Fall 1954 

Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson fell in love when they were fourteen years old. 

They met on their first day of freshman year at William McKinley High School, in Mrs. Hagberg’s third-period algebra class. Blaine immediately noticed the quiet, dark-haired boy who slid into the seat across from him.

When the teacher turned her back to write the first assignment up on the chalkboard, Blaine took a chance. He leaned over to the boy and whispered: “What’s your name?” 

The boy looked up from his book; his startled blue eyes connecting with Blaine’s inquisitive hazel ones. Time stilled between them for a few uncountable moments before he stuttered out a single syllable: “Kurt.”

“I’m Blaine.” He flashed Kurt a bright grin. He wanted to be friends with this boy – Kurt – for some reason he couldn’t quite explain. 

Kurt rewarded him with a small smile; the motion just enough to etch tiny dimples in the baby fat that still clung to his freckled cheeks. The gesture made Blaine’s heart beat a little faster. 

The teacher’s voice suddenly pierced through the air as she swiveled back to face the class. Both boys snapped to attention, careful not to get in trouble on their very first day of school. They didn’t talk again that day, except for a quick “Bye, Kurt!” from Blaine as he rushed to his next class.

He didn’t see the way Kurt stayed glued in place in his seat; his curious gaze following Blaine out the door.

***

Kurt was busily working out answers to his algebra lesson on the second day of class when he heard the soft hiss off his right shoulder: “Psst! Kurt!”

It was Blaine again, wearing the same happy, eager expression as the day before. Nobody ever looked at Kurt like that. He felt something flutter in his chest – excitement, or nerves, maybe.

“I’ve never seen you before. Where did you go to middle school?”

“Belleville,” Kurt replied in a quiet murmur. The fluttering increased; spreading down to his belly and up to his throat.

“Oh. I went to Fairbrook.” 

Fairbrook. That was on the good side of town; the part of Lima populated by doctors and lawyers and businessmen. It wasn’t that the Belleville district was a bad part of town; but Kurt’s family could never afford a grand house like the ones the Fairbrook kids lived in. 

Kurt figured Blaine wouldn’t talk to him anymore after that. As he returned to his lesson, the fluttering was replaced by a sudden, inexplicable sadness.

***

Blaine loved math. He liked solving puzzles: adding and dividing and multiplying numbers until he came out with the exact solution.

But he’d watched the way Kurt neatly copied the lessons from the chalkboard; the way he always knew the right answer when the teacher called on him. 

So on the third day of class, Blaine leaned over once again. “Say, Kurt. I’m a dunce at this algebra stuff. Can you help me out during lunch?”

Kurt looked over at him, wide-eyed. “I’m supposed to go home for lunch.”

“Aw, come on. Nobody goes home for lunch anymore. Come sit out in the courtyard with me instead.” Blaine smiled, hoping to convince Kurt to stay. He was dying to get to know him better.

Blaine saw Kurt swallow hard; the tiny bump of his Adam’s apple bobbing under pale, delicate skin. “But I don’t have any money to buy lunch.” 

“I’ll buy you lunch,” Blaine countered, his grin growing even bigger. “If it means you’ll stay.” 

“Well…okay, then.” Kurt returned his attention to the chalkboard – but not before his eyes flicked back in Blaine’s direction one more time. “Now stop talking to me or else I won’t know the answers, either.”

Blaine couldn’t wipe the silly grin off his face for the rest of the morning. 

***

“There’s my brother, Finn.” Kurt pointed to a tall, gangly boy who was already settled in the grassy courtyard with his lunch. 

Blaine squinted against the bright September sun. “That’s your brother? Why, he doesn’t look anything like you.”

“He’s my stepbrother,” Kurt clarified. “My dad married his mom last year.” 

“Oh. What happened to your mom?" 

Kurt pretended not to hear him. He knew he was already strange for having a stepfamily; he was afraid to let Blaine know any more just yet. Instead, he sat down in the grass next to Finn, motioning for Blaine to join them.

