Dashboard Confessional
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Dashboard Confessional: The One with Darth Vader


E - Words: 5,102 - Last Updated: Aug 11, 2012
Story: Closed - Chapters: 7/? - Created: Jun 12, 2012 - Updated: Aug 11, 2012
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Author's Notes: harmonygrangers || harmony's AIMI am so, so, so, so sorry for how long it took to update this. I started my first semester of graduate school in the fall, and between serious illness, my father being sick (he has terminal cancer), my computer crashing twice and me losing what I had written and outlined, and a slew of other bad-luck kind of things, things got ridiculous and I just couldn't get this done.What is posted here is part one of three, of what was originally a 20k chapter. I decided to split it down (first in two parts but, ultimately, into three) to make it easier to read.But, no, there will never be a wait that long again. With the help and support of a lot of people on Tumblr - especially Rose (chatterboxrose) and Asia (imnotimperfectlyperfect), who basically held my hands and encouraged me SO MUCH - I managed to get my shit back together and move on from the bad. So updates will be more consistent, although still probably only once a month until June, when I go on summer break (then probably biweekly)

July 2013

The terminal was crowded.

Blaine let out an annoyed huff and glanced down at his phone, fingers tightening reflexively around the dark-red case. Why was he even here? Why had Cooper insisted so fervently that Blaine tag along to pick up this mysterious visitor? It was six in the morning, and Blaine was stuck at the bus terminal when all he really wanted to do was to crawl back in bed and sulk.

“You okay there, buddy?”

He glanced up from his phone to see that Cooper had finally returned, having disappeared nearly twenty minutes earlier without warning. His brother expertly balanced two steaming cups in one hand and a cheddar cheese bagel in the other.

“Is that coffee?” Blaine asked hopefully. “I’m tired.”

“Indeed it is Blainey,” Cooper answered, handing over one of the cups. “Well, okay, mine is peppermint tea.”

“Don’t call me that,” Blaine hissed. He took a long sip of his medium drip and then turned his attention back to his brother, brow furrowed in confusion. “Why are you drinking tea? You hate tea.”

Cooper shrugged. “My throat hurts. I read that tea was better for it.”

Blaine raised an eyebrow.

“Well it is,” Cooper said defensively. He scowled down at his younger brother. “My voice is extremely important to my career as a professional actor, Blaine, and I need to take care of it. Who would want to hire me if I sounded like an old chain smoker?”

Blaine rolled his eyes and briefly debated the merits of commenting on his brothers rather atrocious acting skills. Ultimately deciding that it wasn’t worth it, Blaine instead turned his attention to the LED screen hanging on the opposite wall.

“Which bus is your friend on again?”

Cooper took a long sip of his tea and grimaced slightly at the taste. “He’s riding in on the bus from Cincinnati.”

Blaine squinted up at the board in search of the ETA for the Cincinnati bus. “Who do you know in Ohio?”

“We’re from Ohio,” Cooper reminded him, rolling his eyes.

“I know that,” Blaine snapped. “Who do you know from Cincinnati?”

Cooper suddenly smirked. “I never said that they were from Cincinnati, Blaine. I said that they took the bus from Cincinnati.”

Blaine looked away from the board and rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

Cooper observed him for a long moment before speaking. “Why are you so bitchy this morning?” he asked, taking another sip of his peppermint tea. He then proceeded to stuff half of the cheddar cheese bagel in his mouth. “You’re acting like someone kicked your cat.”

“I’m not being bitchy,” Blaine grumbled, grimacing as his brother attempted to simultaneously speak and eat. He glanced down at his phone again and sighed. “I just really miss Kurt.”

“Oh?”

Blaine frowned. “Kurt’s going on a trip for three weeks with his family,” he explained, not looking up. “Somewhere in the mountains, I guess? He said he probably won’t have internet access at all, and that his phone service would be iffy.”

“That sucks,” Cooper said distractedly, periodically sneaking quick looks at his own phone. “So when did he leave?”

“Two days ago,” Blaine mumbled. “I haven’t heard anything from him since.”

