But this morning was different than the last one, because both of them felt this energy that came from anger. They wanted to do something, they needed to. They wanted to go outside and chase the guy who was going after Kurt.

But all they could do was go through their list again and again.

When the phone rang, it was like a redemption and Blaine answered it quickly.

Kurt watched Blaine while he talked to the caller, but he didn�t say much.

“This was my friend, he has finished examining the candy and actually, we were right. They were poisoned.”

Kurt stayed calm and waited. It was no big surprise and somehow he wasn�t as shocked as he had thought he would be.

“So? Did he tell you something else?”

“Yes, indeed. He told me it was simply rat poison and the dose was only determined to cause intoxication, not your death. Either that, or the perpetrator didn�t know much about it.”

Kurt rested his chin on his hand and sighed.

“Everyone can buy rat poison. That�s nothing special, so we know nothing. Nothing at all.”

Blaine shook his head.

“Ever the pessimist, are you? We do know some things. First of all, it�s a guy – unless it�s a woman who used a voice modulator, but let�s stick to the guy for now - and he obviously knows you and your routines and work-place. He has the ability to find out where you are even when you use a fake name – or he followed you and is a good guesser. He also knows your e-mail address although I think he could find it online. He�s either a man who really dislikes you and has the courage to do it on his own, or he�s a hired hitman. I�d guess the former, because he�s not so experienced to kill you at his first attempt. This, or he doesn�t intend to kill you, but that wouldn�t be what my colleague said. So... did I forget something?”

Kurt had listened carefully and shrugged now.

“There�s a little detail I thought of. Remember the numbers I got instead of the phone number? It shows that he doesn�t know things only about me, but also about us. He must have seen you at the theatre too and I suppose he knows I�m staying with you now.”

Blaine nodded and stared at his hands.

“So it could be every guy who was at the theatre yesterday, he could be a colleague or a friend from college or someone you don�t know at all. He could be a misguided stalker or competition, I have no clue. Let�s hope Finn sends you the caller list soon.”

As if he had waited for his name to be said, Finn�s name popped up on Blaine�s cell phone.

“Hey Finn, how are... oh. Hello Burt.”

Kurt froze and his eyes widened in horror. Holy Shit, his dad must have found out.

Finn. He should have known that Finn wasn�t able to hide secrets. Not even one single secret. It was the same as in that one night when he and Blaine had snuck out to visit the gay bar. Everything had been fine until Finn had noticed the hickey under his collarbone and of course he had asked Kurt about it in front of his father. And if that hadn�t been bad enough, Finn had added: “Was it at that bar, dude? Did someone like... hit you?”

Kurt had been grounded and was still thankful that he had been able to sneak out again to meet Blaine for this one special night. But Finn wasn�t the one to thank for, that was for sure.

And again, he had nothing but not-thankful feelings towards his brother at the moment.

Kurt sighed wearily and took the phone out of Blaine�s hand, who was still spluttering greetings and platitudes.

“Hey dad.”

“Kiddo! I didn�t believe Finn when he said you were at Blaine�s, what�s this all �bout? And why do ya need our phone list? What happened?”

“Dad, calm down, okay? You need to sit and listen and please don�t be upset, it�s no big deal, really.”

Kurt heard his dad murmuring something like “bossy fancy artist, this kiddo” and couldn�t help but smile.
“�Kay, I�m sitting now. So what�s up, tell me!”

“So... Blaine�s just helping me with... with a project.”

Burt snuffled disbelievingly.

“Any by project you don�t mean problem, do ya?”

Kurt sighed. His dad knew him, that was a fact, even with 600 miles in between.
“Maybe there is a little problem, but we�re about to fix it and it�s nothing you need to worry about, really, Dad.”

“I still don�t believe you, Kurt. You being with Blaine again shows me it�s more than just a little issue, there�s more to it. And why do ya need this list then? Finn was really weird when I overheard his call some minutes ago. Not my fault he was sitting in the kitchen tho, a man needs to eat something, right?”

Kurt rolled his eyes. Sure, Finn wouldn�t look for an undisturbed place to make such calls. He�d rather sit in the kitchen – probably with a plate filled with loads of food – where everyone could walk in.

But what should he tell his father? He didn�t want to worry him, but he also didn�t want to lie.

“We were looking for some names, you know. I had a... call and didn�t... didn�t recognise the caller and we thought that he might have tried to call you too.”

“And that�s all? Why didn�t you call me then, or Carole?”

Kurt rubbed his neck. His head was starting to ache and he knew he had to find a good explanation.
“I... well, you know... okay. Dad, there�s this guy who...”
Kurt stopped and bit on his lower lip. He just wanted to tell his dad everything. He had always been one of the few persons he could tell everything and he was sure he wanted to know it.

