Kurt had been curious about it for weeks. Pondering the possibilities, the options, the potential outcomes. He wasn't sure whether Blaine would let him break down what might be a kind of barrier or mask for him, a source of control over himself. But on the last day before the end of Christmas break, he finally decided he could at least ask.

"Can I style your hair?"

"Why?"

"I've always wondered what it would look like without all the gel," Kurt admitted.

"Okay." Blaine seemed happy to agree.

Kurt moved the chair from his vanity so Blaine could sit with his back to the sink. He ran the water until it was warm, while Blaine took his sweater vest and button-down off, leaving only a thin white t-shirt. Kurt tried not to watch too closely, but the act of removing clothing brought back some memories he'd been trying hard to suppress. And to top it off, Blaine's arms were really quite distracting. Kurt turned away, busying himself by gathering shampoo and conditioner and styling products from the shower and the cabinets, sorting out which ones he wanted to try.

Blaine leaned back in the chair and Kurt guided his head under the faucet. He squeezed some shampoo into his hand and started to rub it into Blaine's hair.

Kurt had done Rachel's hair at least half a dozen times. He'd done Mercedes's twice, and Brittany's, and Tina's, and had made one disastrous attempt at Finn's. But none of those had felt like this. He was hyper-aware of every sensation—the water flowing over his hands, the slippery suds building up, the friction of his fingers against Blaine's scalp, the soft hair under his fingertips as the gel washed away. It was far more intimate than he'd expected.

"Why do you keep it gelled down all the time?" Kurt asked, trying to distract himself with conversation.

"It's so curly, it's just a mess if I don't. I like it to be controlled. It makes me feel ... put together, I guess."

"You don't have to plaster it to your head to control it," Kurt said. "That's like saying you're not restrained unless you're tied down. And I mean, yeah, that's one way to restrain someone, but it's much more interesting to do it with just a command. Like when I told you not to move your hands, when we were ..."

Kurt stopped moving for a second. How had his thoughts run away with him like that? They'd been spending all this time together for more than a month, and they hadn't once talked about the time they'd had sex. They'd hardly even alluded to it. Blaine seemed not to want to discuss it, and Kurt was more than happy not to have to rehash the whole thing.

"I don't remember that," Blaine said softly.

Kurt was stunned. He forced his hands to move again, massaging the shampoo into Blaine's hair. "You don't remember?"

"No, I ... I was so out of it. I hardly remember it at all. Just ... vague impressions."

"Oh god, Blaine ..." Kurt couldn't decide whether that made everything worse or better. He'd spent a lot of time trying to forget. But the idea of actually not being able to remember it, while still knowing that it had happened ... that was terrifying. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault," Blaine said. "It's my fault, for waiting so long."

"Still. It's ... I don't even know what to say. Here ... tilt your head back." Kurt guided the water over Blaine's hair, rinsing out the shampoo.

"It's okay. I remember the feelings, mostly. That I felt ... safe and cared for, and ... pleasure. I don't remember what happened specifically, but ... I don't know. It's not so bad."

Kurt shut off the water and reached for a towel. "Sit up, careful, try not to drip all over the place." He stood beside Blaine and arranged the towel on his hair, pressing out some of the excess water. "Blaine, I'm just ... I'm so sorry. It must have been awful for you."

"No, it wasn't, it ..." Blaine looked up at him. "It was a bad situation, but it was entirely my fault, not yours. You were the only good thing about that whole awful mess. You were so ... gentle and ... confident and ... caring. Not many guys are like that. I'm ... so glad it was you, Kurt. I didn't even know how lucky I was."

Kurt had to look away. He hid his reaction, arranging the towel on the rack much more slowly than necessary. It was hard to hear Blaine's praise and gratitude, knowing how many mistakes he'd made that Blaine had completely forgotten. He'd been so scared, and Blaine was saying he'd been confident. He'd been so out of control, and Blaine was saying he'd been caring. He had no idea how to respond.

He turned back and grabbed the bottle of leave-in conditioner. He popped the cap open and squeezed a bit of the product onto his fingers. "It's sweet of you to say that, Blaine. But really, you could have had someone so much better. Next time you'll have someone better."

"No, I—" Blaine started to say, but he stopped when Kurt carded his fingers through his hair. "Oh, that feels nice," he murmured.