Blaine was so fixated on glaring down at his phone that he never noticed that Cooper had finally received a text.

“He’s here,” Cooper announced suddenly, looking almost as though Christmas had come early. He jumped out of his seat and hurried over to the windows.

“Whatever,” Blaine said, sulking down in his seat. “I don’t care. I probably won’t even like your annoying friend.”

Cooper laughed loudly at that and turned to look back at his baby brother. “Oh, Blaine,” he said fondly. “You are so utterly oblivious that it’s almost terrifying.”

Blaine frowned at him. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” Cooper replied, still laughing. He looked over Blaine’s shoulder, his smile growing even wider at whatever it was that he saw behind Blaine. “Believe me, Blaine, you’re going to absolutely love my friend.”

***

August 2012

sherlarked asked didyouparkthetardisonameter:
2012-08-27 14:18
I know you gave me your phone number the other day, and I plan to use it in the future, but you need to get online RIGHT NOW. It’s important.

sherlarked asked didyouparkthetardisonameter:
2012-08-27 14:27
I’m serious about this! Where are you?

votestarkforpresident: Blaine, are you here?
votestarkforpresident: ?

sherlarked asked didyouparkthetardisonameter:
2012-08-27 14:34
BLAINE.

votestarkforpresident: Look my phone isn’t working at the moment for…reasons…so you need to log on here!

sherlarked asked didyouparkthetardisonameter:
2012-08-27 14:36
BLAINE ROOSEVELT-WASHINGTON WHATEVER-YOUR-LAST-NAME-IS. I KNOW THAT YOU’RE GETTING THESE. PLEASE LOG ON AIM OR SKYPE OR SOMETHING.

votestarkforpresident: I still don’t believe that Roosevelt-Washington is your middle name, by the by. I demand proof.
votestarkforpresident: Blaine?
votestarkforpresident: BLAINE.

sherlarked asked didyouparkthetardisonameter:
2012-08-27 14:51
Blaine, I swear that if you don’t log on your computer in the next five minutes, on the day that we finally meet in person I will throw out ALL of your favorite bowties.

votestarkforpresident: I KNOW THESE GET SENT TO YOUR PHONE. WHERE. ARE. YOU.
votestarkforpresident: :(
votestarkforpresident: Blaine, please log on.
votestarkforpresident: b l a i n e g e t o n y o u r c o m p u t e r

sherlarked asked didyouparkthetardisonameter:
2012-08-27 15:16
I’m dead serious about the bowtie thing don’t you dare test me right now it’s been a day.

votestarkforpresident: I hope you understand that when I say that I’m going to “throw out your bowties,” I really mean: “I’m going to throw them into a vat of acid one-by-one and make you watch.”
votestarkforpresident: BLAINE GET ONLINE

sherlarked asked didyouparkthetardisonameter:
2012-08-27 15:42
I’m just going to keep messaging you until you log on. I hope you understand this. I’m dedicated. I can do this all night.

votestarkforpresident: Blaine.
votestarkforpresident: Blaine.
votestarkforpresident: Blaine.
votestarkforpresident: Blaine.
votestarkforpresident: Blaine.
votestarkforpresident: BLAINE.

didyouparkthetardisonameter asked sherlarked:
2012-08-27 15:59
omfg karebear stOP IT PLEASE. i was doing all that first-day orientation stuff i’m getting on i promise - just give me like fifteen minutes to finish up what i’m doing, okay? just please, please stop before you break my phone.

sherlarked asked didyouparkthetardisonameter:
2012-08-27 16:02
:D

***

Fifteen minutes later found Kurt sprawled lazily across his bed, a steaming mug of mint tea sitting precariously on the bedside table. He waited impatiently for Blaine to log on, and let out a relieved sigh when his computer finally beeped and notified him that ’hiddlestonismyforeverking is now online.’

