Trust

Chapter Eighteen

“Come in,” Kurt walks to the door and opens it a little shakily, trying not to show Blaine how nervous he is about what they’re going to do tonight.  He knows the basics, of course; he has to after everything they’ve done, but this is the ultimate act of trust between two people and he doesn’t want to screw anything up or freak out in the middle of it.  He wants it to be perfect.

Well, as perfect as it can be.  Finn had talked extensively about how horrible it can be if you’re not in love, because he’d ruined his first time that way, so Kurt had sworn he’d never make the same mistake.

He’s so in love with Blaine it scares him sometimes, so he knows he’s the right choice. 

“You okay?” Blaine reaches out for him instinctively, cupping his cheek and leaning in for a soft kiss.  “We don’t have to jump into this, Kurt, but I promise you that I’ll be as patient and tender a lover as I possibly know how and you’ll enjoy this.  I know you will,” he swore, tightening his fingers around Kurt’s and Kurt already feels calmer just from that tiny touch. 

“I know you will be.  I trust you,” Kurt promises, squeezing Blaine’s hand in return and starting to walk backwards into the bedroom.  He’s dressed down for the night, only in a t-shirt and sweats, because the last thing he wants is to kill the mood by having to take off so many layers of clothing.  He knows that he shouldn’t be embarrassed anymore…Blaine’s seen him at his most vulnerable, after all, and so has anybody in the world that’s bothered to search for the videos…but he still is, a little bit.

Somehow this is so much more intimate and intimidating than putting on a show for the cameras, and maybe that’s the reason why: what he does at work is, for all intents and purposes, a show.  He is a trained actor after all and he slips into it naturally.

This is just…him.  Just Kurt Hummel.  No acting, no fronts, no nothing except his own heart and body and soul laid bare for this man before him.

And that’s…that’s big. 

That’s really big.

“Hey,” Blaine kisses him again, firmer, and steps back.  “Just relax.  It’s just me, remember?” he smiles before reaching down and stripping off his shirt, and Kurt doesn’t think he’ll ever tire of seeing Blaine unclothed. The other man is so gorgeous, all hard lines and taut muscles and perfectly built compact frame, and Kurt reaches out without thinking and slides his hands along the planes of Blaine’s chest.  “See?  Better already.  Just took me taking my shirt off,” he teases gently, easing Kurt’s own shirt up and over his head as he talks and Kurt lets him, not embarrassed about this part much anymore.  “There.  See?  Everything’s fine.”

“I know,” Kurt assures him, humming as Blaine noses under his chin to kiss his neck.  “I just…nerves.”

“I was nervous, too,” Blaine assures him, stroking his skin softly.  “I was terrified, actually, but once it came right down to it…it was fine.  I enjoyed it.  And it might take a few times, and you might not like it at first, but I promise that if I’m hurting you, or even if you’re just not feeling any pleasure, we’ll stop and you can fuck me instead.  Deal?” he flashes Kurt a grin and Kurt has to laugh, but the appeal of being on top is really too great to pass up.

“Deal,” he nods firmly. 

“Good,” Blaine moves back to undo his jeans, sliding them and his underwear off at the same time and Kurt hooks his fingers in the waistband of his sweats, gulping before he lets them drop and steps out, not hard yet but just staring at Blaine naked is getting him well on his way.  “Lie down.  I thought we could forego the foreplay because you probably just want to…get on with this so you don’t have to stay nervous, right?” he looks almost hopeful and Kurt nods, drawing his legs up and gulping as Blaine moves into position, a full bottle of lube in his hand. 

“You can do this,” Kurt sighs, relaxing a little.  “I’m used to this much, at least, so…”

“Okay,” Blaine leans in for a soft kiss, slick fingers running along the crease of Kurt’s ass before he presses one inside and kisses Kurt fiercely at the same time, nipping at his lower lip before pulling away and working his finger in deeper.  “Do you…do you want to use a condom?  I always…um, it’s messier without, but it’s so much more intimate.  And you know I’m clean, I have the records to prove it but they don’t let you work at the site or be a client if you’re not, so…” his eyes are sparkling in the semi-light, looking so damn hopeful that Kurt can’t say no and honestly the thought of Blaine inside of him with nothing else between them is far too attractive. 

“N-no, not if we don’t…need one,” Kurt reaches to pull Blaine closer and kisses him desperately, pushing back against Blaine’s touch.  “More, I…this part’s fine, Blaine, you know that,” he says with as much confidence as he can muster, and Blaine complies and adds another finger, just brushing his prostate as Kurt arches and tries not to come, toes curling into the sheets as he whimpers.  “Blaine…”

“Sorry.  Had to,” Blaine looks so damn adorable, hazel eyes shining and curls falling haphazardly across his forehead, that Kurt can’t be mad and just settles for kissing him again to calm his sparking nerves.  He adds another finger while Kurt’s still occupied and Kurt gasps at the fullness.  It’s not painful, not at all, but there’s no denying what’s happening now and he’s not going to turn back.  “Are you…is that okay?  Do you think…” he slides his fingers out, wiping them on the sheets, before claiming Kurt’s lips in a tender kiss, pulling away after a moment. 

“I…I think so,” Kurt nods, moving his arms to drape around Blaine’s neck and bringing his legs around the shorter man’s waist, averting his eyes because he knows he’s blushing madly by now. 

