Chapter 16

"Hi, Blaine!"

Blaine was about to close his locker door when he heard that, making him jump and accidentally slam his locker shut. He looked over, visibly relaxed when he saw that it was only Brittany and her lovable grin waiting for him.

Blaine was a bit confused, but still glad to see her; she always managed to make him smile.

"Oh, uh, hey Brittany. What's up?"

She looked both serious and hopeful when she replied.

"I needed to ask you for something."

Blaine thought he knew what she wanted and immediately replied, a slight grin on his face at Brittany's naiveté.

"Thanks, but I think I gave you my number last week-"

But Brittany, much to Blaine's surprise, pulled a small plastic cup out of her bag and handed it to him. He automatically took the cup, but something was off and he knew it. Blaine eyed her suspiciously, only loosely holding onto the plastic as if having a firm grasp on it would suddenly make things so much worse.

"What's this for?"

Brittany stood, hands clasped behind her back and lightly swaying from side to side in time with whatever happy music she had running through her head.

"I have a test in math tomorrow and I figure I won't fail it if I answer all the questions with dots of glitter, but Lord Tubbington sold all of mine for ecstasy. So, I was hoping you could fill my cup up for me. "

He stood very still, petrified of what Brittany was insinuating and even more confused than before.

"Um…how exactly am I supposed to do that again?"

Blaine was almost afraid to ask, not knowing what the answer would bring. Brittany just stopped swaying and shrugged innocently, reaching a hand up and twirling curls around her finger.

"I don't know. I always hear the Coach Sue saying gay guys are made of rainbow glitter. I thought you'd know how to get it out."

There was silence after that and Blaine could only stare at the cup in his hand, thoughts racing through his head at a thousand miles a minute, going so fast until they turned into an indiscernible blur. He was frozen in place, only able to move his eyes to slowly look up at Brittany. That was it, the one thing that would destroy him. People knew, people knew, and to have such devastating information be brought to him by such an innocently unknowing person; the world was cruel that way.

Brittany was once again swaying her hips this way and that and watching as her skirt flared each time she moved.

She had no idea.

Blaine stood watching the rhythmic rise and fall of the fabric for a bit, his silent panic going unnoticed by her. He wet his lips, preparing himself to bring this out into the open.

"A-are you saying I'm"

His voice lowered to just above a whisper, not wanting to fully acknowledge that somebody else might know.

"…gay?"

Brittany immediately stopped swaying and Blaine's eyes shot up to meet her gaze just as her head tilted to the side, resembling a curious puppy that had no idea the trouble it had just caused by tearing up the couch cushions.

"Aren't you?"

Blaine could feel his heart stop. It was the confirmation he had so badly wanted to be a denial and it made everything feel excruciatingly real.

"That's what some of the guys said in my homeroom. Anyways, if you could just hand that back to me at lunch, that'd be great! Thanks!"

Brittany frolicked off, her absent-mindedly upbeat attitude making her painfully oblivious to Blaine as the cup fell from his grasp, hitting the floor and releasing an odd, hollow sound.

That sound echoed in Blaine's ears, time almost slowing as each pitch hit him like a slap in the face. He couldn't think, couldn't move, couldn't breathe. All he could do was watch his perfect new world that he had tried so hard to shape and mold and create, where he had stayed safely hidden, safely tucked away and protected from the hatred and the beatings, crack and crumble before his eyes without being able to do a single thing to stop it.

No

Blaine had a hand up against the wall, trying to keep his breathing in check and to keep from collapsing onto the floor. He had tried so hard. He had done everything; taken every precaution he could to prevent this. It couldn't be over.

NO.

He smacked his hand against the wall before taking off, not even thinking, just letting his legs take him where he needed to go. He turned sharply down the hallway. And another. And another. Thoughts raced through his head like wild fire, trying to swallow him up whole. But he kept running. His heart was pounding so hard it was all he heard. A constant upbeat thump ringing from ear to ear. He saw nothing. His mind was spinning so fast that it couldn't focus on any single image in front of him. He probably would have passed out if it wasn't for the massive amounts of adrenaline coursing through him. He turned down one more corridor, finally spotting who he had been involuntarily looking for.

"Kurt!"

Kurt looked up, his bright smile at the sound of Blaine's voice instantly falling when he saw his face. Blaine grabbed him by the sleeve of his uniform and pulled him, rather harshly, to the side of the hallway.

"What's wr-"

"Did you tell anyone about us?!"

Blaine's whisper was cold and rigid, barely escaping through his clenched jaw. Kurt made the mistake of looking into his eyes, staring into tiny flames of fear and panic. It was horrifying.

"W-what are you talking about?"

