During his entire life, James repressed Blaine, doing it in such a way, that even when Blaine's attraction to boys started to grow stronger and stronger, Blaine continued dating girls, tortuously maintaining his pretense.

James Anderson, wasn't just homophobic, Blaine's dad was the most homophobic man alive. His homophobia was so bad that James made his family move three times when the neighborhood where they lived became unfit for his standards. Which standards? The ones that made James too disgusted by the idea of homosexual people living in his neighborhood. James couldn't stand the thought of gay people living on the same street that he lived, walking their dogs around the local parks or even frequenting the same grocery store that his wife frequented Saturday mornings.

And as if his hate wasn't enough, James never made any attempts to hide or be discrete about his opinions; on the contrary, he always announced them loudly for everybody, even for those that didn't agree with him, like his wife Sarah. She didn't like the way how he spread hate and hurtful words, but she never said that to him, or to anyone. Expressing her opinion could leave Sarah with a black eye and she didn't dare ruin her reputation, or her family's reputation to the shame of gossip about domestic abuse.

Of course that her silence, and those words of hate that surrounded Blaine during his childhood and teenage years made him feel disgusted by his own sexuality. He was so disgusted that the first time he caught himself actually considering that maybe kissing boys could be better than kissing girls Blaine destroyed his room kicking and punching everything that he could reach, even himself, angry with his own sinful thoughts. He hated himself so much that afternoon, thinking in how he would be treated by everybody, how his own father would treat him if he discovered Blaine's sins.

Already at that young age Blaine knew very well how the people of church treated those that don't fit the models of "good Christian" that the pastor always defended.

Blaine never was capable of forgetting this young man that had attended his church years ago. That man was young, good-looking, he even had blond curly hair like the angels in the movies, and Blaine didn't understand how people could treat him so badly. He suffered with some much hate and indifference, especially coming from Blaine's dad. His name was Brian, and while everyone knew something was different about him and whispered behind his back treating him coldly, his dad made sure that the poor man could hear him clearly every time that he screamed how Brian should be ashamed of going to church being a disgusting "Fag" like he was. Blaine was still too young to understand why Brian wasn't capable of changing who he was, the young hazel boy could see that Brian really tried, but didn't do a very good job at it, even going to the church every Sunday, everyone still knew who Brian was and despised him for it.

With the time and the awaking of his desires Blaine began to share a secret connection with Brian. They never spoke but sometimes Blaine was certain that Brian knew his secret. The blond man never did or said anything that actually proves Blaine's suspicions, but the way he occasionally looked to Blaine, with pity and sympathy, made the hazel eyed boy truly believe that the man knew his secret. Blaine and Brian shared the same uncomfortable feeling every time the pastor spoke about the abomination of the love between people of the same gender. Both connected by the same feelings, being suppressed and trying to hide themselves due all the hate and arrogance around them.

Years later Brian left Lima, Blaine never knew where the blond man had gone but until today he sometimes wondered whatever happened to Brian, sympathetically hoping he'd come to terms with life and was now happy. Though some might call Blaine a sap, but the soldier truly believed everyone deserved a happy ending.

Well some people. Blaine wasn't sure if people like his dad deserved one, and it hurt so much feel this way about his own father. He wished that he could tell his dad who he was and be accepted for that. But when he looked at the man who sat in front of him, he knew that it was impossible. Someone that used the words "gay" and "Homosexual" to offend others, someone who was making his son feel humiliated and wrong every time that heard those words, wouldn't change his mind.

So when James began to ask about Blaine's late date, the veteran's stomach twisted. The older man began to question Blaine about how was this girl, if she was hot, she came of a good family, making Blaine extremely uncomfortable, and he couldn't even look his dad on the eyes when the older man asked him if his girl had nice breasts and a nice ass. Blaine just wanted to run, get out of that place, go to his room and breaks everything like he did when he was a child, break things made him felt better that time, maybe it could do the same now.

"You know you need a good girl, a nice girl, not like that one that you used to hang out in high school…what was her name anyway? Sandy? Shanty? Santana? That's right it was Santana! I don't like that girl, if you ask me she looks like a whore." James said finishing another battle of beer.

