don't think anyone really understands why I can't stop, but I just can't. The only person who understands me right now is Blaine. After I ran away to Blaine's house I knew I had to eventually go home. When I explained it all to my dad, him and Carole decided what to do.
   
Ever since they found out about my cutting I've had to go to Dr. Goldstein to "discuss the problems at hand." She's not to bad, she has auburn hair and a nice smile. She has seen many clients in the same situation I am in. All of them have felt better on the meds she put them on (which gives me some hope.) 
   
I was just staring at the blank wall of the classroom, suddenly I grabbed a razor out of my pencil bag and just ran out. I went into the bathroom stall and put the razor against my left wrist. The four blades slide across and out flowed blood. I felt some release from my problems just for a second. I know this is a bad coping skill but in a way it helps and in some ways it doesn't. I stepped out of the stall and washed my wrist for no blood stains on my new Alexander McQueen sweater (I know what I said earlier, but I still love fashion honey, never gonna change.) I think the Prozac I've been taking works a bit but still I feel empty inside and lonely. The suicidal thoughts never left my mood is a little better.
   
I went home and hastily my dad grabbed my wrist and pulled up my sweater to reveal the cuts. He cried a bit and said in a sad voice.
   
"You didn't stop?" 
   
I shook my head. I didn't notice it but Dr. Goldstein was there.
   
"Were going to have to take to a mental hospital,” she said.
   
I wanted to say no but deep down I knew this would be good for me. They would keep watch of me and make sure I didn't cut. I went to the hospital unhappily. All of the walls were plain white and the food absolutely distasteful, but at least when I was there. I couldn't cut. They took my shoelaces, keys, phone, and any sharp objects (which is half my wardrobe.) It seemed like everyone there was a lot crazier than me and I wanted to go home right then. I got a little disturbed when I "met" my roommate. He hasn't left his bed in three weeks. I tried to talk my parents into letting me leave but they said this would be good for me. I noticed that everyone in the teen wing of the hospital had bracelets on or long-sleeved shirts. 
   
This was the second time I felt not so alone. We all sat in a circle to discuss the difficult times we have been through. One of the girls named Emma was abused by her father and her mother didn't do a thing. Another girl was raped by her ex-boyfriend. I felt so bad for all of these people. When it came to be my turn to speak, I started to talk about being gay and the bullying and how I starting cutting and my suicidal thoughts. The whole group nodded and all of them gave me a big hug once I started crying. I tried to talk to my roommate, Albert, but he doesn't speak, he doesn't eat, he just lays there in his bed all day. I don't think he has taken a shower in four weeks, he's worse than Finn.
   
I have gone now a full day without cutting. I know doesn't sound that long or wonderful at all, but I feel accomplished. Days in a row I cut and never stopped and finally I had. A woman dressed all in white and in nurse's shoes came up to me talking quietly.
   
"You have a visitor." 
   
Blaine stepped in with his normal 20's outfit and loads of hair gel. Adorable. 
   
"I wanted to sing a song for you," Blaine said softly. 
   
The rhythm started, I already loved the beat. 
   
"Life's too short to even care at all oh, I'm losing my mind losing my mind losing control. These fishes in the sea they're staring at me oh oh, oh oh oh oh. A wet world aches for a beat of a drum. Oh. If I could find a way to see this straight. I'd run away. To some fortune that I should have found by now. I'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down, come down,” Blaine sang. His voice was heaven on earth. I couldn't believe the softness of it but yet it was still powerful.
   
“Life's too short to even care at all oh. I'm coming up now coming up now out of the blue. These zombies in the park they're looking for my heart. Oh oh oh oh. A dark world aches for a splash of the sun oh oh. If I could find a way to see this straight. I'd run away. To some fortune that I should have found by now. And so I run now to the things they said could restore me. Restore life the way it should be. I'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down.”
   
“Life's too short to even care at all oh. I'm losing my mind losing control. If I could find a way to see this straight. I'd run away. To some fortune that I should have found by now. So I run now to the things they said could restore me. Restore life the way it should be. I'm waiting for the cough syrup down. One more spoon of cough syrup now. One more spoon of cough syrup now," he finished the song quietly.
   
I didn't completely understand the meaning of that song, but wow Blaine's voice is amazing!    "Wow...you're really good." 
   
"Haha, thank you," he started to blush. 
   
"By the way, that song means, you know how cough syrup tastes nasty and the song says waiting for this to come down. Your problems will go away. The way you are thinking right now is wrong. If you committed suicide that would be a long term solution to a short term problem. Think about that next time," Blaine said kindly. Blaine's hand reached out and wrapped around mine. That was the moment I started to think to myself, I may really like Blaine Anderson.