Kurt tried to place a hand on Blaine's arm, in some futile attempt to comfort him, but he pulled away as if the touch had seared his skin.

"'Cause apparently half of Brittany's class thinks I'm gay!"

Blaine's body seemed to freeze as the words left his mouth; he stared down at the floor, looking as though he could puke. Because the moment he said those words he admitted it. This was no longer a nightmare that he could wake up from and brush off and keeping hoping for the best. This was real; there was no going back, because this was happening. Again.

What felt like tortuous hours were really a few seconds, both of them standing there in silence trying to form a coherent thought.

"Blaine, I promise I didn't-"

He once again tried to touch him, only this time Blaine yanked his arm away violently, taking a step back in the process. Blaine wrapped his arms around himself, trying to keep everything together. His voice quieted to a whisper, pleading as he looked into Kurt's eyes.

"I can't go through this again, Kurt. I can't."

Kurt looked at Blaine, at the way he covered his body with his arms, at the way he stared at the floor, scuffing a foot against the ground; like a small, terrified child. And now all the scary monsters he had managed to hide back in his closet were breaking free, grasping for him, reaching out their claws and trying to dig sharp talons into him, ready and eager to drag him back down into the all consuming darkness. The sight was far too heart breaking for Kurt to be upset, regardless of how callous his boyfriend was acting.

Blaine looked up to him, repeating his past question, needing reassurance and some sense of security.

"Did you tell anyone about us? Anyone at all?"

Kurt immediately answered back, a fierce protectiveness in his voice.

"I didn't say anything. I would never do that to you. Especially not after what happened to you before-"

Memories came crashing back into Blaine's head; the monsters of the past rearing their ugly heads. He drew back and shut his eyes tight, as if he was trying to shrink away from the world. The panic in his voice rose higher as more students crowded the hallway.

"I-I can't deal with this right now. I gotta go."

Blaine took off and Kurt didn't try to stop him, just watched his form as he raced down the hall and disappeared through the doors. Blaine had worked too hard to restart his life; too hard on being this different person, on making different friends. Too hard on maintaining the sense of normality he so deeply craved. He was not about to let it fall apart.

This isn't over. It can't be over.

Kurt charged down the hallway, kids stepping out of his way to avoid being the target of his wrath. He was almost shaking with anger, bursting at the seams with rage and it took everything in him not to explode.

"Stop it."

His words came out as a vicious snarl, barely even recognizable as words at all, but Karofsky didn't even glance over at him as he opened his locker.

"Shouldn't you be trying on new shoes or crying over spilt sequins?"

Kurt slammed the locker shut and just the noise itself proved that he was not willing to be ignored.

"I know what you're doing. So stop it."

Karofsky looked straight ahead at his locker, not letting himself give into Kurt's unspoken demand just yet.

"What are you talking about? I'm not doing anything."

Kurt didn't try to calm himself, didn't even want to be calm, he let his fury run through him, only a few decibels away from a deafening yell.

"I know about the rumors, David! I thought we had a deal."

He turned to Kurt, seemingly more annoyed and pissed off than actually enraged.

"Look. I didn't start any rumors. It's not my fault you two spend all your damn time together acting like 'gay besties'."

The jealously in his voice at those final words were almost undetected in the midst of Kurt's rage. Karofsky began to walk away and was completely caught off guard when Kurt reached out, his hand digging into his arm and keeping him from moving. Kurt's voice dropped to a growl and he stared Karofsky right in the eye with a fierce glare.

"Don't you dare talk me like I'm stupid. Maybe you didn't start the rumors but you're definitely spreading them. And you need to stop or else-"

Karofsky tore his arm from Kurt's iron grip and took a step towards him, trying to intimidate.

"Or else what?"

But it was no use, Kurt stood his ground and continued staring at Karofsky with more hate than he knew he contained.

"Or else I'll tell everyone what you did to me in that locker room. Wasn't that the agreement?"

Karofsky sneered at the cheerleader.

"You're bluffing."

Kurt narrowed his eyes, slowly putting his arms across his chest.

"Are you really willing to risk that?"

David scoffed, attempting to hide how utterly terrified he was. He was not about to be bested by Kurt Hummel.

"No one would believe you. It's your word against mine. You think you can just strut around in some gay ass cheerleader outfit and all of a sudden you've got heat at this school? You're nothing, Hummel. You always have been, always will be."

Karofsky had to end it there; he couldn't let things go any farther than this. He was about to take a step when Kurt stopped him in his tracks, this time only with words, not even needing to physically hold him there.

"You've made a lot of enemies here. You really think there aren't people just dying to get dirt on you?"

