Chapter 13

Kurt's head was filled with too many thoughts, though he found that couldn't concentrate on one; they were all coming to him at once.

How could you do this?

Should I tell Ben?

Does Blaine feel the same way?

What did that kiss mean?

Everything was confusing to Kurt and he became dizzier and more disorientated by the second.

Suddenly the bathroom door opened and Kurt opened his eyes for the first time since Ben left and looks into hazel green ones.

Blaine was standing uncomfortably by the door, looking at Kurt with a blank expression. His eyes were red-rimmed again, so he must have been crying again in the bathroom. His hair however, was fixed and his clothes were smoothed down.

Seeing Blaine only reminded him of what had just happened, and a fresh wave of nausea crashed over him.

He didn't know if kissing Blaine was a good thing or a bad thing… He knew it was ultimately bad because he cheated, and he wasn't a cheater…Well, that's what he had thought…

But in a way he was glad that they had kissed. Now he understood his feelings for Blaine. At first he really liked Blaine, but since being under the impression he was with Sebastian, he had numbed his feelings. And least he thought he had…now they had returned in full force.

What was he supposed to do though? He didn't even know if his feelings were reciprocated, maybe it was just an act of sadness, a need for comfort. When Kurt was really sad, he often didn't think straight. Perhaps Blaine was the same…

He had to talk to him, to figure out what was going on between the two of them.

But what about Ben? Kurt felt a lump in his throat at the thought. He didn't want to lie to him, but this would ultimately hurt his feelings a lot more.

So what if Blaine told Kurt that the kiss meant something. That he actually had feelings for the blue eyed boy? Would he drop Ben like a bad habit to be with him? Or would he do the opposite?

No matter what he did, someone would get hurt…

Blaine walked over to his bed and sat down on the edge. He cleared his throat before mumbling a few words to Kurt. "I'm sorry…"

Kurt snapped out of his own thoughts to look at Blaine. He walked over to the bed Blaine was sitting on and sits down too, keeping a comfortable distance.

"What?" Kurt whispers, his voice breaking slightly. He clears it too.

"I shouldn't have done that…" Blaine continues, but he didn't know if that was directed to himself or to Kurt.

So that's it, he didn't feel the same way. Why was he even surprised?

"Oh… Well you weren't the only one; I'm just as responsible as you…" Kurt mumbles.

It's quiet for a while. Blaine was trying to find an excuse for what he did and Kurt was trying to process his excuses.

"I… I understand this must be hard for you… I mean I just ruined your relationship with Ben. Sorry for doing that, but I just… I don't know… it's not my place to say anything. If you want, we can just forget this and you can go be with Ben. I don't want to be the reason you two break up. You seem to like the guy, so…" Blaine looked at his feet the whole time and played with the hem of his shirt, not daring to look at Kurt.

Kurt frowned slightly at Blaine's words. If you want, we can forget this?

Kurt shook his head, trying to make sense of it all.

"What do you mean by 'If you want, we can forget this'?" Kurt whispered.

Blaine looked up with big eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, but quickly closed it again. He does this action a couple of times, looking like a fish out of water, before he finally says something.

"I-I… It doesn't matter. You are with Ben, Kurt…" Blaine sighs.

Kurt turned on the bed so he could look better at Blaine, "Yes, Blaine, I'm with Ben, but who did I just kiss a few minutes ago? I need to know what you mean by that" Kurt pleaded.

He didn't really know why he wanted to know what Blaine meant. It would be a whole lot easier to just forget it, right? To just be friends again. But after that kiss… Kurt didn't know if he could just be Blaine's friend.

Blaine sighed again, but turned on the bed too, to mirror Kurt, "Kurt… what does it matter?"

What should he say? The truth or a lie?

If he tells the truth about how he feels, he risks his feelings being unreciprocated… But what was that kiss then? Just a mistake?

"I'm just confused, Blaine… So can you just tell me what's going on, please?"

It's quiet for a few seconds before Blaine nods.

"Okay, uhh… To be honest, I'm not sure either… But like I said you are with Ben. And yes we kissed, but I was really emotional at that moment… I really didn't know what I was doing. I'm sorry for doing that. I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable and maybe ruining your relationship with Ben. But I hope we can still be friends."

