See What I am Saying
KurtsWish
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See What I am Saying: Chapter 4


T - Words: 4,558 - Last Updated: Feb 23, 2012
Story: Closed - Chapters: 6/? - Created: Jan 29, 2012 - Updated: Feb 23, 2012
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Author's Notes: AN: Sorry for the long wait for this chapter, I was working on helping organize a booth at a Comic Book Convention for the Charity I help with. I will be there all weekend, so I don’t know when I will be able to update again. I promise that when this is done updates will be faster, I am not usually an author who only updates once a week. Please let me know what you think.

Blaine felt anxious all weekend, it was Sunday night and he still hadn’t heard anything from Kurt. He tried to occupy his time, but nothing held his interest for long. He ended up looking up a website to learn some more signs, hoping he would have an opportunity to use them. Even that couldn’t keep his attention, his thoughts kept drifting to Kurt and the many possible reasons for him not texting. Frankly, it was driving him crazy. Blaine felt they had finally made a connection, but obviously, Kurt didn’t feel the same way.

His phone chimed announcing an incoming text. Blaine sprang to his feet, retrieving the phone that was currently sitting on his desk as a punishment for being so quiet all weekend. He unlocked his phone and his heart sank as he read.

Blaine maybe it is best if you don’t talk to me at school anymore. Sorry-Kurt

Blaine stared at the message, willing the words to change. When they didn’t, he answered with the only thing running through his mind. Why?

The wait for a new message to come was more painful than the lack of communication all weekend.

It has been brought to my attention, that associating with me is like social suicide. Unless you want the rest of your senior year to be hell, then take the out I am giving you. Being in glee club is enough to make it hard and we really need you on the team.

Blaine didn’t understand where this was coming from, his stomach twisted painfully at the thought that someone had talked to Kurt about this.

But I enjoy being with you. If you don’t feel the same, then please tell me. Otherwise, I think I can handle it. He sent back.

It was a few minutes before Kurt replied. You don’t have to subject yourself to the bullies, they don’t know that you are gay, not for sure. But they suspect now. If you aren’t seen with me a school, they will leave�you alone again. You can survive.

Blaine’s fingers flew across the screen in anger; at the school, whoever talked to Kurt, and even at Kurt himself. I am not going to hide who I am just to appease a couple of dumb jocks. I am gay and I am proud of that, if they don’t like it then to hell with them. Nothing they do is going to change me. I don’t want to stop hanging out with you because I like being with you. They never seemed to bother you before, are you going to let them scare you away from me.

He regretted the words as soon as he hit send, but Blaine knew there was no taking them back. He waited with baited breath for Kurt to reply. Five then ten minutes passed before the chime sounded in the silent room.

Do you think I don’t know what they say about me? Do you think it doesn’t hurt just because I can’t hear them. I pretend, Blaine, everyday at that school I pretend that it doesn’t bother me. But you know what,�it does. They don’t just hate me because I am gay. They hate everything about me. The only reason I haven’t been shoved into lockers, thrown into dumpsters or slushied�so far this year is because Coach Sylvester is watching them. They know it and I know it. So instead they insult me at every turn, I may not know what they are saying, but I see their faces, I see the hate. They won’t be so easy with you, as they clearly demonstrated Friday. Please Blaine.

Blaine’s insides froze; he never knew Kurt had it so bad. He hoped that at least his deafness afforded him some comfort from the bullies. Apparently, they used to do more and Blaine hated that Kurt ever had to go through that. He thought carefully about his reply before sending it.

I'm sorry Kurt I was out of line. But I am not going to pretend I am someone I am not just to make those jerks happy. I ran from bullies before, I let them chase me from school. Dalton was great, and I really didn't want to leave, but since I am here I am not going to run and hide anymore. I will be out whether you are there for me or not. I just hope that you will be. Just think about it.

As soon as he hit send, he collapsed on his bed, trying to fight the wave of nausea threatening him. Someone was trying to scare Kurt away from Blaine, but who was it? Blaine thought back to Friday, many people had to have seen them together, but who had seen the problem with Karofsky and Azimio? Sure many people were in that hallway, however only two stood out in Blaine's mind.

