Chapter 6

Blaine had been feeling good. He was happy. No one was trying to punch him, or torment him, or chase him down. People actually liked and accepted him, and it was a feeling that was finally settling in.

He had a new air of confidence; he was saying ‘hi’ to people in the hallways, he wasn’t afraid to speak up in class anymore, and he always had lunch with a great group of friends. Things were so normal, and nice, and as clichéd as it was, it was still amazing. It wasn’t bliss, because of course he was still unable to completely be himself, but it was the next best thing.

As Blaine entered his second period class he wasted no time getting to his seat. Kurt hadn’t noticed that he entered; today he was staring blankly out a window, lightly tapping his pencil on his desk. His skin caught the sun light peering through the window. Blaine couldn’t help but to smile and did his best to repress the urge to tell Kurt that he looked beautiful. Instead he took a seat in his desk and leaned over towards Kurt.

Blaine put his face as close as possible to Kurt’s, then with a smirk on his face, spoke up in a voice just a bit louder than normal.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?”

Kurt nearly jumped out of his seat and dropped his pencil. Blaine leaned back in his seat, letting out thunderous laughter, then reached down to grab Kurt’s pencil. Kurt gave him a playful glare.

“Oh you just think you’re so hilarious, don’t you?”

Blaine grinned at him as he gave back the pencil.

“A comedy genius.” He said with a smirk, as he wiggled his eyebrows at Kurt.

Blaine sat back in his chair and tried to relax, which wasn’t something easily done around Kurt Hummel.

“So when’s the next time I get to join you in another spectacular movie night? I mean, don’t get me wrong. Hanging with Finn and the guys is awesome but I can’t exactly watch my favorite childhood classics with them.”

Kurt giggled. Blaine put on his charming smile. He wondered if it was too much.

Crap. Am I being too flirty? Shit, what if he can tell I like him? No. No, I don’t like him. He’s just attractive. That’s all. There are a lot of people who are. Just really, really, really, really attractive…..and smart…and funny….and perf- Blaine! Stop it!....But he is an awesome friend. Oh shit. Has he been talking to me this entire time?

“…and so I don’t really know when we’re going to have another. Maybe after Sectionals is over.”

Blaine quickly tried to figure out what exactly Kurt was talking about.

“Oh yeah. Your Glee Club thing, right?”

“Yep. You know, there’s still time to join. Finn, Puck, Mike and Sam are all in it too.”

“Thanks, but I can’t sing.” Blaine said with a chuckle.

That was a lie. Blaine loved singing, and he was damn good at it too. He hated that he had been scared away from it. Performing was like a drug to him. A drug that he needed to live.  The thrill he got out of it, all the adrenaline that would rush through him, it was like the biggest and purest natural high he had ever experienced. He was pretty sure it was better than sex, not that he would really be able to tell.

Maybe Kurt could help me tell the dif- God! No! Blaine this is going way too far! Snap out of it!

“Well you could still come watch. It should be-“

“Mr. Hummel! Mr. Anderson!”

Ms. Johnson was standing there, glaring at them and shooting daggers out of her eyes. They were not sure how long she had been standing like that, but judging from the looks the whole class was giving them, it had been a while.

Both Kurt and Blaine just sunk back a bit, not daring to make a sound.

She had finally snapped.

“I see you two boys sitting there every single day.” She raised a bony finger to point at the boys. “Always talking and chit-chatting away. Being rude and disrespectful every chance you get.”

Her face was filled with a scowl, and Blaine couldn’t be sure, but he thought he actually saw spit fly out of her mouth and land on her desk as she ranted.

“I have tried to ignore you, I really have. I’ve tried to be nice and humane and remain calm.  But this time, I just can’t handle it.”

Blaine began to panic.

Oh my god. She’s going to kill us. She is actually going to murder us. I am going to die today.

“Mr. Anderson,”

She is going to take me into her back room and chop me up into little pieces. This is the end. AND I DIDN’T EVEN GET TO GO TO PROM!

Before Blaine could even work up a good panic attack, Ms. Johnson wiggled her bony finger around, pointing at Blaine,

“You will be switching seats with Ms. Zizes.”

Thank god. Wait-

Blaine was relieved for a second until he realized that Ms. Johnson was moving him all the way over to the other side of the classroom.

“But Ms. Johnso-“

The teacher’s face just turned cherry red as she jerked her whole arm to the side, pointing at Blaine’s new seat, her arm fat jiggling back and forth.

Blaine knew he couldn’t protest, not because Ms. Johnson was stubborn, but because he didn’t want to be chopped into little pieces. He quietly packed his items, and stood up.

Blaine glanced down at Kurt, who had no words for him. Only a face containing sad puppy dog eyes, and a pouty mouth.