hiddlestonismyforeverking: hi karebear!
votestarkforpresident: hey
hiddlestonismyforeverking: what was so important that you couldn’t have waited until i was online? is everything okay?
hiddlestonismyforeverking: and what happened to your phone? :(
votestarkforpresident: THAT’S WHAT I NEEDED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT BLAINE
hiddlestonismyforeverking: …you need to talk about your phone…?
hiddlestonismyforeverking: also, this must be serious. you rarely every capslock
hiddlestonismyforeverking: ever*
votestarkforpresident: NO. well, okay, i guess that the phone thing ties into it. mostly, though, i need advice on how to deal with my new roommate. i remember you once said that you’ve had roommates at your boarding school, so i thought that maybe you could help?
hiddlestonismyforeverking: ugh, roommate problems are the WORST.
hiddlestonismyforeverking: is he homophobic? :(
votestarkforpresident: no
hiddlestonismyforeverking: is he being mean?
votestarkforpresident: no
hiddlestonismyforeverking: is he a slob?
votestarkforpresident: no
hiddlestonismyforeverking: ………..
hiddlestonismyforeverking: …then what exactly is wrong with him?

Kurt sighed loudly and cast a quick look towards the door. Satisfied that his roommate wasn’t coming back anytime soon, he turned his attention back to his laptop.

votestarkforpresident: he’s absolutely INSANE
hiddlestonismyforeverking: what?
votestarkforpresident: my problem, blaine! my problem is that my college roommate is absolutely insane and i have no idea what to do.
hiddlestonismyforeverking: ………………………
hiddlestonismyforeverking: I’m sure that he’s not *insane* karebear
hiddlestonismyforeverking maybe you just aren’t relating well to each other?

He huffed angrily. Why didn’t Blaine understand? Kurt was not overreacting.

votestarkforpresident: you aren’t *listening* to me, blaine
votestarkforpresident: i’m not being dramatic or anything, he really is insane
hiddlestonismyforeverking:
votestarkforpresident: let me tell you what’s happened so far and then you’ll understand
hiddlestonismyforeverking: …ok?
votestarkforpresident: all right, so, sheldon.
hiddlestonismyforeverking: wait, hold up, his name is SHELDON?
votestarkforpresident: no, no, that’s what i’m calling him in my head.
hiddlestonismyforeverking: sheldon? as in sheldon cooper, from the big bang theory?
hiddlestonismyforeverking: okay, he can’t possibly be THAT BAD

Kurt snorted at that.

votestarkforpresident: that’s what you think
votestarkforpresident: and, yes, that sheldon
hiddlestonismyforeverking: :(
hiddlestonismyforeverking: so, this story?

Thad Harwood was, Kurt immediately concluded upon first meeting him, completely and utterly insane.

Now, to be entirely fair, Kurt would be the first to admit that he had an unfortunate tendency to judge others. However, Kurt liked to think that he was at least fair in said judgments. He would give people a chance to change his mind, but his initial impressions were almost always accurate.

And Thad Harwood was, without a doubt, crazy.

Their first meeting had been a complete disaster. Kurt had walked into his dorm room only to discover that Thad had decided to split the room down the middle with bright-yellow police tape.

“This is my side,” the boy explained by way of greeting. “I reserve the right to throw any belongings of yours that cross this line into the garbage.”

It had all gone downhill from there:

“I have to keep the room hot all the time, because I get migraines if the temperature fluctuates.”

“I go to bed promptly at ten every night. All lights will have to be out then, because I need complete and total darkness to sleep.”

“I also need complete silence when I sleep, so you’ll have to turn off the television and any music you might be listening to.”

“You should perhaps turn off your laptop, too. The light might bother me.”

“School rules state that you can’t have that extension cord, Kurt. Give it to your father to take home or I’ll be forced to report you.”

“I’m allergic to air fresheners. Please send those home.”

“This is my life-size Darth Vader statue,” Thad said happily, pointing to the hideous monstrosity sitting in the far corner, right beside his bed. “I bought it this summer. It’s very valuable. Please do not touch it.”

“I’ve designed a weekly fire-alarm schedule for the two of us to practice our evacutation methods,” Thad explained, pointing to a large chart on the wall. “Drills will happen at a different hour every day. I have a whistle that I’ll sound when it’s time. After all, we can never be too prepared for a fire, Kurt.”