Karofsky shut his eyes, knowing he was right. Kurt held the fate of the rest of Karofsky's life in his hands, holding it out, testing him, ready to smash it into a thousand pieces at a moment's notice. And Karofsky knew the worst part; he knew he was the one who had forced Kurt into such a position. And he had no one to blame but himself.

The panic in him began to build, quiet at first, then slowly rising until it was all he knew, consumed by it, he turned to the one thing he could fall back onto, the one thing that could solve problems, even if only for a little while. His face etched with rage, Karofsky turned to Kurt and was almost able to completely drown out the panic with his violent fury.

"I swear to god, Hummel! If you tell anyone about that I will tear your faggy-ass boyfriend limb from limb and there won't be a single thing you can do about it except listen to him scream. You understand?"

The blood drained from Kurt's face, amazed at how the world could be so cruel as to have Karofsky so accurately lay out his worst nightmares.

But he refused to let David win; not this time, not about this.

He stared Karofsky down, trying his hardest to come up with some sort of loop hole. But he had nothing. Nothing he could fire back with. Nothing that gave him an upper hand.

He was out of ammo, out of fuel, and all he could imagine were those horrific images of Blaine laying, bloodied and beaten, that Karofsky had unwittingly brought back to him. He could not let that happen, even if it meant having to let Blaine live with the rumors.

As much as it killed him inside, he had to surrender.

"Fine. I won't tell anyone."

Karofsky smirked at how easily his opponent caved, thinking it only proved his point about how weak Kurt was, but his glory was short lived.

Kurt's voice was full of fire and he was almost shaking with rage. His face was twisted into a scowl while his eyes contained the burning hot flames of vengeance and he couldn't hold back his unadulterated fury as he spat his words out.

"But you had better believe me when I say that if you lay a finger, a single finger, on Blaine, I will rain Hell down upon your pathetic, meaningless life. I mean it, David. You touch him; there will be not one inch of this school, town, or even state you can crawl to where everyone doesn't know exactly who you are."

This time it was Karofsky who stood frozen, unable to move as his fear paralyzed him, barely even noticing when Kurt breezed by him. This was far from over.

The whistle blew and the four guys currently at the front of drill lines began running, each of them dragging a huge tire behind them. Blaine was one of the four and he threw all of his concentration in the rhythmic pounding of his feat against the grass and the steady in-out of his breathing; it was all he could do to keep himself calm.

Blaine reached one end of the field and turned around, not even noticing as he passed the other three guys who were now groaning and complaining but he just kept moving, only slowing when he had to take a hand off the tire and wipe the beads of sweat from his forehead.

The smell of freshly cut grass filled his nostrils, his breathing getting even harsher and he began pushing himself beyond his limit, speeding up his feet until he was going as fast as he could possibly go. Breathing was almost impossible now, but he didn't care, his mind was utterly empty and he didn't have to focus on anything but keeping his balance.

He saw the white line painted on the grass signaling the other end of the field and let the tire fall to the ground, the large piece of rubber hitting the floor with a loud smack. Blaine bent over, hands on his knees when he glanced up and saw that none of the other three football players were back yet, a grimace that could barely pass for a smile coming over his face.

At least I'll always be the fastest one here.

He closed his eyes and hung his head, letting his breathing and body temperature go back to a somewhat normal level. Eventually he heard three more smacks against the grass along with objections about the heat and the weight of the tires, signaling to Blaine that the rest of the boys had finally finished the drill.

Coach Beiste had been getting these protests all practice and she was finally fed up.

"Alright! Alright! Fine, take a five minute water break! But I don't want to hear a single groan when you get back!"

The team slumped its way over to the side lines and Blaine tried his hardest to ignore the stares and the whispers, as if refusing to acknowledge them meant they didn't exist. He only gave a short nod whenever Finn or Puck waved to him, keeping his head ducked as he pulled out his water bottle. His eyes, however, acted of their own accord and he found himself catching a group of teammates staring at him. They immediately turned back around, whispering something to each other.

Karofsky walked over to the whispering group, giving Blaine a malicious grin before joining in their conversation. Blaine couldn't stand the sight and quickly turned his head away, forcing himself to ignore the conspicuous group.

He was taking another sip of water when Sue's bullhorn caught his attention.

"That was terrible! Take five to bask in your stench of failure and self-disgust."

Blaine knew what was coming next and he turned away from the cheerleaders in anticipation.

"Hey Blaine. Can we talk-"

But Blaine just took another drink of water, completely ignoring Kurt when he spoke.

"Blaine? Are you seriously mad at me about this?"

Blaine didn't even look at Kurt, not even a glance.