Blaine made his way over to Zizes’s seat, the heat of Ms. Johnson’s deadly glare on him the whole entire time. He plopped down in his seat, and the teacher picked right back up where her lesson had stopped.

“Now, as I was saying before; the reason logarithms are so important in this section is because…”

Blaine rested his cheek on his head, trying his best to stay awake.

This sucks.

He looked around the room, trying to think of a way to keep himself preoccupied. His eyes just kept going back to Kurt, who looked almost as miserable as he did.

There is no way I’m going to be able to stay awake. Unless…

Blaine: God this lady is boring.

            Lol. Your face is priceless xD

Kurt: You are ridiculous!

Blaine: Kurt I’m about to fall asleep. I need you.

Kurt: Flattered. What if we get caught?

Blaine: We won’t. Live a little.

Kurt: I’m pretty sure I’m alive.

Blaine: Doesn’t mean you’re living.

Kurt: Your attempted profundity is adorable.

Blaine: Is that even a word?

Kurt: I don’t have a choice in this do I?

Blaine: Nope :) So what was that about sectionals?

Blaine headed towards the cafeteria, a smile on his face. He pushed open the doors, and for once no one stared. He grabbed some food, and took a seat next to Finn and all of his other friends on the football team. Sam, Mike, Puck, and a few others.

‘Hellos’ were exchanged and the guys immediately jumped into a conversation consisting mostly of Xbox, football, and girls.

Blaine was still just a little upset about the seat change in second period. So he sat there, munching on his lunch, content to just listen, and not speak.

But one person can only listen to so much of Puck.

Blaine grabbed his iPod out of his bag, and hit shuffle. The first song began to play; Animal by Neon Trees. He just laughed. Laughed at how perfectly this song was describing how he was feeling. The smile on his face grew brighter and brighter as he stared down at his lunch, letting the music flow through him. Blaine knew the whole entire table was staring at him, he was laughing to himself like an idiot, but he didn’t care. Not one bit. The song ended and Blaine quickly went back to put the song on repeat. He just wanted to listen to this one song over and over again, it was utterly splendid.

And that’s when Blaine realized. He realized something that made him smile so bright the sun would be unable to compete, it made his heart do back flips, and it scared him more than anything in the world.

Blaine loved Kurt. No, ‘love’ was too strong a word. He didn’t love Kurt, not yet. It was too soon for that, much too soon. But Blaine knew that no matter how hard he tried to stop it, he was headed straight towards being head over heels about Kurt.

And Blaine was…he was terrified. But still happy and thrilled and excited. This was not something he had ever felt before. Blaine had had little crushes that died out almost as quickly as they had started, even quicker when he realized that his crush was homophobic. But this? This was more than a crush; this was something new and exciting, mostly because he knew he could have chance with Kurt.

At the back of his mind, though, Blaine had a nagging thought that wouldn’t leave him alone; no matter how hard he tried to drown it out with his music. It was a simple thought, but it scared him to death. It was the fear of the consequences of coming out. He had received those consequences before, and he didn’t know if he could handle them again. No. He knew he couldn’t.

The smile slipped off of his face. But it then reappeared just as quickly as it had left.

For today, maybe tomorrow, maybe a week or a month, I am going to be happy. I am going to feel safe in the fact that, for now, no one has to know about this but me. I am going to be glad that I like Kurt, and the way he smiles. I am going to ignore what the consequences would be if I came out, and I am just going to be happy with the fact I can think about Kurt all I want, and that no one can stop me or my thoughts.

With the song still blasting in his ears, Blaine looked over and smiled. Today Kurt had chosen to sit with the Cheerios. And as he giggled and gossiped with them in what Blaine felt was the most charming way possible, something felt out of place. As Blaine gazed at Kurt, he began to notice small things. The lack of food on Kurt’s plate, and the way he made a small twitch whenever someone walked behind him, or how he seemed to be slightly distracted and slip in and out of the conversations around him. Something wasn’t right, this was not the Kurt that Blaine had met in Finn’s kitchen, this was a different Kurt. If Blaine didn’t know him so well, he might not have noticed. But then again, it seemed like even his best friends didn’t even pick up on it.

Blaine’s eyebrow creased with worry as he considered going over to talk to Kurt. He desperately wanted to, but too many people would see. And that’s what killed him, that’s exactly what Cooper had been talking about, that unhappiness that Blaine felt when he couldn’t go comfort Kurt, because other students would notice. He couldn’t risk that.

Blaine shut his eyes tight and turned away from Kurt, then with a mumbled,

“I’m going to head outside, see you guys at practice.”

Blaine threw his lunch away and went to go sit outside, taking one last look at Kurt before opening the doors and letting the fresh air clear his mind of everything but the song.