November 8,1969

My loving and beautiful B,

I had completely different letter written, almost ready to send, but I didn't want this to be a postscript or added like an afterthought. I got my orders today. I will be shipping out on November 27 headed for Vietnam as the combat medic for Bravo Company. I feel almost numb at the news; it just doesn't seem real. I know I have been training for this for the last few months, but I still secretly hoped I would end up in a hospital somewhere. I have been working hard, thinking that maybe if I was good enough they would want me in a hospital. I am graduating next week at the top of my class and that has earned me a tour of duty right in the heart of the war.

I have to tell you have haven't been completely honest with you, or rather I haven't told you everything I know. I'm not going to go into the jungle with a bright red cross on my helmet. If I did, I would be even more of a target than I already will be. There is no protection for us over there, I won't be safe because I am trying to save lives, and I will be targeted for it. I won't be carrying a gun, and even if I did, I wouldn't know what to do with it in the first place if I thought I could use it. I know what can happen to someone when faced with bullets and land mines. It is not even your own mistake you have to worry about either, one misstep by the person in front of you and you will be the one- never mind, I don't even want to go there.

I am trying to remain positive and have hope like you said, but I am not seeing any right now. I don't know if you will be able to give me any. I know I should have prepared you better for this outcome, I just thought it would never come to this. I was trying so hard to keep you from worrying and now I'm going.

Okay, I'm taking deep breathes to try to get all this out. I really never thought I would have to write all this. I've listed Carole Hudson as my next of kin. If anything happens to me, she's the one who will be informed. Please know I wanted to list you, but I just couldn't put you in danger like that. I will be writing Carole and telling her how important it is that any information she receives should be passed to you. It might be a good idea for you to visit her. I know it may be weird, but with both Finn and me in combat, she will be a mess. Tell her what you have to but please make her understand how important it is that you know.

I promise you that I will try my damnedest to come home to you in one piece. I love you so much and just the thought of leaving you behind, that is what is making this so hard. It's not so much the thought of me dying; it is what that would do to you.

I have never spoken to you about the deaths of my mother or that of my grandparents. But I think now it is important that you know. When my mom died, it was very sudden. I had just turned seven. I remember that when I went to first grade, I was so scared to leave her. I just knew that my teacher couldn't be as nice as she was. I was right. Don't get me wrong Miss Gibson was a lovely lady and a wonderful teacher, but no one could have compared to my mom. She was beautiful, smart, kind, pretty much a saint; and I realize that this is me seeing her through a child's eyes and probably an over exaggeration of the person she was. But to me she was perfect. I was excited because there was only six weeks left of school and then I would get to spend the whole summer just me and mom. One day though, my dad came home for lunch. I remember (or at least I think I do, it could be that I have been told so many times that it was true that it now seems like a memory) my dad came home every day for lunch. He would close the shop for an hour and come home to spend some time with me (before I was in school) and my mom. Once I started first grade, he would still come home everyday to see her. One day he came home, and she was lying on the kitchen floor dead. Dad said the doctors told him later it was an aneurysm; she was dead before she knew what happened. We were the ones left in such horrible pain. I remember being scared seeing my father crying, your dad is supposed to be the strong one. But he taught me that real men cry, he said that crying meant that you weren't dead inside. I know it was hard and when I was older, he said that getting through; just surviving was probably the hardest thing he has ever done. He said he knew he had to go on, even though he didn't want to live in a world without her, because he knew she would kick his ass if she found out he quit. He carried on for me, and because the world would be a worse place with one less person that remembered Katherine Hummel. He said he wanted the world to remember her and he wasn't ready for the world to forget their love. It took nine years for my dad to even look at another woman. He loved Carole, but he said it was different from the love he felt for my mom. He was happy again, and he found happiness along the way.

My grandparents met when he was 18 and she was 15. Pop said it was love at first sight; Nanny would always chuckle and said he needed to get his eyes checked. The way Nanny told it, she was visiting her cousin for the summer whose parents owned the farm next to our families. She grew up in Columbus and really didn't know what to think of this dirty farm boy the first time she saw him. He was working at a produce stand on the side of the road when her family came walking by. Pop saw her and whistled to get her attention, once he had it he swept into a deep bow. It must have been a sight. Pop was tall and lanky, and apparently covered in dirt from working and sitting on the side of that dirt road for the better part of the afternoon. The girls just giggled, but Nanny's uncle called out an invitation to the Elizabeth's to join them for a party the next day. Nanny said once she saw him cleaned up and wearing his finest suit; she was gone. They were married by the summer's end.

They were married for 46 years. I was visiting, like most weekends, but Nanny decided to go into town into town because her friend was sick and she wanted to take her some soup. It was getting late, and I remember Pop wouldn't stay still. I remember I was drawing by the light of one of the lamps and I asked him what was wrong. He said that something just didn't feel right. At fifteen I didn't understand, I just thought he was being over protective. Not even fifteen minutes later we heard a car pull up, but it wasn't Nanny in the truck, it was a state trooper. Pop knew right then, he just shook his head crying when they told him what they think happened. She swerved to keep from hitting a deer that ran across the road and hit a tree. A couple saw her car and called the police. She was dead by the time they got there. Pop was quiet just walked into the house. I asked them to call my dad and let him know since there was no phone. When I went in, Pop was sitting looking at her picture. He looked at me and said, "My heart's gone boy, she was my everything. One day you find someone and you love them with everything you have." Then he turned and went to their room. He didn't wake up the next morning, they said his heart failed from the shock, but I know better, he died of a broken heart.