“It takes me exactly 42.6 minutes to get ready for classes in the morning. Please accommodate your bathroom schedule accordingly.”

“No girls.”

“No boys, either.”

“I snore. You might want to consider investing in earplugs.”

“I watch Dance Moms every Tuesday at nine,” Thad explained. “It’s tradition.”

“I’ve also created a handy masturbation schedule so we don’t end up in an awkward situation where we both want to do so at the same time.”

And that’s just a small part of what I’ve been dealing with,” Kurt typed in conclusion, scowling angrily at Darth Vader, as though he were the sole cause of all Kurt’s woes. “There’s more, believe me. He’s INSANE.”

hiddlestonismyforeverking: ……………
hiddlestonismyforeverking: ……………
hiddlestonismyforeverking: ……………
hiddlestonismyforeverking: ……………
hiddlestonismyforeverking: OMG
hiddlestonismyforeverking: I CANT BRATHEA
hiddlestonismyforeverking: HE MADEA YOU A SMASTUABTION SCHEUDLE IM SCREAMING
hiddlestonismyforeverking: IMA LITERALLY SCREAMING MY BROTHER LOOKS SO CONCERNED
hiddlestonismyforeverking: AM ASTUABTION ADHCUELD IM CANT EVEN
hiddlestonismyforeverking: HAHAHAHAHAHA OMG HAHAHAH KAREBEAR
votestarkforpresident: >:(
votestarkforpresident: well, if you’re gonna be obnoxious about it, i’ll just go offline and ask someone else!
hiddlestonismyforeverking: NO NO NO
hiddlestonismyforeverking: WAIT DON’T LOG OFF
hiddlestonismyforeverking: i’m so sorry, karebear
hiddlestonismyforeverking: i shouldn’t be laughing but omfg
hiddlestonismyforeverking: that’s sort of epic
hiddlestonismyforeverking: also, does he really own a life-size darth vader statue???
votestarkforpresident: yes, yes he does.
hiddlestonismyforeverking: THAT’S AMAZING
hiddlestonismyforeverking: i want one too
votestarkforpresident: >:(
hiddlestonismyforeverking: ok, ok, i’m sorry
hiddlestonismyforeverking: i’ll stop and attempt to be helpful

Kurt rolled his eyes.

hiddlestonismyforeverking: okay, well, to be entirely honest
hiddlestonismyforeverking: he sounds a lot like my friend jeff’s old roommate
votestarkforpresident: really?
hiddlestonismyforeverking: yeah…actually, it’s kinda creepy how much alike they sound.
votestarkforpresident: so what do you think i should so?
hiddlestonismyforeverking: honestly, i don’t think there is anything really you CAN do. i doubt his personality will change much, so you’re either going to get so fed up that you request a change, or he’ll grow on you and you’ll learn to coexist. do you guys have to fill out roommate agreements (contracts? I don’t know what they’d be called there?)
votestarkforpresident: uh, yeah? we have a thing where we and our roommate go sit down with the RA and discuss any possible issues we have/etc and then we come up with “rules” we both have to abide by and sign off. the RA can pull it back out later if we have any serious issues and consult it. i think we’re doing it this upcoming weekend?
votestarkforpresident: is that what you mean?
hiddlestonismyforeverking: yeah, yeah, that’s exactly what i mean! before you go to that meeting, make a list of anything you’ve noticed Sheldon doing that bothers you. I mean, you’ll have to meet him halfway, but at least you’ll be able to do something.
votestarkforpresident: yeah, okay, i can do that.
hiddlestonismyforeverking: :D
hiddlestonismyforeverking: okay my brother is back for dinner. i’ll try to get a hold of you tomorrow?
votestarkforpresident: sure thing! all my classes are back-to-back in the afternoon, so i should be free by 4! :)
hiddlestonismyforeverking: when do your classes start?
votestarkforpresident: i have five classes, my first one is at 11.
hiddlestonismyforeverking: …YOU are going to get up before 1pm?
hiddlestonismyforeverking: IS THIS THE APOCALYPSE?
votestarkforpresident: :(
votestarkforpresident: shut up
votestarkforpresident: i used to be a morning person!
votestarkforpresident: why doesn’t anyone ever believe me when i say that?
hiddlestonismyforeverking: maybe because you constantly complain about how it should be illegal to start a workday prior to noon?
votestarkforpresident: i blame tumblr. i was a perfect morning person but then tumblr happened and now i’m a night owl.
votestarkforpresident: it’s not my fault!
hiddlestonismyforeverking: excuses excuses
hiddlestonismyforeverking: anyway, talk to you later karebear!

