Chapter 25

Soft, Saturday morning light peeked through Kurt's window, gently stirring him from one of the deepest nights of sleep he had ever gotten. His eyes were still closed as he took a deep breath; the sweet, musky scent of Blaine's cologne filling his nose.

"Blaine…?"

His head rolled to the left, eyes slowly blinking open as he lazily reached out a hand, searching for his boyfriend.

Only, he wasn't there.

"Blaine?"

Still full of sleep, he pushed himself up a bit, leaning back on his elbows as he checked his surroundings. But there was still no sight of him, just his scent; and Kurt could have sworn he felt his arms around him.

He looked down, a warm grin spreading across his face. He felt his heart tighten when he saw he was wearing Blaine's Letterman jacket; red polyester and gold pleather sleeves covering him. He brought up a hand to his mouth, falling back on the bed as he laughed, all the while holding back tears.

Kurt shut his eyes and rolled over on his side, bringing his knees up to his chest as he hugged himself tightly with the jacket, savoring the warmth, the smell and, most of all, the undeniable and overwhelming feeling of comfort and calm it brought him.

"Ow!"

His brow scrunched and he turned, lying on his back again as he held his left arm out above him, searching for the offending object that pricked his finger. There was a glimmer of metal; a straight pin from Kurt's work desk had been poorly slid through the jacket, holding a small note with only a few, simple words on it.

Here if you need me.

-B

Kurt arrived at the park, stepping out of his car and pulling Blaine's jacket closer around himself. He spotted his boyfriend, sitting on one of the park benches and impatiently checking his watch.

"Hey."

Blaine turned around, a soft smile on his face and two cups in his hands.

"I, uh, I brought coffee."

Kurt smiled back at him, but it was a broken smile that didn't reach his eyes. Blaine's throat closed up, pain swelling in his heart as he walked over and handed Kurt his drink. Kurt took the cup, playing with the rim and the few droplets of coffee that had managed to spill out onto the lid, his voice soft as he stared down at his drink.

"Thank you."

There was something more behind that thank you, a small bit of warmth and gratitude in Kurt's eyes when he looked back up. Blaine smiled again, fighting every urge to take Kurt's hand and kiss him and hold him and just tell him that everything would be alright. But he didn't know how Kurt would take it, what emotions it might bring back from last night, so instead he just put his free hand in his pocket.

"I-I know a place that's a bit more…private. We can go there and talk. I-if you want."

Kurt pursed his lips for a second, nodding tightly before taking a small sip of coffee. They began to walk down the path, Kurt silent and withdrawn, one hand holding his coffee, the other hand deep in his pocket. He didn't look up until they got to the small field, a flash of recognition in Kurt's eyes when he realized this was the same spot where the carriage had sat during Lights of Lima, the same spot where Blaine had asked him to be his boyfriend.

They took a seat on a bench near the side of the clearing. Kurt sat with the coffee in his lap, both hands wrapped around the cup, silent as he stared off into space. Blaine set his almost empty cup on the seat next to him and then went to brush some hair back from Kurt's face but he stopped short, slowly drawing his hand back before speaking, trying to stay strong for the both of them.

"So…h-how are you holding up?"

Kurt looked almost startled, taking in a deep breath before he spoke.

"Huh? Oh, um…pretty shaken up. A little traumatized."

He looked down at his cup and gave a small, bitter chuckle.

"Don't be surprised if I never want to have sex."

Blaine's face immediately dropped.

"Kurt, I don't care about…sex. I care about you. I…"

Blaine buried his face in his hands.

"…god I'm so sorry. I was such an ass last night."

Kurt looked at him, a sort of apathy in his voice.

"You were drunk."

Blaine looked back up, a sad frown on his face as he leaned back in his seat.

"That's not an excuse. You know it's not."

Kurt shrugged, hands still wrapped around the cup in his lap.

"I know. I just, I'm not really focused on that anymore."

He glanced over at the little, guilty frown on Blaine's face.

"Besides, things could have been worse."

Blaine raised an eyebrow in question and Kurt explained.

"Well, you could have actually slept with Santana."

Kurt cracked a small smile and then Blaine laughed.

"I was really really drunk, wasn't I?"