Punching his pillow, Blaine tried to think of a way to show Kurt he really wasn't afraid of making himself a target to the ignorant. As a plan formed in his mind, he quickly got up to begin executing it; after all he only had 12 hours until school started again.

Blaine walked into school; his hoodie zipped up, hiding the shirt underneath. He had something to take care of first. He scanned the halls for the pair he was looking for. He spotted them walking out of the locker room. Blaine stalked towards them, grabbed both their elbows and dragged them into the thankfully empty choir room.

"What the hell Anderson?" Puck yelled wrenching his arm out of Blaine's grasp.

"I was going to ask you two the same thing!" Blaine spat at them. "What exactly did you say to Kurt?"

He looked at Finn who at least had the decency to look ashamed as he spoke. "Dude we were just trying to look out for you."

"Really? And how is that exactly?"

Puck prickled at his tone, "Glee club is hard enough without the entire school thinking you are gay."

Before Blaine could reply Finn jumped in, "And honestly we need you in glee if we want to win nationals. We didn't want the guys giving you a hard enough time that you would quit."

"I am gay, in case you forgot. And the only reason I would quit glee club is if you were the homophobic jerks who made my life hell. As it stands, you are making a good argument for that reasoning. Are you fine with Kurt and I being gay as long as we don't act on it, as long as we aren't gay together?"

"No!" they both shouted looking sick at the thought.

"Then why try and convince the guy I like to not talk to me?" Blaine spat.

Finn grinned dopily at him, "Dude you like Kurt?"

"Yes, I do and I finally got him talking to me and you try and get him to stop why?" Blaine sat down in a chair feeling defeated all over again.

"We were just trying to look out for you; we didn't know you actually liked the dude." Puck offered.

"Now he doesn't even want to talk to me. But I'm going to show him that I am out and proud no matter what." Blaine carefully unzipped his hoodie revealing the shirt he made last night, in bold black letters it declared: 'Out and proud since 2007.'

Finn looked sick again, "Dude you can't just wear that in this school, you won't last a day."

"Watch me" Blaine said pushing himself out of the chair.

"Anderson is packing himself a pair of titanium balls!" Puck practically howled, slapping Blaine on the back on approval. "Man, I've got your back, I'll try and talk to Hummel and tell him we were wrong. I think we underestimated you."

"Yeah, sorry dude. I've got you back too, just you know try not to get yourself killed before we can get there." Finn added pulling him into a quick man hug. "It is a little weird to me that you like Kurt, I mean you really like like him?" Blaine just nodded not sure where Finn was going. "That’s cool I guess, it just he's my brother and I don't know what I am supposed to do, should I threaten you or something about hurting him? Cause that just feels so wrong you are so much smaller than me."

"Well, how about we just worry about getting him to talk to me again and you can worry about that later." Blaine said just as the bell rang sending them to class.

Blaine hurried to his locker stuffing his hoodie inside before making his way to his first class. He held his head high, seemingly oblivious to the heads that turned his way reading his shirt. Blaine saw the faces though, a few surprised, others apathetic, while some looked disgusted.

He made it through his first three periods without incident, though Coach Bieste seemed to be keeping an extra eye on him throughout gym. Blaine still hadn't seen Kurt, but he wasn't surprised, and just assumed he was avoiding him since he never responded to his last message.

Mercedes was in her usual seat when Blaine arrived to ASL. He pointedly smiled at her, but didn't meet Kurt's shocked gaze as he took in the words written across his chest. Mercedes raised an eyebrow and started trying to catch Kurt's attention again. Kurt however was scribbling something on a piece of paper and pointedly ignored her increasingly desperate attempts to get his attention. As the tardy bell rang a piece of paper landed on Blaine's desk.

What the hell do you think you are doing???


I told you I wasn't going to hide. Does this mean you are talking to me again.


Mercedes looked annoyed to be passing the note back and forth between the two. No the last one said in large bold letters.

Blaine was once again working with the girl next to him, Lydia, although he caught sight of Kurt staring at him a few times with an unreadable expression on his face. For once Mercedes and Kurt were working mechanically through the lesson, annoyance clear on Mercedes face.