“Hey,” Blaine turns his face back and smiles at him, nuzzling their noses together for a moment.  “Relax, baby.  Just…keep yourself centered, keep breathing slowly, and let your body go limp.”

“Are we having sex or am I going into labor?” Kurt jokes dryly, getting a barked laugh from Blaine as he steals another kiss.

“Never change,” Blaine says fondly, reaching to stroke through Kurt’s hair before pulling back and lining himself up.  “I’m going to go slow, but this will be easier if I don’t stop.  If you’re in pain, tell me and I will, but otherwise keep your eyes on me and just…breathe through it.”

“Still sounds like I’m having a baby,” Kurt replies with a shrug of his shoulders, but Blaine’s words are soothing and are taking some of the fear away.  He knows Blaine would never lie to him, not after everything they’ve gone through together. 

“Breathe,” Blaine rolls his eyes fondly and pushes forward, the blunt head of his cock stretching Kurt’s opening, and Kurt groans and clutches at Blaine’s shoulders, trying to keep his muscles relaxed and his breathing even. 

It stings more the farther it goes in, but Blaine’s face is a mask of concentration and Kurt keeps his eyes locked with his boyfriend’s, never looking away until Blaine shudders and closes his own eyes for a moment, getting his bearings, and Kurt realizes that he’s in. 

It’s…full, in a way he didn’t expect, and not exactly painful but certainly not right and his body is letting him know that by the alarm bells going off in his head.  He ignores them, casting them to the side and giving Blaine a tiny nod that prompts the other man to pull out a bit and push forward, and Kurt tips his head back and groans because it’s starting to feel better. 

“Okay?” Blaine asks hopefully and Kurt can only nod, squeezing his shoulders. 

“Yes.  More,” he urges, Blaine giving him the most heartbreakingly beautiful smile he’s ever seen as he starts to rock a little faster, sliding out a bit farther every time and pushing in harder, and Kurt moves his own body to rock with it, feeling his cock start to harden fully again. 

It’s amazing, this closeness, and when Blaine changes his angle slightly and the head of his cock brushes Kurt’s prostate he swears he can see stars and from then on out it’s frantic, snapping hips and the slap of skin-on-skin and Kurt moaning rather wantonly, Blaine a little quieter but not by much, and when Blaine stammers out a, “Kurt, I can’t…I’m gonna…” Kurt’s fully prepared, and the feeling of Blaine’s ejaculate inside of him is far more thrilling than he could have ever imagined. 

Blaine pulls out, the loss almost too sudden for Kurt to accept, but then he’s bending his head and taking Kurt in his mouth and it only takes a couple of firm sucks before Kurt’s coming, back arched and fingers clenched in Blaine’s hair and feeling lighter than he ever has in his life. 

000

Blaine cleans him off tenderly, kissing the insole of his foot and the soft, tender skin behind his knee and leaving a sucking bruise on his thigh as he works his way reverently up Kurt’s body, so gentle with the cloth, and Kurt’s drifting, lost in a sea of pleasure and a haze of contentment he’d only read about in books before. 

When he finally drops the cloth off to the side and curls up beside Kurt, all Kurt can do is pull him into his arms and kiss him, smiling at him tenderly and brushing his fingers through Blaine’s curls as the older man looks at him reverently. 

“So was that…did you…” he stops, swallowing noticeably, and Kurt kisses him softly and pulls him in, curling his body around Blaine’s and nodding to nobody in particular. 

“It was…amazing,” he says, because no other words seem to do it justice, and that appears to be enough for Blaine as he heaves a sigh of utter relief and kisses Kurt’s throat.  “It really was, Blaine.”

“You’re going to be sore tomorrow and not thanking me,” Blaine chuckles, rubbing Kurt’s back with his hand.  “But it should be okay.  You’re…incredible, Kurt, and I love you so much,” he presses a chaste kiss to Kurt’s lips and yawns adorably, snuggling down in the blankets and in Kurt’s embrace.  “Are we sleeping?”

“I could use it,” Kurt admits, the sex tiring him out more than he thought it would after everything he’d been through at work. 

“Good.  Don’t wanna move,” Blaine slurs, arm thrown carelessly over Kurt’s chest, and Kurt laughs and presses himself closer, letting his eyes slip closed.  “Love you.”

“Love you, too,” Kurt replies, the words so easy now, and he still loves the way they feel when they roll off his tongue. 

He’s just about asleep when his phone buzzes, loud in the silence, and Blaine lets out a groan as Kurt slides away and turns it on, looking at the text on the screen and laughing to himself. 

“Whazzat?” Blaine asks when Kurt slides back into bed, stroking the other boy’s arms and back and shoulders and chuckling softly. 

“Nothing, baby.  Go back to sleep,” he murmurs, pressing his lips to Blaine’s forehead, and Blaine huffs an irritated breath before yanking Kurt even closer and curling up with a smile on his face. 

Kurt looks at the text again and sends one back, not bothering to wait for a response (really, ‘buy some earplugs next time’ is the best reply he’s got to ‘dude, I’m happy you’re having fun but like, the whole street can hear you’) and maybe he should be embarrassed but he’s too happy to care. 

He lets the phone drop from his limp fingers and drifts off to sleep without a care in the world.