Please, promise me, if anything happens to me, you won't give into the grief. I want you to live and love again. Please be like my dad and let the world remember me just a bit longer. I'm not saying the world will be a worse place without Kurt Hummel's memory alive; I would not be so arrogant. I just think that the world would be a much better place with Blaine Anderson still in it.

I am not sure of a lot in this world, but I am absolutely sure that you are the love of my life. Even if I live another hundred years, I know I would never find anyone who I could love as I love you. So I promise I am going to do everything in my power to come home to you. As long as you will have it, my heart is yours, hell even if you decided that this was all too much and you can't do it anymore, my heart is still yours.

You don't know how much my heart aches to see you again, to touch you, and kiss you and get lost in you. I want to find comfort in your arms; I want you to hold me until I don't feel like I am going to fall apart anymore. I am barely holding it together, the other guys are giving me a wide berth and have been since I got the letter and started writing you. I think the tears are frightening them away. I just feel lost and I need you. Once again, the army seems to know if they let me out of my sight, I would find you and runaway where we never have to part. They have planned differently we graduate on November 25 and my flight leaves San Francisco just after Midnight on the 27th. I want to just kiss your lips one more time.

I'm sorry. I'm just a mess. I can't stop crying and I just want you. I promise I will write you again tomorrow, but I need to send this out now they are calling for mail. I love you I love you I love you I love you. God I love you.

K

Blaine stood frozen in his spot as he read the letter over again. Tears smeared the words, on the page, a combination of Kurt and Blaine's. His mind race with what this letter meant. Kurt wasn't safe anymore. No more would Blaine's mind be eased with the false assumption that Kurt would be safe but for some freak accident. He should have known that being a medic would be enough to ensure anything. He knew he couldn't handle everything alone. With no further thought, he raced out his door and dodged curious faces as he made his way to Allyn. He was barely able to speak the name Judy as he tried to keep any more tears from streaking his face. Judy saw him and collected him gently in her small arms. He barely registered her arguing with the dorm mother, protesting that he was in no state for any funny business. She must have relented because soon Judy was leading him up the stairs and into a neat dorm room. A plump befreckled girl was quickly shooed from the room with the promise of an explanation later.

Judy sat him on a bed before kneeling in front of him. "What's wrong Blaine? Is it K, what happened to him?"

Blaine started at the word. Him? He looked at her with wide eyes, still not able to make his mouth move. "I'm not an idiot Blaine; I'm not going to college to be some doting housewife like my mother. I am an intelligent person, besides I am going to school to become a psychologist, I am good a reading people. It didn't take me long to figure out that K was a man, though I am still not certain what K stands for. Plus, my brother was drafted six months ago; I know what a military letter looks like. I don't care if you are homosexual, what I care about right now is what has happened to K to make you look like this."

Blaine started from the beginning telling Judy everything that happened since Mrs. Hudson had shown up at the farm with that damned letter in her hand. "And now he is being sent to Vietnam, to be shot at unarmed while he tries to save people. I can't lose him Judy, I just can't."

"Hey, it's going to be okay. Take a deep breath for me." Blaine did as he was instructed. "First of all you have to remember that K,"

"Kurt" Blaine interrupted.

Judy smiled softly, "That Kurt has been trained for this, he will know what to do when the time comes, and you have to trust in him. Second, Kurt is scared right now, as hard as it is to believe right now, he is even more scared than you are. He needs you to be strong, to keep hope alive, and to make this as easy for him as possible."

"How?" Blaine asked; glad to have someone who seemed to have the answers.

Judy ran a hand through his wild curls. "First, you need to write him back and let him know that you love him and that no matter what you will be here for him when he returns. Then you are going to arrange for him to come home on his leave before he ships out. I have money saved I can help get him here and you can go to your farm and be together again."

"There's no time," Blaine, said desperately.

Judy looked at him as if he was crazy, "what do you mean no time? Howard had two weeks off before they sent him; he said it was standard procedure."

Instead of answering, Blaine handed her the letter that was still clutched in his hand. As she read, tears gathered in her eyes, but she didn't let them fall. After she handed it back Judy took a deep breath to center herself before speaking. "I just can't believe it." She said sitting next to Blaine on the bed. "I can't believe so much of this. Not only are they not letting him visit his family and friends before he leaves, they are also making him fly out on Thanksgiving."

It never registered to Blaine the significance of the date. His heart ached all over again. A fresh wave of tears began to roll down his cheeks. Judy brought him to her side. "Blaine, I know it hurts so much right now, but you should know that you are so lucky. Not many people find what you guys have. I can only hope I am half as lucky as you are. I always thought that I couldn't find that in Ohio, but I couldn't leave once Howard was drafted, I needed to stay close to home for mom and dad. You give me hope that I can be homosexual and find love." Blaine looked over at her with wide eyes. "Don't look so surprised, yes, I'm a dyke. My point is that no matter what happens, you are lucky, you just need to keep reminding Kurt that he is too."

Blaine smiled, "Yeah, okay. So you're saying I should show Kurt that I love him and will do anything for him, including keeping hope when he can't?" Judy nodded, "Yeah, I think I can do that."

Blaine stayed with Judy as he wrote his reply to Kurt. He filled the pages with his love and assurances that all would be well. Judy rubbed his back when everything got to be too much. Blaine told Kurt about her help, and the revelation that she was like them. Once he was finished, and just as the dorm mother was coming around to announce curfew, Blaine bid Judy goodnight. Her hug wasn't nearly as comforting as Kurt's was but it was nice to be wrapped in a friends arms.

That night Blaine lay awake thoughts centered on Kurt who was miles away lying on a lumpy cot, thinking of Blaine.