“This guy? Did someone follow you or stuff? Or... or do you mean someone you... erm... like?”

Kurt groaned inwardly.

“No! No, Dad, nothing like that. Well, not the like-part, maybe a little bit... like the former.”

Burt exclaimed a swearword that made Kurt�s ears turn red and that meant quite something – regarding to his increasing use of terms like fuck. Especially during the last days and in Blaine�s presence.

“Who is it? Kiddo, I�m coming, just tell me where Blaine�s apartment is and I�ll be there in...”

“Dad! No, calm down, please. You don�t need to come, Blaine�s helping me, we have everything under control. Just... just send me the list, okay? We need to check if there are any suspicious callers. Could you do that?”

“Sure, kiddo, everything. Are ya sure that�s all?”

Kurt dropped his head and closed his eyes. His voice was quiet as he answered.

“Yes dad, that�s all. You don�t need to worry, okay? I�ll just stay with Blaine until we know who it was and then everything�s back to normal again. And... please don�t scare Carole, okay? There�s nothing to be afraid of, I swear.”

Kurt wondered if he needed to reassure his dad or himself more, but he was relieved as his dad gave in. Burt�s voice was soft as he spoke again.

“Kiddo, take good care of yourself, �kay? And if there�s something I... or we can do, just tell me, yeah? Always, any time. And... ya know I... I love you, right Kurt?”

“I know dad and I love you too and.. and tell Carole I said hi, okay?”

“Sure, I�ll do that. D�ya wanna talk to Finn? He�s waiting there, looking like a puppy waiting for his master to upbraid him.” Burt�s chuckle made Kurt smile again.

“Not necessary, just tell him I�m nod mad at him, but he really needs to work on his ability to keep secrets to himself, okay? Bye dad!”

Sighing, Kurt handed Blaine the cell phone.

“We should get the list soon. Do you think I shouldn�t have told my dad? I didn�t tell him everything, perhaps I should have told him more. Or nothing at all? I�m just scared, he might have another heart attack if he�s upset. Did I do the right thing? Fuck, I�m rambling, right? Sorry. I�ll just... I�ll go make some lunch or something.”

Kurt clutched his shaking hands and realised he was more nervous than he had felt during the phone call.

“Hey, calm down like you�ve told your dad to. You did the right thing, okay? You told him that there�s a problem and that we�re going to fix it and you didn�t lie at all, because that�s exactly what we�re doing. Okay?”

Kurt took a deep breath and nodded.

“Alright, fine.”

Blaine smiled at him and petted his now unclenched hand. “I could do with a coffee, what about you? There�s a rather nice coffee-shop down the street.”

Kurt nodded, coffee sounded good. That was something he knew and could handle.

The coffee-shop was nearly empty and the obviously bored barista inspected her nails when they entered the counter.

“Is it still the grande nonfat-Mocha?”
Kurt smiled again – Blaine seemed to have this effect on him too, not only the swear words.

“And you�re still going with your medium trip?”

Blaine avoided his gaze and shrugged uncomfortably.

“No, I�ve changed that. We�ll have a grande nonfat Mocha and a Hazelnut Americano. No, these are on me, don�t you dare.”

Kurt put his money back into his wallet and waited until their coffees were ready.

Then he eyed Blaine�s cup with a raised eyebrow.

“You�ve changed your coffee oder?”

Blaine shrugged again.

“Some things change, you know. I thought I could try something new, step out of my comfort zone.”

Kurt just sipped his coffee and didn�t answer. So Blaine had changed his coffee order, that was no big deal. Right?

They slowly walked back to Blaine�s apartment, enjoying the cool breeze and the bright sunshine. They passed a family and both smiled at the little girl, who was throwing yellow and brown leaves into the air, laughing aloud.

“That was a good idea”, Kurt stated, as he hung his coat on a hook.

Blaine smiled at him and agreed. “It was nice being outside, I almost forgot that we had to look for...” He made a small move with his hand and Kurt sighed. He didn�t want to return to reality again, but they had to.

“Okay, so that�s my number and this is Puck�s. He owns the gas station in Lima now, did you know that? That�s my aunt Sara�s number, you�ve met her and her wife Karen during my senior year, remember? And the one time they came to New York to see my first show.”

Blaine crossed the numbers out and nodded smiling. “They were really nice. Do they still live in Chicago? How are they?”

“They�re fine. They live in the outskirts of Chicago now, because they both wanted to have a child, so Sara�s got pregnant and they have a really cute boy now, he�s two and a half years.”

Blaine hummed in approval and for some minutes they both worked in silence; Blaine typing in numbers in his search engine and Kurt looking for numbers he recognised.