Kurt stared at the computer screen for a long time after Blaine logged off, his mind racing.

***

The following Monday evening found Kurt at his desk, a steaming non-fat mocha in one hand and a brand-new copy of Great Expectations, also known as the worst book Kurt had ever been forced to read, in the other.

A few feet away, Thad sat cross-legged on his bed, head bent over an almost horrifyingly large chemistry textbook. Every few minutes, he would uncap a bright-blue highlighter and mark a passage in the text. Spread out haphazardly around him was an assortment of other textbooks, including an identical copy of the book Kurt himself was currently reading; they had, somehow, ended up in both the same English 101 and History 101 courses.

Kurt glanced uncertainly at his roommate. Part of him wanted to engage the other boy in some sort of conversation – if they were going to live together for a year, shouldn’t they at least get to know one another a bit? – but the other part of him was still annoyed about the events of earlier that week.

He was still debating about whether or not to speak when his computer beeped, signaling the arrival of a new e-mail. Kurt looked at Thad for another moment, then turned his attention to his laptop, smiling as he saw who the e-mail was from.

To: khummel@nw.edu
From: carole.hummel@gmail.com
Subject: Just checking up on you!

Kurt chuckled slightly at the overly-maternal subject line and clicked open.

Kurt,

Hi, sweetheart! How are things going at school? Have you and your roommate ironed out your issues yet, or are things still awkward? How are your classes going? Which class is your favorite? What about your least favorite? Have you made any new friends? Have you spoken to your friends Blaine, Unique, and Harmony at all lately? How are they adjusting to the new school year?

Things here at home are pretty good. Your dad is doing pretty well, but he seems a bit confused at the lack of children in the house? I am, too, if I’m honest. It’s so strange without you and Finn here. We’re slowly adjusting to things, but it’s hard. Before I forget, could you give me your mailing address at school? I made you and your roommate a care package, and I’d like to mail it up to you. :)

That’s pretty much it, sweetie. I hope you’re doing okay. Get back to me as soon as you can.

Lots of love,
Carole

Kurt beamed as he finished reading through the e-mail. Carole was such an amazing woman, and he was so fortunate that she had become such an important part of his life. He was also so, so happy that she was so accepting of his online friendships. Kurt knew that his father still had some reservations about it – ones that would, hopefully, be dissipated after the family dinner with Harmony later that month – but Carole seemed to have accepted it completely.

It was nice.

He set down his mocha and quickly type out a response. Once that was sent, he again turned his attention back to his roommate. Remembering what both Blaine and Carole had said, he took a deep breath and spoke. “Do you like chemistry?”

Thad looked up from his textbook and studied Kurt for a long moment before answering. “Yes,” he said, pursing his lips slightly. “I’m planning to minor in chemistry, actually. Why?”

“I was just curious,” Kurt shrugged. “My mother was a chemist.”

“Really?” Thad asked, setting his textbook aside. “Wait, was? Is she dead? How did she die? How long has it been since –”

Kurt visibly cringed at the rather blunt line of questioning. It wasn’t so much that the actual questions bothered Kurt – after all, hadn’t he just answered those very same questions for Blaine a few weeks earlier? – but more so the way that Thad asked. At least Blaine had been apologetic and awkward about bringing it up. Thad, in contrast, seemed almost cold and clinical about it. Kurt knew it wasn’t necessarily his fault – anyone with eyes could see that Thad was very much socially awkward – but it was still a bit annoying.

