“We think it’s possible Kurt is your soulmate,” Nick repeats.

No one in the car, including Blaine, says anything. David, whose eyes keep darting from the road to his rearview mirror, is the one to break the silence. “What are his eyebrows doing? Are they up? Are they down? I’m missing everything!”

Jeff turns and stares at Blaine. “Sort of up but squinshered together.”

“Squinshered is not a word.”

Jeff just shrugs. “Sometimes I find the English language lacking.”

“I, I don’t…” Blaine trails off, not knowing what to say. He gives himself a moment, tilting his head back on the headrest behind him. “My soulmate is Finn.”

Thad, sitting next to Blaine in the very back of the SUV, lays his hand on Blaine’s arm. “I know you thought that, we all did, but we’ve –”

“Um, no,” Blaine interrupts. “We didn’t just think that. We didn’t just randomly choose a guy off the street or pick someone out of a hat. I saw through Finn’s eyes. I got to the Lima Bean, and he was sitting there, wearing a red jacket and jeans, sitting between Rachel and Artie.” Blaine shakes his head. “I know you guys want me to be happy, and you’ve been teasing me about this crush on Kurt. It’s all in good fun, and I get it. But you can’t change what happened. You can’t just make up a different story because you like it better.” You can’t play with my head like that, he doesn’t say.

“Do you honestly think we would?” Nick asks. “I’m not telling you we know for certain, but we think there’s a really good chance.” 

“I’m not listening to this.” Blaine has an urge to cover his ears with his hands, but he doubts that’ll help.

Nick tries again. “Just give us –”

“No.”

Wes holds up a hand, palm out, from the front seat. “Give him a minute.” No one in the car speaks for a few moments, allowing Blaine a chance to think. It doesn’t take long before he can’t help but react.

“How can you guys say that to me? After what I went through, what we all talked about after my procedure? We went over it that night, point by point. We decided it had to be Finn. It was never even a question, really. And now you guys are changing your minds?” Blaine finds himself become more agitated as he goes on.

Thad opens his mouth to try to explain, but Blaine cuts him off before he has the chance. “No. No. I have not come all this way to have you guys screw it up. I’m good, okay? I have a platonic soulmate, and I’m okay with that. I’ve learned to be fine with it, better than fine really. I don’t need to be second-guessing.” Blaine is almost pleading now. “I can’t handle worrying about it. I can’t. Absolutely not. No.”

Jeff, sitting in the middle row next to Nick, turns around to fully face Blaine. “Hear us out.”

“What? What is there to say? Kurt’s gay, I’m gay, we’re both gay, and we get along. Great. Done.” He leans forward. “You think I haven’t thought about this? Haven’t wished that my soulmate was someone else, someone romantic, someone like Kurt? You all said I needed to move on, and I did, and now you’re telling me to move backward? I can’t do that.”

Of course Blaine has had fleeting thoughts. Sometimes more than fleeting thoughts. Denial about what having a platonic soulmate means. But once Blaine accepted that Finn is his soulmate there was no turning back. No room for what-ifs. He’d read about two percenters who couldn’t handle the aftermath of their procedures, who couldn’t come to terms with not having a romantic soulmate, and Blaine hadn’t wanted to be one of them. So he’d fully committed. Doubts and wishing for a different result would only ever lead to unhappiness and never being satisfied with his life. He wants more than that, so he chose to embrace the soulmate fate handed him.

And if sometimes he still noticed Kurt or thought about Kurt or wished for Kurt, well, he’d eventually be able to move beyond those feelings too.

However, for his friends to want to open that door again, after months that Blaine worked on coming to terms with this part of his life? It leaves him confused and more than a little hurt.

“We have a good reason, Blaine, I swear,” Nick tells him. “We know how hard this is for you, and we wouldn’t bring it up if we didn’t legitimately feel like it’s a possibility.”

David calls out from the driver’s seat. “We don’t know for certain. Can’t know at this point, really. But there’s enough circumstantial evidence to consider it.”

Jeff lays his cheek on his seat and looks at Blaine with big eyes. “Please, Blaine. Just hear us out,” he pouts.

“I swear on all that is holy,” Blaine replies, “if this some wild goose chase…”

“It isn’t,” Jeff answers, starting to smile. “I mean, we don’t think it is.”