“Kurt, there�s a number from a theatre company, but not yours. Do you know it?”

Kurt looked at the name of the company and his face was all smiles.

“Oh yes, of course. That�s the company that considers producing my show.”

Blaine lifted his head and looked at Kurt curiously.

“Your show?”

“Mhm. I finished writing Pip Pip Klooray and they�re really interested. But I wonder why they called my family, they do have my number. Maybe I should call them to make sure they get through to me.”

Kurt looked at Blaine, who was staring at the paper but without focusing on it.

“Blaine?”

Blaine shook his head.

“Sorry, I was just... Kurt, can you show me the e-mail with that photo again?”

Kurt wasn�t sure what Blaine was thinking about, but he had this urgent undertone in his voice, so he didn�t ask and just opened the e-mail on Blaine�s laptop.

Blaine pointed at it excitedly.

“That�s it! I knew there was a deeper meaning to the addresser. Look at it – P. P. Roalkoy. When you switch the letters, that�s P. P. Klooray, get it? It�s your musical. Oh and“ - Blaine turned around to face Kurt - “congratulations! It�s great you finally finished it.”

Then he faced the screen again and furrowed his brows.
“The writer is someone who knows that you�ve written the musical and probably he also knows that this company wants to produce it. Maybe he has similar dreams and plans and wants to get rid of you to have his own show produced? Do you think that�s possible?”

Kurt cocked his head and took a moment.
“I guess it is. It shouldn�t be too difficult to find out if there are other shows they�re thinking about. Although I hope that mine is the only one, but it�s how business is. There are always tons of writers and composers and actually I�m not the only one who knows what he�s doing.”

Blaine chuckled.

“And surely you�re not the only humble one, huh?”

Kurt just raised an eyebrow.

“You can�t deny that I�m good. Remember when I started to write the plot and compose the first songs? That was during the summer before my senior year and I�ve never stopped since then. I�ve learned a lot, I can assure you. And it�s not cocky when I say that it�s good, that I�m good. I just know that I�ve worked hard on it and I really like the result.”

“And you�re still wondering why anyone might be annoyed with you? Not everyone can handle this amount of self confidence, you know. And this attitude just draws enviers like moths to a flame.”

Both knew that Blaine wasn�t teasing, at least not completely.

“I do know, I�m well aware of it. But I refuse to hide my light under a bushel because someone may not like it – unlike others.”

Blaine narrowed his eyes and their conversation shifted into precarious territory.

“What do you mean? You�ve never been one to hide your opinion, so spill it.”

Kurt smirked without humour.

“You know exactly what I�m talking about. You would have had every chance to be a star, you could be at home on the world�s stages but you chose to make a safe decision and look where you�re now. Remember the summer I began to write Pip Pip Klooray? Remember what you did then?”

Blaine�s face was red with anger now.

“There�s nothing wrong with working in an amusement park and in fact, I was on stage this summer. And it was my decision to make, remember that too? And actually, the result was that my parents dispossessed me because I chose to move in with you. But I really wanted to be a doctor and if you�ve forgotten it, I am.”

Kurt blew a raspberry.

“You finished it, but you�ve never worked as a doctor, right? So please tell me that it really was the right decision. Wouldn�t you be happier as an artist, an actor, a singer? Cause that�s what you�ve always been.”

Blaine jumped up and stormed out of his workroom angrily.

Kurt buried his face in his hands and swore. Why did he feel like he should follow Blaine and apologise though?

Kurt found Blaine in his living room, furnished mostly with cupboards filled with many books. All of them looked like they had been read, Kurt noticed. But of course Blaine wouldn�t put books into his cupboards just for the appearance.

Kurt stopped behind Blaine, who was staring out of the window, leaning against a covered piano, facing the skyline. His apartment was on one of the higher floors, so he had quite a view.

For a very short moment Kurt remembered their first flat in New York, teeny tiny and dark, only one and a half room and still far too expensive. But it had been theirs and it had been as perfect as a castle, because they had filled it with memories and laughter and love and dreams.

Kurt shook the memories off and cleared his throat.

“Blaine. I didn�t mean to be bitchy or overstepping, okay? It�s not easy for me and I do know you�re not especially enthusiastic about this whole thing either. And I�m... I�m sorry. It was your decision and it�s really none of my business any more. Well, I guess it never was. You have to be happy with your life and I shouldn�t bring back the past.”

He waited.

Finally, Blaine turned around and looked at him, his face calm.

“I know, Kurt. You�re just... I can�t handle this. I can�t handle you. I can�t handle myself, to be honest. I don�t want to think about the past and the decisions... and mistakes I�ve made. I just want to go through your list and find the initiator and finish it.”

