Chapter 4

Kurt.

For the rest of the weekend that one word occupied his mind. Kurt. It wasn’t some exotic name, just a name. But something about it felt…magical. Every time he thought of it a smile grew on his face. Kurt. A simple, four lettered word. And yet, it had such an impact on Blaine. He knew he probably shouldn’t have been thinking about it so much. But just thinking seemed harmless. It wasn’t like he was acting upon it. He had every right to find someone attractive.

He was thinking about Kurt all of the time now. When he was eating dinner, Kurt. When he was doing his homework, Kurt. When he was reading a book, Kurt.

When he went to the guidance counselor to change his schedule so he was taking a harder math class, Kurt.

And when he walked into said classroom,

Kurt.

Blaine sucked in a sharp breath. There he was: the boy cheerleader. Sitting by the window in Ms. Johnson’s second period calculus class, the sun shining down on his porcelain face and casting a shadow across his skin. Blaine could feel his heart skip a beat. The door clicked shut and Kurt looked up to see who had entered. Their eyes met, and held for perhaps a moment too long.

“Hello. Hello? Are you Blaine, Blaine Anderson?”

Kurt nodded meaningfully at Blaine, snapping him out of the trance that Kurt had put him in.

“Oh, yes, I’m Blaine. I transferred into your class.” He replied to Ms. Johnson, reluctantly pulling his gaze away from Kurt.

“I’m well aware.”

The class giggled and Blaine’s cheeks flushed a slight pink color. Kurt just smiled and kept his eyes glued on Blaine.

“Well,” Ms. Johnson continued, “The only open seat is,”

Is next to Kurt.

Blaine had noticed the second he walked into the room.

“Is by Mr. Hummel, go ahead and take a seat. We were just about to start today’s lesson:  Logarithms!”

The entire class groaned, but Blaine just nodded absentmindedly and walked over to sit next to Kurt.

Blaine wasn’t sure whether to speak, or stay quiet, or ignore him, or apologize for spilling that soda. On the inside they were both extremely glad to see each other, but on the outside they could only stare at the other in a sort of, fascination.

Neither of them was listening to the teacher, they were just waiting. Waiting to see who would break the invisible barrier and speak first.

Both of the boys seemed to be holding their breath, until finally Kurt opened his mouth and whispered a shy,

“Hello.”

Blaine let out the breath he had been holding in and replied.

“Hey.”

Before his cheeks flushed with color again and he promptly looked down to hide his face. Blaine began to pull his notebook and a pencil out of his bag before speaking again.

Say something Blaine. You can’t just sit there!

He stared down at his notebook, trying to think of what to say before blurting out,

“Fancy meeting you here.” He responded without looking at Kurt. Blaine was still too shy around him.

That was so stupid! Who even says that anymore?

Kurt quickly uttered

“You don’t happen to have a can of orange soda do you?”

Blaine was surprised that Kurt had even replied. He thought he had made such a fool of himself. But Kurt actually found it quite charming.

Blaine shot him a sidelong glance and gave the boy cheerleader one of his goofy half-smiles.

“No, as a matter of fact I don’t.”

The two of them quietly laughed at their inside joke.

Kurt glanced up at Ms. Johnson to make sure she wasn’t watching them. She was usually so perceptive but today her back was turned to the class as she busily wrote equations on the board.

Kurt turned his head back to Blaine.

“So what brings you to this class? Haven’t you been here for like a week already?”

“Yeah but the class they put me in before was too easy.”

That invisible barrier between them was slowly crumbling as they got more and more comfortable talking to each other.

“Hmm, smart and a jock. Way to break the stereotype.”

Oh trust me, that’s not the only way I’m breaking it…

Blaine grinned and suppressed the thought.

“Yeah, I guess.”

They both focused their attention back to the teacher. Blaine started writing in his notebook and in about fifteen minutes his closed it. Kurt glanced at him.

“Giving up already?” he joked.

“Nope. Finished.”

“Well don’t get too good. I don’t want them to move you out. You may be the only thing that keeps me awake.”

Blaine got in a quick smile before Ms. Johnson, the witch of a woman, whipped her whole body around at glared straight at the two boys.

“Mr. Anderson, considering that you are new to my class I will let you in on a little secret. I do not tolerate talking while I am teaching, so either you keep quiet or you will find out what it feels like to be sent to the principal’s office!”

Blaine seemed to shrink back into his seat.

“And you, Mr. Hummel! You have been in my class for quite a few weeks already. You should know better than to disrespect me when I am teaching! One more word out of you, and I’ll send you BOTH straight to the principal’s office.”

Kurt too, shrunk back. However, as scared as they were, the moment Ms. Johnson faced the board again they both let out small giggles and continued talking again in what can only be described as voices softer than the whistling of wind.

Finally the hazy cloud that surrounded Blaine’s head whenever he looked at this beautiful man cleared and he got a grip on his sanity. He quickly found how amazing and easy it was to talk to Kurt, all while being able to actually play it cool. And he started to wonder why he wanted to avoid him in the first place. Talking wasn’t a bad thing. Who knows, maybe they could be friends. There’s no harm in just being friends. No pressure, no…urges, no possibility of becoming more than friends. It was harmless. Or so Blaine had hoped.

Kurt: He’s really nice.

Rachel: Who?

Kurt: Blaine.

Rachel: You talked to him????

Kurt: He just got put in one of my classes.

Rachel: Luckyyyyy

Kurt: lol rachel calm down.

Rachel: How come you’re the one that always gets to talk to him when I’m the one who may actually have a chance?