Kurt just stared at Blaine. How could he have been so stupid! Of course Blaine didn't feel the same way! And he had actually dared to hope, while he had a boyfriend!

"Kurt?" Blaine asked, worried when Kurt just looked at him like he was a ghost.

Kurt snaps out of his yelling thoughts and nods, "Yeah okay… We-we can still be friends."

Blaine nodded again, "Good. I'm sorry for making this mess…"

Kurt shook his head, "It's not your fault Blaine."

Suddenly Kurt remembered what they had talked about before…that had happen.

"So what are you gonna do about your parents? And what about…Sebastian?"

"Oh, I don't know… I guess I'll have to talk to my parents at one point. And Sebastian, I'm never gonna talk to him again."

Kurt just nods, not sure how to answer that diplomatically.

"I should go" Blaine says and was up and out of the door before Kurt could respond.

Kurt sighed and walked over to his own bed to lie down.

He needed to figure out what to do.

Well he knew that Blaine didn't feel the same way as him, so that made things a little easier, but not much… There was still Ben. He knew he could love him one day, so should he just be with him and pretend nothing happen with him and Blaine? Should he tell Ben? That would make him break up with Kurt…

Kurt noticed he was crying when he suddenly felt a tear roll down his cheek. He started to sob and couldn't seem to stop. He cried himself to sleep, long before Blaine came in and saw the tears on his sleeping face.

Xx

The next day Kurt avoided everyone. He got out of the room before Blaine woke up. He didn't go to lunch where he normally sat with Ben, Jeff, Nick, and sometimes Blaine. He didn't go back to his and Blaine's dorm before late, when he knew Blaine would be asleep. He couldn't face people right now. He needed to be alone.

He had gotten many texts over the course of the day.

Where are you? I miss you xx – Ben

Are you okay? I haven't seen you today… - Jeff

Hey, are you sick today? –Nick

Babe? Are you angry at me? – Ben

And the list went on…

The next day he walked down to his first class. He was a little better, but he still didn't know what to do…

Kurt saw Ben alone back in the classroom, so he walks over to him, smiling at him, though frowning when it isn't returned.

After waiting for Ben to say something or to even look at him, Kurt decided to say something instead.

"Are you okay?" Kurt looks to the side at Ben, his voice cutting through the thick tension.

Ben looked up at this with an unreadable expression.

"What? You're talking to me now?" Ben asks annoyed.

Kurt rolls his eyes slightly. "Ben… I'm sorry, I wasn't feeling that good yesterday, so-" Kurt starts to explain, but Ben cuts him off.

"So you couldn't just text me back and say so? You ran out of my room and when I go to your room, you're acting all funny. And yesterday you don't talk to me… What is going on Kurt? Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?"

"N-no of course not! I'm sorry, Ben… I just needed some time. I'm sorry…" Kurt explained to Ben.

Ben was about to say something, but the teacher told the class to quiet down as the lesson started. Ben whispered to Kurt that they would talk at lunch and Kurt nodded nervously.

Xx

Lunch came and Kurt and Ben walked up to Kurt's dorm. They walked in and settled on Kurt's bed. They had been quiet the whole time.

"So, can you tell me what's going on?" Ben asked calmly, taking Kurt's hands in his.

Kurt looks down at their hands and plays with their intertwined fingers.

"Nothing is going on" Kurt lied.

He couldn't tell Ben, not yet.

"Are you sure? I'm worried about you." Ben says, smiling slightly at their hands that Kurt continues to play with.

"Yes, I'm sure, don't worry about me." Kurt smiles up at Ben.

Ben returns the gesture at Kurt, but with a look Kurt had never seen before. He didn't know how to exactly explain it, but it was different. Like… adoration?

Ben moves closer to Kurt and kisses him on his smooth lips.

Kurt tried not to think about the guilt he felt as he returned Ben's kiss, but it was hard for him…

He can't do this for much longer. He can't lie anymore.

Kurt breaks the kiss and the two boy's smiles at each other, Ben bright and lovingly and Kurt nervous and guilty. But Ben didn't notice that.

"I love you"