Blaine wanted scream that Santana wasn't a whore, that she was his best friend, his only friend, but he couldn't. His stomach was burning with rage, his veins were running fire, but somehow James always paralyzed Blaine. The veteran behaved just like his mom did when she was married, when James stared to offend people or scream, she would sit, paralyzed, too afraid to do something.

Sarah almost never raised her voice in front of James. She only did that to warn Blaine to go to his room before some fight with James began. Every time that she ask him to go to his room earlier than the usual, Blaine knew what was about to happen. She had this look on her eyes, full of fear, silently begging for her son hide upstairs and pretend that he wasn't hearing anything. Apparently for James the Bible was pretty clear condemning homosexuality but it didn't have anything condemning domestic violence.

And Blaine may have the same color eyes that his dad had, but the look in them always was just like Sarah's.

"S-she is not a whore dad, Santana is just different." Blaine murmured.

"Different? You know what? People keep saying that other people are just different! There is no different! God made us in his image and resemblance, and those people that claim them self as "different" are just abominations!" James shouted, throwing his arms against the coffee table.

"Abominations like your son!" Blaine thought covering his face with his hands. He could feel his chronic headache coming back. He needed some medication for pain but he wouldn't take them in front of his father, he didn't want to seem weak in front that man, he wouldn't let James know the effect that he had on him.

"So you are going to give me those snack or what?" James casually said picking the snacks of Blaine lap. He stopped his speech about people being different and Blaine actually thought that he would get some peace, but the veteran's mind changed the minute that James began to talk again.

"I love those snacks. Your mother used to hate when I ate those on the couch, such a crabby woman is your mother. She bothers me just like that fag son of Burt Hummel does…" James said, catching Blaine's attention when he mentioned the name "Hummel".

"Burt Hummel?" Blaine asked.

"Yeah, you don't know him; he lives in the other side of the town. He had a heart attack and his faggot son started controlling what he could eat or not. Such a pussy being ordered by a fag! You should see that boy Blaine, everything in him screams "I am cock sucker", he is an abomination of the worst kind, he can't even try to hide what he is. I don't how they let him be a teacher. I wouldn't let him get close to my children, I bet he even abuses some of those innocent kids." James said dispersing words full of hate and disgust. Blaine could see that he meant every word, that James truly believed that Kurt, that wonderful and caring man, could abuse little children.

Blaine's stomach twisted in a mix of pain and anger, he wanted so bad punch James, just beat him senseless until all his rage went away. All those years of induced self hate, violence and repression were coming back while Blaine clenched tightly his fists.

He was about to jump on James when the older man looked at him. His hazel eyes once again paralyzing Blaine, but this time wasn't fear that paralyzed Blaine.

Blaine looked into his father's eyes, wanting to punch him, desiring to do the same things that he did to the enemies on the battle field, but that man in front of him wasn't the enemy, the man in front of him was his dad, and that realization stopped the veteran.

Blaine felt his eyes watering, he knew that could beat crap out of that man, he could even kill James if he wanted to, and hurt so badly be able to look into the eyes of his own dad and want to hurt him. Blaine was familiar to the feeling of hate. He already had felt that kind of hate when he was a teen, but now was different, now the hate came with the realization that he could actually physically hurt James. The veteran knew that he was close to hurting that man, his father, the one that gave him life.

No one could understand how painful was for Blaine to see the same color in James's eyes that was in his own, to hear his tone of voice in James words, that man even had the same curly hair that Blaine did. Only someone who had been in a similar situation could know how excruciating it was for the veteran be able to see himself in the features of the one that he hated.

"I-I'm going to go get more snacks" Blaine said looking away from James's eyes. He couldn't do it, Blaine couldn't hurt James, he wanted so badly, but he still couldn't. That man was his dad after all.

Blaine ran from the live room, a few sad tears fell from his eyes, he needed get away from that place. His dad didn't notice his tears and babbled something about as he turned on the television.

His head was already killing when the veteran when got to the kitchen. His throat was aching from hold sobs, self-hatred was suffocating him in waves again and he couldn't believe what he almost had done. He was so close to actually assaulting his own dad, what kind of monster he was?