Kurt: Because I don’t come with a huge sign on my head that says “stay back. I’m clinically insane”

Rachel: Rude.

Kurt: lol sorry

Rachel: No you’re not

Kurt: :)

Blaine sat at the desk in his room doing homework. Or more of, trying to do his homework. He already knew most of the material, it was from classes that he had to retake over the summer because he had failed them the first time around. It’s not that he was dumb, far from it actually, it was that he hadn’t shown up to those classes often enough. Hadn’t wanted to. Blaine couldn’t stand that school. The constant threats, the stares when he walked through the halls, the whispered rumors everywhere he went. The fights he always came out of looking much worse than his opponent. It was not a good time in his life, and he preferred to not think about it.

Blaine heard the door to his bedroom open and immediately grabbed his pencil and pretended to write, thinking that it was his father.

“Chill, it’s just me. Dad’s already asleep.”

“Oh. Hey, Coop. What’s up?”

“Not much. Here to rescue you from the torture that is homework.”

“Thank god!”

“I do what I can.”

Blaine smiled. Cooper sat down on the bed. Blaine knew what he had come in here to talk about and neither of them was looking forward to it.

The room was dead silent for only a few seconds, though it seemed like hours before Cooper began to speak.

“So how’s school been? Anyone giving you a hard time?”

Coop sneaked a look at Blaine.

“Nope. Everyone thinks I’m perfectly normal.”

Blaine was staring right at Cooper, not daring to look away.

“You are perfectly normal.”

Blaine let out a small and painful laugh.

“You know what I mean.”

“I just… it’s not fair that you can’t be yourself. If you had gone to Dalton-”

Cooper still watched him, but when Blaine spoke again, he no longer eyed his brother; he instead looked down at his hands, almost ashamed of what he was saying, and who he was.

“Coop, just let it go. We both know there was no way Dad would’ve let me go there.”

“Well you should have gone there in the first place.”

“Trust me. If I had known my ‘real high school experience’ was gonna turn out like it did, I would have.”    

Blaine said it a little more harshly than he really wanted to and immediately felt bad about it.

Cooper fixed his eyes on the ground, clearly upset.

“Coop?”

No response.

“Cooper? C’mon.”

Still no response.

Blaine finally rose from his desk and sat down next to his brother, and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, it’s okay. And besides, I really like McKinley. I have friends and Dad’s happy and have you noticed him and Mom have stopped fighting so much?” He was desperately trying to make everything sound like it was okay. “Things are better this way. Everyone’s happy.”

Cooper looked up at Blaine.

“Yeah, you’re right, everyone’s happy. Except you.”

“That’s not fair.”

He let his hand fall off of Cooper’s shoulder.

“You shouldn’t be spending the best four years of your life trying to hide who you really are and letting everyone make friends with a person they think they know.”

Blaine turned away from his brother, ashamed that what he was saying was true. But he immediately turned back to face Cooper with venom in his voice.

“Yeah, well, the first year wasn’t so hot, so I’m okay with settling during the next three.”

Upon hearing that, Cooper shot up from where he was sitting and began uttering frantically, trying to keep from raising his voice.

“Dammit Blaine! You shouldn’t be settling! That’s exactly what I’m trying to say, you deserve so much more than how you were treated last year, and sitting here, just accepting these insane thoughts that people will only like you if you’re straight is just, just crazy.”

Blaine stood up and matched his brother’s tone.

“I get what you’re trying to say, but I’ve got so much going for me right now, I just don’t want to ruin it. I may not be so blissful that I’m running through a field of freaking daisies like you apparently think I should be, but I can go to school, and not have to worry who is going to beat me up next.”

Blaine knew it was a bit of a low blow to bring that up. Cooper was already too over protective of his little brother. And he still felt so horrible about what had happened to Blaine last year and how, even though he had tried his best, nothing had gotten better. But it did calm him down, and he really thought about where Blaine was coming from before speaking again, in a softer, more caring tone.

“You know I only want what’s best for you right?”

Blaine pulled Cooper into a hug.

“Yes, and right now,” Blaine took his brother by the shoulders so he could look him in the eye, “what’s best for me is just letting everyone believe that I’m straight. I need you to just accept that for now.”

“For now, I will” Cooper let out a breath and looked as if he wanted to say more, but kept his mouth shut.

Blaine’s eyes flicked to back to his desk.

“I should keep working on my homework now.”

He got up and walked over to his desk, as he was sitting down Cooper spoke.

“I’m just trying to help you out here.”

Blaine turned his head to look his brother in the eye.

“I know, Coop, thank you.” Blaine gave a sincere smile. He then picked up his pencil and tried to focus on his homework again.

Cooper went to leave the room and as he was about to shut the door he looked down at his brother.

“Hey.”

Blaine glanced up

“What?”

“Love you, Blaine”

“Love you too, Coop. Good night.”

“Night.”

Cooper quietly closed the door and let Blaine get back to work.

There he sat, completing his assignments, one by one. Blaine was filling his head with the battles of WW1, logarithms, and anything else, trying not to focus too much on the previous conversation.

He was happy, he had friends, he was on the football team, and no one was bullying him. But Blaine couldn’t be himself. He wasn’t truly happy. But this school was better than his last, and for now that’s all he cared about.

Blaine finished his homework and put his books back in his bag, then almost went over to his closet to pick out an outfit for tomorrow. This is when he remembered that he’s the new Blaine.

This Blaine doesn’t pick out outfits; he wears tee-shirts and jeans.

And this Blaine doesn’t like boys.

With a sigh, he got into his pajamas and slipped into bed. The argument had exhausted him, and he fell asleep almost as soon as he closed his eyes.