He took a moment to calm himself before answering. “She died in a lab explosion when I was a little kid.”

“I’m sorry,” Thad said, “but at least she died doing something that she was passionate about.”

Kurt almost snapped at Thad, but he stopped himself and thought about what the other boy had said. In a bizarre sort of way, he supposed that Thad actually had a point. After all, the only two things that Alicia Hummel had loved more than chemistry had been her husband and son.

“I suppose,” Kurt replied softly, turning his chair so that he had a better view of his roommate.

“You’re a music education major, yes?” Thad asked suddenly. “Have you picked a minor?”

Kurt nodded. “I’m thinking of a dual minor in French and English. They were my favorite subjects aside from glee.”

Thad suddenly sat up straight. “You were in glee?”

“Yeah,” Kurt replied. “Well, technically I was in two different glee clubs, but it’s a really long and convoluted story. I’ll tell you about it some other time.”

“Fascinating,” Thad mumbled lowly. Then, a bit louder, “I was on the council of my glee club last year. The Warblers perform a cappella. We were very popular at school.”

“We weren’t,” Kurt laughed. “We were at the rock bottom of the social ladder.”

“How bizarre,” Thad frowned. “Do public school students…not appreciate music?”

Kurt shrugged. “Well, they do, I guess. Not so much if it’s being sung by their peers, though.”

“Odd.”

“Yeah,” Kurt shrugged again. He glanced around the room, his gaze landing on what was, without a doubt, the strangest thing in their room. “So that is, uh, a very nice Darth Vader you have there?”

Thad perked up immediately at that and turned to look at the life-size Darth Vader statue that stood beside his bed. “I know,” he whispered, reaching out a hand and running his fingers reverently down the side of Vader’s mask.

Kurt stared.

“Star Wars is my favorite film series,” Thad explained happily, still petting the statue. “The original trilogy, I mean. It’s absolute perfection. Who is your favorite character? Mine is, quite obviously, Darth Vader. He is perfect.”

“Uh,” Kurt replied hesitantly, “I’ve never actually seen Star Wars?”

Thad froze. He turned his attention away from the Darth Vader statue and openly gaped at Kurt. “How have you not seen Star Wars?”

“I just, well, I just haven’t?” Kurt said nervously, suddenly wondering if this had been a bad thing to say.

Thad jumped off his bed and wandered over to his bookshelf. “That is entirely unacceptable,” he said. He moved a few things around and then let out a triumphant sound. Pulling back, Kurt saw a DVD set of the original trilogy in his grasp. “We have to watch them now,” Thad said, waving the DVD set in the air. “I simply cannot, in good conscience, allow your ignorance to persist.”

***

Wednesday night found Kurt lazily sprawled out across his bed, an episode of ‘Criminal Minds’ playing lowly in the background. He wasn’t paying any attention to that, though.

His attention was focused on his computer.

harmonygrangers: Did you know that Unique transferred to McKinley?

Kurt gaped at the screen.

votestarkforpresident: is she INSANE?
votestarkforpresident: why would she do that? i’ve told her all about that school!
harmonygrangers: I know, I know!
harmonygrangers: I tried asking her about it and she got upset with me. She said that her parents made her?

Kurt frowned at that.

votestarkforpresident: are her parents supportive of her being transgender? i thought she said her father was?
harmonygrangers: Yeah, he is, but her mother apparently isn’t so much?
votestarkforpresident: this is bad. mckinley is literally hell on earth for people who are different.
harmonygrangers: She’s gonna need support :/
harmonygrangers: I don’t know what to do. What can I do? I don’t go there so I can’t be with her. :(

Kurt leaned back in his chair and buried his face in his hands for a long moment, thinking. A moment later he had a thought. Although he, Mike, and Santana had graduated, the rest of the Troubletones were still there for another year.

votestarkforpresident: let me make a few calls, har...i think i know a place where unique will fit in perfectly.

***

That Friday, Kurt was just leaving his final class when his phone began to ring. He pulled it out of his back pocket and saw Blaine’s name flash across the screen. He quickly hit answer and put the phone up to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey Karebear,” Blaine said cheerfully. “Did I catch you at a good time?”

