Blaine still hadn’t come to terms with his new environment. Relearning how to live as a civilian was really complex. His instincts were always there, alert. Soldier Blaine didn’t disappear, he was still always vigilant, ready to fight, to run, or to hide. After all the discipline and terror of his previous life, having time to actually live, and not just survive, was something so new and terrifying. Even doing simple things like clean the back porch of his mother’s house became an exercise in how turn off the soldier Blaine and restore the civilian Blaine.

The another thing that also became part of Blaine’s routine, besides try to restore his condition as civilian, was staring at his cell phone.

Every night for the past 14 days Blaine stared Kurt’s number thinking of the best way to ask him out. He considered every way he could do it; maybe being dapper, or maybe shy, or funny? Blaine didn’t know how, he really didn’t have a clue of what he supposed to do in a situation like that. And that frustrated him. His own inexperience, his own awkwardness, resulted in Blaine spending several nights trying to sleep, lying in his bed unable to turn off the never-ending stream of self-doubts and what-ifs.

“Would Kurt even go out with me if he found out that I can’t even enter a place without evaluating the inside for a possible threat? I can’t even hear a loud noise without flinching! And for Christ’s sake how I will go in a date with him being as inexperienced as I am?” The hazel eyed man thought, cursing himself for hiding who he truly was for so long.

Over the years he’d become quite an expert in denying his attraction to other men and that cost him all the experiences that could help him now. Kurt was gorgeous and seemed so confidant, so sure of whom he was, how Blaine would ever meet Kurt’s expectations? Blaine was the guy that until some months ago actually considered the idea of hiding who he truly was. Trying to live an ordinary life, hid deeply in the closet, being the man that would make everyone proud, especially his dad.

Blaine didn’t felt good enough for Kurt; he was too shattered by the war, too inexperienced, and worse, Blaine still was in the closet, how the hell he would ask Kurt in a date if even his own best friend didn’t knew who he truly was?

He needed some fresh air, actually he needed a drink, he knew that he shouldn’t, that his Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder didn’t allow him to, but Blaine just needed get out of that house, escape his own lies and a drink just seemed like a great idea.

XXXX

Kurt waited and waited before giving up and getting undressed. Blaine wasn’t going call him that night, just like he hadn’t in the past days. The blue eyed man felt silly for still waiting for Blaine’s call. If Blaine didn’t call him in the last fourteen days why he would call him now? If Blaine really wanted go out with him he would have called him days ago, suggesting pizza or something, but no, he didn’t, so apparently Blaine didn’t want go out with him after all.

“Blaine must be straight and by now he is probably marrying some childhood sweetheart” concluded Kurt exaggerating again. Of course actually considering that Blaine was marrying someone at that moment was, without a doubt, an overstatement, but Kurt always was a Drama Queen. Santana didn’t help either, providing all the details of Blaine’s love life through high school.

Earlier that day Santana started a whole gossip session with Kurt and the girls, telling every little detail that she knew about Blaine’s love life. The beautiful girls, the movie dates, even the romantic slow dances at the prom. She told him everything.

And after all the stories that Santana told him, and putting aside his Drama Queen, Kurt was the certain that he had misunderstood Blaine’s actions.

“Kissing a guy on the cheek doesn't necessarily mean that you are gay, right? That was probably Blaine just being too friendly…” thought Kurt, sarcastically concluding “Well, that must be the new straight high-five, I can’t wait to practice that with my straights friends!”

The blue eyed teacher didn’t stop cursing himself all night for being so affected by a stranger. How had he allowed himself to became so enamored with someone that he barely knew? What was it about Blaine that caught his attention?

“Let’s see, brown-haired, hazel-eyed, cute, personality of small town boy and also was built to perfection. Yeah, I think I covered all the items of the list of ‘Why I stupidly fell for Blaine Anderson’ ” Kurt answered in his mind, burying his head in a bunch of pillows before turning his radio up as loud as it would go.