Still trembling and holding in painful sobs Blaine grabbed some aspirin opening the fridge for some water, he found a tempting bottle of beer.

Yes, Blaine knew that he shouldn't drink. The veteran knew that drinking made his "condition" worse, but contradictory thoughts started to form in his mind. "How much worse can I get anyway?" He thought, falling even harder into the pit of despair.

It wouldn't be the first time that Blaine used alcohol to feel better. When he was sixteen destroying his room no longer worked anymore to make his anger go away so he began to steal some bottles of beer from his dad. They became pretty useful in making Blaine feel better after hours hearing James's hateful words. So why not? Why not fall back into his old habits of self-destruction to deal with his issues?

"Worked before didn't it? I am already an abomination…Why not?" he thought before took the cold bottle from the fridge. This little voice inside him still was saying to him that he shouldn't, but he was already feeling so bad, so Blaine just took the bottle and poised it at his lips, allowing the cool brew slide down his throat, the liquid quenching his thirst and the alcohol quenching his pain just like he was sixteen.

But of course that the effects of the alcohol wouldn't come without consequences.

After washing his face the veteran went back to the living room where his dad was watching television. The TV was tuned to a loud action movie. James started to speak about something, but the alcohol in Blaine's system made James' voice faded into the background until the only audible sounds were the shots and explosions of the movie, slowly morphing into a regular whoop whoop whoop of helicopter blades and strident gun shots.

Blaine's breathing became deeper and his heart began to beat madly. He began to collapse towards the ground with his eyes open wide, clenching his fists, digging his fingernails into his palms, with his whole body tensed. Blaine mind was carrying him away — carrying Blaine back for the darkest days of his life.

Once again, Blaine was had a gun in his hand, joining his comrades in the middle of a wide expanse of sand. Suddenly, everything turned into chaos and confusion. Shots were fired and explosions boomed, the sand became fire and blood while angry voices screamed him orders. "Run! Hide! Shoot! Dammit! Keep moving Anderson!" the voices said, while the world was taken by flames. Blaine could feel his leg bleeding again, the excruciating pain spreading through his body was back and all around him was horror and death. The screams of the men were atrocious; deafening Blaine's ears and confusing his senses. He couldn't breathe properly, he couldn't run, he couldn't even see, he only could pull the trigger trying to hit faceless targets. His friends were collapsing being swallowed by the sand becoming nothing more than anonymous bodies lost in the hell of the battle field.

When Blaine's palms were starting to bleed he came back to reality. The horror of his friend's bodies disappeared from his mind as the veteran returned from a personal trip to Hell. He was trembling, lying on the floor no longer on the battlefield in his mind.

Realizing where he was, Blaine's first thought was "Shit." He had that flash back in front of his dad. James was there holding a beer watching him with puzzled eyes. The last person that Blaine wanted to witness his flashback was there, standing in front of him.

"What the hell is wrong with you kid? Jesus Blaine, it's just a movie." James spoke sitting back on the couch again and rolling his eyes, annoyed by Blaine's "scene".

"S-sorry I-I just…" Blaine began to say, but couldn't find the words to finish his sentence. The adrenaline flowing in his veins but was rapidly being replaced by embarrassment and shame. How he could be that weak, falling on the floor like a freak?

So Blaine ran. He grabbed his phone and ran out of there. He ran as fast as he could, his leg began to hurt again, but he didn't care he just needed get as far away as he could.

Blaine couldn't face his dad, he even couldn't face himself. His dad words kept coming to his mind, "What the hell is wrong with you kid?" Blaine had made a scene, it was just a freaking movie and Blaine had made a scene.

He cursed himself a thousand times before fumbling for his phone and searching for Kurt's name.

"K-Kurt I really need you now, can you meet me? P-please" He said, sobbing.

"Blaine? What happen? Blaine please tell me where you are? Blaine? Blaine!" Was all that the soldier heard before a beep interrupt Kurt's voice and all was suddenly gone.

The phone slipped from Blaine's hands, tumbling to the ground as his body did the same.