Blaine is silent for several more moments, obviously thinking. “Wes?”

“Yeah?”

“You agree with them?”

Wes knows how much Blaine values his opinion, so he answers as seriously and as honestly as he can. “Do I agree that it’s possible you made a mistake? Yes. I do Blaine, absolutely.”

Blaine sits silently for another minute then says, “Start talking.”

“Yes!” Jeff shouts, pounding on the car roof with both fists. “Rock and roll, baby!”

Nick just rolls his eyes and grabs his roommate’s arms. “Jeff. Sit.” Jeff wiggles in his seat like he can’t contain his energy, but he stays silent. “Good boy,” Nick says, smiling.

Jeff sticks his tongue out. “I’m not a dog.”

“No, dogs are trainable.”

“Can we please?” Blaine whines.

Wes jumps right in. “Okay, so we’ve done some research. While it isn’t that uncommon for two soulmates not to feel a connection or shared bond at the beginning, it’s almost unheard of for two people not to have some sort of feelings for each other several months in.”

“You and Finn have known each other,” David says, “and been around each for almost four months now, and you still don’t feel anything.”

“No, hold on.” Blaine shakes his head. That doesn’t mean anything. “Lots of people don’t experience a connection or whatever. Not all romantic or platonic soulmates end up together or even like each other. We all know that; we talked about it. If that’s all you’ve got…”

Jeff bounces in his seat. “But that’s the point! You and Finn don’t feel anythingtoward the other. Nothing at all! I mean, we’re assuming with Finn, of course, but –”

“But it isn’t like with soulmates who don’t get along or who hate each other,” Thad says. “You two are just sort of apathetic toward one another. Indifferent. At least, nothing more than anyone else you’ve hung out with once or twice. If you hadn’t been so focused on trying to get to know him because you thought you were supposed to, you’d probably barely notice him.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, Blaine, but the only time you have felt something regarding Finn was when you thought you were supposed to or when it was in relation to Kurt,” Nick adds. “The only strong emotion you’ve ever had was when you were angry about the way he treated Kurt, but Blaine, we all felt that.”

David hums in agreement. “We were all angry with him and with the New Directions. You may have felt it a little deeper because of what you thought Finn was to you. Or it could also have been because you’ve been in Kurt’s shoes and been bullied because you’re gay. None of the rest of us experienced what you and Kurt have, so it would make sense you’d be more upset than the rest of us. And you were just as angry with Puck, remember?”

“Finn’s reaction and behavior scared you more,” Thad tells Blaine, “but that would be normal for what you thought your relationship was.”

“Relationship is.” Blaine corrects.

Jeff shakes his head. “Relationship may be.”

Blaine considers everything briefly but says, “I’m sorry, but that doesn’t prove anything, guys.”

Nick nods his head. “Not that alone, maybe, but –”

“What about the fact that Kurt was there when you went to the Lima Bean to find your soulmate, after your procedure?” Jeff asks with a grin.

Blaine slumps down in his seat. If this is where his friends are going, he already knows they’re wrong. “No, no he wasn’t. I’ve been over that a million times in my head. I remember every single person sitting at that table, and he wasn’t there.” He closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Mike, Tina, and Brittany were sitting across the table from me. Rachel was to my left. Artie was to my right, and then Puck and Santana were on the other side of him. No Kurt.”

“What if that’s because you were seeing through Kurt’s eyes?” Wes asks quietly.

“Then where was Finn?” Blaine asks, opening his eyes.

Nick shrugs his shoulders. “Well, where was Mercedes? Or the other blonde, what’s her name?”

“Quinn.” Jeff provides. Blaine stops himself from rolling his eyes; of course Jeff would know the names of all the girls.

“Right, Quinn,” Nick continues. “The point is you couldn’t see the whole table. It’s possible there were other people there. Or at the counter. Or in the bathroom. Or outside for that matter. Which means Finn could have been somewhere else while you saw everything through Kurt’s eyes.”

Blaine sits up in his seat. “Or it could mean that even if Kurt was there, he was the one who was somewhere else, and Finn is still my soulmate.” He shakes his head. “No, but even if that were true … when I was leaving the Lima Bean the first time, before my appointment, someone – Rachel, I think – asked where Kurt and Mercedes were, and someone else said Kurt had been slushied. I remember because I thought it sounded awful. Kurt wasn’t there, guys.”

