Fine. Dulce de leche, I suppose.
Blaine, 10:03pm: Oh, Kurt. I’m so sorry.
Blaine, 10:04pm: According to this internet quiz, you will have a mildly successful career as a fascist dictator before being trampled to death by koala bears.
Kurt, 10:06pm: Slowly back away from the internet, Blaine. It wants your soul.
Blaine, 10:07pm: My favorite is pistachio, so I can look forward to being someone’s trophy wife after my stint as an Olympic archer.
Kurt, 10:08pm: If you’re an archer, why can’t you kill the koala bears?
Blaine, 10:10pm: Sorry, Kurt. The internet has decreed it so. Also, koala bears are too cute to bring down with arrows.
Kurt, 10:12pm: You’re choosing koala bears over me?
Blaine, 10:14pm: We all have to make sacrifices.
MONDAY
Kurt, 9:32am: Blaine. I don’t know exactly what you and the other Warblers said to Puck and Finn last week, but thank you.
Kurt, 9:34am: The New Directions guys are around me most of the day as a “protection squad” now. Puck keeps calling me Mr. President.
Blaine, 10:03am: All I did was get angry and lash out inappropriately. They’re the ones who decided to do something. I think they were also scared of losing you to Dalton.
Kurt, 10:38am: I don’t think you understand. They would never have done this before. And even if they had, Puck still would have called me The First Gay or The First Lady.
Kurt, 10:39am: I’m buying the coffee tomorrow.
Blaine, 11:07am: About the coffee… I have to cancel.
Blaine, 11:09am: I really, really don’t want to, but my mom called this morning, and I have to go home tomorrow night. My parents are having a dinner party for some clients, and I’m expected to be there.
Blaine, 11:09am: I’m so sorry.
Kurt, 12:15pm: It’s not your fault, Blaine. I understand. Family comes first.
Blaine, 12:19pm: Well, like it or not I have to be there. Can we reschedule for later this week?
Kurt, 12:25pm: Of course.
Blaine, 12:28pm: Kurt? I really am sorry.
Kurt, 12:34pm: I know you are, and I don’t think you’re the type to cancel if you didn’t have to.
Blaine, 12:36pm: I swear I wouldn’t.
Blaine, 12:37pm: Could we maybe meet this afternoon for coffee? I don’t mind driving to Lima since I had to cancel our other plans!
Kurt, 12:41pm: I can’t today! I have a performance for the football coach with the glee guys, and then it’s my turn to make dinner for Dad, Carole, & Finn.
Kurt, 12:42pm: Don’t feel bad, Blaine. I promise I understand, and we’ll get together soon.
Blaine, 12:43pm: Performance for the football coach?
Kurt, 12:45pm: Trust me when I tell you it’s a long story. Have fun with your parents!
* * * * * * * * *
Blaine doesn’t quite know what he’s doing here, or why he faked being ill in his last class to do so. He knows he shouldn’t be spying, and he isn’t, really. Sure, he may see a performance, but only because he’s looking for Kurt. Of course Blaine won’t tell Wes or the council or the Warblers about anything he happens to see. Even if he wanted to, they wouldn’t listen once he told them where he got his information.
It’s just that Blaine has really, really been looking forward to meeting Kurt. The two of them have so much in common, and he just knows, deep down, they’re meant to be great friends. Plus, Blaine knows what it’s like to be lonely, to be the black sheep, to wish you were seen and heard as more than some label. Kurt deserves better than friends who only remember to have his back when they’re shamed into it.
None of which explains why he’s wandering the halls of William McKinley High School, hoping to stumble across a glee performance for the football coach.
Drums. He hears a drumbeat down the hallway to his left and sets off at a quick pace, trying to pinpoint the sound. Now there’s more music than the drums. Guitar and vocals. Stop in the Name of Love? They sound pretty good. And … that’s also Free Your Mind? Wow.
Peering into rooms as he makes his way down the hall, he stops at an office with the lights off. The opposite wall of the office has a window into a choir room where there’s a line of guys singing to girls. He can see Finn (Oh, right, Finn), Puck, and another guy he sort of recognizes on the end closest to himself.