“This is Blaine,” Kurt told Finn as Blaine settled down next to him. “He went to Fairbrook. I’m helping him with algebra.” 

Only then did Kurt realize that was all he knew about his new friend. Well, he supposed they were friends now. He hoped they were, anyway.

“Uh huh.” Finn didn’t seem to hear what Kurt was saying. He was too busy staring at a small group of girls sitting a few yards away, their skirts billowing in the grass like pastel marshmallows. 

“It’s Rachel Berry,” he said, nodding toward one of the girls.

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Rachel Berry, still, Finn? You know she won’t go out with you.”

“That was last year.” Finn got up, puffing out his chest as he started to walk over to the girls. “We’re in high school now. I’m gonna try again.”

Kurt shook his head, turning to face Blaine. “Finn is real gone on Rachel. Has been since sixth grade. But she always turns him down.” He dropped his voice to a low murmur. “If you ask me, it’s because she likes the attention." 

Finn and Rachel’s pitiful conversation wafted in the breeze toward them.

“Hi, Rachel.”

“Hi, Finn.” Rachel’s bored, exasperated tone was perfectly honed from three years of practice turning down his advances.

“Say, I was wondering if you wanted to go to the show Saturday. Creature from the Black Lagoon is playing. I heard it’s a good flick.”

Rachel laughed at him. “I can’t go on a date with you, Finn,” she said, tossing her perfectly coiffed head. “You’re not Jewish.”

“So what?”

“So what!” Rachel looked at him incredulously. “My parents would never allow it.” She paused, an impish smile curving on her lips. “I think maybe I’ll go with Noah Puckerman instead.”

“Puck – Noah Puckerman!” Finn’s face started to turn bright red. “You stay away from him, Rachel. He’s too fast for you. Jewish or not, I’ll treat you better than Noah Puckerman.”

“Don’t you tell me what to do, Finn Hudson! You’re not my keeper!” 

Kurt stifled a groan. Once again, Finn’s attempt at asking Rachel out on a date was turning into a brawl. He shifted his attention to Rachel’s friends – rather, one in particular, who was smiling brazenly in Blaine’s direction, while the girl next to her giggled loudly. 

“I think that girl likes you,” Kurt remarked, without thinking. He gestured with his chin toward the pretty blonde.

“Oh.” Blaine looked taken aback. “You think?” 

“She’s smiling at you. Why don’t you go talk to her?” Even as he said it, disappointment settled in Kurt’s chest. Surely, Blaine would prefer to spend lunch chatting with a girl instead of working through algebra problems with him. What boy wouldn’t? 

Blaine ducked his head, studying the girl through long, dark eyelashes before turning his full attention to Kurt. Kurt’s heart swelled when Blaine shot him another smile: this one bigger and brighter than ever. “Nah. I’d rather talk to you.”

*** 

Kurt and Blaine ate lunch together every day after that. Sometimes they joined Finn, laughing as they watched Rachel shoot him down again and again. But usually they found a quiet nook of the courtyard to sit together by themselves; their algebra books spread out in the grass and ignored while they talked about anything and everything else.

Blaine learned that Kurt wasn’t so quiet and shy once he became comfortable with someone. It didn’t take more than a couple of days before Kurt was freely sharing his loves and interests, usually with a smile or a laugh. Many of them mirrored Blaine’s: things that most other boys their age didn’t seem to care about, like fashion trends and Broadway musicals.

Blaine hung on to Kurt’s every word, filing away each fact in a special part of his brain he’d seem to have created just for information about Kurt Hummel. 

One day during the second week of school, they were discussing their favorite Gene Kelly movies when Rachel approached them, her blonde friend in tow.

“Are you auditioning for glee club this afternoon, Kurt?” Rachel asked, in lieu of a proper greeting.