Kurt laughed a bit, the first time he had done so all day and when Blaine heard it he almost wanted to cry. Instead he just drank the last bit of his coffee and tossed the empty cup into a nearby garbage can, cheering for himself when he made it in, another smile appearing on Kurt's face at his antics.

They were silent for a bit after that, Blaine's head full of the question that had been burning in his mind since last night.

"Kurt?"

Kurt turned his head, eyes just barely meeting Blaine's.

"Hmm?"

Blaine took a sort of shuttering breath, glancing down quickly before looking Kurt in the eye again.

"Wh-what's going on…you know, with Karofsky?"

Kurt took a drink of his coffee, pausing a moment and licking his lips a bit. He breathed in, long and slow, closing his eyes for a second before shifting his body to face Blaine on the bench. He didn't look up at him, his eyes still on the cup. With another breath in and out, he began to talk.

About everything.

Kurt went back to the very beginning, the small shoves in hallways, recalling details he had previously thought forgotten. His memory moved him along, words coming out of his mouth before he could think over them, everything from the kiss to the death threat to Karofsky seeing them in the locker room, spilling out into the open. He moved onto the deal between them, the drunken phone call. Everything.

When he was finally done speaking, he slowly looked up at Blaine. The boy looked stunned, desperately trying to process everything at once.

Kurt took a quick sip of coffee, his gaze slipping from Blaine.

"Are…you mad I didn't tell you before?"

Blaine didn't say anything for a moment, his mind still grasping on everything he had just heard.

"…No. But to be perfectly honest it's really hard to be mad at you right now. I just…I don't get why you didn't tell me. What did you think I would do? Out him?"

When he heard Blaine say those words out loud he realized how dumb it was to keep all of this hidden from him, to bottle it up and try and ignore it while it only got worse. Kurt spoke with a sort of genuine confusion when he replied to Blaine.

"I…I don't know. You were just…If I knew that all this was going to happen I would have told you in a heartbeat but…"

Blaine cringed when he heard Kurt say 'all this' and an image of Karofsky sitting on top of Kurt flashed back into his head.

How could I have been so stupid? How could I not have realized that any of this was going on?

"I'm so sorry, Kurt."

"Blaine, you have nothing to be sorry for."

Blaine shook his head.

"I-…I should have done something."

"How? You had no idea this was going on. You can't-"

Blaine looked at him, eyes watery.

"But I should have known that somethingwas up! I'm supposed to be there for you, and help you and protect you. I'm supposed to make sure that nothing like this ever happens!"

Kurt felt his heart twist in some odd way as he watched his boyfriend put his head back in his hands.

"Blaine. Blaine look at me."

He slowly moved his head to meet Kurt's gaze.

"Blaine, this isn't your fault. I should have told you, I should have been more open. You can't blame yourself for this."

Blaine angrily wiped at the few tears that had fallen, voice cracking as he spoke.

"Then why do I feel so damn guilty?"

Kurt was about to say something, but Blaine spoke again, his voice tinged with anger.

"You know, he doesn't even remember what happened? A couple of guys found him in the backyard this morning. They had to call the paramedics because he wouldn't wake up. H-he's fine and all, just super hung-over, but he blacked out. He barely even remembers the game."

Kurt's eyebrow scrunched and he took another drink of his now luke-warm coffee, trying to settle his stomach. He wasn't really sure about how he felt about this new information, a part of him was almost scared by how easily this all could just be forgotten.

"Kurt? Are you…are you going to tell him?"

It would be so easy to keep Karofsky in the dark and forget about everything, but he had to tell him for his own sake.

"Not yet. But I will."

Blaine stared at him, almost in awe of the strength he had to do something like that.

"Do you think you'll press charges or anything, you know, when he does find out?"

Kurt answered quickly, as if he had already made a decision on the matter.

"No."

He continued on when he saw the confusion of Blaine's face.

"He didn't actually do anything. And, I just, I don't want to make this into a huge ordeal. He- He's confused. I think that, what happened last night was his breaking point, because he kept so much hidden. I'm not trying to make what he did okay. I just think that pressing charges will hurt more than it will help. I…I think it's best if we just keep this to ourselves, the three of us. It doesn't need to be made into a bigger deal than it already is. I…I just can't handle that or the stress and chaos that will come with it."

Kurt looked up, his eyes meeting Blaine's concerned ones.

"Kurt, …I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about you."