“He wasn’t there when you left,” David replies, “but close to an hour passed from the time you left the Lima Bean to go to your appointment and the time you came back after it. Do you really think he couldn’t have arrived during that time?”

“Kurt was with Mercedes, whomever answered Rachel said so, and I didn’t … wait.” Blaine’s eyes get a little wider. “Kurt was with Mercedes.”

Thad nods. “Right.”

“Mercedes was the one who asked Mike for a ride just before everyone left,” Blaine says slowly.

“Yes! Blaine, you’re so close!” Jeff answers, a little too loudly.

“It, that,” Blaine stumbles, not sure how to make sense of this. “It doesn’t prove Kurt was there, though. I didn’t see him. Ever.”

Nick props his arm on his seat and leans over to put his hand on Blaine’s knee. “Maybe not, but do you remember what you told us about when Finn left?”

“Yeah, he was kissing Rachel,” Blaine answers with a scowl. “Thanks for the reminder, by the way. Then he left before I could say anything.”

“Right, Finn got in another car,” Nick says.

Wes calls from the front. “I didn’t make the connection, either, until he showed up at Dalton in his black Escalade.”

“You said that someone yelled at Finn to hurry up, right?” David asks.

“Yeah,” Blaine says cautiously, now that he has a vague idea of where this is going. “He … someone … I don’t remember? Wait. Finn was kissing Rachel, and then someone yelled … and they needed to … start dinner. Oh my God.” How has he never thought of this? Was he simply too fixated on Finn? He never had reason to doubt his soulmate’s identity until now.

David pleads, “For the love of cats and rabbits, please, somebody take a picture of him right now or so help me I will turn this car around.”

“Cats and rabbits?“ Thad asks, but Blaine doesn’t pay attention.

“Oh my God,” Blaine whispers, stunned. “I was so focused on Finn and Rachel, on Finn having a girlfriend, I never thought back to why he was leaving, especially since I didn’t even know Kurt then. It happened so fast.”

“It was Kurt!” Jeff cheers. He whirls around in his seat so that he’s upside-down, his feet kicking the car roof.

Wes points to Jeff. “Seatbelt!”

Jeff struggles to turn right-side-up. “Right, sorry. Excitement.”

“I – I don’t –” Blaine feels like his whole world has shifted completely. He doesn’t even know what to say. Kurt was there. Kurt was at the Lima Bean. Blaine doesn’t know how he could’ve been so stupid.

He hears someone snapping their fingers and looks up to see Nick trying to get his attention. “Kurt has a red jacket and a couple of red shirts. He said so. We haven’t seen them because he obviously wears a uniform to school, and he didn’t have the shirts or the jacket with him when he was boarding at Dalton. Either one could be what you saw your soulmate wearing that day, though.”

Blaine blinks and stops breathing for a second before it hits him all at once. “You!” he shouts, and Nick startles back. “You and Wes! You asked him about a red jacket! Kurt texted – he got mad at me because I didn’t tell him about sharing clothes, and I didn’t know what he was talking about. You suspected all the way back then?”

He looks from Nick to Wes and continues, outright yelling now. “That was last semester, weeks before Christmas, for God’s sake!” Blaine starts shaking with anger, realizing what his friends have kept from him. “You let me worry about this, agonize over connecting to Finn and my feelings for Kurt and all of it? You let me research the two percent and get used to the idea of Finn and dating someone else and –”

“Blaine, calm down, please,” Wes says, but Blaine ignores him.

“And fuck, oh my God, Jeremiah. That whole mess was, he was … how could you not tell me? Why would you wait until now? Do you have any idea what this has done to me? Wes, I came to you. I cried in your room.” He breathes hard, almost panting, waiting for someone to explain.

No one speaks for a few seconds until David says, “Okay, I don’t need a picture anymore.”

Wes glares at David then turns to Blaine. “We didn’t know whether or not we’re right.”

“You still don’t know whether or not you’re right.”