“Oh. Um. I don’t know.” Kurt suddenly looked very nervous. “I’m not sure I want to be a part of glee club anymore.” He mumbled the words, tearing at the edges of his brown paper lunch bag as he spoke. 

“Why not?” Rachel demanded loudly.

“Because.” Riiiiiip went another section of the paper bag. “I think I might try out for basketball instead.”

Blaine did his best to hold back a grin. He’d told Kurt yesterday that he was going to try out for basketball. Maybe they could be on the team together.

“Basketball!” Rachel exclaimed, a laugh in her voice. “You don’t even play sports.”

“Well, I can try, can’t I?” Kurt retorted; anxiety pushing his already high voice to a shrill volume.

“But, Kurt, we’ve been in glee club together since the sixth grade!” Rachel pouted at him. “Is this because of what Noah said to you last year?”

“No!” Kurt’s nerves seemed to turn to panic. He made a fist, crumpling the paper bag under his hand into a tight ball. 

“Because he shouldn’t have called you a girl. You have a beautiful voice.” 

Kurt’s face turned red as a tomato, right before Blaine’s eyes. The color spread in blotchy patches to his ears and neck and chest. Blaine couldn’t stop staring, even as his mind raced with this new information.

“You’d surely get into glee club here,” Rachel continued, oblivious to the embarrassment she’d just caused Kurt. “How could they say no to your range?” 

“I don’t know, Rachel. I have to think about it.” Kurt hung his head, staring down at the mess he’d made of his lunch bag. 

Rachel suddenly looked over at Blaine, raking a curious gaze across his neatly gelled hair and shiny brown loafers. “Who’s your friend, Kurt?” she asked, still eyeing Blaine up and down. 

“I’m Blaine Anderson.” Even though he felt like he was being sized up, Blaine found his manners, standing to offer Rachel a hand in greeting.

“He went to Fairbrook,” Kurt added softly.

“Well, I can certainly tell,” Rachel fawned, accepting the handshake with a secretive little smile. She gestured toward the blonde. “This is my friend, Brittany Pierce.” 

Brittany smiled; the same coy, girlish smirk Rachel had just given him. “Hi, Blaine.”

Blaine automatically smiled in response. The friendly, polite gesture was nothing like the dazzling grins he always flashed Kurt. 

Blaine did his best to act respectful while Rachel prattled on about singing and glee club and her dreams of Broadway stardom; Brittany simpering at him all the while. But inside, he was desperate for them to leave. He felt like he’d just learned something very important about Kurt.

He nearly let out a sign of relief when Rachel finally ended the conversation. “Well…hope I see you at glee later, Kurt.” 

“Yeah. See you later, Blaine,” Brittany cooed, giving him one last flirtatious smile. Blaine nodded at the girls as they skipped off, arm in arm.

Blaine turned back to Kurt, who was still hanging his head, watching tiny bits of brown paper flutter in the grass.

“I didn’t know you and Rachel were friends,” he started, after a pause.

Kurt shrugged a shoulder, but didn’t meet Blaine’s gaze. “We’re not, really. We’ve just known each other for a long time. We were in glee club together at Belleville.”

“That’s what I gathered from your conversation. So does that mean you like to sing?” Blaine hoped his voice sounded cool and casual.

“Sometimes. But not everyone likes my voice.”

Blaine was sure it wasn’t possible for him to dislike Kurt’s voice. In fact, he’d give anything to hear Kurt sing.

“Rachel seems to think it’s pretty good.” Blaine playfully nudged Kurt’s arm with his elbow. “Besides, who cares what other people think?” 

Kurt finally raised his head up to stare at Blaine; his eyes wide with wonder, seemingly searching for something in Blaine’s expression. But suddenly it was gone, replaced with a frown. “If I was really good, Rachel wouldn’t want me to try out. She doesn’t like competition.”

Blaine could tell Kurt was holding something back. He always made a joke when he was uncomfortable. Blaine was starting to learn these things about Kurt. So he tried a different tactic.