When the bell rang Kurt hurried out of the class without another look back at Mercedes and Blaine. Blaine was so caught up in his thoughts and packing his bag, he didn't notice Mercedes approach him until she spoke.

"What is going on between you and Kurt?" she asked accusingly.

Blaine quickly explained to her about Friday and the texts from that weekend leaving out his feelings for the boy. Telling that bit of information to Finn and Puck was an accident and he didn't want more people to know especially since he hadn't even told Kurt yet. "I just want him to talk to me again. The guys said they would talk to him about it but..."he let his doubt at the likelihood of their success hang in the air.

Mercedes gave him a sad smile. "Well good luck with that. I tell you Kurt is the single most stubborn person I know and if he decides he is not going to talk to you there is not much you can do about it. Last year he was mad at Rachel and didn't even look at her for two months. It took a break up between her and Finn and her bawling in the choir room to get him to let it go. I'm not saying that that will happen to you," she quickly added seeing Blaine's crestfallen face. "I mean as far as I can tell you haven't really done anything wrong... But I wouldn't hold my breath if I was you."

By now, they had made it to the cafeteria. Blaine saw Puck trying to shove a piece of paper in Kurt's hand only for it to fall on the ground. Finn was trying to slowly form something that resembled sign language, but Kurt simply turned away. Blaine fleetingly wondered how they had managed to convince him to stop hanging out with Blaine given their poor communication skills with Kurt.

Blaine spent most of the lunch period moping, not even touching his food. Before anyone else had finished eating Blaine stood up and stalked out of the room unable to sit there and be ignored for any longer. No one seemed to notice the stunning blue eyes following him as he left.

Blaine for once was dreading his last two periods of the day. Sneers and taunts had�started during wood shop and Blaine's already low spirits had descended even further. He didn't know if he could handle sitting through two more classes with the object of his affection pointedly ignoring him. He sat down in his chair in art with a plop, before pulling out his drawing. Since they were working on reflective surfaces, Blaine had already sketched out a window originally meant to reflect colored Christmas lights. Now that didn't feel right to Blaine and he started drawing faint images of a face reflected in the glass. You could see the hint of triangular eyebrows, pain filled eyes and a nose. It looked like the person was barely close enough to be seen in the glass. Then he started on raindrops cascading down the window breaking and joining the image of the face. Blaine was so caught up in his work and misery brought by the day; he didn't notice Kurt watching him as he drew. He didn't notice Kurt's pencil barely moving through the whole class.

Blaine did notice however when Kurt walked out of the room ahead of him without offering one single look his way. Blaine watched Kurt's back as they made their way to their last class. Blaine's heart leapt when he saw Kurt begin to turn around towards him. He was so caught up in Kurt's movement he didn't notice the reason for it. Blaine lifted his head fully just in time to be slapped in the face by red slush.

Blaine had of course had brain freeze before, but that didn't compare to the cold pain, the sting the ice made on his face or the burning in his eyes.

However, the cold seemed to freeze his ability to move or speak and he just stood there and the syrupy ice dripped off him onto the floor as he heard footsteps move around him on all sides as if he was a leper. Slowly he wiped his eyes before opening him. What he saw shocked him even more. Kurt was stalking to him his hands flying so quickly Blaine couldn't even hope to understand what he was saying. He caught one sign 'stupid' and from the accusatory look on Kurt's face he knew the tirade was directed at him. Then Kurt was grabbing him by the elbow and steering him to the nearest girl's bathroom. Blaine wanted to protest but thought better of it when he saw the fury in Kurt's eyes.

Blaine watched meekly as Kurt opened his bag, pulling out a towel, washcloth, and extra shirt. He then moved to the sink to wet the washcloth. When he approached Blaine's still figure he signed you're stupid. Blaine gave him a sad smile before nodding slowly. Kurt shook his head and began gently wiping the mess off Blaine's face. Blaine could only stare at him in confusion as he cleaned him up with touches so delicate he almost thought he imagined them.

