Chapter 19

When Kurt gradually came back into consciousness, the first thing he noticed was that he had his arm wrapped around something warm. A body. With this realization, his mind went into autopilot. If he was quiet enough and didn’t move the bed around too much, she probably wouldn’t wake up, and he could get out of there without incident. He slowly removed his arm, and opened his eyes, vision blurred with the recesses of sleep. He made out dark curls and skin. He was honestly shocked with himself, he hardly ever let himself fall as—

Wait.

Dark curls. Dark short curls.

Blaine.

Everything from the night before came rushing back, hitting him hard in the chest. His eyes grew impossibly wide remembering the feeling of Blaine being so close, so tangible. The feeling of his lips against Blaine’s skin, and the noises the other man had made at the touch. He felt himself relaxing back into the sheets. His eyes settled over Blaine’s body, the soft rise and fall of his chest. He was lying on his stomach, face turned toward Kurt. His lips were parted and Kurt noticed the way his eyelashes hung over his cheeks.

Without even realizing it was happening, Kurt’s face broke into a grin. He took his position back against Blaine and draped an arm across his back, and just watched him sleep. He thought for a millisecond that it might have been odd, or creepy. But he decided it was worth being caught.

Eventually, (by this time Kurt had decided Blaine could sleep for ages and never wake up) Kurt’s stomach grumbled. He needed breakfast.  He brought his face close to Blaine’s , feeling the soft puffs of air on his own face and connected their lips in a soft kiss. He pulled away before Blaine’s eyes shot open, flaring in a small moment of panic before seeing the cerulean blue ones staring back at him. His heartbeat slowed and without a word he brought their lips together again, smiling against Kurt’s mouth.

“ ’M hungry,” Kurt mumbled between kisses, but he made no move to get away.

Blaine nodded. He wrapped an arm around Kurt’s waist before flipping them over so that he was on top of Kurt. His lips continued to move over Kurt’s, their tongues sliding together, already familiar with each other. Kurt moaned into his mouth.

Blaine detached his mouth and smiled down at Kurt, whose eyes were now a much darker shade of blue, blown with lust. Kurt wrapped a hand around the back of Blaine’s head, trying to bring his lips back down, but Blaine wasn’t having it. Kurt wanted their lips touching, at all times. What was he doing? Why had Blaine pulled away? He grunted in frustration, glaring at the man who wouldn’t give him what he wanted.

“What are you doing?” he finally voiced, but only received a small grin in response. Then Blaine was climbing down Kurt’s body. Neither boy was wearing clothing, so Blaine was able to take the base of Kurt’s half-hard cock in his hand without the worry of buttons and zippers between them.

Kurt sighed with the touch and rolled his hips up into the grasp. Blaine took a minute to look at Kurt, naked and pale before him without the shield of night. He was so beautiful. His lips curled up into a smile before coming down to kiss at the tip of Kurt’s length. His mouth sunk over him, and he listened to the sounds Kurt was making, encouraging him. Kurt’s cock grew harder with the warmth around it, stretching Blaine’s lips as he went further down. Blaine felt Kurt’s fingers tangle into his now completely free curls, tugging lightly, making Blaine moan around him.

Blaine took him as far into his mouth as he could without choking, he had to hold Kurt’s hips down when he tried to thrust into the wet heat. He began to bob his head, swirling his tongue in patterns on the way up and tasting him at the tip. Blaine never would have thought sucking another man’s cock would be enjoyable. He would have been wrong. Kurt was making the most sinful noises, and Blaine felt like he was going to come just from listening to him.

Kurt started pulling on his hair, trying to get him off when he said, “O-okay, Blaine, I-I…” he didn’t get to finish though before he was spilling down Blaine’s throat. Luckily it had been enough warning for Blaine to be expecting it. He swallowed the bitter come and when Kurt was finally done, he pulled off. The first thing he did was to crawl back up Kurt’s body and kiss him senseless. Kurt could taste himself on Blaine’s tongue and it was almost enough to make him hard again, but it was too soon.

When Blaine pulled away and smiled at him, Kurt stated, “You know, I’ve never met someone whose first response when I tell them I’m hungry is to try and devour my cock.”

“Yeah, well I guess I’m not like everyone else.” He listened to Kurt laugh and grinned, thinking it was the best sound he had ever heard.

“Maybe I should be hungry more often then.”

“I wouldn’t object to that,” he looked over at Kurt, still fully exposed, then jumped off the bed. For the first time, he noticed the pain in his ass and he winced.

Kurt saw, and started laughing. “I suppose it hurts a bit then?” he questioned.

Blaine nodded. It wasn’t necessarily an awful pain, but it was enough to put a kink in his step.  He threw Kurt his underwear after finding them in a pile with the rest of their clothes. “C’mon, let’s go get breakfast.”

“Oh, yeah, I know, this is like my favorite part of the entire show…” the guy next to Kurt was laughing. They had been talking for a while. He was an extra. Seemed like a nice guy. Kurt laughed with him and made a sarcastic comment.

They looked up when they heard the doors to the theater opening. “I just want to meet him. That’s it, Paul. I just want to meet the guy.” Kurt recognized the voice.

Damon.

His voice was winded, like it hadn’t been so calm just minutes before. Kurt felt his heart speed up.

Paul’s professional, semi-soothing voice chimed in, “Listen, Damon. We can talk about this. There’s no reason for you to get worked up. You know I can pull some strings, get you in another show.”

Kurt knew he should get up. Make an excuse, get some water or something, but he couldn’t. He was glued to the spot, watching in horror as the man he had replaced laid eyes on him sitting on the side of the stage.

