[[Present; New York City; Kurt’s Apartment; March 2015]]

Kurt unlocked the door to his apartment and all but fell through the door. He threw his messenger bag on the couch and then collapsed on top of it, only to jump up quickly and extract it from underneath him, because the new sketches he was working on simply couldn’t get wrinkled. After placing his bag in the loveseat next to him, he threw himself on the couch again. His damp clothes clung to his skin, and the sound of rain on his windows reminded him where he had just come from. He fumbled around, throwing pillows off the couch as he searched for his iPod, certain he’d left it there this morning. A small smile played at his face when he found it, and after turning it on he quickly pressed shuffle. The lyrics coming from his iPod though, quickly made him regret it.

-Clothes are on the lawn with the furniture
And I might as well I might as well
Sleepy jack the fire drill
Run around around around around around..-

Those lyrics…they reminded him of Blaine and his stupid RadioHead obsession…and then the flashbacks began.
-
[[Flashback; Lima; Blaine’s Car; October 2012]]

“I still don’t understand why you like this old Mustang so much,” giggled Kurt in between kisses.
Blaine detached his mouth from his boyfriend’s neck and said, “It’s a Mustang. It needs no explanation.”
Kurt giggled again, and then he leaned forward and captured Blaine’s mouth with his own. The music surrounded them, and the shelter of the car made them feel like they were the only people in the world. And they were, in their world at least.
Blaine hooked his fingers around Kurt’s belt loops and pulled him closer, while Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine’s neck and tangled his fingers in his dark curls.
-
[[Flashback; Lima; Outside && Inside A Tattoo Parlor; December 2012]]

“Come on Kurt !”
“I changed my mind,” squeaked Kurt.
Blaine laughed, then leaned forward and whispered, “You’re not gonna back out are you? You’re not a chicken…right?”
Kurt bristled and said, “Of course not!” and with that he walked into the tattoo shop first.
“Happy birthday to mee,” sang Kurt softly, as his eyes traced the word now etched onto his skin forever. The large loopy script covered all the inside of his wrist, Courage. He looked up from the uncomfortable plastic chair he was waiting in and saw Blaine’s face screwed up in pain as the tattoo artist worked on his wrist.
Courage.
-
[[Flashback; Lima; On Blaine’s Roof; February 2013]]

“You know,” hiccupped Kurt, “this isn’t a good idea.”
“Nope,” said Blaine cheerily, as he sipped at the bottle he was holding, “but it’s another thing to cross off our list.”
Kurt grinned and crawled across the roof to Blaine, pulling him into a deep kiss and then simply snuggling next to him.
Blaine wrapped his arm around Kurt’s shoulders and said, “Take a good look baby, we won’t be here for long.”
Kurt smiled and said, “Then where will we be?”
Blaine’s free hand found Kurt’s, and as he laced their fingers together he whispered, “New York. That’s where we belong, and that’s where we’re gonna make our dreams come true. We’ll get an apartment, and then after you become a famous designer and I have a record deal we can get married, and then we can have some kids-“
Kurt’s eyes popped open and he turned to look at his boyfriend, “Kids?”
Blaine blushed and said, “Well…I’d like that…but if it bothers you…”
He was interrupted when Kurt’s hand snaked its way onto the back of his neck and drew his lips a centimeter close from his own.
“I’d love kids.”
-
[[Present Day; New York; Kurt’s Apartment; March 2015]]

“Blaine’s gone,” whispered Kurt, and as he felt a tear slide down his cheek he realized how much he missed his high school sweetheart. More tears came, and now they wouldn’t stop. Kurt sobbed in the empty apartment that had once been theirs, and he lightly traced one word one his wrist.
Courage.
I’m so sorry, he thought, I’m so sorry I pushed you away.
-
[[Flashback; Lima; McKinley High Choir Room; April 2013]]

-“Let you put your hands on me in my skintight jeans,”
“Be your teenage dream tonight.”-