The urge came over Kurt so suddenly, his right hand in Blaine's slightly moist hair as the curls began to dry and pop out. He wanted to grab, to make a fist and pull Blaine's head back. Expose his neck and lean down into him and just take ... his mouth, his jaw, his neck ... cover him in owning kisses, leave marks that he'd see the next day and know that it was Kurt who left them there, and ...

No, he couldn't. Kurt pulled his hand away and stepped back, his eyes wide. He brought both hands up automatically, covering his mouth as if that would prevent him from being able to kiss. He couldn't breathe. There wasn't enough air. He needed more air.

"Kurt? What's the matter?" Blaine asked worriedly.

"I ... nothing, I ... I have to go." Kurt turned and fled out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

Except there was nowhere to go. He was in his bedroom, and he couldn't just run out of the house, or even downstairs, and leave Blaine here alone. Kurt walked to the other side of the room and leaned his forehead against the wall, breathing deeply and letting the coldness of the outer wall seep into his skin, until he heard the bathroom door open.

"Kurt?" Blaine said tentatively. "Please, won't you tell me what's wrong?"

Kurt turned around and looked at him, and immediately regretted it. He was so hot, standing there in his jeans and white t-shirt, barefoot, with his dark curls bouncing at every slight movement. It all came flooding back into Kurt. The desire, the urge to take, the tightness in his chest that made it hard to breathe, hard to even think. He knew he shouldn't tell Blaine, but his defenses were gone and so he answered. "I wanted to kiss you. Just now. I wanted it so badly that I had to ... leave and get some space or else I would have just done it. I'm sorry."

Blaine's expression relaxed. His eyes flicked to Kurt's mouth, and then back up to his eyes. "You could, you know," he said quietly. "I wouldn't mind. I'd ... really like it, actually."

"No, I can't, I ..."

"I know you don't want a serious relationship. And that's fine. But we could just ... fool around ... like you do with other guys. Just for fun."

Kurt blinked in confusion. "I don't ... with other guys. Why would you think that?"

"I ... you were so good," Blaine stammered. "When we were together. I thought you must have ... had a lot of experience ... and if you don't want to be in a relationship, then you must have been ..."

"Blaine, I was a virgin before I came to you. I'd never even kissed a guy before." Kurt held his breath. Had he really just said that out loud? He'd never wanted Blaine to know how scared and unsure he'd been that day.

-----------------------------

"Oh my god, Kurt..." Blaine didn't think his legs could support him much longer. Everything felt unstable, as if the world had suddenly tipped at an angle under his feet. He swayed from side to side. "I'm so sorry, Kurt. I had no idea." He walked shakily to the bed and sat down.

Kurt shook his head. "It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I ruined your first time."

"No, you didn't." Kurt walked over and sat on the bed next to him. "It wasn't ... what I'd imagined. But you didn't make me do anything. I did it of my own accord. I chose to do it. I didn't have to."

Blaine shook his head. "You didn't want to, did you?"

Kurt looked down at his hands in his lap. "No," he said softly. "I didn't feel ready at all. And I never in a million years thought I would ever have sex with a stranger. I'm not that kind of person, I'm a silly romantic. But I saw you and ... I couldn't say no. I couldn't leave you to suffer. You looked so scared and I ... felt like had to help you. When I looked at you, I even wanted to. Or, I thought I did. I don't know."

"Kurt..."

"It's okay. I'm fine."

"No, you're not."

Kurt looked at him, finally. He blinked a few times, his breathing shallow. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be telling you this. I was your dom and I should keep the ... illusion of confidence, even if it's not real. I don't mean to ruin everything for you, I'm so sorry, I can't do anything right, I'm just ... oh god, Blaine, I'm so sorry." A tear ran down his cheek and he wiped it away.

"Kurt, you ... you're not ruining anything, I promise. I'm so glad you feel like you can talk about this with me." Blaine reached out and took Kurt's hand. "I think you're the bravest and the most generous person I've ever met. You must have been so scared ... and to do this for me ... when you didn't even know me ... I had no idea how much you were giving up, to help me like that. I think you're amazing."

Kurt shook his head. "I don't even know why I thought I could do it. I made so many mistakes. I messed everything up."

"No, you didn't. You were perfect. You were everything that I ever could have asked for, and more."

"You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do."

