Chapter 14

Kurt didn't know if he had heard right. His mouth was slightly ajar and his eyes widened as he looked at Ben in disbelief. Did he really say that?

He felt like crying, but kept his tears back so Ben wouldn't see. He had just cheated on him and now he was saying he loved him? This couldn't be happening. It had just made the truth even harder to say; now he knew Ben was in love with him.

Kurt liked Ben, but he was definitely not there yet. He could, one day, but he wasn't there now…

And what about Blaine? He probably didn't even feel the same way, so wouldn't it make sense to stay with Ben? He at least felt something worth more than friendship towards Ben. Maybe he shouldn't say anything to him? No, he can't lie! He can't lie to someone who loves him.

"Oh god…" Kurt mumbles, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

Kurt felt Ben let go of his hands and shift slightly on the bed as Kurt looked up.

"Wow, I didn't expect that reaction…" Ben mumbles, more to himself, but Kurt catching it clearly.

"Ben…" Kurt trails off. What could he say?

"No it's fine." Ben looked at Kurt again, "I know it's a bit early, but I just needed you to know. And it's fine if you aren't feeling the same way now. I just couldn't hold it in anymore."

Shaking his head slightly, Kurt looked back down at his entwined hands.

This wasn't right…

"Y-you can't." Kurt mumbles, feeling his tears threatening to spill over again.

He could feel Ben tense at his words as he looked at Kurt, confused.

"What?" He whispered; his voice breaking slightly.

"I'm sorry," Kurt starts and feels a tear run down his pale cheek, "You can't love me…"

After he finally choked the words out, he started to cry. His tears ran down fast, blurring everything in front of him.

Ben just looked at the wall behind Kurt's head, shocked, evidently not understanding at all.

After a few minutes of silence, Kurt had finally calmed down enough to speak, his chest still slightly heaving as he drew a breath to talk, before being interrupted by Ben.

"I don't understand…" He mumbles with a hurt voice, a tear falling down his cheek.

Kurt sobs a few times before he can say something, "I-I really like you Ben and I know I can love you one day, but…" Kurt stops. How was he going to explain this?

Ben looks at Kurt and meets his eyes. His eyes are slightly red and wet with hurt prominent in his green-grey eyes.

"You know…you know the other day when Blaine called and I ran out of your room to help him?" Kurt asked Ben.

Ben just nods.

"Well, eh, he was really upset… and-and I tried to comfort him and we-" Kurt says, but stops at Bens expression.

Ben's expression had changed completely when he understood where this was going. He had always had an inkling, but he never thought it would actually be true.

"Wow…" Ben says, his expression turning blank.

Kurt closes his eyes, "Ben, I'm so so-"

"No! I don't want to hear it!" Ben interrupts and stands up, wanting to be out of this stifling room.

"Ben, please!" Kurt cries and quickly grabs Ben's arm to stop him, "I'm sorry, it was just a kiss! It didn't mean anything!"

He knew he was lying when he said the last part. Well for Blaine it didn't mean anything, but for Kurt, it meant a lot.

"Don't!" Ben says hurt and angry, pulling his arm back from his grasp, "I just… I just need some time…"

And with that he was out of the door.

How could he be this stupid?

Kurt lay down on the bed; his body seemingly too heavy to hold up, and cried himself to sleep.

Xx

A light hits Kurt face the next morning, making Kurt wake up. He opened his eyes to sees Blaine sprawled on his bed, still fast asleep. He shouldn't think too much about it, but he had missed waking up and Blaine being the first face he saw.

All the things that had happened last night came to the forefront Kurt's mind again. He knew that he needed to give Ben some time, but what would happen when he had had the time to think? Would he end up alone again?

Did he even deserve Ben? He knew he didn't, but it felt so good to have someone.

"Hey…" Blaine mumbles in the quiet room, his voice heavy with sleep.

Kurt turns over to look at him and mumbles a hello too, taking a few deep breaths to prevent the tears already threatening to spill over. Blaine sees this and frowns.

"You okay?" He asks, worried.

Kurt felt a single tear run down his face and not long after he felt a warm body sitting beside him, and an arm around him.

"Kurt? What's wrong?" Blaine asked, rubbing his hand over Kurt's arm.

Kurt can't help but notice how good it felt, his warm body pressing into him and a soft hand rubbing his arm, bringing out goose bumps. It felt almost too good.

Kurt sits up and looks down at his hands.

"I told Ben." He mumbles, feeling Blaine tense up. His hand stopped moving and he looked at Kurt with wide hazel eyes.

"W-what h-happened?" Blaine asked, nervously.

Kurt sighs, "I'm not sure… He was mad and ran out, he didn't say much. He should break up with me though. I don't deserve him… no one really."

"Kurt, don't say that, you are amazing. Everyone makes mistakes and I'm sorry for messing everything up…"

"You didn't mess anything up; I don't know if I ever really wanted to be with Ben... And I kissed you back, Blaine. I wanted-"Kurt stopped before he could say anything more. Had he really just said that? He looked at Blaine with big eyes.