“True,” Wes concedes, “but it’s gotten to the point where we had to say something. We did as much digging as we could. I even called a couple of universities working on soulmate research and studies so I could ask them questions about what soulmate connections typically look like after several months. We didn’t want to bring it up and potentially get your hopes up without having something significant to back us up.

“But Blaine, Jeff’s right. The way you two were looking at each other tonight – the way you two look at each other when you think the other can’t see you or no one else is watching? There has to be something more going on here.”

Blaine sits back, the anger he felt just a moment ago almost gone. He knows his friends just want to do what’s best. And honestly, he’s as much at fault. If he hadn’t been so driven to make things work with Finn… Then again, he thought he had it figured out. Why would he have gone back to reevaluate who is soulmate might be if he was convinced he had it right? “I really am an idiot, aren’t I? He was … there. At the Lima Bean … it’s possible it’s Kurt.” His eyes start burning, filling with tears, but Blaine blinks them away.

Looking around the vehicle, Blaine sees everyone nodding their heads. Well, except Jeff who is beaming and for some reason waving his hand back and forth like Beyonce in the Single Ladies dance.

“What are you going to do?” Thad asks him.

“Stop,” Blaine answers. “No. I just, um – I need a chance to process.”

The car goes quiet again for several minutes while Blaine considers the situation. David turns on some music, but Blaine pays no attention to it. He thinks about the confusion and frustration he felt when he first thought his soulmate was Finn. He remembers the two percent websites, reading about people who center their lives around their soulmate’s identity and letting that eclipse other things happening in their lives. The heartbreak. The anxiety. The Dissenter website with statistics on soulmates that don’t work out, including couples that break up because just knowing they’re soulmates puts too much pressure on their relationship when things aren’t perfect.

Blaine is terrified, almost overwhelmingly so.

It was one thing when he thought it was Finn. Blaine didn’t have the same information when he first met him, didn’t have the same perspective he does now. And to be honest, after he came to accept Finn, right around Christmas, Blaine didn’t worry that much about their relationship. Yes, he wanted to get to know him better, but that was primarily because he knew that one day he’d have to tell Finn about their link.

However. Knowing now that it could be Kurt? It’s different. What happens if they become one of those horror stories he read about? They’re in high school for God’s sake – could they really sustain a healthy, long-lasting romantic relationship at this point? Would he lose Kurt completely?

He doesn’t even know if it really is Kurt. What if his soulmate is still Finn?

“Can we stop at the next exit?” Jeff asks. “I’m hungry. I want something fruity-ish.”

“I think I have a banana or maybe an apple in my bag,” Thad says, leaning over to pick up his satchel off the floor.

Jeff turns around and stares at him. “Ew. Why would I want a banana or an apple? Those are both fruit.”

“You just said –”

“I meant like Skittles or Starburst or something good. Obviously.” Jeff glares suspiciously at Thad, as though eating real fruit might be lethal.

Blaine takes a deep breath and says quietly, “I don’t know if this changes anything.”

Everyone except David turns to look at him. “Of course it changes things,” Nick says, looking confused. He stares for a moment, then his eyes grow wider. “You can’t seriously be considering not pursuing this.”

“I don’t know.” Blaine shrugs, still feeling a bit dazed. “What if it doesn’t matter? So what if he is or isn’t? If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last few weeks, it’s what you told me as I started this, Nick. Allowing one person or one relationship to define me is dangerous. So if that’s true, then it doesn’t matter.

“I was fine figuring out a life without a romantic soulmate, and I can still do that now. Whether my soulmate is Finn or Kurt or anyone else who was in the Lima Bean that day, it’s still the same situation, only now I’m even less sure about my soulmate. What I do know, though, is that I won’t allow this to complicate my friendship with Kurt. What if I screw it up? That can’t happen.”

Jeff stares over at Blaine with a crushed look on his face. “But you’re so good together! I don’t understand why this doesn’t mean you two couldn’t be happy. Wouldn’t it be easier if Kurt is your soulmate?”

“Maybe,” Blaine concedes, “but it still wouldn’t be a guarantee. It still might not change anything. I don’t know.” Blaine pauses and breathes in and out to focus. “Look, this is a lot to handle, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel about it. I don’t – I don’t know if this is supposed to make me feel better or worse or indifferent or what, but I do know I won’t jeopardize my friendship with Kurt.”

