“Wh-why is it,” Kurt paused in his crying to ask, “that half the times I see you I have some sort of complete mental breakdown?” Blaine muffled a small laugh in Kurt’s shoulder. His eyes felt swollen. He had been crying too, he’d cried ever since he’d figured out that Kurt wasn’t breaking up with him and he understood what the real problem was. He cried when he heard what his lover had been through. And he hated hearing what Kurt was still going through, he wanted to end Karofsky, not just wasting the worthless sonofabitch in an alley somewhere, but destroying all versions of him everywhere – in Kurt’s mind. He wanted Dave to vanish forever so Kurt could finally be happy. He forced himself to stay calm, he had to remember that Kurt, precious Kurt, was in his arms. He listened as Kurt hiccupped himself to silence, rubbing his back and murmuring hushed, nonsensical things in his ear.

“I love you, Kurt Hummel. I will never let anything happen to you.” Blaine didn’t know what else to say, but he did know that those words were exactly how he felt. Kurt wormed himself closer into Blaine’s arms. “I love you too,” he said, but his voice broke on the last word and he pressed his face into Blaine’s shoulder so that Blaine could feel the tears seeping into his shirt. An uneasy feeling formed in the pit of Blaine’s stomach and he sighed. “Kurt, you don’t have to,” he said softly. Kurt raised his head and looked straight in his eyes. “Don’t have to what?” Blaine felt himself starting to tear up again. He choked on the rising heat in his throat. “Don’t have to…love me,” he managed to say. “I mean, you don’t have to say you love me. If you’re not okay with us…I saw how you looked at me today in the shop, if I’m part of the problem, please just say so.”

“Blaine!” Kurt immediately shot up in his seat and threw his arms around Blaine’s neck. “Oh, Blaine…I do love you. I do. Don’t ever think otherwise. Ever. I just…I’d just dreamed you were d-dead, Blaine. I was afraid I was going to look into your beautiful face – ”he pulled away from Blaine to look at him. He smiled. But then the smile fell. “ – and not see you. I was afraid you would be broken and pale and taken away from me.” He cupped Blaine’s cheeks and Blaine savored the relief of those cool white palms against him. “I love you,” he whispered. Blaine felt himself relax; he pulled Kurt into a close hug; they spent the rest of the night enjoying each other’s company.

….

But Blaine wasn’t letting go. He was not condemning his lover to the torture that he knew Kurt would go through if this didn’t end. Kurt needed to talk to someone, and Blaine couldn’t think of anyone better than himself. But when he tried to bring it up one night, Kurt immediately rebuffed him.

“Why do you think he still scares you so much?” He knew that there were probably better ways to start conversations like these, but Blaine hadn’t come up with any. Kurt froze for a second, then shrugged.

“It’s fine, Blaine. I’ll get through it.” Blaine was slightly stunned at Kurt’s offhandedness. But he was not going to be brushed off so easily.

“Kurt, you need to talk about this.”

“That’s what my therapy sessions are for.” Kurt went on ignoring him, fiddling with something on his phone.

“You said yourself they weren’t working,” Blaine said, his eyes on Kurt’s downturned face.

“I said it was getting better.”

“Yeah, and then it got worse.” Kurt was still ignoring him. Blaine finally swatted the phone out of his hands. But his annoyance was stopped dead in its tracks when Kurt left the phone where it was and buried his face in his hands. “Look, Blaine,” he said, his words muffled from the palms mashed against his lips, “I really don’t want your help.”
“Why not?”
….
Kurt groaned and sat up. He was about to snap at Blaine when he saw the I-mean-business expression on Blaine’s face.

“Look, Blaine…I…” he ground his knuckles together, trying to think of how to phrase his feelings exactly. “If I tell you about Dave, I feel like a victim. I don’t want to feel like a victim, I don’t want to be treated like a victim, because I am not a victim. I’m me. So please, can’t we just – ”

“No.” Kurt started to protest more, but Blaine held up a hand. “No. We can’t. We’re going to talk about this. Don’t tell me to just ignore it because that’s not helping, that’s ignoring, and it’s not going to make you feel any better. I love you, Kurt,” he said with a glint in his eye, “I care about you and I have faith in you and if you think I’m just going to let you sit back and take this shit from the universe, then maybe you really don’t know me at all.”

Kurt worried his bottom lip as Blaine reached across the table to hold his hand. “Trust me, Kurt,” he said softly. Kurt sighed deeply, trying to expel all of his doubts and fears on that single gust of air.

“Why am I afraid of him still?” Kurt asked quietly. “I don’t know. It’s like there’s an alarm bell in my head that goes off whenever I start to feel remotely happy, reminding me that he’s still out there and that anytime he could just pop in for a visit and kill me. Or kill you.” He sucked in a breath, feeling his cheeks start to get warm. “And when that’s not happening…I’m afraid of my fears, I guess.” He let out a humorless sound that could have been a laugh. Ha. “I’m worried that one day I’m just going to snap and I’ll be living in my nightmares, and you would only be a dream. That life will suddenly be the other way around.” He shuddered. “It scares me that he gets to me so much.”

“Don’t worry, Kurt.” Blaine smiled, and Kurt felt his heart melt and pool somewhere around his collarbone. “Whenever he tries to get to you, I’ll be right there standing in his way.”