This wasn’t the first time that Kurt had experienced a crush on someone that later proved to be straight, but none of Kurt’s previous experiences had left him feeling so hurt. Kurt knew since the first time that he saw Blaine, that the veteran was a good man, a great one. And it just hurt so badly knowing that he would never have that great man on his side.

But Kurt would survive, he was strong and he would deal with the pain. And unlike his previous unsuccessful love experiences, Kurt wouldn’t be resentful this time, Blaine didn’t deserve his hate. He wasn’t a jerk like Kurt’s previous crushes, he was just a confused and shattered man, that probably mistook his own feelings when he kissed Kurt on the cheek. At least that was what Kurt thought, he wasn’t aware of Blaine true feelings towards him and the hazel eyed man’s actions weren’t helping him to change his conclusions.

And almost as all the depress feelings had Kurt weren’t enough, his radio began to loudly echo the gloomiest song in the whole word.

“AAAAll by myself…Don’t wanna be…AAAAll by myself, AAAAll by myself” Celine Dion’s voice echoed turning Kurt really mad.

“Really Universe? Celine Dion? You really hate me that much?” thought Kurt before put some clothes and leave his loud radio playing “All by myself” behind. He ran downstairs looking for his car keys, scaring Santana and Mercedes who were watching TV in the live room.

“Where are you going at this time of night?” The Latina girl asked, worried about Kurt’s rush, something had definitely happened. She could hear Celine Dion’s echoing in Kurt room and by how he upset he looked, something was really wrong with him.

“I am going buy some ice cream because apparently the universe hates me. So I am going buy some ice cream, get fat, and sing along with Celine Dion just like a high school girl that‘s been dumped.” He answered angrily, grabbing his car keys and leaving.

“Yeah Celine Dion has this effect on people.” said Mercedes with a raised eyebrow and an expression that said “Believe me. I already have been there”.

XXXXX

The blued eyed teacher discovered an open convenience store and didn’t hesitate a second to enter the place and ask for the biggest tub of ice-cream that he could find. And what he found wasn’t any ice-cream, it was chocolate flavored ice-cream.

Kurt never was the kind of guy that drank to feel good. He was a sixth grade teacher for God sakes! Spending the whole night drinking wasn’t even an option. And it was one of the many reasons why all his previous disappointments ended with a huge tub of chocolate ice-cream instead a huge glass of alcohol.

Kurt was starting to feel better already, he had taken the first step to cure his disillusion and that indicated, like all others that he had, maybe he also would be overcome this one. What Kurt didn’t expect was actually meet the cause of his dejection. But there he was, stunning, with his curls un-gelled, wearing a white T shirt and a pair of blue jeans in simple and clean way.

“B-Blaine?” Kurt asked confused, “What the hell Blaine is doing here?” he thought still not believing his own eyes.

“K-Kurt!?” Blaine said, surprised. He could believe his eyes either, the reason he was looking for something to drink at 1:00 in the morning was standing right in front of him.

“Doesn't drinking make your condition worse?” inquired Kurt, noticing the bottle that Blaine was holding.

“My condition?” asked Blaine. How did Kurt know that he wasn’t suppose to drink?

“Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, my brother told me that most soldiers shouldn't drink after coming back home, because it makes the nightmares worse.” Kurt answered. He knew that he probably shouldn’t be concerned with what Blaine could drink or not, but Kurt couldn’t help it, he really cared about that hazel eyed man after all.

“I wasn’t planning drink it… I just… I-I… I don’t Kurt, I honestly I don’t know what I was thinking.” Blaine admitted, starting to feel even more miserable. He spent the past several nights awake thinking about a way to not look like an idiot in front of Kurt and there he was, not looking like idiot, but an alcoholic.

“Just don’t give up ok?” Said Kurt looking in Blaine eyes “Don’t drink in order to feel better… You always can use the Hummel method to feel better; you just need buy yourself a huge tub of ice-cream like this one!” He concluded trying to cheer up Blaine’s depressed mood.