"Blaine ..."

Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand. "I can never thank you enough. You saved me, and you made me feel so safe and ... and ... happy." And loved, Blaine wanted to add, but he held it back.

"Blaine ..." Tears were streaming down Kurt's face now, and he let out a strangled sob.

Blaine reached out for Kurt and pulled him close. It felt odd, comforting a dom this way, but he figured that everyone likes to be held while they cry, dom or sub. Anyway, Kurt was one of his closest friends, maybe his best friend, and he was going to do everything he could for him. Kurt let his forehead fall on Blaine's shoulder, and he sobbed while Blaine rubbed his back.

Blaine ached with the need to help Kurt. It was his fault Kurt's confidence was shot. He was the one who had forced Kurt into having sex before he was ready. Everyone talks about the emotional damage a dom can cause when he ignores a sub's limits, but Blaine supposed it must be the same when a dom's limits are broken down, too.

Kurt wanted him, Blaine realized with a start. Kurt had said it, that he'd wanted to grab Blaine and kiss him. And he was afraid to, even when Blaine made it perfectly clear that it was welcome. He was hiding from his own instincts, scared of his own desires. There had to be a way to help him heal from this. Blaine closed his eyes and leaned his head against Kurt's, thinking and comforting.

-----------------------------

What kind of a pathetic dom was he, crying into the shoulder of someone he had dommed? Kurt berated himself silently, trying to pull himself together. It felt so comforting, letting Blaine reassure him, but it was the most childish thing he could possibly imagine. He had assured Blaine that he'd take care of him, be the one in charge, be strong for him. Even if that wasn't an ongoing relationship, this display of weakness was incredibly embarrassing. It undercut everything that had gone before. He was a sorry excuse for a human being. Blaine would probably never want to speak to him again.

Kurt took a shaky breath and managed to stop crying. He pulled himself away and sat up straight again. "I'm sorry, Blaine. I shouldn't act like this, not in front of you."

Blaine slid off the bed and dropped to his knees, facing Kurt.

Kurt stared at him, open-mouthed. "What are you doing?" he asked when he finally recovered his senses.

"Please let me help you," Blaine said, looking up at him with those pleading, soulful eyes. "You lost your confidence because of me. Please let me help you get it back."

"I don't understand," Kurt said.

"You don't think you can dom someone. I know you can. You can ... practice on me. Still just friends, but ... you could kiss me or ... whatever you feel comfortable with. Little orders. As slow as you like. Whatever you'd like to try. I don't expect anything. I'm not asking you for anything. I'm just offering ... I trust you, even if you don't trust yourself."

Blaine was still looking up at him. Patient, calm, serious ... and absolutely fucking gorgeous on his knees. Kurt's breath caught in his throat at the thought of what Blaine was offering. He could kiss him ... run his fingers through that hair and pull ... bite ... order him to stillness and silence and explore his body ... take anything he wanted. A chill ran through him.

"Come back up here," Kurt ordered. "Sit on the bed."

Blaine followed his order without a word, and Kurt's heart skipped a beat from that alone.

Kurt couldn't believe he was even contemplating this. It seemed insane. And yet he wanted Blaine so badly, and Blaine was right, he was afraid because of getting in over his head. If he could start over and take it slowly ... it might work. He tried to think about how it would make him feel, but he couldn't. All he could think about was the fact that nothing but his own fear was stopping him from kissing Blaine's gorgeous red lips right now.

"You still want me, even though I'm a complete mess?" Kurt said.

"You're not a mess," Blaine said.

"Don't contradict me." There was steel in Kurt's voice, and he jumped at hearing it come out of his own mouth.

"No, Sir. I'm sorry, Sir." Kurt saw Blaine suppressing a smile, and he wondered fleetingly whether Blaine had contradicted him on purpose just to get this reaction.

"Here are the rules," Kurt said as authoritatively as he could. "All clothes stay on. No hands under clothes. No hands below the waist. And, there's no way it's getting this far, but just in case, don't come. Nobody comes. Understand?"

"Yes, Sir," Blaine breathed.

"And we are just friends."

"Of course."

