Chapter 12

"C'mon, move it, Anderson!"

Blaine picked up the pace a bit, he and the rest of the football team were running the track, but his focus was elsewhere. From the second Blaine had stepped out on the field he had been continuously glancing over at the boy cheerleader, who had appeared to be alright today.

But something was still off. He seemed to be happy, but he was nervous. He was fidgeting and almost hyperactive as he talked with everyone, like he was anxious about something.

The team finished their warm up run and most of them were bent over, trying to catch their breath. Blaine took this chance to once again look over at Kurt as he spoke with some blonde cheerleader.

Kurt was glancing around as they talked, unable to stand still. The cheerleader said something, apparently funny, and Kurt forced a smile, trying to act normal.

He's breaking down.

Blaine could see it in everything Kurt did, he was coming unhinged and it was almost painful to watch.

He shook it off, trying to get his head back in the game. He and Sam had been passing the ball back and forth and he really didn't want his rep to be "the guy who always gets hit in the face with balls".

"So how was Sectionals?"

"Um, it was good. We got first place. Though it still kinda sucks that Kurt couldn't be there."

Blaine nodded.

Dammit. Why'd he have to mention him?

Blaine caught the ball and threw it back, his attention shifting back to the boy who had stolen his heart. But when he looked back at Kurt, he didn't see the broken boy who had slumped against the staircase for support, too weary to stand by himself.

Instead, he could only focus on how beautifully the sun shined off Kurt's face. He hadn't taken notice of it in such a long time. He skin always looked flawless, but something about the light hitting his face brought a whole new life to him. Maybe it was just that the sunshine made his perfect, chestnut hair look soft from miles away. Or maybe it was the way it made his glasz eyes so much more captivating. Or the way it made his smile appear so much brighter.

Oh god, his smile!

Fake or not, every time it appeared on Kurt's face Blaine felt his whole body go numb. Time seemed to almost stop just so he could appreciate every aspect of that smile. It was like no matter how he felt, if Kurt was smiling, then he was too.

And that's when it finally hit him.

That feeling of bliss that his brother was always talking about, always saying he deserved, that's how he felt when he looked at Kurt.

Not just when he looked at Kurt, but when he was even near him. Whether they were laughing, crying, yelling; that feeling of bliss was always there lying just below the surface. And Blaine had always just been too afraid to admit it.

And maybe it was just because he had confirmation that the feelings were shared, but Blaine didn't feel afraid anymore.

Kurt had been so strong. He had done all he could to push away his friends to protect them until he was fighting this battle alone. Just like Blaine had been fighting his alone. And his brother was right, they needed each other. Now more than ever. Granted, Blaine wasn't ready to shout it from the rooftops just yet, but Kurt needed to know how he made him feel, how he had always made him feel ever since he first saw him on that football field. And Blaine was about to stop himself from running across that very field, that very moment to finally tell Kurt what had taken him far too long to realize…

But a football to the face stopped him instead.

Dammit!

Kurt unzipped his duffle bag, the sound seeming ten times louder than it actually was in the empty locker room. The shine of the metal in his bag immediately caught his attention.

He took a deep breath, letting the silence of the locker room surround him as he stared down at the perfectly sharpened knife sitting on top of the towel in his bag. He sat still for a few seconds, but when he finally began to reach for it, something stopped him.

It was different this time.

The knife no longer signified an end to his suffering, now it was just cold, unfeeling metal that held no meaning for him. He blinked a few times, accepting this new emotion into his body.

He picked up the knife and once again placed it on his wrist and noticed how uncomfortable the sharp edge was where it dug into his skin.

What the hell was I thinking?

The whole thought of it now just seemed foolish and rash. He had been so desperate for an answer to all his problems that all his reason became blind. He couldn't do this. Just because he hit one rough spot in his life, it didn't mean things couldn't get better.

He placed the knife back in his bag, ready to go home and just forget about the whole thing, but the sound of footsteps by the door alarmed him and he panicked. He quickly covered the blade with a towel and threw the bag to the side.

"Hey."

