Friday night dates were one of our many New Year wants. We already spent a lot of time together, but we never took a night where we went out somewhere- just the two of us. It was the first one and we decided immediately on Breadstix. We sat at the same booth that I had asked Blaine to prom at and I smiled.

“What?” he asked, smiling back.

“Just taking in the memories.” I took his hand in mine on the table, rubbing my thumb over the top.

He laughed quietly, remembering as well. His smile faded as he seemed to remember something. He tried to look away, hiding the frown, but I noticed.

I squeezed his hand. “What’s wrong?”

“Just thinking.” He looked in my eyes and gave a fake smile, keeping it there as long as he could.

“About what?” I asked, trying to make him elaborate.

“Kurt, I feel horrible. I wanted your night to be perfect. I was selfish because I didn’t want what happened at… the other dance.” He squeezed my hand a little harder. “Kurt, I wanted to dance with you so bad, I was just scared.”

I smiled. “But, you did. And that meant the world to me.”

“But Kurt, that’s the point. One lousy dance. I had so many opportunities to the whole night, but I didn’t take them.” He took a deep breath to continue. “I wanted to protect you. I wanted you to be safe from those bastards, but I couldn’t. I failed. And, I’m sorry.”

I reached across the table to force his other hand on the table as well, holding onto both of them.

“Blaine, you did protect me. When I needed you most, you were there. You supported me, and you stood up to all of those idiots with me. You have nothing to be sorry for because that night… That night was the best night of my life.”

He smiled again.

“Now Kurt, are you sure that was the best night?”

I thought about it for a moment, finally realizing where he was going with this. I smiled and laughed a little at this. He smiled back.

“When you put it like that…”

I looked down at my plate of spaghetti and started twirling the noodles aimlessly. I didn’t know how long I was doing that before he grabbed my hand again.

“What’s wrong?”

“This sounds like a very familiar conversation. It’s like Déjà vu!”

“Kurt.”

“Blaine.”

“Ok first it was my turn, now it’s your turn. What’s going on? Ever since that thing happened, you’ve been quieter than usual. You haven’t been smiling that amazing smile as often.” He squeezed my hand slightly, looking at me with those big, hazel eyes. “I’m worried about you.”

My eyes filled with tears immediately. I don’t know why. I quickly wiped my eyes, hoping the water wouldn’t spill on my cheeks. I looked back at him and smiled. He only looked at me as more concern entered his eyes.

“I can’t talk about it now- not here. Later though, I promise.”

He only nodded looking back down at his own plate of food. The rest of dinner was spent with awkward glances at each other, and an awkward silence.

Awesome, I just ruined our first Friday night date. Yay for me!” I thought very sarcastically to myself. I gave a mental face palm as Blaine paid the waitress and we got up to leave.

As we drove to my house, he held my hand as I stared out the window, wondering where I would start. The worries? The stress? Never wanting to let go? I had no idea.

We drove up to the curb and got out, making our way to the door. We entered the house seeing my family seated around the TV, Finn and my dad watching football, Carole reading.

“Hey guys.” I said, making my way over to where they were seated. Blaine followed.

“Hey sweetie, how did the date go?” Carole asked looking up from her book. I looked to Blaine, who just stood there looking at her.

“It was good. We had fun.” I grabbed his hand. “I’m glad we started this.”

He looked to me and smiled, running his thumb over my hand. Carole nodded smiling, going back to her book. My dad and Finn barely acknowledged our presence. Which I was happy about.

“We’ll just be up in my room.”

“Door open guys!” My dad called out, never letting his eyes wander from the fame in front of him.

I groaned as I walked over to his chair, bending over to whisper in his ear.

“I really need to talk to Blaine, dad. It’s really important. Just this once? I promise, nothing will happen.”

My dad looked to me, and I gave him the most serious look I could give. He patted my shoulder.

“No funny business and he leaves at ten.”

I looked to my watch. Two hours; the perfect amount of time. I smiled giving my dad a hug.

As the door shut behind me, Blaine gave me a wary look.  He made a move to open the door but I only stopped him.

“I talked to my dad.” He only smiled, walking over to my bed and sat on the edge. He patted the spot next to him, telling me to sit. I did so, and he wrapped his arms around me, placing a kiss to my temple, just above my ear.

“You promised,” he whispered. I nodded, getting free of his embrace so I could hold his hands.

“I love you Blaine, so much.” I started. He looked worried at this statement.

Crap, never start that way when it’s a serious conversation, always end with that. I made the mental note in my head.

“You don’t have anything to worry about Blaine. Trust me.” He relaxed slightly, loosening the strong grip he had had on my hands.