“I was thinking of trying out for glee club,” Blaine declared nonchalantly as he bit into his sandwich.

Kurt looked startled. “Really?” 

“Uh huh. I like to sing, too.”

So maybe he was exaggerating a little bit. Sure, he’d seen the signs for glee club auditions in the hallway. But he hadn’t really considered joining. Blaine wanted to play basketball – knew he had to play basketball, and probably baseball come spring, so his father could attend his games along with the rest of the fathers in their neighborhood. 

But his real love was music: he’d always excelled at the piano lessons his mother enrolled him in, and he spent nearly every afternoon after school hidden away in his bedroom, listening to his record player. Maybe he’d be good at glee club. He was certainly willing to try if Kurt would be there.

Blaine snuck a sly glance in Kurt’s direction. “Wanna come audition with me?” 

*** 

Kurt already knew he liked boys instead of girls. 

It wasn’t a sudden realization that he came upon one day. Rather, the concept built slowly in his mind over several years, as he listened to music and watched movies and heard other boys talk about the pretty girls in their class. 

When a romantic song came on the jukebox, Kurt never envisioned a girl. It was always a boy who came to mind. Instead of soft skin and sweet giggles, he wanted muscles and hardness.

At night, Kurt dreamed about what it would feel like to embrace another boy like that; their warm bodies pressed up against each other from face to feet. What it would be like to touch a boy, and have another boy touch him. Kurt shared every hidden thought and fantasy with his imaginary dream boy; seeking comfort in the faceless, nameless shape that would never judge him, never call him a freak or a monster.

But once high school started, the boy of his dreams shifted into a form that bared an uncanny resemblance to Blaine: dark, slicked-back hair; tanned skin encased in checkered shirts and perfectly pleated khakis; a smile that bloomed across his entire face, like nothing Kurt had ever seen before. He felt Blaine’s strong arms, rather than anonymous whisps, wrapped around him; Blaine’s hot breath on his neck; Blaine’s lips sliding and gliding against his own. 

Then his dreams weren’t okay anymore. Because Kurt knew he could never actually have Blaine like that. Boys weren’t allowed to be together. It was wrong; their health teacher told them so. 

Homosexuality. Kurt had only just learned the word. It was a disease – something evil and sinister. Boys who liked boys were disturbed in the head. Sometimes they even got sent away to places that would cure them of their sickness.

Kurt didn’t feel like he was sick. He wasn’t at all like that dark, scary man in the film they had to watch at school – the man who preyed on young boys when they used public bathrooms or as they walked home from baseball practice.

Kurt just liked boys instead of girls. Especially one boy in particular: one sweet, happy, beautiful boy. What was so wrong about that?

***

What Kurt didn’t know was that his biggest secret was also Blaine’s. That somehow, out of all the places in this big, wide world, they’d been plopped down together in the same small Ohio town, next to each other in the same algebra class; destined to form a bond so strong, no one could ever break them.

***

Kurt didn’t care much for basketball. He would rather be singing, or sneaking copies of Carole’s fashion magazines up to his bedroom to memorize every shade, fabric and hem line of the newest styles. He only went to basketball games because that’s what all the other boys did. If they weren’t on the court, they were in the bleachers, arguing with each other over crummy calls and defensive tactics.

So that’s why Kurt’s father found it a little strange when Kurt started arriving at the games half an hour early, seeking out a spot as close to the floor as possible. While Burt rooted for Finn, Kurt’s gaze chased a certain short, dark-haired boy around the court. 

It was the only venue that Kurt could safely allow his eyes to linger over Blaine’s lean, boyish form – his shoulder blades rippling as he dribbled the ball, his hair matting and curling to his sweaty forehead, his face lighting up when he noticed Kurt in the crowd, cheering him on.

