It had been a few weeks since Blaine had had his first date with Sebastian. They had gone out on a few other dates but Kurt didn't exactly know how much they saw each other because Blaine didn't really talk to him about Sebastian. The only thing he knew was that Blaine was still seeing him.

Kurt thought he should be thankful that Blaine didn't talk much about Sebastian and about how great he was and how good he kissed (Kurt still felt a sharp pain every time he thought about Blaine kissing Sebastian but he managed not to think about it too much. And Kurt just knew Sebastian and Blaine had kissed even if they'd never actually talked about it). But the fact that Blaine didn't want to talk about Sebastian did also bother Kurt: He and Blaine were best friends and weren't best friends supposed to talk about everything to each other? He still was Blaine's best friend, wasn't he? He didn't even know if Blaine and Sebastian were actually boyfriends because he and Blaine had never talked about this either...and best friends should talk about something like that, shouldn't they?

Their relationship hadn't really changed that much. They still spent a lot of their free and school time together but not as much as before the Blaine-Sebastian thing started. They still had lazy afternoons together in which they just hung out or watched movies. But when they weren't as close to each other as they had been before. They didn't sat together on the bed, heads on each others shoulders or hand entwined. They didn't hug too long or just sat there staring at each other. But Kurt couldn't blame Blaine for this because it was him,Kurt, who had stopped the whole cuddling-thing. He just thought that now since Blaine had Sebastian it wouldn't be right anymore and Blaine didn't want to do it anymore. So Kurt just tried to stay away from Blaine and to give him his space. Even if he didn't like it. Sometimes Kurt felt tempted to just cuddle to Blaine and never let him go again. But he knew he couldn't. Because Blaine wasn't his and he wasn't Blaine's!

He had accepted this by now but there were still nights when he cried himself to sleep and he was so unhappy that he just didn't want to get up again. His father had noticed the change in Kurt's and Blaine's relationship, Kurt's unhappiness and how tired he looked in the morning. But he'd stopped asking after Kurt had told him that they had just a lot of school work and he had to work on it very long. Kurt was sure that his dad didn't believe him but he'd stopped asking after Kurt had lied to him. Maybe he saw that Kurt didn't want to talk about it and he knew that Kurt could handle it on his own like he always did. But there were moments when Kurt just wanted to tell everything to someone. To someone who wouldn't judge him and someone who wouldn't say something like “I told you so but you didn't listen!”. Of course he could talk to Mercedes or even to Rachel but they just didn't understand him. Mercedes thought Kurt should just tell Blaine what he felt and she didn't understand why he couldn't. And in fact Kurt avoided to talk about Blaine with her. Or with Rachel. He avoided to talk about Blaine to anyone. Because mostly he just didn't want to talk about him. But then there were this moments when he needed someone to tell. Someone who was like Blaine: understanding and caring. Always listening and with a solution. But he couldn't talk to Blaine about this. And he hated it.

It was Monday morning and Kurt just got out of his Navigator as two of the jocks pushed him against it and he fell, together with his books, to the ground. He looked at them with an evil glance but they just laughed and high-fived. Kurt sighed and leaned his head back on his car. He just sat there for minutes not having the force to get up while students crossed the parking lot in front of him. Some of them ignoring him or throwing him glances. Suddenly someone stopped directly in front of him and held his hand out. Kurt looked up. Blaine was standing there, smiling lightly down at him. Kurt hated how his heart began to beat faster every time he saw Blaine. How much he laughed his smile and his eyes and his bow ties.

“A little pause before school starts?”, Blaine asked his hand still in front of Kurt.

“No, a rough start. Some of the jocks pushed me. Again”, Kurt said and took Blaine's hand who pulled him to his feet. Kurt clapped the dirt from his cloths and Blaine collected Kurt's books from the ground. “Thanks”, Kurt said when Blaine handed him the books and smiled warmly.

They began to walk towards the school building, talking excitedly about their weekend, just enjoying each others company.

_____________________________________________________________________________

When Kurt had finished his last lesson this day, he went straight to the choir room to attend Glee club. He was one of the first to arrive and sat down on his usually chair. After a few minutes Mercedes and Tina arrived and sat down next to him. They were caught in a heated conversation so Mercedes only waved her hand as a greeting. Blaine arrived together with the rest of the club and Mr Schuester. Blaine sat down next to Kurt as always and they greeted each other. When every member was sitting Mr Schuester clapped his hands.

“Hello guys!”, he said. “We have a lot things to discuss about nationals! But before we start: Blaine it's your turn. You can start with your song!”

Kurt then realized that he had forgotten that Blaine was going to sing today. He also forgot to ask him which song he had chosen. Kurt chewed his lip. He suddenly felt like a bad friend for being to distracted with his own problems to remember things which were important for Blaine.