“You are the most amazing person I have ever met. Ever since I met you, you inspire me. I know that I can trust you with anything, and you will always be there to protect me. And that’s why I don’t want to leave. I can’t stand the thought of being away from you for a whole year. And if you decide that you can’t live in New York, I don’t know if I can handle that.” He was about to interject but I didn’t let him.

“I know it’s my dream. I know I’ve been planning this for who knows how long, and I know I shouldn’t give up my dream for you. I’ve thought about it all week, and I decided that I will go.” He smiled at this, and I knew he was glad he didn’t have to argue with me.

“But Blaine, I have to admit I’m worried. NYADA won’t even look at my application and my dream will be gone, and then I’ll be here forever, and you’ll leave me.” I stood up and started to pace moving my arms dramatically. “Because who wants to be with someone who can’t get into a freaking college? Cause let’s face it, I’m not good enough, I’ve never been good enough, I never will be good enough. Everything in my life is just going to-“

“Hey, hey Kurt. Slow down there.” He said as he got up, walking over to me.

He placed his hands on my shoulder, forcing me to look at him. I could never say no to those beautiful eyes.

“Kurt Hummel is an amazing man, who I admire his strength and ability to overcome anything that may step in his way. I look up to this man (sometimes quite literally) because of all of the pain he has had to endure… which he has overcome. He’s made the most of it and he has the most courage I have ever seen in my 16 years of life.” He slid his hands down my arms and made our hands one. “Kurt, you will get into that school, you will live your dream and you will love it. And I’ll be there supporting you the whole time, no matter how far apart we are, I will be right here.” He put his hand on my heart as I covered his hand with mine. A tear escaped, and he quickly brought his free hand up to wipe it away.

“I love you Blaine.”

“I love you more.” He replied as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I slid my arms around his neck and closed my eyes, thinking of all the wonderful memories we have had, and thinking about the new ones we would make.

We broke apart, only to see tears sliding down each other’s faces. All in one motion we went to wipe the others tears. We only laughed, forgetting about the tears.

“So is there anything else?” He asked wiping his eyes.

I shrugged. “I think I pretty much laid it all out.” I took his hand in mine. “I’m just scared of this whole thing.”

“Kurt, you have nothing to be scared of, because everything is going to work out. Alright?” I nodded, wrapping my arms around his neck again, playing with the hair at the nape.

“So, we still have an hour before my dad will come barging in telling you to leave… what do you suggest we do?” I asked playfully.

“Oh, I don’t know.” He pulled away, tapping his finger to his chin as if lost in thought. “Let’s see. We are in a bedroom… with a bed. We are both male, and gay. And in a committed relationship. Whatever will we do?” He slapped his hand to his cheek, almost mockiningly as I made my way over to him, pressing my lips to his.

We broke apart, staring lustfully in each other’s eyes. “Whatever shall we do?” I repeated seductively.

I walked over to the bed, moving my hips knowing he would stare after me. I laid down, arm lying over my head, looking at him. His eyes were dark, and begging for more. He quickly made his way over to me, putting his hands on the mattress on either side of my shoulders hovering above me.

“Whatever shall we do?” He whispered as his head started to dip in close to mine. I closed the gap, reaching my hand up to grab his cheek, making him get closer as we deepened the kiss. I quickly made to untuck his shirt. It needed to come off. He sat up, sitting on my thighs, and took off his shirt. I sat up moving to take off mine, but he stopped me. He grabbed the corners of my shirt and lifted it over my head and threw it on the ground with his before lowering me slowly back onto the bed.

His hands roamed over my waist, as mine explored his chest, his mouth making his way down my jaw line and sucking at my neck. It was so wonderful until-

“Boys! It’s ten!” The voice came from downstairs but still made Blaine jump off the bed in a hurry, landing on the floor.

“Alright dad!” I looked to Blaine who lay on the floor, absolutely horrified. I sat up and crawled to the side of the bed. He smiled slightly as I began to laugh at him.

“Hardy har har… very funny.” He mumbled to himself as he put on his shirt. I stood up, putting my own shirt on.

“Remind me to never have a make out session with your whole family in the same building, alright?”

“Alright.” I said again laughing at him.

He smiled as he leant in to kiss my forehead.

“Don’t forget our conversation.” He kissed just above my ear. I trembled at the touch, at the feeling of his breath tickling my ear. “I love you Kurt.”

“I love you too Blaine.”

He walked out of my room and gave a slight wave before going out the front door.

I closed my bedroom door and flopped on my bed, staring at the ceiling above.

This is what it means to be loved.