The next morning Kurt woke up as the sun was just peeking it’s way in through the windows. He knew it had to be way too early to be awake on a Saturday but could tell it would be futile to try and go back to sleep. He carefully extracted himself from Blaine’s hold, not wanting to wake him. He pulled on the clothes from the night before and padded out of his room. Rachel was sitting at the table a cup of coffee in her hands. Kurt gave her a smile before retreating to the bathroom.

When he emerged he filled his own coffee cup before joining her. “You’re up early,” he said, gone were the days when she would wake him up at 6am singing scales.

“I couldn’t sleep, but what’s your excuse?” Kurt could see the bags under her eyes and wondered just how long she had been awake, or if she had ever actually gone to sleep. A surge of guilt shot through him.

“We didn’t keep you up did we?” He asked.

She looked at him for a moment, confused, “Oh, no. Nothing like that. Just my stupid brain wouldn’t shut off. But no, you were fine.”

“Do you want to talk about it? I’ll make breakfast.” He knew the way to comfort Rachel, he had enough experience with it.

“Can you make French toast?” she said before adding sheepishly, “You know the one-”

“Of course,” He assured her before turning and gathering the ingredients. It was kind of a pain making the two batters, he never had enjoyed the vegan version as much personally. With Rachel looking like she did and with how great she had been about Blaine last night, the extra effort seemed worth it. As he began mashing the bananas he urged, “So-”

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes, “I think I might be moving on. I don’t- not that I am ready to date or anything- but I feel- it doesn’t hurt as bad to think about him. And it scares me.”

“Rachel, you know there is no wrong way to grieve or no timeline for these things. If you feel like you are moving on- that’s not a bad thing.”

Rachel whimpered, “But he hasn’t even been gone three years.”

“You know no one is going to fault you for wanting to be happy, right?” Kurt tried to sooth her.

“But Carole-”

“Carole knows better than most what it is like to lose a soulmate. Do you really think that she will be upset because you didn’t wait a certain amount of time? Did you know she got her mark four years after Finn’s dad died? My dad got his after seven. Do you think that means my dad loved my mom more than Carole loved Chris?” Kurt said,  focusing on adding the peanut butter to the bananas.

Rachel was silent, just playing with the cup in her hands. “We are all going to miss Finn everyday, but we also have to live and try to be happy. We find ways to cope and yes, we move on. Did you know Dad and Carole have been contemplating becoming foster parents? You can date, and maybe even be marked again and find love and that's okay. And when you need to remember Finn and the love you had- call me and I can make you Monkey French Toast and we can eat it together- for him. Okay?”

Rachel stood capturing Kurt in a bear hug, tears streaming down her face. “Thank you.”

“Now why don’t you set the table so I can finish this up.” Kurt said gently pushing her away.

“For three?” She asked shyly.

Kurt smiled at her, “Yes, I’ll wake Blaine in a minute.”

Kurt didn’t have to wake him because just as he was sliding Rachel’s toast on her plate Blaine came shuffling out of Kurt’s room. “Morning,” he mumbled before perking up, “What smells so good?”

“Monkey French Toast,” Rachel laughed as Blaine looked at her confused. “It was one of Finn’s favorites and he needs to be remembered today. What do you want to drink?”

Blaine still looked slightly confused but also seemed to understand that he was being let in on something huge. “Coffee?”

They sat together eating peanut butter and banana French toast smothered in maple syrup and told stories about Finn Hudson.

They lazed around the apartment the rest of the morning watching movies. Rachel huddled in blankets in the overstuffed chair, and Kurt and Blaine cuddled together on the couch. When lunch time came, Blaine left, telling Kurt he really needed to study and explaining he was worried Kurt would be a distraction when Kurt offered to help.  Rachel hid herself in the kitchen under the pretense of making lunch as they said their goodbyes.

Kurt joined her at the table where a beautiful salad waited him once Blaine was out of the door. They ate in companionable silence before Rachel said, ”I really like Blaine, I'm glad he is going to be around.”

“I told him I loved him last night,” Kurt admitted with a fond smile.

“Shut up,” Rachel exclaimed grabbing his hand as he made to take a bite. “Oh my god Kurt do you think he-”

But Kurt cut her off, ”Don’t. I know you mean well but don't even bring up soul mates. We aren’t there yet Rachel. Let me enjoy this part of loving him before I think about marks.”

“He did say it back didn’t he?” Rachel asked worried.

Kurt sighed, “Blaine’s been through a lot, more than I know about I think.  And even if he can’t say it yet, I think he does love me.”