Blaine got up from his seat and stood a little self-conscious in front of the New Directions.

“Well, normally I would sing something like Pink or Katy Perry but not today”, he said, taking a deep breath. “I chose this song because I really like it and it kind of helped me through a rough time.”

Before Kurt could even think about something Blaine could mean by “rough time” the music began to play and Blaine began to sing.

Take me down to the river-bend.
Take me down to the fighting end.
Wash the poison from off my skin.
Show me how to be whole again.

Fly me up on a silver wing.
Past the black where the sirens sing.
Warm me up in the nova's glow.
And drop me down to the drain below.

Blaine's voice matched perfectly with the song and Kurt was stunned by the intensity of the lyrics. When the refrain started Blaine's voice got stronger and it was like he really felt what he sang.

Cause I'm only a crack in this Castle of Glass.
Hardly anything left for you to see.
For you to see.

The song went on and Kurt was like totally hypnotized by Blaine's voice.

Bring me home in a blinding dream.
Through the secrets that I have seen.
Wash the sorrow from off my skin
and show me how to be whole again.

Cause I'm only a crack in this Castle of Glass.
Hardly anything left for you to see.
For you to see.

Cause I'm only a crack in this Castle of Glass.
Hardly anything else I need to be.

Cause I'm only a crack in this Castle of Glass.
Hardly anything left for you to see.
For you to see.

The song ended then and everyone began to clap. Blaine smiled lightly and bowed. But Kurt thought that his smile almost looked a little bit sad when he sat back down next to Kurt.

“That-that...”, Kurt began. “was really nice! You're voice and the song matched perfectly.”

Blaine smiled his little sad smile. “Thanks. The song really means a lot to me.”

He didn't say anything more and then Mr Schuester began to talk about Nationals and everyone joined in the conversation. Kurt only sat there without saying anything, deep in his thoughts about what Blaine meant with “rough time”.

______________________________________________________________________________

Later that day Kurt went to the mall together with Mercedes. Prom was in a week and she wanted Kurt to help her with her dress. They went into a small shop with nice dresses and Kurt decided that Mercedes should wear purple and looked through a few dresses.

“So, what are you going to wear?”, Mercedes asked, sounding excited.

“I'm not going”, Kurt said, still looking through the dresses.

“What do you mean, you're not going?”, Mercedes asked. Kurt guessed that she was raising an eyebrow when she said it but he didn't turn around to prove it.

“I mean...”, Kurt said and picked out a beautiful purple dress. “....that I won't go to the prom” He said, turned around and handed the dress to a disbelieving looking Mercedes. “Try this! The color is beautiful and I bet it'll fit perfectly!”

Mercedes took the dress without looking at it. “But it's prom!”, she said like it'd be an argument.

“Well, yeah it is”, Kurt said rolling his eyes. “Now try the dress” He dragged Mercedes towards the changing room.

Mercedes got into the the dressing room and closed the curtain. “But you've to go”, she continued. “Why aren't you going?”

Kurt sighed and sat down on a chair in front of the dressing rooms. “I don't have a date and I definitely don't want to go there alone! I'll just stay at home instead...watch a movie or something.”

Kurt didn't want to admit that it wasn't only the fact that he didn't want to go alone. He also didn't want to see Blaine together with Sebastian because Kurt was sure Blaine would bring Sebastian with him.

Mercedes, now wearing the purple dress, got out of the dressing room and looked at Kurt. “But Kurt, you've to come! It'll be fun and we could stay together the whole evening and-”

“No, you go with Sam and I would only disturb you two”, Kurt said and dragged Mercedes in front of one of the mirrors. “Wow, it fits perfectly like I said! You look like a queen.” He clapped his hands.

“Kurt, you're my best friend and you would never disturb me”, she said taking his hand. “I don't want you to sit alone at home when everyone else is having fun!”

Kurt sighed. “It's okay. Really.”, he said and squeezed her hand. “In fact I never really liked prom.” That was a lie. He'd always dreamed about his first prom and about what he was going to wear and with whom he was going...

Mercedes looked at him with her “Bitch please” expression. “Oh Kurt, I know that you're lying”, she told him. “I know you well enough to know that!”

Kurt only snorted and suddenly Mercedes face lit up.

“What if I find a date for you?”, she asked excited.

Kurt only snorted again. “You won't!”

Mercedes grinned at him. “If I'll find a date for you, you'll come to prom! Deal?”

Kurt thought about it for a moment. Mercedes wouldn't find a date for him so he could agree only to make her happy. “Deal”, he said and shrugged.

Mercedes smiled widely at him. “Great! Well I'll think I'll buy that dress! It's nice and if I began now I've more time to find a date for you!”, she said and got back into the dressing room.

Kurt only rolled his eyes on her enthusiasm.