Then a blonde guy steps forward to sing to a blonde cheerleader while the other guys back up and form a diagonal line. It’s hard to tell from his position, but that might be Kurt at the back. The guys step forward to reverse the diagonal, and now Blaine can see Kurt perfectly.
Oh. He’s even better looking than in his pictures. He’s kind of gorgeous, actually. Blaine already knew Kurt was good-looking, obviously, but what the pictures don’t capture is that twinkle in his eye or the grace of his movements or the confidence he exudes when he’s singing. And he’s particularly adorable when he dances. Blaine knows he’s grinning like an idiot, but he can’t help it.
Kurt dances forward with the rest of the guys toward the girls, and he guesses Mercedes was telling the truth about being his best friend because Kurt is singing to her. The way Kurt sort of shuffle-scoots up to Mercedes, though, is maybe the most endearing thing he’s ever seen and –
And then there’s a figurative bucket of cold water. It’s so abrupt that Blaine is almost shocked by it. Because that’s Finn’s voice, singing to Rachel. That’s his soulmate’s voice, and Blaine should be focused on him. The truth is that he can think Kurt is cute (because he is) and that they have a lot in common (because they do), but none of it matters. Finn is the one he’ll know for the rest of his life, even if it turns out he’s straight and they will only ever be friends. Finn is the one who deserves Blaine’s attention, even if they did get off to a rocky start. And Kurt has his own soulmate somewhere, one he’s meant to be with. One who is most definitely not Blaine.
So this feeling Blaine has that could easily turn into a crush cannot happen.
The New Directions guys finish their song, and the football coach says something. Blaine’s not entirely sure what it is because he’s already halfway out the door, running back to his car, running away from Finn and Kurt and this ridiculous mess he almost got himself into. Finn is his soulmate. Kurt will only ever be a good friend.
* * * * * * * * *
As soon as Blaine is back in his car, he’s dialing Wes’ number.
“Hey Blaine! How are you feeling? Trent told Thad that you were ill in your last class.” Wes’ voice is warm and comforting. Blaine feels like he might cry.
“I am. I mean, I’m not. I mean … I had to leave campus, and now I’m –“ He stops. Can he tell Wes he pretended to be sick and just saw a New Directions performance?
“Blaine? Are you okay? Where are you?”
“I … I’m at the school of one of our competitors, and I just saw them perform a number.”
There’s a pause before Wes speaks again, this time with a much sterner voice. “You cannot tell me anymore, Blaine.”
“I know! I wasn’t going to, I swear. I didn’t come here to spy, I mean not really. I just wanted to see someone.”
“Kurt?”
“Yeah, I know it’s – hold on. How did you know it was Kurt? Why not Finn?”
“Because,” Wes sighs, “Finn is not the one you’ve been talking about nonstop for almost a week.”
“I have not!” Blaine shakes his head, even though Wes can’t see him. He’s sure he hasn’t been talking about Kurt that much.
“Yes, you really have. At this point I may know more about Kurt than I do about you.”
Blaine feels completely lost. He rests his head back on the seat headrest and looks up at the ceiling. “I just, I think I kind of like him or could like him, but I don’t know what to do.”
“Blaine,” Wes says quietly, “does Kurt know Finn is your soulmate?”
He really is going to cry. “No.”
“Why not?” There’s no judgment in the question. It’s more like when one of his teachers asks a question they know the answer to, hoping he’ll know the answer as well.
“It’s a personal thing, Wes. I don’t have to tell everyone.” Blaine doesn’t want to sound defensive, but he’s pretty sure he fails. His throat feels a little tighter.
“No, you don’t. I’m sure there are several people you haven’t told. But is that why you haven’t mentioned it to Kurt?”
Of course Wes asks that. And if Blaine is honest with himself… “I don’t want him to know. I like Kurt, and I think that with some time it could have maybe been something more than friendship. But this thing with Finn makes that so complicated, or maybe the thing with Kurt complicates matters with Finn. I don’t know about anything, and I’m just so confused and –“
Blaine finally does break down a little. He feels tears sliding down his cheeks, and his breath hitches as he says, “I don’t get that feeling with Finn, that feeling you sometimes hear about, the one everyone hopes to have with his soulmate. Fireworks and tunnel vision and love at first sight.