“Yeah,” Kurt replied, shifting his bag from one shoulder to the other. “I actually just got out of class. I’m about to head out to pick up some groceries.”

Blaine chuckled. “That sounds like fun.”

“Tons,” Kurt replied dryly. He was almost out of the building when he caught sight of a clock. “Blaine, it’s one in the afternoon. You’re a high school student. Shouldn’t you be in class?”

“I have a free period from one to two-fifteen,” Blaine answered. “So how are things with Sheldon the terror?”

Kurt shrugged. “Better, I guess.”

“Just better?”

“Well, we had a super bizarre heart-to-heart on Monday night,” Kurt explained as he made his way towards the freshman parking lot. Kurt had lucked out immensely as far as that was concerned; while it was fairly far from most of the student housing, his building was one of two on that side of campus. “He made me watch Star Wars and we talked a bit about our families and stuff.”

Blaine gasped. “You’ve never seen Star Wars?”

“Don’t even go there,” Kurt snapped, throwing his bag in the backseat. He opened the front door and slid in. “I got the whole lecture on Monday night, complete with a pre-made ‘Reasons Why Star Wars is the Greatest Film Trilogy of All Time’ PowerPoint presentation.”

Blaine hesitated. “He just…he just had one of those sitting around?”

“Yes,” Kurt replied.

“That’s weird.”

“Yes.”

“So did you like them?” Blaine asked finally.

“Just so you know, I’m putting you on speakerphone,” Kurt said, turning on the ignition. He moved the phone away from his ear, hit speaker, and then set it down on the passenger seat. “I’m going to be driving, so this is easier for me. And, yeah, they were pretty good. Not really my thing, I guess, but I did like them.”

“Which character was your favorite?”

“I don’t know,” Kurt said, focusing on the road. “Probably Han Solo?”

Blaine snorted.

Kurt flushed a bit, knowing he was caught. “I can’t help that Harrison Ford was really, really attractive back in the day!”

“He was my first guy crush,” Blaine admitted. “I marathoned all the Star Wars and Indiana Jones movies with my brother one weekend when I was…eight, maybe? I had a massive crush on that man for years afterwards.”

Kurt grinned. “Now, the Indiana Jones movies I love.”

“I agree. Well, except the new one. That’s an abomination.”

“All copies of the fourth film should be forcibly retaken and locked away,” Kurt agreed, turning into the grocery store parking lot. He quickly parked, turned off the car, and hopped out. “So how are things at school?”

“Pretty good,” Blaine replied. “My brother finally left – don’t get me wrong, I love him, but he’s really overbearing and sort of crazy – so I’m just adjusting to my new roommate and all that.”

“Who are you rooming with?”

There was a moment of hesitation on Blaine’s end, and Kurt could hear something crinkling. A second later, Blaine spoke. “Sorry about that, I’m sorting through some papers while we talk. Anyway, I’m rooming with my friend Jeff. It’s not that big of an issue, though. In comparison to my old roommate, Jeff is a piece of cake.”

“He can’t possibly have been as bizarre as Sheldon,” Kurt said as he entered the grocery store, grabbed a cart, and set off. He pulled out his list and studied it for a moment, determined to make this trip as short as possible.

Blaine snorted. “Oh, please. I bet Wes was ten times worse than Sheldon.”

Kurt came to a stop next in the coffee aisle and rolled his eyes. “I highly doubt that.”

“I believe Wes may have had a secret love affair with a gavel, Karebear.”

“My roommate is currently having a love affair with a life-size Darth Vader statue.”

“Wes used to play video games at three in the morning when I was trying to sleep.”

“Sheldon goes to bed at ten in the evening, Blaine. My grandmother stays up later than he does.”

“Wes used to hold emergency glee club drills.”

“What would that even consist of?”

“Believe me, you don’t want to know.”

“Well, Sheldon holds daily fire drills of his own.”

“Wes created a showering schedule.”

Masturbation schedule,” Kurt hissed low, blushing profusely.