"Blaine-"

He suddenly spoke up, turning his head only the slightest bit to acknowledge that he was talking to Kurt.

"Can you stop? Please? People are staring and…can we talk about this later?"

Kurt opened his mouth, ready to give Blaine an earful when he looked around. Blaine was right; people were staring…a lot of people. Almost everyone on the football team and a good amount of Cheerios were facing them, whispering rumors to each other.

"Fine."

Blaine closed his eyes, listening as Kurt's footsteps faded. He stood like that until Beiste blew her whistle, wanting to avoid seeing the stares for as long as possible.

They began another set of drills and another and another. Which drills they did, Blaine didn't remember. He only knew the feeling of his breathing and the burn of exercise in his muscles, blocking everything that wasn't physical out of his mind. But somehow, the notions still crept inside, silently and stealthily; Blaine not even realizing their existence until a fully formed thought was swimming around in his head.

All he had wanted was to be normal, to just fly under the radar and coast through the rest of high school unnoticed and uninjured. It didn't seem like some impossible far out thing and since the day he got to WMHS, everything had been going up. Life was good and he was actually happy and everything was so nice. But when he had finally just reached that perfect normalcy, everything was torn away from him and he was being forced to watch as it fell to pieces in front of his very eyes.

Blaine was only barely aware when the whistle blew and practice was over. He slowly grabbed his bag and headed to the locker room, shooting off a quick text to Kurt.

Blaine: Please just meet me out under the bleachers in 10. We need to talk.

He received no reply, but after showering and changing he still went out to wait underneath the bleachers, just hoping that Kurt wouldn't be so angry that he wouldn't meet him.

He waited for ten minutes and Kurt hadn't shown, waited for twenty minutes and Kurt hadn't shown. It was thirty minutes later when Blaine saw Kurt turn the corner and walk towards him, only noticing the frown on his face when he got closer.

Blaine was leaning up against the metal and Kurt took the spot next to him, for once not saying anything about getting his uniform dirty. Blaine spoke quietly.

"I was beginning to think you weren't going to show."

Kurt placed his hand over Blaine's, trying to show some sort of comfort even though he had every right to be angry as hell at him.

"Of course I did, you're my boyfriend and I care about you."

But then he sighed and Blaine knew that sigh well, it meant that a time for comfort was over and things were about to get serious. Kurt took hold of Blaine's hand and stood right in front of him, staring at him even though he would only stare at the ground.

"Blaine, look. I understand that you're scared and upset, but I didn't do anything to you. It's not fair that you're taking this out on me."

Blaine let his hand fall from Kurt's, still refusing to look him in the eye.

"I'm not taking it out on you, Kurt. I just…we can't be around at school together, at least not until the rumors clear up."

Kurt folded his arms across his chest, an icy undertone creeping its way into his voice.

"You don't think that's just a little ridiculous?"

Blaine only looked at the gravel on the ground, the metal above, anything but Kurt, too ashamed to actually look him in the eye.

"Kurt, people think I'm gay because of all the time we spend together. We're lucky enough that no one really knows we're going out. I think it's best that we keep our distance from each other."

Kurt quickly took one of Blaine's hands in his own and placed his other on Blaine's cheek, forcing the shorter boy to finally look him in the eye.

"Blaine, I know you're afraid but have you ever thought that maybe this is a good thing."

He looked into Kurt's eyes; he knew he was trying to help, trying to be optimistic, but Blaine still couldn't believe the words that came out of his mouth. He stood up straight, taking a few steps away from Kurt and his caring hands.

"Are you freaking crazy?! How on Earth is this a 'good thing'?"

But Kurt followed him closely and placed his hands on Blaine's shoulders.

"Well, I mean, if people already think you're gay then what's the harm of coming out? We could be together then and not have to worry anymore-"

Blaine turned to face him, his anger starting to get the better of him.

"You just don't get it do you?! I can't come out! I can't go through that again! You act like there is going to be some damn parade where everyone will throw confetti as we skip through the hallways, but I have news for you, Kurt! It's not like that!"

"Will you stop yelling at me?! I know it's not that easy! I've been through it Blaine! Remember?! I know-"

"No! You don't! What Karofsky did to you was terrible, Kurt. I'm not saying it wasn't. But at my old school it wasn't just one guy. It was ten times worse. And I just…I can't-"

Blaine's voice cracked on his final word and he was once again withdrawing into himself. Kurt's offensive front fell and, for once, when he put a hand on Blaine's arm, he didn't pull away.

"Blaine, I'm sorr-"

Blaine's anger began to mellow out, a tear escaping from his eye at the warmth of his boyfriend's touch.