“But if you are buying one of those…then you must be sad too. Why are you feeling down Kurt?” asked Blaine, surprising Kurt. He wasn’t expecting be questioned about his sadness, especially not by Blaine. But since Blaine actually asked him, Kurt thought that the best was just be honest and deal with that awkward situation once for all.

“Well let’s just say that when someone says that will call me but don’t call, I feel a little rejected.” Kurt answered, honestly.

“I didn’t reject you….” Blaine tried to explain but that just made Kurt angry. Before Blaine could continue on with his sentence Kurt began yelling.

“You didn’t reject me? Really? Are you playing me? Because all your confusing signals are driving me crazy!” exploded Kurt, feeling his whole body tremble with rage. He was already tired of the situation, and all of those confusing signals that Blaine kept sending him were driving him crazy.

Blaine’s eyes widened in surprise at Kurt’s outburst. All his insecurities, all his fears of messing everything up had just became reality.

“No, it’s not like that!” Blaine gasped. He knew that he needed to explain to Kurt what was happing, why he hadn't called him, but he couldn't find the right words, he couldn’t even think clearly, looking at the anger burning in Kurt’s eyes.

Seeing the confusion in Blaine’s eyes Kurt’s expression became less frightening, although an undercurrent of irritation remained. He needed answers and he needed them now. So with his voice somewhat calmer, the blue eyed teacher asked, “You are just playing with me aren’t you? Are you at least gay?”

Seeking the right words to redeem himself, to make Kurt believe him, all that came out of Blaine’s mouth was, “Y-yeah I’m gay.” That was the first time that Blaine said that out loud and felt good, wonderful even.

Kurt jumped back shocked with Blaine’s answer almost letting his ice cream fall on the ground. “You really aren’t playing, are you?” He asked still unsure if Blaine was really telling him the truth.

“If he wasn’t straight why he didn’t call me? He found another guy? Dammit I was ready for a platonic crush on a straight guy, only to be rejected by a gay one…” thought Kurt, bitterly, already considering a million different reasons for Blaine to reject him, maybe he was too tall, too skinny, too girly…

Blaine’s hazel eyes noticed that what he said made Kurt look slightly hurt. “Why he wasn’t he happier? I just told him that I am gay? Doesn‘t he want me anymore?” Blaine painfully considered while studying Kurt’s expression, now unreadable, but at least it was no longer angry.

“Sorry,” Kurt whispered out of the blue “I didn’t mean yell at you, I just assumed that if you were really gay you would have called me. I shouldn’t have doubted your sexuality, just because you are not attracted to me doesn’t mean that you aren’t gay” Kurt apologized, really considering buy another tub of ice-cream. Just one tub wouldn’t be enough after discovering that Blaine was actually gay, and the conclusion that Blaine didn’t call him because he didn’t want to.

Seeing the look in Kurt’s eyes made Blaine feel scared, he really needed undo this mess before he blew his chance with the young teacher. So Blaine closed his eyes and let out the breath he was holding. If he looked at Kurt now he’d be too unnerved to speak and there were things that desperately needed to be said.

“I am attracted to you believe me, I am really attracted to you” he said, it was time for a little blunt honesty.

“So why you didn’t call me? I wait for fourteen days! Two weeks!” screamed Kurt throwing his arms against Blaine this time letting his tub of ice-cream fall to the ground.

Blaine didn’t know how explain all his fears, all his insecurities. He was desperate and he needed do something. He was already showing his weaker side and he was losing Kurt, he had to do something.

So he did. Blaine leaned in and closed the gap between them. He locked their mouths together, pouring every bit of his desire, insecurity and longing that had haunted him in the past weeks into the kiss. In that moment Blaine effectively crossed the point of no return. Afterward Kurt would either punch him or accept his apology.

Slowly Blaine pulled away and leaned back against a wall, saying with his eyes what he couldn’t say with words. His eyes screamed how much he wanted Kurt, how much he was sorry for his silence in the past days, and that he already had fall for the blue eyed man. The only thing that Blaine could hope in that moment was that Kurt had understood his message otherwise Blaine would lose everything.