“So then wait,” David says, like it’s simple. “Don’t make any decisions now. You have your appointment for a procedure at OSU in March, right? We’ll figure out what Kurt is doing and what Finn is doing and then when you’re in there –”

Blaine stops him. “No, I don’t have the appointment anymore.”

Wes immediately responds. “What? I don’t remember you saying that you cancelled it.”

“I gave it to Kurt.”

Jeff, like everyone else, looks surprised. “When?” he asks. “Kurt hasn’t said anything to me about it.”

“Earlier this week I called and had them change the appointment over to his name.”

“Okay,” Jeff says, “but really it’s the same thing, isn’t it? You can still use his appointment to find out for yourself.”

Blaine takes a deep breath and says, “No.” His friends won’t understand, he knows they won’t understand. How can he explain to them that not knowing his soulmate’s identity is better than screwing it all up and being left without his best friend?

“No what?” David asks.

Blaine glances up at the car roof to give himself a second then looks back down at his friends. “No, I’m not going to … I can’t … I’ll do what Dissenters do. I’ll close my eyes.”

“What?” Jeff shrieks.

“Blaine, you’re not serious,” Nick says, stunned.

“Of course I’m serious. It’s better not knowing. There’s no pressure.”

Wes shakes his head. “You’ll know anyway, if Kurt’s soulmate is closing his eyes.”

“Not necessarily,” Blaine replies. “There’ll be no way to prove it.” He notices everyone start to open their mouths to protest, so he continues. “I’m not good at this. Look at what happened with Jeremiah. I completely messed that up with him. And Finn, that was never…” His breathing starts to speed up, his anxiety becoming too much. “I need Kurt,” Blaine pleads. “He’s my closest friend. If that becomes twisted or falls apart because I can’t be what he needs, because I’m not very good at romance, I don’t know what I would do.”

Wes sighs and tilts his head in sympathy. “Sooner or later it will all come out, Blaine. One of the two of them has another soulmate somewhere. What happens when that other person finds one of them? Or what if Kurt or Finn has a procedure without you knowing about it? It’s highly unlikely you can keep this a secret forever.”

“Then I’ll deal with it whenever that is, but it won’t be anytime soon if I can help it. If Kurt and I are still close a few years from now, maybe we’ll be in a better position to handle it – regardless of whether it’s Finn or Kurt. Until then, I’m just like anyone else who doesn’t know his soulmate’s identity. Simple as that.”

The others in the vehicle are visibly astonished and look around at each other. Blaine sees Wes subtly shake his head, as if to say leave it.

They’re coming into Westerville now, so Blaine knows they’ll be back at Dalton soon. He closes his eyes and tries not to think about any of it. He doesn’t want to think about how great it could be if Kurt is his soulmate. He reminds himself that there’s just as much of a chance that it would fall apart.

Several minutes go by before David announces, “We’re back.” He drives through the entrance gates and to his parking space in the student lot. As everyone gets out of the car, Blaine grabs Jeff’s shoulder. He has to ask about something that’s been bothering him for the last half of the ride home.

“Jeff, I don’t want to talk about the rest of it anymore, but I have to ask. You haven’t been getting close to Kurt just to get information out of him, have you? Because –“

“God, Blaine, no! Why would you think that? I know sometimes I’m kind of an idiot, but I’m not that kind of person. And Kurt is special and amazing and he gets my sense of humor and sometimes he helps me focus and I really enjoy hanging out with him.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I just needed to make sure.”

“It’s okay; I mean, I get it. I honestly do like him, though. And besides, if you twoare soulmates,” he says, picking up speed and talking quickly, “then you guys are gonna be boyfriends and fiancés and husbands. Kurt’s going to need a new best friend who isn’t his soulmate.” He leans in to whisper, “I’m going to be his best man at the wedding.”

Blaine blushes but rolls his eyes. “Uh, when Kurt gets married, to whomever it is, he might want Mercedes or Finn –“

“No!" Jeff shakes his head almost violently. “Me! Best man 2015!” Jeff shouts, punching both arms into the air over his head. Blaine stares at him, unblinking. Jeff lowers his arms and grins. “Oh, I’ve got it all planned out. Don’t worry. You’ll catch up.” He pats Blaine on the shoulder and walks away.