April 5, 2012, 8:43 a.m.
Fix a Heart: Chapter 1
M - Words: 1,271 - Last Updated: Apr 05, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 4/? - Created: Apr 04, 2012 - Updated: Apr 05, 2012 242 0 4 0 0
The crimson red blood danced down Kurt's wrists down to the bathroom floor. A puddle of blood slowly gathered together on the yellow tiles along with the tears Kurt had shed. He can only hear the slow but fast drips of the water that had been running from the shower.He had turned it on to hide the painful shrieks.
Kurt threw the razor and he thought to himself, 'Why did I let Azimio and Karofsky get to me, why have I sunk so low that I started cutting. I feel so lonely. I miss being touched. Not even in a sexual way, I just want to feel loved and have someone touch me. I have thought about killing myself so many times. I have a drawer full of deadly little pills, they just lay there waiting for me to pop them into my mouth and I would assume never to wake up. I've had a lot of dreams about my funeral, my dad and Carole can't stop crying and Finn is just staring at my coffin trying to put together everything. Finn blames himself for not standing up for me. Tears slip out of Finn's eyes. That's usually when I wake up and end more depressed that I actually wasn't dead. I wish I could just join my mother in heaven.'
He feels like there is a rain cloud over his head and it's never going away. Kurt got up wiped always the tears and put the razor in the drawer and put on the same outfit Kurt had on yesterday. I don't care anymore. Fashion means nothing to him. My witty comments have disappeared. Altogether, Kurt stopped being myself.
He pulled on a long-sleeved sweater to hide of his cuts going up and down his arms and wrists. Kurt grabbed his last season's Marc Jacob's book bag and head his way outside without saying goodbye to anyone. He leads to his Navigator just to be alone with his thoughts for a minute. It's all so loud but so quiet.
I walk into the doors of the school and already Azimio and Karofsky ambush me and push me into lockers.
"Hey, Lady Lips!" Karofsky jeered at me.
Kurt walks away with tears building up in his eyes like it's nothing.
Finally, it's the end of the day and he realizes he still has Glee club. He desperately didn't want to go. He had never thought this day would come where he didn't want to sing and be with the people that used to make me happy. Kurt just isn't happy anymore, no one can make me happy.
My life feels like a never ending black hole. Kurt oticed an unfamiliar over hair gelled boy. He looked like he just stepped out of the 1920's. A few curls escaped out of his hair on his forehead. He was very cute if Kurt might add. He was wearing an adorable grey cardigan and he matched it with a cute little white bowtie. His outfit made Kurt smile. Mr. Schue suddenly started speaking.
"This is a new student, Blaine Anderson, he used to go to Dalton Academy in Westerville,Ohio. Be nice to him, he's new and you all know what it's like to be new here."
"Hold up, is triangle eyebrows going to be joining Glee club?," Santana said loudly.
"Wanna make out?" Brittany said at the same time.
"Yes, and no, I'm gay," the boy responded in a deep voice.
Kurt suddenly thought finally another out of the closet gay kid at this school! Maybe Azimio and Karofsky would take the edge off of him and onto the new kid, Blaine. But, he would never wish someone to get as badly tormented as he was.
Everyone gaped at the fact that there's another gay kid. Mercedes elbowed me, I paid no attention. The whole Glee club faced me as if just because there is another gay kid at this school does not make me automatically date him. Even though his style is completely outdated it kinda works for him. He looks kinda adorkable. After Glee club he came up to Kurt.
“I can see the scars on your wrists."
I couldn't believe it someone actually noticed. He pulled up his sleeves and revealing the old cuts.
"I used to do the same thing, I have the scars to remind me where I once was. Here's my number call me anytime you are going through a tough time or just need someone to talk to. Or maybe if you wanted to go out sometime? Haha, I think you are very cute.”
Kurt had gotten home and just went straight to his room. He had been very isolated. He went in my drawer. He had never noticed the beauty of the drawer before. Oh the irony, he thought.It was green and had two beautiful roses connecting on it. His mother had given him this drawer which makes his stomach hurt the thought of her seeing him like this. He pushed upon the drawer and his heart started pulsing at a rapid pace, everything was gone. All the pills, razors, and any of the miscellaneous intruments he had used to hurt himself with. Kurt opened the door. My dad was standing there sobbing with Carole. My heart started shattering at the sight.
"Why do you have a razor with blood on it?"
Kurt hasn't seen his father cry since his mother died. I shrugged.
"Answer me!" he yelled in a worried kind of way. I sigh knowing it's time to face what's really happening.
"I've been cutting," I said with a tear falling from my right eye.
Kurt started to stare at the carpet blanking tracing the patterns of the carpet with his feet. He couldn't bare to look at his father in the eye.
"How long?" my dad said trying not to absolutely just break out into tears.
"Two weeks," he replied. His dad couldn't take it he just started sobbing right in front of him. Carole was trying to comfort him. I just stood there. I didn't know what to do so I just ran out of the house and kept ignoring the yelling of my father and Carole. I didn't know where to go but then I remembered that Blaine gave me his number. I dialed the number hastily.
"Do you think you can pick me up?"
They went to his house but we didn't say a thing. He didn't tell him why he was in the middle of the street or what happened. Blaine finally asked after an hour of us just staring into mid air in his living room.
“Let me see your wrists," he said quietly.
Kurt showed him the angry red lines and feel another tear slip down my cheek.
"You haven't cut today."
"How do you know? I said.
"I cut for five years. I can tell the difference between new cuts, old cuts, and how long it has been since you have cut. I went to so many mental hospitals. My parents never understood why I did it. I tried to kill myself 10 times. It was all cause of the bullying and depression at my old school before Dalton. I stopped once I enrolled at Dalton. They have a no bullying policy there and they don't care if your gay or straight. It is a great school."
"May I ask, why you switched to a public school where bullying occurs everyday?"
"Because i need to see what life will be like once I get out of school. A lot of people hate the LGBT community."
"Wow. Well, I think we have the same life,” Kurt replied.
Comments
So good!!! You were right, I find it perfect and I love it and I love it and, did I mention that I love it!?!?! Butterfly kisses,keep on writing!!
thank you!! XO mwah! will have the 5th chapter up soon!!
LOVE THISSSS
thank you :)