The argument over who had the stranger roommate continued throughout the rest of Kurt’s short shopping trip as well as the drive back to campus. By the time that Kurt was climbing the stairs to his room, they had shifted gears completely and were discussing whether or not ‘Forrest Gump’ had been Tom Hanks greatest film.

“Have you even seen ‘A League of Their Own,’ Blaine?”

“Well, no,” Blaine admitted. “I guess that I could watch it tom–”

Kurt rounded the corner, and when his gaze landed on the figure waiting patiently outside his dorm room, he froze.

In the aftermath of what had gone down with Karofsky, the New Directions had irrevocably split. Prior to the day that Karofsky had tossed Kurt down the stairs, only Brittany had believed him about the harassment. When it was finally proven that Kurt had been telling the truth all along, many members – Sam, Santana, Mike, Tina, and Brittany – had taken Kurt’s side and, ultimate, left the group.

The others – Rachel, Finn, Puck, Artie, Mercedes, and Quinn – had steadily maintained that it was, essentially, Kurt’s own fault. Their argument was that the harassment couldn’t have been that terrible the entire time, or he would have tried harder to convince them of what was happening.

It was a strange viewpoint that Kurt couldn’t quite wrap his head around. The fallacy of their argument aside, it hurt to know that two of that group included his once-best friend and his own stepbrother. If anyone would have believed him, he’d have thought it would have been Mercedes and Finn.

Since then, Kurt had resigned himself to the idea that he would never quite manage to escape Finn and Rachel. He could be as distant as he wanted, but Finn was still his stepbrother and there was a pretty high chance that, one day, Rachel Berry would be Kurt’s sister-in-law.

The others, though...well, Kurt had been convinced that May would be the very last time he’d ever have to lay eyes on any of them.

Apparently, he had been wrong.

“I – I need to go, Blaine,” Kurt said dully, eyes never leaving the small figure in the doorway. “I’ll call you back later.”

– wait, Karebear, I wasn’t done! What’s going –

Kurt ended the call and let his hand fall to his side.

The two of them stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, but must have only been a few minutes.

Gathering all his strength, Kurt took a deep breath and spoke.

“Hello, Quinn.”

End Notes: 1. For those of you that may not have read ch. 1 in awhile, the flashforward here is telling you that BLAINE does not know Kurt is coming to meet him for the first time. It's a surprise that Kurt and Cooper have been planning. Their first meeting - as well as their planning for it - will be covered in upcoming chapters. 2. Why Quinn did not go to Yale will be explained later, so please don't ask now lol. 3. The Unique stuff will be covered in p. 3 of this (so, Tuesday).

Comments

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Oh my ....holy cow. It's literally 4 a.m. and I'm just now going to bed. I refused to even get up to use the restroom....seriously. This is HILARIOUS....so many times I just burst out laughing to the point that I was crying and holding my abs....especially every time Blaine comes up with a new "K" name...but seriously, Kuasimodo was my absolute fav......followed by Kred, of course. I enjoyed this SO much, and thanks for posting it.....it's exactly what I needed after the day I had today! :) Love it!

Great to see this story is being continued, I was really sad when it seemed like it wouldn't. I'm really excited for everything coming up!

i still cant breath because thad...im dying alittel bit, masterbation scedual??? gah

omfg you updated!!!!!!I'm legit smiling so hard my face hurts! I had been waiting for ages and was starting to lose hope. Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about everything that's been going on but keep your head up! Thank you for an amazing update!

YESSSSSSSS YOU'RE ALIIIIIVE! I literally have checked this twice a week for updates and here they are! Your characterization of Thad is PERFECT and I just want them to figure out how close they actually are! You're killing me here (in a good way) but I'm mostly just glad this story is back on the update track! Love and Come What May downloads to you,Sydney

I hope this will be continued. it's such a great story!

I am LOVING this story! Will it be updated any time soon?

I love this and I can't wait for the next update. This is amazing.

Wow! This is amazing!!! It's hilarious and sweet and brilliant and I love it :D I hope the next chapter will be up soon! :)