Kurt turned around, only to see Blaine standing in the doorway, charming as ever, with an uncertain smile on his face. Kurt found it hard not to blush. It had been so long since he felt that way, but something about seeing the florescent light caught in Blaine's dark curls brought peace to his mind. He wasn't thinking about Karofsky, or threats, or beatings, or the knife lying in his bag. Just how unbelievably beautiful Blaine looked in such, normally, unflattering lighting.

"Hey."

Kurt almost breathed out the word and he gave a slightly uneasy smile, but the tension between them was obvious. They hadn't spoken a word to each other since the fight in Kurt's room over a week ago.

Blaine slowly made his way over Kurt, as if trying to break through the giant sea of awkwardness between them.

"So…I know we haven't really said anything to each other-"

"Is there something you needed?"

Blaine was caught a little off guard by the other boy's directness, but regardless of how extremely handsome Blaine looked, Kurt knew there was no salvation for their friendship and wanted to get this awkward situation out of the way as soon as possible so he could get home and put that knife away before someone found out about his stupid idea. Blaine sat down on the bench that was nailed on the floor between the two rows of lockers, trying to calm his nerves.

"Um, yeah actually I, uh, I wanted to talked to you."

Kurt immediately fell back into his defensive state, sick of hearing those words. He rolled his eyes and began to walk away.

"There's nothing to talk about. I'm fine."

"No, you're not. Now will you sit down? Please?"

Blaine's voice was so calm and so matter-of-fact. Kurt had always loved the sound of his voice. It was so clear and crisp with a little bit of a rough edge to it, like an ocean with a small tide. He couldn't find it in himself to turn away from it. He took the seat next to Blaine, his eyes continuously glancing down at the duffle bag below them.

Blaine paused for a second, as if trying to figure out exactly the right words to say.

"I…I'm worried about you, Kurt."

"Don't be. I'm fine."

"Just because you keep saying that you're fine doesn't mean you are. And to be honest, you're clearly not."

Kurt chewed on his bottom lip and stared down at his hands in his lap. His words came out as a whisper.

"I'm fine, Blaine."

The shorter boy spoke softly, not accusing Kurt of anything, merely stating the facts.

"No, Kurt, you're not."

Blaine turned to look at the boy as he spoke,

"I- I know that what happened on Friday was really hard on you. And when I saw you once you got home, you just looked so…broken, and it hurt me to see you like that. You're going through a lot right now, but you can't just push people away like this. Not when so many people are willing to help you. Not when there are so many people that care about you."

Kurt took in a shaky breath, feeling the familiar sting of tears trying to break free when he realized what Blaine was saying was true.

"I-I'm so scared Blaine. I can't-"

Kurt felt a warm hand rubbing soothing circles into his back. He closed his eyes and let himself start to melt under Blaine's touch. He looked up to see hazel eyes staring back at him, so soft and warm. Like little yellow flames melting the ice around his heart, begging him to open up.

"You can talk to me."

Blaine's quiet and comforting words were all it took to get Kurt to finally reach out. He felt his breathing stutter and his heart began to beat faster in anticipation. He took a deep breath, throwing all of his trust into the boy's concerned gaze. He quickly reached down to the duffle bag that was sitting at their feet and pulled off the towel.

"Kurt…"

Blaine's eyes went wide and he shot his head up towards Kurt, who had his eyes glued to the ground, too ashamed to meet the other boy's gaze.

A single tear rolled down Kurt's cheek, and he promptly wiped it away.

"It-It was a stupid idea. I just- I don't know. I-…I didn't know what else do to."

Kurt used every ounce of his willpower to keep anymore tears from falling, but it was all in vain.

The gentle warmth of Blaine's finger as it stroked across his cheek, wiping away the couple of tears that had already managed to escape, was just enough to push Kurt over the edge. His defense began to crumble down; every barrier he put up to keep people out, every restraint he put on himself to hold everything in finally tore away.

He found himself leaning on Blaine, gripping onto his jersey as his broke out in sobs. He had bottled everything up for so long, it was almost freeing. Like a giant weight had been lifted off of his heart. The tender heat of Blaine's body as his arms wrapped around Kurt was melting his icy front and all he could do was cry harder. It was so easy to cry into those arms, so natural. Almost like those arms were made to comfort him and care for him.

"Shh, it's okay, Kurt. I'm here."

He was crying so hard he didn't even notice the small, involuntary kiss that Blaine placed on the top of his head.