Kurt walked away pulling a chair over to one of the sinks. Shirt off, he signed. At first, Blaine was frozen in embarrassment and confusion before he looked down at the ruined article of clothing. As Blaine stripped off the garment, Kurt rinsed out the washcloth. Shaking his head again, Kurt began washing away the sticky residue from his shoulders and chest. Blaine could only stare at Kurt’s face, his thoughts racing in so many different directions, some chaste while others not so much. He noticed the sad look haunting Kurt's features, but under that, he could almost see caring.

Once his shoulders and chest were clean, Kurt pulled him over to sit in the chair in front of the sink. He then grabbed two bottles and a cup out of his bag and pushed Blaine back so his head was over the sink. Close your eyes he signed to the still silent Blaine.

Kurt's hands gently worked the water through the gel and syrup in Blaine's hair before adding shampoo to wash it all away. Blaine's heart melted at the soft touches to his scalp. His eyes closed he could almost imagine that Kurt were messaging his head so intimately for entirely different reasons. The sickly sweet smell lingering all around him broke the illusion though. After a few minutes, he felt warm water cascading over his head rinsing away the suds. Blaine opened his eyes to see Kurt's face hovering over his working conditioner through his now loose curls. Their eyes connected and Kurt gave him a small heartfelt smile before returning his gaze to Blaine's hair. For his part, Blaine's eyes never left Kurt's face, he watched instead as he meticulously ran his fingers in the curls. Only when Kurt once again brought he cup up to rinse out the conditioner did Blaine close his eyes and lose sight of that beautiful face.

The water turned off and before Blaine could register that, a towel was wrapped around his head and Kurt was gently patting his hair dry. Blaine sneaked his eyes open and his breath caught at the look on Kurt's face. He looked contemplative but his eyes also sparkled as if he was enjoying this as much as Blaine was. When Kurt's eyes roamed down to Blaine's face the change was immediate as he schooled his expression before motioning Blaine to stand up and turned away from him.

Blaine took a step forward towards Kurt's retreating back so when Kurt turned around to hand him the new t-shirt they were mere inches apart.

Not thinking, Blaine reached up and cupped Kurt's face with his right hand. The touch was soft, a barely brushing of skin on skin. Kurt leaned into the contact as his eyes shifted down, blue meeting hazel. A heartbeat later, they both leaned forward connecting their lips. Blaine turned his head and he heard a sharp intake of breath from Kurt before his hands were on him; one cupped the back of Blaine's neck while the other rested on his bare chest.

Filled with excitement at actually kissing Kurt, Blaine swiped his tongue across Kurt lower lips. Kurt opened his mouth. As soon as their tongues touched a loud moan rose up from Kurt's chest, and then he was gone, backed away almost to the other side of the small room, his face a livid shade of red. Blaine's look of confusion changed to concern when he saw the tears welling in Kurt's eyes.

Blaine quickly ran to his bag and retrieved the first notebook and pen his hands landed on, not wanting to rely on his rudimentary signing skills in this obviously delicate situation. Trying not to focus on his own hurt at Kurt backing away so violently from his kiss, Blaine wrote; Please tell me what is wrong.

Kurt read the words before shaking his head. Blaine scribbled again of the paper. Please tell me what I did wrong! I like you, and if you don't tell me what I did I can't fix it. Please!

Blaine watched as Kurt's eyes raked over the paper before taking it and the pen in his hands. Kurt slid to sit on the tiles and Blaine did the same. He watched Kurt slowly and deliberately write on the paper. Kurt seemed to write forever and Blaine was just beginning to wish he hadn’t sat down so he could be pacing the floor just for something to do when the notebook was pressed back into his hands.

Blaine glanced at Kurt who was looking pointedly to the wall before reading. YOU didn't do anything wrong. So much is wrong here. I like you too and Friday was great. But we were both deluding ourselves if we thought we could do this here. Finn and Puck were right, it is too dangerous for you to be with me. I thought we could pretend; go back to the way things were before, but I couldn't just let you stand there in the hall looking so pitiful. This doesn't change anything.

Blaine shook his head in confusion, that explained why Kurt had been acting the way he had all day. But this was nothing new expect why he helped him.