***

Blaine loved hearing Kurt sing. True, his voice wasn’t traditional for a boy; but it was pure and sweet and beautiful, like Kurt himself, wrapped up in a melody that escaped from his lips to float through the air.

Blaine would glare in Noah Puckerman’s direction whenever he made a snide comment about Kurt sounding girly. Kurt was definitely not a girl. Blaine was well aware of that fact.

“Why the heck is he in glee club, anyway?” Blaine whispered to Kurt one day during rehearsal. 

“The same reason Finn is,” Kurt answered, looking on at his brother practicing a song and dance routine with Rachel at the front of the room.

Glee club wasn’t very popular at McKinley High – particularly among the boys. But Finn and Noah had been all too willing to join when they discovered it meant they’d get to spend four hours a week after school with Rachel Berry.

Blaine might have judged them for it, but then again, he had done the same exact thing. But not for Rachel Berry. And certainly not for Brittany Piece, who sat right next to Blaine during every glee club rehearsal.

Rachel was nothing short of a star in the making. Blaine could picture her up on a big Broadway stage someday, belting out tunes just like Ethel Merman and Mary Martin. But she was arrogant about it: she always made comments about being a somebody and needing a male partner who could keep up with her vocally.

Apparently, she had found one in Finn. For the first time that Blaine could recall, Rachel gazed at Finn with a smile, instead of a sneer, when they sang their assigned duet together. Finn was a surprisingly good singer: his voice was a little rough around the edges, but it melded nicely with Rachel’s clear soprano. 

His dancing, however, left much to be desired. 

“This is silly,” Kurt hissed as they watched Finn flop around the room. “Finn is an awful dancer.” As if on cue, Finn stepped on Rachel’s foot, causing her to yelp in pain. Giggles rang out around the room as the piano stopped and Finn gushed out yet another apology. 

“You would make a much better partner,” Kurt added, looking to Blaine and offering him a small smile. 

Sometimes, Blaine thought he might actually drown in Kurt’s eyes. They were so blue – like the Caribbean water he’d seen once in his mother’s magazine. 

They held each other’s gaze as Rachel recovered from her injury, picking up the song right where she left off. 

When the last little star has left the sky
Shall we still be together with our arms around each other
And shall you be my new romance?

“I think Rachel likes me!” Finn exclaimed as he, Kurt and Blaine walked out of rehearsal together an hour later.

“Sure, Finn,” Kurt said skeptically. 

Blaine suddenly had an idea. “Say, Finn, you should go back and walk her out,” he suggested. “I saw the way she was looking at you during your song. I bet she’d like it if you did something so gentlemanly.”

“Yeah!” Finn slapped Blaine’s shoulder. “Thanks, buddy!” He spun on his heel and jogged back down the hall to the choir room.

Kurt looked at Blaine strangely. “You know he doesn’t stand a chance with her!”

Blaine shrugged happily. “You never know. Right?”

They stared at each other again, passing something unspoken and unacknowledged between them.

“Wanna come over my house?” Blaine asked, hastily blurting out the words before he lost his nerve. They’d never been to each other’s houses before. “We can practice some songs together. I have my own record player.”

Kurt bit down on his lower lip. But Blaine could see his smile behind the nervous gesture. “Okay.”

***

Kurt and Blaine started hanging out together nearly every day after school, laughing as they sang and danced along to records in Blaine’s bedroom. Blaine loved rock and roll sounds the best; but Kurt usually managed to slip a few picks of his own in between Bill Haley and Elvis Presley.

“You never told me what happened to your mother,” Blaine wondered aloud one day as they lay on the floor together, listening to one of Kurt’s favorite songs.

“She died when I was born,” Kurt answered matter-of-factly.

“Oh.” Blaine turned his head to look at Kurt; his eyes tracing the delicate lines of his profile.

Every time I look at you
Something’s on my mind
If you do what I want you to
Baby, we’d be so fine

“So you never knew her?” Blaine asked incredulously.

“No.”