Blaine looks up at Kurt with a shocked expression, "What? You wanted to kiss me?"

Fuck, it looks like he did… What do I say now?

Kurt looked away from Blaine; blushing a deep shade of red.

"W-what?" Kurt asks innocently.

Blaine smiles, biting at his lips as it threatens to engulf his face, before bringing a hand to stroke Kurt's red cheek, "This says otherwise." He murmurs.

That just made him blush even more.

"Why does it matter?" Kurt mumbled; refusing to look into Blaine's gorgeous hazel eyes.

Blaine smiles softly to himself, "Maybe because I wanted to kiss you too."

Kurt looks at Blaine, his heart beating fast in his chest, "But…but you said-"Kurt shook his head in confusion.

"I know," Blaine interrupts, "I know I said that, but I thought that you thought it was a mistake. And I didn't want to be in the way of you and Ben. I didn't think you would want me to kiss you…but I guess not" He says, a small smile growing on his face, making Kurt melt pathetically.

Did Blaine really feel the same way? He couldn't believe it. All he wanted was Blaine, and now he could actually have him, but what about Ben? Technically, they were still together…but at this moment he just wanted to forget and just be with Blaine. To kiss him again.

But he couldn't, at least not yet. He still needed to talk to Ben first. He doesn't want to cheat on him anymore.

"I really like you, Kurt." Blaine whispers, moving closer to him, his hand cupping Kurt's soft red cheek.

"I really like you too, Blaine" Kurt whispers back, "But I can't be with you." Blaine looks up at this with a hurt, shocked expression.

Before Blaine can interrupt Kurt quickly continues, "Yet. I'm still with Ben, I think. So I need to talk to him before we do anything. I don't want to cheat on him again… "

Blaine nods empathetically, "I understand that Kurt, take your time. I don't want this to start the wrong way."

Kurt nods too with a smile on his face. He couldn't believe this was happening. Before he came to Dalton, he didn't have anyone, except some friends, and now he had two boys wanting him. It's was crazy.

"But I really wanna kiss you…" Blaine says, biting his lip and glancing at Kurt's pink lips before looking into his eyes.

Kurt blushes slightly, licking his lips, smiling.

"Soon" is all he says.

Xx

It's been a week since Kurt and Blaine had told each other what they felt. They had stayed apart for most of the time. They were still friends; they just knew they wanted more and that the other one wanted that too.

Blaine had accepted that Kurt still needed time to figure things out, so he gave him all the time he needed, although he was getting really impatient…

Kurt had talked to Ben the other day, so he had given him some space, but after a few days, he couldn't wait anymore.

………

Kurt knocked on Ben's door and heard a faint 'Come in' in reply.

He opens the door slightly and peaks his head inside, "Can I talk to you?"

Ben doesn't look up from when he is laying on the bed reading a book, but he nods.

Kurt walks in and closes the door behind him quickly.

"I know you're mad at me, but I really need to talk to you." Kurt says after they had been quiet for a while.

Ben looked up at Kurt for the first time since he came in the door, "Can I say something first?"

Kurt wanted to say no, he had really practiced what he was going to say and he didn't want to forget it, but he realized that it was the least he could do for him after what he did. So Kurt nods.

"I know what you are gonna say, so I just want to say something first." Ben stands up and walks closer to Kurt. "People cheat for a reason… I know you like him more than you will ever like me. It sucks that it had to happen when I just realized I loved you, but I have always known you liked him more, so I guess it's my own fault that I let myself fall for you. I guess I just continued to be with you because I hoped you might get over him. But I can see the way you both look at each other; I'm never going to have a chance to be you."

Kurt had bitten his lip the whole time, a final attempt to try and hold in his tears, but he could feel the few walls coming down.

"Ben, I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you." More tears were falling down his face and he could see Ben struggling not to do the same.

"I know…" Ben mumbles, looking down with closed eyes and breathing slowly.

Kurt walks closer to Ben, "I just want you to know that you are an amazing guy, Ben. You are so perfect. It's just that…" Kurt trails off, not quite sure what to say next.

Ben looks at Kurt with teary eyes and this just breaks Kurt even more, "I'm not him." He finishes shortly for Kurt.

Tears trail down Kurt's face when he nods.

A hand on his cheek makes him look up. Ben is even closer now with his hand cupping his wet cheek.

"Please, don't cry… I don't like seeing you sad." Ben whispers and wipes away some of the tears on Kurt's pale face.

Kurt gave Ben a small smile before deciding to give him some space, but before he can move away, Ben pulls him closer.

They hug for a while, just enjoying the last time they had to do this.

Ben kisses him on the cheek once before moving to his mouth.

The kiss is smooth, but there is something different about this one. Kurt can't feel anymore butterflies in his stomach or any heat. It feels nice as always, but it doesn't mean the same anymore.

Before it felt loving and passionate, but now it felt more like…

A goodbye…

………