Neither of them knew how long they sat like that, Kurt wrapped in Blaine's protecting arms, clinging onto each other, needing this intimacy for so long. Finally the tears started to slow and Kurt began to take deep, calming breaths. When his eyes finally dried, he pulled himself away from Blaine, even though he so desperately wanted to stay close. Blaine placed a hand on Kurt's cheek, wiping away the last of his tears with his thumb.

"I don't know what I'd do if I found out you did something like that."

Kurt leaned into the touch, his voice coming out as a whisper when he replied and he had to stop himself from placing his hand on top of Blaine's.

"I know. I'm sorry. I was being stupid. I just… felt so stuck. And honestly I still don't know what to do."

"Are you gonna change schools?"

Kurt looked up at him, a little bewildered. The thought had never once crossed his mind.

"I-Is that what you would do?"

"That's…"

Blaine let his voice trail off as he pulled his hand away and took a deep breath.

It's now or never.

"That's what I did do."

Kurt felt a small rush of anticipation run through him. Blaine never talked about his life at his other school. The shorter boy let a small, nervous smile flit across his face and then fixed his gaze on the ground, replying with no hesitation.

"I-I was outted at my old school. I had a, um, crush on my friend, wrote about it in a journal, he saw it, told the whole school, and that was that. I couldn't handle it so, I left. I ran away and came here. Started over."

Kurt looked completely baffled.

"You're gay? Wh- Why didn't you tell me before?"

Blaine shook his head slowly.

"Because I couldn't tell anyone. I- I couldn't risk going through that again. But seeing you like that, it reminded me of how I was and I couldn't bear to let you go through that, at least not alone."

He glanced back up at Kurt and almost swooned when he saw the smile on the taller boy's face, the smile that he had waited so long to see again.

"But…you're gay. For sure? 'Cause you're pretty convincing at being straight-"

Blaine silenced Kurt with a finger to his lips and he could almost hear the sound of his heartbeat picking up.

"One hundred percent."

His gaze flicked to Kurt's lips as he dragged his finger across the soft skin. He brought his hand up and pushed a bit of Kurt's hair back then let his hand drift down the side of his face, carefully tilting his chin upwards. Kurt's eyelids fluttered at the soft touch, almost unbelieving that this was happening. Blaine began to move forwards slowly, hearing the small hitch in Kurt's breath as their lips touched.

It was so simple and short, but it was everything he ever wanted. It was romantic and sweet and kind and filled with cotton candy and rainbows. It was like something out of those chick flicks that make you use a good amount of tissues; it was perfect and cheesy and beautiful and Kurt had never felt so happy in his life.

That was his first kiss.

Blaine pulled away, his face almost as red as Kurt's. He turned his head bashfully and licked his lips a little, almost savoring the taste of the other boy. His breath was short and he had a little trouble speaking again.

"I- I feel like I've had to stop myself from doing that since the moment I first saw you."

Blaine gave a small, nervous chuckle before looking back at Kurt. The taller boy was slightly biting his bottom lip and Blaine had to tear his eyes away from the sight to meet Kurt's gaze. Their eyes locked and they immediately reached for each other as they plunged into a second, more passionate kiss.

Kurt's arms made their way around Blaine's neck. They began kissing harder, the temperature of the room starting to skyrocket in the process. It was as if everything, all those feelings they had been pushing back, hiding from one another, hiding from themselves, were finally rising to the surface and flooding through their lips.

Blaine pulled his mouth away and started to leave a trail of slow, smoldering kisses all down his jaw. Kurt's breathing went ragged when the other boy reached his neck and he began to twist his fingers in Blaine's hair, letting himself relax as Blaine did amazing things to his soft skin. Suddenly, Blaine grasped Kurt's shirt to pull him closer and Kurt gasped a bit, his lips parting slightly. Blaine took this chance to capture his lips in another kiss.

Seconds melted into minutes. Nothing else mattered. It was just them, two people finally sharing their feelings for each other. Finally realizing what pure bliss felt like. They were in their own little bubble of happiness, oblivious to the world that was rushing on around them.

Nothing could hurt them, or harm them.

Not even the person who, unbeknownst to Kurt and Blaine, had innocently stumbled into the locker room and got a glimpse of the new romance.