“Oh Kurt, that must have been hard.” Rachel said sympathetically.

“Not really, I love him, I don’t need him to say it yet.”

They ate quietly for a while before Rachel broke the silence again.

“Are Burt and Carole really thinking of fostering?” She said looking worried.

Kurt swallowed his bite, “Yea, Carole says she misses being a mom, and they figure that there are a lot of kids, especially older ones that could use a family.  Plus I think my dad has a few more speeches saved up he never got to use on me and Finn.” Kurt laughed. “I think it will be good for them, they even talked about it before Finn died.”

“Really?” Rachel asked, “Finn never mentioned it.”

“That’s because he didn't know. I didn't either until my dad and I were talking about it at Christmas,” Kurt told her.

Rachel smiled, “They will be great at it.” She pushed her lettuce around on her plate for a minute before blurting, “I think I am going to go back home for spring break. I haven't been back since the memorial- and I think I’m ready. I think I need to go back and see my dads and be in Ohio- and get some closure there.”

“I wish I could go with you,” Kurt admitted, “But I planned to use that week to get ready for juries and the showcase.”

Rachel groaned, “I need to do that too, but I guess that is the advantage of your parents building you a stage.”

“Lucky you,” Kurt laughed.

“I think I am going to lay down and take a nap. I’ll call my dads after and tell them. Thanks Kurt.”

Kurt squeezed her hand as she walked off. Kurt started making plans for a Rachel free week with Blaine at the apartment.

Unfortunately, when he shared the plans with Blaine later that week he groaned in disappointment. ”Now that is just cruel Kurt. My mom called this morning and wants me home. I already told her I would. I knew I was going to miss you but now I have those mental pictures to remind me what I am missing.”

“Oh, well I guess I’ll get more practicing done than I thought,” Kurt joked, but it fell flat.

“I'm sorry Kurt, I would have told her no, but she said it was important.” He could tell Blaine hated disappointing him.

“Oh sweetheart, you don’t have to be sorry.  No, you should go spend time with your mom. I know you love her. I’m just being silly. I should have talked to you before I let my imagination run away with me. I’m sure we will have other Rachel free times together.”  Kurt kissed him ending the conversation.

Burt entered the bedroom to find Carole curled up again on the bed just staring at the wall. He knew she was hurting, hell, he still hurt too, but this wasn’t healthy. Carole was always so full of life, it was one thing that drew Burt to her; her liveliness and kindness. After losing Finn she became the shell of the woman she once was. The only time a spark seemed to return to her eyes was when Kurt was home. She threw everything she had into taking care of him, cooking for him, fussing over him. Part of him wished that Kurt could stay so maybe Carole would come back to him, but Kurt needed to return to school and live his life in New York. It was up to Burt to save his wife from this all encompassing despair. He just didn’t know how. Time was not helping, every new first without Finn hit just as hard as the last one. He just knew that this couldn’t continue.

“Baby,” he called to her using the term he reserved for when he let their natures take over. “Sit up.” He hated using commands with her, but right now he thought she needed it, he wasn’t surprised when she obeyed.

“We need to talk.” He said and the anguish in her eyes doubled.

“I’m sorry, I hate this as much as you do.” She said burying her face in her hands.

Burt sat on the bed next to her, “Oh Baby, I’m not upset. I’m worried, we need to figure out a way to get through this. Please talk to me.”

“I just- you know the only thing I ever wanted in life was to be a mom, I wanted at least four kids, but when Chris died- Finn was enough. And then came you and Kurt. And then Kurt moved away and Finn- my baby died and I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore. Not only did I lose my son- but I feel like I lost myself too. Who am I if I’m not Finn’s mom?” She cried her tears dripping on Burt’s shoulder.

He rubbed his hand on her back trying to sooth her, “You are Carole Hudson Hummel, my wife, my love, my soulmate and my submissive. You are Kurt’s step mom and you will always be Finn’s mom. Just because we lost him doesn’t mean we have to completely change who we are. But-”

“But what?” She asked.

“But, I think you can’t keep doing this to yourself. You need to let yourself live again.” He said as gently as he could.

“How?”

He took a deep breath, “Well first you force yourself and then after awhile you don’t have to force it anymore. And-” he paused for a moment unsure if he should voice his next idea. “and when you feel up for it, then maybe we could look into fostering again. I think we could really help some kid who lost everything too.”

Carole’s voice hitched as she said, “I- I don’t know if I am ready.”

“You just let me know when, and if the time never comes, that is okay. We will do whatever you need to.” He said gently and for the first time in months he felt her melt into his arms like she used to.