Kurt nodded slowly.

“Fine. I want that too. So can we go on now?”

Blaine started to walk towards his workroom, where his laptop was buzzing, but stopped in front of Kurt.

“There�s another reason I got angry. Do you want to know?”

Kurt shut his eyes. The emotion in Blaine�s voice told him that he should say no, but he couldn�t resist and nodded.

“You. You are the reason I�m angry. And not because you�re bitchy or annoying, but because you�re right. You�ve been right then and you�re right now. But more than this, you�re here and distracting me and you shouldn�t because I need to keep a clear head. I need to sleep and be calm and feel nothing, because this is the only way things work out for me. But that�s impossible when you�re here.”

Blaine�s voice broke.

“When you�re here, all I want to do is reach out and touch you and yesterday, when I kissed you” - Kurt drew in a sharp breath - “I didn�t want to stop. I hated you for a moment when you made me. Actually, I hate myself at the moment because I don�t want to want it. I decided to live without all those unsettling feelings and for fuck�s sake I don�t want to need you.”

Kurt opened his eyes to look at Blaine and for the first time he saw real emotions in his face. All the want and longing and desperation made Kurt�s heart ache and his eyes tear up. He suppressed a sob and had to turn away. He couldn�t deal with Blaine being vulnerable and needy.

A warm hand reached out and touched Kurt�s shoulder, turning him around carefully.

Kurt felt fingers catching his tears and when he dared to look at Blaine�s face, he found so many questions and unspoken words on it that he felt like his heart would break.

He should have guessed it, but Kurt was surprised when Blaine leaned in and kissed him oh so lightly. Blaine�s warm lips moved against his wet ones and they tasted like regret and memories and confusion. He smelled differently, Kurt noticed. He wore another cologne.

When they parted, Kurt�s tears hadn�t faded and Blaine looked breathtakingly beautiful and sad.

“It isn�t that easy. It never is. I don�t want you back and I... I don�t want to feel anything for you again. You broke my heart.”

Blaine nodded.

“I know.”

“Can we go back to the list then?”

Kurt shot Blaine a short look.

“Kurt, wait.”

Blaine reached out to get hold of one of Kurt�s hand.

“I know it�s not easy and I know you�re hurt. So am I. When I saw you again two days ago, you immediately started to turn my whole life around, again. You moved me when we first met and you�re doing much more than that now. You�re... you�re pushing me and that helps me to push myself. I know I can�t have you back that easily, maybe never. You�ve changed and so have I. Do you think we... that we maybe could get to know each other again?”

Kurt looked at Blaine for some long moments.

Blaine was right.

They both had changed.

There were little signs like a different coffee order or another cologne. There was the covered piano and the absence of music.

There was the even more snappy and sarcastic way he himself used to treat others.

But there was also so much truth in Blaine�s confession that he moved him. Pushed him.

Kurt felt the same way. Blaine made him deal with feelings and attitudes he usually just accepted or ignored. He knew he could be annoying but told himself to stand above it.

Maybe they could do this – help each other to evolve into better and happier versions of themselves again.
And he would lie if he�d say that he didn�t want to get to know Blaine better, the older Blaine who was still so tempting. But... there was...

“Blaine.”

Blaine watched Kurt patiently as he took a deep breath and tried to speak again.

“There�s one thing that will always stand between us. This whole... hitman thing.”

Blaine worried his lower lip.

“I.. I�ve stopped that some years ago.”

Kurt�s head snapped up.

“Excuse me?”

Blaine straightened and tightened his grip.

“After I�ve left, I did my last assignment and finished my job as hitman after that. I�m still working for them though, but I�m not... murdering anyone any more. I�m just looking for information and people who go into hiding. You woke me when you told me to leave and... and I was too ashamed to come back.”

“But.. but I don�t understand. Your whole behavior in the bar, all the articles..”

Kurt looked at Blaine, frozen.

Blaine shook his head feverishly.

“That�s a mask, I�m not like this. You... I wasn�t able to handle you otherwise, I guess. I�m sorry, I�m not like that. Like I said, there is so much going on inside me when you�re here and it was like.. like a reflex. But the articles, I know. There�s someone else doing the job using my hallmark. I tried to find out who it is, but he stopped some weeks ago and I wasn�t able to unearth the truth.”

He stopped speaking and looked at Kurt wearily.

Kurt looked back, confused and unsure what to say.

“That.. that changes some things, I guess. But... but I�m in no condition to make any decisions right now, okay? I need time to think about it... about you... and me. Us. Can we.. can we just go through the list now?”

Blaine simply nodded, but didn�t let Kurt�s hand go as they walked into the workroom again.

“Take your time. I�ll be here.”