Both boys collapsed into chairs in the choir room, and Kurt immediately wrapped his arms around Blaine’s waist.
Blaine sighed and kissed Kurt’s cheek.
“I will never get tired of singing that song to you. But hearing you sing it to me is incredible.”
Kurt buried his face into one of Blaine’s usual cardigans and said, “It’ll always be our song, that’s how we met.”
“Oh for the love of God, I think I’m about to go into cardiac arrest from the overwhelming sweetness Klaine is emitting. Britts, help me sit down. Hobbit, wipe that lovesick look off your face.” Two silhouettes appeared at the door, and the boys immediately realized they belonged to the ex-cheerleaders.
Brittany pushed a chair over to Santana, only to have the brunette pull her on her lap as soon as she was seated. She started playing with Santana’s hair, while Kurt said in a voice dripping with sarcasm, “Klaine, Santana? Really?”
“Well, you two are never more than kissing distance apart, AND it’s simply easier to refer to you in one breath and not two. So yes, Klaine.” explained Santana in a carefree voice.
“Nice one, Satan” sighed Blaine.
“Oh, don’t act like the tortured one. It’s bad enough that every time I hear Teenage Dream, I picture you two gay boys making out.” replied Santana, rather dramatically.
Brittany dropped Santana’s hair and turned towards the boys. “You’re gonna make out? Can we watch? I’ve never seen a dolphin and a half bird half dolphin make out!”
-
[[Flashback; Lima; The Hummel/Hudson Kitchen; December 2014]]

“Hey guess what, Blaine’s in town!”
Kurt dropped the glass he was holding.
“Really?” he breathed.
“Yeah,” nodded an oblivious Finn, “I saw him at the Lima Bean. Say, do you still have that tattoo you two got?”
“Yeah,” whispered Kurt again, his porcelain skin paler than usual and his eyes wide with a mixture of fear and hope. “Why?”
“Because he doesn’t have it anymore.”
That simple phrase felt like a stab in the lungs for Kurt.
“Are you sure?” he asked Finn, almost whimpering.
“Pretty sure. I mean, it was on his wrist wasn’t it? Just like yours? Well, when he reached out to get his coffee I didn’t see anything”
Kurt made his way out of the kitchen and into his old room, slamming the door after him and sliding onto the floor next to it.
He had it removed, he thought, he’s really moved on. Blaine’s moved on.
-
[[Flashback; Lima; Breadstix; January 2015]]

“Umm hey guys, I’m Blaine, and I’m gonna be singing you a couple of songs today. Hope you enjoy.”
There was a smattering of applause, and from the doorway of Breadstix, Kurt peeked in.
He saw his ex-boyfriend pick up his guitar and strum it once before launching into a soft ballad he’d often sung Kurt to sleep with.

-“I never meant to fall in love,
I never planned it that day when I woke up,
But you showed up and everything changed.
Never believed in love at first sight
Before I saw you
But honey you’re a beautiful angel
With green eyes that I happened to collide into” -

Wait, green eyes? Kurt looked at Blaine again, and this time he saw where Blaine’s gaze was fixed, or rather on whom. He was blonde, and although his back was to him, Kurt was sure that if the stranger turned, he’d find green eyes.
Trying to hold back tears, Kurt fled from the restaurant. He got into his car and finally let the tears fall freely, the salty taste of them lingering on his lips.
Face it, all the songs that were about you, they’re not about you anymore, Kurt thought.
-
[[Present; New York City; Kurt’s Apartment; March 2015]]

He knew they weren’t together anymore, but he could imagine it. He could imagine Blaine at his fashion shows, but he knew he’d never really be there. His hands traced the swirling words again.
Courage.
Something he now lacked, because the boy who’d taught him the meaning of it was gone.
Kurt looked down at his designer clothes and laughed bitterly. He was well off, but what did that matter if he was still unhappy? He couldn’t just buy a Time Turner and fix everything that had happened. There had been men, several of them, but none of them ever compared to his first love.
-
[[Present; Los Angeles; Blaine’s Apartment; March 2015]]

Blaine sat on his bed, on the other side of the country, and he too cried. He cried for Kurt, because he missed him so much, and he cried for himself. He’d been so stupid and immature, so foolish to think that he’d been making the right decision by leaving. He was tired of smiling and pretending everything was alright. He had to find Kurt, because he didn’t want to say on his deathbed, that Kurt was the one that got away.