"Do you know how many times I've heard 'I'm sorry'? Do you know what it does? Absolutely nothing! I'm tired of the 'I'm sorry' and the 'Everything will get better' because you know what? It doesn't freaking 'get better'! Nothing ever does! I thought I could finally be happy here, finally be normal, but now everyone knows and my life is going to be a living hell all over again!"

Tears were streaming down his face, and he did nothing to stop them. Just turned to Kurt, an overwhelming sadness in his eyes, and his voice quieted to a whisper.

"I can't, Kurt. I can't."

Kurt nodded, taking Blaine into his arms.

"I know, Blaine, I know. It's okay."

Blaine was holding onto him and Kurt could almost feel the pain and the sorrow he had been holding inside, tucked away in some deep dark corner, now flowing out of him as he clung to Kurt, crying silent tears and sniffling every once in a while.

When Kurt noticed that the small whimpers had stopped, he gently moved Blaine away from him, smoothing out his hair and wiping his eyes dry. He spoke softly, his voice a warm comfort for Blaine.

"Blaine, I need you to talk to me. I want to help, but I can't do anything unless I know what happened at your old school."

Blaine nodded mutely, a hand coming up and wiping at his nose, just like a dopey little five year old would do. He opened his mouth to speak, but everything came out as stutters.

"A-at my o-old s-"

And that was as far as he got before his eyes began to close, Kurt could see the tears already beginning to form and he took hold of Blaine by the shoulders.

"No, Blaine, stop. C'mon, talk. Calm down, just breathe, and talk to me."

Blaine shut his eyes tighter and took a deep breath, holding it in for a few seconds before breathing out slowly. Finally he opened his eyes and looked right at Kurt.

"A-at my old school, I was outted. You already k-know what happened with my friend, but I didn't leave just because e-everyone knew. It was so much worse than that."

Kurt nodded in encouragement and Blaine closed his eyes; diving back into his memories as he explained exactly what had happened.

"The day after everyone found out, I went to school; being an optimist, I thought that no one would care, that I would be fine. But the second I stepped inside the school, everyone was silent. It was almost surreal; like some dark, ominous cloud was looming over me. I tried to keep my head down, tried to ignore everyone's eyes on me. But I could hear the whispers above the silence. 'Fag' and 'Queer' and 'Freak'. I tried to block them out, but I couldn't, not when I got to my locker. The door was off its hinges; apparently they couldn't break the lock so they just tore it off, and my papers and books were torn up and thrown everywhere. They spray painted all these terrible things inside and out, it was just…I looked around for someone, anyone, for help, but they just stared. A few of them even laughed…It kept getting worse after that. Everywhere I'd go; locker rooms, hallways, classrooms, even the bathroom, there was someone there just dying to beat the crap out of me. Everyday just started to blur together, like one long, sick nightmare that I just couldn't escape. I must have complained to that school a dozen times. But no one was willing to help. I was completely alone. They only person at all who seemed to care at all was my brother. I honestly don't think I would have survived without him..."

His voice trailed off. He stared into space for a bit as a dark memory crawled it's way to the surface, one he had tried so hard to forget.

"I-I was leaving school one day. I was almost out the door when I saw this one guy from the baseball team carrying a bat. I turned, trying to get away, but there was another. I tried to find another way out, but then there were even more. It was a trap, they corralled me. I tried to run, but…I couldn't get away. Everything went black and…and I woke up three weeks later in the ICU."

Blaine's eyes finally opened and he saw Kurt, tears running down his face with no words to express how he felt.

For Blaine, it was oddly cathartic to not have to bottle that up anymore, and he found himself completely out of tears. Kurt suddenly pulled him into another hug and Blaine relaxed in his arms. After a while, Kurt spoke the only thing he could think to say.

"Y-you said it was your brother who helped you?"

"Yeah. Cooper."

Blaine's reply was muffled by the fabric of Kurt's collar where he had rested his head.

"I want to meet him"

Kurt spoke with an air of certainty. Blaine picked his head up, blinking in the light and he looked up at Kurt with an uncertain gaze.

"A-are you sure?"

"Yes. Definitely."

Blaine furrowed his brow for a second then looked back up to Kurt and gave him a short nod.

"Okay."

He then leaned forward into Kurt's arms, once again snuggling his head into the crook of Kurt's neck and letting himself forget the pain. The couple sat there like that for at least another hour, tangled up in each other's arms. Like two beings, forever tied to each other, needing the other to survive. Both battered and broken, wanting nothing more than to move on from the things that tore them down, yet still so full of compassion for one another.

And for that one little moment, everything felt a bit brighter again.

But the world was cruel.

And this was far from over.