"Blaine-"

Blaine interrupted, needing to speak his part.

"No. Just…Kurt I've let you down. I've let you down so much and I promise you I'm won't anymore. I don't care what it takes; I will do whatever I can to make sure that you're okay. I'm not going to let anything or anyone hurt you; never again. I…"

He took a deep breath, speaking with complete certainty, obviously having made this decision before coming here this morning.

"I'll come out. Our relationship is more important and…and I can handle it, I-I have you and-"

"No."

Blaine stopped his preplanned speech, suddenly turning his head to face Kurt with utter confusion.

"What?"

Kurt tilted his head to the side a bit.

"Blaine…you're not ready. We both know you're not. I...I know what it's like to be forced to do something you're not ready for."

Blaine seemed to lose a bit of strength, just wanting to help in any way possible.

"Kurt, whatever you need me to do, I'll do it. I'll give you as much space as you need, for however long I...I just need you to be okay again. I'll even pay for a few therapy sessions for you, i-if that's what you want. Nobody needs to know. Just…let me help you. Okay?"

Kurt nodded; a gentle, caring smile on his face.

"Okay."

They were quiet again, nothing left to say in the Saturday morning breeze and they just sat for a bit, the sun rising higher in the sky.

After a bit they heard some giggling behind them, and they turned around. A young boy and a young girl were holding hands, walking down the path, the boy carrying a picnic basket. They passed right by Kurt and Blaine, heading for the center of the clearing, whispering and talking and laughing as they set out a red and white checkered blanket.

Kurt had a warm smile on his face as he watched the young love play out right in front of his eyes and he turned to Blaine, seeing the same expression on his face.

"Blaine?"

"Hmm?"

Kurt stood to throw out his now-cold coffee.

"We should let them have this place to themselves, let's head back."

Blaine smiled pleasantly and nodded. They began to walk back down to the path, Blaine's mind still back on the sweet innocence of the couple when Kurt spoke.

"Blaine, I'm going to be okay."

Blaine looked to him, silent and inquisitive.

"Things may be somewhat different for a while, but I'm not going to let my life be destroyed by this."

A sort of admiration and wonder formed in Blaine's smile.

"How can you be so strong after all of this?"

Kurt reached out, finally taking Blaine's hand in his own as they walked.

"Because you give me the courage to be strong."

About two weeks had passed since they talked in the park and it seemed as if everything had quieted. Karofsky still didn't know, but he had backed off, hadn't even tossed a look towards Blaine or Kurt. Rumors were almost nonexistent; Blaine was sitting with Kurt everyday during lunch and it seemed as if everything and everyone was in a state of calm.

Kurt was sitting on his bed, writing down some vocab to study for his next French test when his door cracked open. He dropped his pencil and looked up just as Blaine poked his head in.

"Hey!"

He quickly slipped inside, shutting the door quietly behind him before running over to Kurt.

"Hey. Aren't you supposed to be playing unnecessarily violent video games with Finn?"

He sat down on the bed next to Kurt, a goofy smile on his face and a playful tone in his voice.

"Yessss. But, all I could think about is how you were just a few doors down. And honestly, it was throwin' off my game, so…"

He gave a big smile and Kurt laughed as Blaine continued on.

"And I just…I needed to see you."

They stared at each other for a second, Blaine's gaze making Kurt blush.

"That's very sweet."

He rested his hand on Blaine's, looking down as he did.

"But,"

He slid his hand away and went back to pick up his pencil, tapping Blaine's nose with the eraser.

"I need to study."

Blaine scooted in closer to Kurt, sounding like a little kid.

"Nooooooo."

He leaned down, letting his finger softly trail up Kurt's arm.

"Study laterrr. Study me, now."

He had an impish smile on his face by the time his finger reached Kurt's jaw. Blaine slid his finger down Kurt's chin and gently turned his head towards him. He pressed a sweet little peck to his lips and paused, as if asking permission. Kurt smiled a little and then nodded just the slightest bit before kissing him back. It was innocent and playful, the closest and most intimate they had been since the incident. Kurt kissed him a little harder, his eyes closing as he placed a hand on Blaine's knee. Blaine inhaled deeply, leaning forwards even more and bringing a hand up to Kurt's cheek.

"Hey Kurt, have you seen Blain-"

Kurt and Blaine stopped dead. Blaine pulled away, looking over at the door.