He saw Damon turn to Paul and say something to him in a hushed tone. Kurt couldn’t make out what he was saying, but he could tell it wasn’t good by the way his shoulders tensed, the muscles visibly constricting. He could have sworn he heard a low growl come from the man.

He looked over at the boy, Jack, he thought his name was. “I’m…uh…bathroom.”

He hopped to his feet, but didn’t make it very far.

“And where do you think you’re going?” Damon snarled. Kurt, against his better judgment, turned his head to look at the giant Neanderthal who was now pointing directly at him.

More quickly than Kurt would have thought humanly possible, Damon made his way onto the stage and close to Kurt. “I thought I made it very clear that you shouldn’t mess with me. But apparently I didn’t make it clear enough.”

Kurt’s eyes darted to Paul, who was trying his hardest to catch up with Damon. He stuttered, “I-I, uh…”

“First you try to take my girl, now you want my part too? Who do you think you are you little perverted son of a bitch?”

For a brief moment, Kurt let his mind wander over the irony of the situation. He’d only met this guy, what, twice? And neither time had been pleasant. He couldn’t help wondering how he managed to get caught up in this mess. His voice came out stronger than he would have expected, “They gave me the part. I didn’t take anything from you.”

“I beg to differ, pretty boy,” Damon growled.

Paul caught up then and grabbed a hold of Damon’s arm. “Out. Now. You can’t be in here, this is a closed rehearsal.”

“Yeah. One I should be included in,” Damon snapped. He spun back around, apparently done with the ordeal. “I’ll get my part back.”

And then he was gone.

Kurt’s fingers traced lazy patterns over Blaine’s thigh as the film version of RENT played in the background. He had already told Blaine what had happened at the theatre. Every last detail. Blaine had been furious.  Kurt managed to calm him down with soft kisses and ‘It’s okay, I’m a big boy’s. It was tearing him up inside though.

The credits started rolling, and the way Blaine was breathing, Kurt would have guessed he was asleep, but then he heard his voice, soft and broken. “Kurt, can we talk?”

Kurt paused his fingers. Of course they could talk. They talked all the time. “Sure. About what?”

Blaine sat up from where he was leaning against Kurt, so he could look him in the eyes. “Well, you know how you said you wanted to know everything?” He raised his eyebrows, and saw the memory of that night flash through Kurt’s eyes.

“Yeah, of course I remember.”

Blaine nodded. “Well, I want to know everything too,” he saw Kurt’s mouth open to say something, but he cut him off. “I want to know about your life in high school, Kurt.” Pause. “Rachel tells me things sometimes, I think purely on accident. And you’ve mentioned it once or twice, but not really. You avoid it. I just…if I can help, at all. I would like to. That’s all I’m really asking.”

Kurt sighed, his head hitting the back of the couch roughly. Where do I even begin? He wasn’t sure though. Wasn’t sure he wanted to tell Blaine those things. Wasn’t sure he could.

“It’s okay, if it’s not everything. I just need to know…what happened that affected you so much.”

Blaine wasn’t asking, though. He wasn’t giving Kurt the choice, and Kurt knew that. And he couldn’t argue that Blaine probably should know. He should know why Kurt was so fucked up.

“I came out in the tenth grade.”

Kurt was expecting a gasp, wide eyes, a ‘wow,’ something. Anything. Blaine remained completely expressionless.

Kurt didn’t look Blaine in the eyes when he continued talking, “Everyone hated me. Except for the Glee club kids. They were there for me. Well, most of the time. It was awful. Every second of it. The shoving, the slushie facials, the death threats,” he paused and chuckled. There was no humor in his laugh. “I was prom queen my junior year. It all just felt so wrong. Why should I be put through that, that horror, just because I wasn’t attracted to the gender I was ‘supposed’ to be attracted to? Why should anyone be treated like that for anything? None of it made any sense. So I decided, that if they weren’t happy with me the way I was, maybe I shouldn’t be me at all. In some fucked up, crazy way, it made sense. It was the only thing that had ever made any sense. So I changed. I became a different me. I still felt like I was me, I was just subduing certain parts. I forced myself to get turned on by girls, because that’s what they wanted. And it stopped, for about two months, they all backed off. Actually, they kind of admired me. I was fucking every girl in school. The ones they couldn’t dream of having. In just two months? I had all of them in the palm of my hand. Those were the best two months of my life. And I guess…I just didn’t want it to stop.” He stopped talking and looked at Blaine.

Blaine didn’t have judgment in his eyes, like Kurt had expected him to. He didn’t look at Kurt like he just wanted to back away, like he was disgusted. Kurt thought he would have had good reason to be though.  He just simply opened his mouth and asked, “So, you just kept doing it? Because it made you feel better about yourself?”

Blaine’s question wasn’t accusing, but Kurt felt it hit him square in the chest. Yes, that’s exactly why he did it. It made him feel better about himself. He took advantage of people, throwing them out of his life, not five minutes later, just to make himself feel better. To make himself forget what a “horrible” human baing he was. What he didn’t realize though, what he realized now, was that in the process, he was losing himself even more.

Kurt grabbed the nearest pillow and buried his face in it. He felt tears burning in his eyes, but he didn’t want to cry. Why was he crying so much recently? He felt the warmth of Blaine’s arm wrapping around him, trying to comfort him.

“It’s okay, Kurt. You told me, that’s all I wanted. It’s all in the past. None of that matters now,” he whispered.

Kurt shook his head, disagreeing. It did matter, every bit of it mattered. But he couldn’t deal with it. It was too much. Too much to think about. He couldn’t change his past.

But maybe Blaine was helping him. Helping him to become a better version of himself, one step at a time. And that’s what he thought about as he suck further into Blaine’s grasp, sobbing quietly.