-----------------------------

Blaine had no memory of their first kiss, but he would remember every detail of this one. It began with Kurt's hand firmly on the back of Blaine's head, fingers combed sideways through his hair. He pulled Blaine toward him and then their lips met, slightly open, much more gently than Blaine expected from the strength of Kurt's hand. Kurt leaned in and deepened the kiss, curling his fingers to tangle in Blaine's hair, and Blaine moaned softly at the hint of Kurt's well-manicured fingernails against his scalp. He let Kurt's lips guide his mouth wider and then Kurt's tongue was tracing along the inside of his upper lip and it was bliss, all of it, incredible.

Kurt pulled away, sucking on his bottom lip for just a second before their lips parted. He put hardly more than an inch of space between them, so that they were still breathing each other's air. They were silent, but Kurt's eyes asked the question. Is this okay? Blaine smiled peacefully, not wanting to destroy the moment with words.

Kurt leaned into him again, moving his hands to Blaine's shoulders and guiding him to lie down on the bed. Watching Kurt's face above him, expressions flitting between desire and care and surprised wonder, Blaine felt happier than he had in a very long time. When Kurt kissed him again, he let himself float away into subspace, not so much that he'd forget, but just enough.

-----------------------------

It was exactly the same, and yet completely different. Kurt had done this before, exactly this. Blaine lying beneath him, Kurt sitting to the side and leaning down on top of him, their lips moving together. The sensations, the taste, the warmth were exactly as he remembered. The feeling of confidence that flooded into Kurt as Blaine allowed him to kiss and touch and nibble gently ... it was all familiar.

But it felt so much safer than the last time. Blaine was fully clothed ... well, at least in jeans and a t-shirt, if not his long sleeves. And most importantly, there was no need to go any further than just kissing. In fact, there was no chance of doing anything more. Kurt had made that very clear by setting the limits of their interaction. The knowledge that he was in charge of this entire thing and that nothing would happen beyond what Kurt wanted ... it allowed him to relax and enjoy himself.

And god, was it enjoyable. Kissing Blaine was amazing. He felt it through his whole body, his skin tingling with every touch, his breath quick, his heart pounding in his chest. Blaine made the softest of noises under him, gasps and whimpers and happy sighs, allowing Kurt everything he wanted to try. Kurt indulged in all the skin he could reach, kissing Blaine's jawline and neck, his arms, the back of his hands and his fingers, his mouth again and again and again. Blaine didn't say a word, but his whole body, all of his motions and sounds and his beautiful eyes, seemed to call out yes, yes, yes. And though Kurt didn't speak either, Blaine easily read the press of his hands and the angles of his body, complying perfectly with Kurt's every desire.

Kurt finally slowed the pace of his kisses and then moved to the side, lying on the bed and facing Blaine. "Come back to me, sweetheart," he said softly, caressing Blaine's face.

Blaine turned his head to face Kurt. He blinked a few times, his eyes slowly focusing in on Kurt, and then he smiled. "Mmmm, I'm here."

"You were so good for me, sweetheart. Thank you for doing this for me."

Blaine sounded shy. "It was nice. I liked it."

"I'm so glad," Kurt said, soft and gentle. "Would you like to stay here and cuddle with me for a little while?"

Blaine's smile broadened. "Yes, please," he said. He rolled to the side, facing away, and scooted back to spoon into Kurt behind him.

Kurt laughed a little and put his arms around Blaine. "You're wonderful, really."

Blaine made a happy noise in his throat and let his head fall back. They'd cuddled like this before, but not often. It felt familiar and safe and joyful all at once, his body wrapped around Blaine's, their chests rising and falling together as their breath found a joint rhythm. It was peaceful, soothing. Kurt thought he could easily fall asleep here, but he made sure to keep himself awake. He had too much to think about, anyway.

Kurt still couldn't believe that Blaine was willing to submit to him, even this little bit. After all the mistakes he'd made, and after all the weakness he'd shown, Blaine was still acting like Kurt had the strength to take care of him. It made Kurt's head spin, knowing that Blaine trusted him and wanted him like this. That Blaine was willing to do all of this for him. He didn't feel like he deserved it at all.

"Kurt?"

"Hmm?"

"Next time, do you think you could give me some orders? I really like it when you tell me things to do."

Kurt couldn't believe there was actually going to be a next time. "Sure, I think I could try that." He pressed a kiss to the back of Blaine's head. "Blaine, you're the best friend I've ever had. Thank you so much."

Blaine cuddled deeper into him with a happy sigh.