Finn was standing there, frozen, hand still on the doorknob, utterly horrified. For a good few seconds, all any of them could do was stare. Finn finally broke the silence.

"AHHH!"

"AHHH!"

Kurt and Blaine screamed right back and Finn slammed the door shut. The loud bang made Blaine jump off the bed and go into a panic, he began to pace around the room, completely hysterical.

"No, no, NO! This can't be happening! This cannot be happening! Kurt, I feel sick! I'm gonna puke, I'm gonna puke all over your perfect designer carpets and ruin them and Oh god- He can't keep a secret! W-why would he want to?!"

Blaine traveled quick circles around the room, tugging at his curls and staring at floor. The sight was enough to make Kurt dizzy and he started to feel like he might puke just watching him.

"Oh god! Oh god oh god oh god. My life is over! My life. Is over."

"Blaine-"

"He's gonna tell everyone! Puck!…Sam! E-everyone! He's gonna-. Oh god! Kurt! Kurt what am I going to do?!"

In his frenzy, he threw himself at the wall and began to slam his fist against it.

Meanwhile, Burt was sitting in his room watching a game of hockey, his full concentration on the screen in front of him. On the wall behind him there was a loud, repetitive banging, followed by Blaine yelling 'Oh god! Oh god, Kurt!' Burt made no movement; just sat completely stone-faced. He took a long sip of his canned diet soda, inhaled and exhaled once through his nose, before quietly uttering the words,

"Not getting involved…"

Back in Kurt's room, Blaine had stopped banging his fist on the wall; but only after many protests from Kurt. Instead, he rested his head against it, the cogs turning in his brain. Kurt wasn't sure what was worse at this point.

Eyes glued to the wall, he began to come to a conclusion.

"I-I'll have to change schools. I'll have to change states! Oh god! I- My life is over. It's completely over!"

"Blaine, it's not-"

But Kurt's words were lost as Blaine once again began frantically pacing.

"He's gonna tell the whole world! I have nowhere to hide! He's gonna go on Brittany's extremely odd melted cheese show and tell everyone! Everyone, Kurt! They're-…oh god! They're gonna come after me. The entire football team is gonna come after me! No! The entire school! No matter where I run, I-"

He spotted the window. He immediately ran over, undoing the latch and lifting the window before trying to figure out how to pop the screen off.

"That's it! I-I have to jump! It's over! I'm gonna-"

"Blaine!"

Kurt grabbed him by the shoulders and spun him around, his stern voice making Blaine look like a scared puppy.

"Get a hold of yourself!"

Blaine stepped away from the window, eyes still wide and frightened.

"You are overreacting! Breathe!"

He forced himself to take a quick breath.

"Finn!"

Blaine heard that and turned, trying to go for the window again but Kurt grabbed his arm and held him there.

"Finn, get in here right now!"

The door creaked open and Finn shuffled in, head hung low.

"Good! Now, we are going to go downstairs, sit down, and talk about this. Understood?"

The both mumbled, neither of them meeting the other's gaze, only staring at the floor.

"Understood!?"

"Yes, Kurt!"

Blaine was sitting on the opposite side of Finn at the table. They were both staring down, hands folded in their laps and shoulders stiff.

There had never been a more awkward moment in all of history.

Finally Kurt walked in, a plate of cookies in one hand, three glasses of milk atop a tray in the other. He set both things down and neither of them moved a muscle, though Finn couldn't keep his eyes off the plate of cookies.

Kurt sat down next to Blaine, looking at the two of them and how tense they were before rolling his eyes and taking a deep breath.

"Okay. Let's just talk about this like calm, mature adults-"

Finn nearly jumped out of his chair as he shouted.

"I SHOWERED NEXT TO YOU, MAN!"

Kurt leaned back in his seat, already looking like he had lost this battle.

"Or…not…"

Blaine tried to say something to keep Finn from freaking out even more, but it only backfired.

"I know! But…I mean…I never looked! ...Well okay I did once."

Finn and Kurt gaped at him, both of them thrown into a state of confused horror. Blaine began to panic even more.

"BUT IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! I-I promise!"

Both Kurt and Finn still seemed to be a bit disturbed.

"Y-you're not my type, okay?!"

Finn settled back in his seat, this time looking almost offended.