“And I,” he sniffs, “I know that was maybe unrealistic, but I wanted to feel it for Finn. I just, I don’t have that connection, or any connection really, with him, and I’m scared this means we’re in the two percent. What if Finn is just someone I’m kinda friends with? Where does that leave me?” Blaine cries in earnest now and lets out a small sob. “I don’t want Finn to be my soulmate,” he says quietly.
“I know, Blaine. I know you don’t.” There’s a long pause as neither speaks. Blaine takes the opportunity to wipe his eyes with his hand and try to pull himself together. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Yeah,” he replies shakily.
“Do you honestly like Kurt, or are your feelings toward him a reaction to the news about Finn and your disillusionment with him at the meeting last week?”
“I –“ Blaine sits up in his car, and thinks about it for a moment. He really does have so much in common with Kurt, and Blaine doesn’t think the connection is all in his head. On the other hand, it is kind of suspicious that he would start to develop the inklings of a crush right after the disastrous meeting with Finn. “I’m not sure. I think maybe both?”
Wes hums his agreement. “Before anything else, you need to figure that out. And also, you need to be honest with Kurt. He has his own soulmate somewhere who he might be waiting for. Have you guys talked about that at all?”
“No, I’ve sort of been avoiding it. I will, though, I promise. We were supposed to have coffee tomorrow, but I had to cancel. Maybe I can reschedule for Thursday when we don’t have practice and tell him then.”
“Well, I’ve scheduled an impromptu Warbler performance for the commons on Thursday, but I’m sure you guys could meet after. That’s a good idea.”
Blaine starts to see the slightest inkling of a plan (and of course Wes wouldschedule an impromptu performance). “We’re doing a song?”
“The council liked the way Teenage Dream sounded in practice, but we don’t think it’s quite right for competition. David thought it might work well for a school performance, though.”
“Wes! Could I invite Kurt? It’s nothing we’re doing for Sectionals so it wouldn’t give him any inside information, and it would even up the fact that I saw them sing today!” Silence. “Please, Wes?” Blaine is not above begging.
Wes’ stern voice is back. There are braver men than Blaine who have been quelled with that voice. “You realize you’re asking for our competition to see us prior to Sectionals?”
“Wes, it’s nothing he couldn’t find on YouTube. There are Warbler performances from previous competitions and school concerts there, you know.”
“Yes, all of which are there against my will.” He stops, and Blaine knows he’s considering it. “Fine, under one condition.”
“Yes! Name it! Whatever!”
“I need his word he won’t report back to his glee club with what he sees.”
“I swear it’ll be fine. I’ll tell him. You have no reason to worry.” Blaine does his best not to cheer. “Thank you, Wes.”
“You’re welcome.” Wes’ voice sounds lighter than it was a moment ago. “Are you heading back here for dinner?”
“Yeah, I’m still in their school parking lot, but I’ll leave as soon as I hang up.”
“Okay then. See you before long.”
“Thanks again, Wes.” Blaine ends the call then switches over to his texts. He sends a message to Kurt.
Blaine, 3:54pm: What are your plans for Thursday afternoon?
As Blaine turns on the car and pulls out of the parking lot, he thinks about Thursday. He’ll perform for Kurt, and then they can go for coffee, where Blaine will tell him all about Finn. Kurt will tell Blaine about his own soulmate, if he knows, and then Blaine can let go of this burgeoning crush and focus on what needs to happen next with Finn. He can keep Kurt as a close, maybe even best, friend. Yes, perfect.
He hopes it will work.
Comments
Wonderful story! I'm hooked and I can't wait for the next chapter. I love your take on Kurt spying and the friend of Dorothy talk had me LOLing.
Thank you so, so much! I'm glad you're enjoying it. I loved writing the text exchanges - especially the Dorothy one! I mean, let's face it - being an actual friend of Dorothy's would have to have some kind of perks, right? ;)
This story is wonderful. I'm loving everything about this. It is so well written. I can't wait for more.
Thank you for the praise and for reading!! I'm so glad you're enjoying it.