Blaine hummed quietly as he pondered what it would be like to grow up without a mother. “I’m sorry.”

Kurt turned to face Blaine, giving him a little shrug of acknowledgment. “Finn’s in the same boat. His father was killed in the war when he was two.” He paused, as if he were trying to decide how to say something. “I know it sounds a little kooky, but…I think we make a good family. Even if it’s not traditional.”

“You’re just lucky you have a brother,” Blaine said. “I wish I had a brother or a sister. Maybe my parents wouldn’t expect so much of me, then.”

“What do they expect you to do?” 

“Play sports. Get good grades. Date a nice girl. Go to college. Be a lawyer, just like my father.” Blaine sighed bitterly. “Sometimes I feel like they have my whole life mapped out for me already. I’m just their puppet.”

Kurt gave Blaine an encouraging smile. “There’s nobody else in the whole world like you, Blaine. You can do anything you want to.”

After Kurt went home for dinner, Blaine played Kurt’s song over and over again as he lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. There was only one thing he wanted right now – but it was the only thing he knew he could never have.

If you would let me spend my whole life loving you
Life could be a dream, sweetheart

***

Kurt’s family always ate dinner together on Friday nights. They tried to eat together every night of the week, of course, but Friday nights were sacred: his dad never had to put in extra hours at the tire shop on Friday nights, and Carole avoided Friday night shifts at the hospital because she always worked on Saturdays.

Kurt and Finn were allowed to go out again after dinner, but they couldn’t miss this weekly family gathering. It was his father’s rule.

One Friday night in early October, Kurt was ten minutes late to dinner. He couldn’t help it – he’d blown a bike tire on the ride back, and had to hitch the rest of the way home. 

“You’re late,” Burt said when he walked in the door. 

“I’m sorry, Dad,” Kurt apologized, quickly scooting himself into his chair at the dinner table. “I was over at Blaine’s house. We were practicing music for glee club.”

“Blaine.” Burt drew out the name slowly in between bites of meatloaf. “That’s the boy from the basketball team, right?”

“Yes,” Kurt responded, startled by his father’s attentiveness.

“You spend a lot of time with him now.”

Kurt felt his face get hot. “Yeah. We’re really tight.”

“Well, I’m glad you made such a good friend at your new school,” Carole chimed in. “You’ll have him over for dinner soon, won’t you?”

Kurt felt his stomach leap into his throat. “Sure!” he said, barely controlling his excitement, even though he could still feel his father's eyes trained on him.

“I’m going out on a date with Rachel Berry tomorrow night, Ma,” Finn announced abruptly, a smug smile playing on his lips. 

“Rachel Berry!” Carole exclaimed. “Is that that Jewish girl? The one who sings with Kurt?” 

“Yes.” Finn was beaming. “I’m taking her to a picture.” 

“I’m surprised. Those Jews usually keep to themselves.” 

“She didn’t tell her parents,” Kurt sang as he served himself dinner. “She’s not allowed to date Christian boys.” 

“Be quiet, Kurt!” Finn yelled. “You germ!” 

“Finn, be polite to your brother!” Carole scolded.

“She’s a good girl, Ma. I swear.” Finn scowled at Kurt. “At least I have a date. I don’t see you taking any girls out.”

Cold fear immediately blossomed in Kurt’s heart. It ran through his veins, turning his already pale skin sheet-white. Kurt got this same feeling anytime someone mentioned him and girls. “There aren’t any girls I want to date!” he retorted, an imperceptible shake in his voice. At least it was the truth.

Carole smiled at him, ruffling his hair as she got up to fetch something in the kitchen. “Don’t worry, Kurt. You’ll meet someone special soon enough.” 

Kurt poked at his meatloaf for the rest of dinner as family conversation swirled around him. The trouble was, he’d already met someone special. Someone he was in love with. But he could never tell anybody, and he certainly could never date him.

How could Blaine make him feel so happy, but so sad at the same time?