"No! I mean…uh…you, you're too tall? I…You don't do your hair! I like guys who do their hair! Okay?!"

Finn reached up to touch his hair a bit, mildly insecure as he patted at it. There was a slight pause in conversation and Kurt took that moment to try and get the conversation on track.

"Okay, all that aside-"

But Finn didn't let that happen as he interrupted again.

"Wait, how long has this been going on for?!"

Kurt and Blaine looked at each other, both of them thinking as they tried to come up with a date. Kurt was the first to speak.

"Um...since...before Christmas? Right?"

Blaine looked like he was trying to remember something and then he nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah a few weeks before Christmas."

Finn kind of nodded, as if was starting to understand.

"And nobody else knows?"

Kurt looked like he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Um, no. Dad and Carole know."

Finn's jaw nearly dropped.

"Wait, what?"

Blaine nodded matter-of-factly.

"Yeah they found out like, almost day one."

Kurt nodded with him.

"Yeah."

Finn seemed a little less confused and kept talking.

"And that's it?"

Kurt pursed his lips, trying to think.

"Um…yeah."

Blaine put a hand on Kurt's arm.

"No. No. Rachel and Mercedes know too."

Finn actually seemed offended this time.

"Seriously?!"

But the couple just gave tiny, little 'sorry-you-were-the-only-one-in-the-house-that-didn't-know' smiles.

"W-when were you going to tell me?!"

Kurt began to answer him.

"We hadn't really discussed-"

But then Blaine cut in, telling Finn of his previously unknown plan.

"Well I figured it could be like a senior year thing. You know, we're all in the locker room, saying our goodbyes, and at the very last second I'd be like 'by the way guys, I'm gay' and then run."

Kurt raised a disapproving eyebrow at Blaine and he ducked his head.

"So…hold on. You two…I mean you guys…you aren't…you know…"

They cocked their heads at Finn, neither of them having the faintest idea of what he was talking about.

"I mean like,"

Finn made some weird facial expressions before dropping his voice to a near whisper.

"having…you know."

Kurt, still extremely perplexed, tried to answer for Finn.

"…Sex?"

Finn immediately looked down at the table, suddenly very awkward and embarrassed as Blaine began to splutter out words.

"NO! No! God no! I mean…I mean it's not that I wouldn't want to…uh…no like, I mean…like, you know, w-we're not ready and…and…"

Kurt put a hand on Blaine's shoulder.

"Blaine, just stop talking. Please."

Blaine shrunk into himself. Finn looked completely distressed, like he didn't even know what to do with this situation and Kurt just glared at the cookies, rather upset that nobody had touched one yet.

There was a long, awkward silence before Finn suddenly spoke.

"Alright, whoever's playing footsie with me needs to stop."

A surprised look popped onto Kurt and Blaine's faces, both admitting guilt.

"Oh! Sorry."

There was another strange silence in which Kurt shifted backwards in his chair, sitting up straighter as he folded his hands in his lap, attempting to ease the overwhelming tension.

"Okay. So, I think now would be a good time to, you know, talk about boundaries and emotions. There are obviously a lot of feelings that need to be discussed and I think it will be very healthy to just get them out there and-"

Finn interrupted, again, to turn to Blaine, speaking loudly to clearly drown out Kurt.

"Hey man, I think the game is on. Wanna go watch it?"

Blaine jumped out of his chair, just as eager to avoid the topic.

"Yeah, sure!"

They began to run out to the living room, Finn turning back really quickly to snatch the plate of cookies off the counter. Kurt sighed, grabbing a glass and taking a drink of milk.

Boys…

He looked over at them, the two boys flipping on the TV and lounging around on the couch, acting like nothing had changed as they munched on cookies. After a few minutes Blaine turned to Finn, looking slightly concerned.

"Hey man, no one knows about this?"

Finn smiled, shrugging as if it was no big deal.

"Dude, of course."

"Cool."

Blaine smiled and they shared a quick fist bump before turning back to the game.

"Aw c'mon, Bryant! You can do better than that!"

Kurt shook his head, laughing to himself. And although he was annoyed that nothing was really talked about, he felt like maybe nothing needed to be. Because nothing had really changed. And Kurt couldn't help but think that maybe this was for the best; that maybe, just maybe, this would give Blaine the strength to come out.