You knew something like this was going to happen, you knew they would throw that slushy at me, that is why you brought that stuff. Thank you for that. But why kiss me and then reacted the way you did? I need to understand. I am trying to understand.

Blaine let his head fall back against the tiled walls, willing himself not to cry. The moment wasn't long enough though before the notebook was once again in his hands.

I don't think you can understand.

A single tear dropped on his words as he wrote them. Help me try then. Explains please.

Their eyes met as they passed the notebook over both sparkling with tears. Kurt inched over to where they were sitting side by side on the bathroom floor the notebook propped on their brushing knees so they could both see.

You can hear yourself right? Kurt wrote and Blaine nodded in response before Kurt continued. I can't, I can feel myself making noise, but I don't know what it is or what it sounds like. I don't like to use my voice because I know I sound funny. That is one of the reasons I am here, at Haverbrook they teach total communication, but I refused to speak. My dad finally relented and let me come here.

Blaine looked at Kurt in confusion. It was nice to know more about Kurt but he wasn't sure what this had to do with the kiss.

That's why I backed away, I'm sorry for whatever sounds I made. A tear dripped on the page and Blaine snaked his arm around Kurt's shoulders. I hate that, I wish I could just turn off my voice. I know it has to be awkward for you.

Blaine took the pen before Kurt could continue writing. I liked it. Blaine wrote thinking back to the sound coming from deep within Kurt. I really liked it. Did you like kissing me? Kurt nodded. I liked kissing you too. Hearing you, well I thought it meant you liked it too. And if it makes you feel better I'm sure I would have made the same kind of sound if we continued.

Kurt took the pen and wrote really? a hopeful expression in his face. Blaine nodded before turning to face Kurt fully. He took the pen out of Kurt's hand and placed it on his neck. He took his other and placed it over his heart. Feel he signed before leaning in for another kiss. Their lips moved together for a moment before Blaine opened his mouth inviting Kurt to deepen he kiss if he wanted too. Which Kurt did with enthusiasm, all previous embarrassment lost. Their tongues caressed each other and again that beautiful earthy sound filled the room. It was loud, and Kurt tensed for a moment but Blaine kept his hand over his heart where it raced at the sound. As it thudded against Kurt's hand, he smiled into the kiss exploring Blaine's mouth all other cares forgotten. Kurt tongue brushed the roof of Blaine's mouth and without thought, Blaine was moaning too. The vibrations tingled Kurt's fingertips resting on his neck causing him to stroke at the feeling with his thumb. Pulling away and sucking lightly at Kurt's tongue Blaine ended the kiss, then looked deeply in Kurt's eyes. He searched those blue pools for any embarrassment and doubt before fumbling for the notebook and pen discarded on the floor. See he wrote and smile at Kurt as he handed it to him to read. Kurt nodded before a high-pitched giggle escaped his throat and he clamped his hands over his offending mouth. Blaine smiled at him when Kurt gave him a searching look. Beautiful he signed before removing the hand and lacing it with his own. They sat there for a moment before Blaine signed; are we okay? Kurt nodded.

Blaine thought about how he could sign the next question. Not wanting to mess this up he took the notebook again I his hand. Kurt, will you be my boyfriend? Kurt smile lit up the whole room knocking the breath out of Blaine before he nodded with such enthusiasm Blaine couldn't help but lean in for another kiss. The shrill bell sounded startling Blaine, making him jump out of the kiss. Seeing Kurt's hurt and confusion, he quickly signed bell. They both stood and Kurt's eyes raked over Blaine's bare torso before handing him the extra shirt he brought. William McKinley Football it read. Blaine gave him a questioning look to which Kurt answered with: later. They gathered their things with quick glances at each other before exiting the bathroom and rejoining the bustling life in the high school halls.

They walked together in silence to each other’s lockers the out to the parking lot. Kurt waved shyly goodbye before walking to his large black SUV. Blaine had just sat down in his own car when his phone vibrated in his pocket with a new text. Do you want to go out for coffee after glee tomorrow, it read. Blaine smiled before replying in the affirmative and dis not leaving his face the whole drive home.


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