It was Thursday morning and Kurt was lying in bed, listening to Marley scramble around in the bathroom. Since the kids had spent the night at Finn's house they hadn't been busy to get up and work around breakfast and kids for once. They had slept in and stayed in bed chatting until Marley declared that she would go for a shower.

Now he heard the door to the bathroom open and watched as she tiptoed over the soft carpet of their bedroom floor. She had a towel wrapped around her and drops of water was still clinging to her smooth, slender legs. Her hair was waving down her shoulders and a smile was spread over her face.

"Hey. If you're gonna shower shouldn't you get your clothes off?" She smiled with a spark in her eyes.

Before Kurt could do anything Marley had pulled away the comforter and was straddling him. She let her towel fall open, showing off her naked body, as she leaned down and pressed a kiss to his mouth.

Kurt had no idea what to do about himself. He wasn't used to Marley being so sexually forward when she hadn't been drinking beforehand, she was way too shy for that, but over the past few years – after they had kids – she was getting more daring whenever they had the house free. This was awkward as could be for Kurt. Being drunk made a lot of things easier for him when it came to sexual relations with his wife.

"I think you should get your clothes off," she cooed. She grabbed his hand and led it up her soft thigh and Kurt took a deep breath.

Dark, brown eyes. Big, soft hands. Hard, heavy cock. Firm ass. Dark hair on thighs. Images were rolling around Kurt's brain. Not to mention memories of touches – and kisses.

He could feel her; open and moist through his cotton pajama pants. Her hard nipples on firm breasts rubbing against his chest through his t-shirt. Her petite frame wrapped around him.

"Honey, you're so... wow," Kurt stuttered out, his brain hyperventilating.

"But we have to be at my dad and Carole's house in an hour," he huffed out, cursing himself away for rejecting her again. He never wanted her to ever feel unwanted.

"Ugh, always so full of sense. That's no fun," she pouted and looked at the digital clock on his nightstand.

"I'm sorry," he apologized thickly, allowing his thumb to caress over her thigh. Her skin was still a little moist from her shower, and she was so warm under his palm.

"That's okay. Without your sense of reason we would never make anything on time," she admitted. She pressed one more kiss to his lips, deliberately rutting her crotch down onto his and rolled off him. Her action did nothing to make him feel anything in his pants. He definitely was the worst husband in the world.

Kurt leaned over to kiss her, caressing his fingertips over the tender skin of her belly before he smiled and got to his feet. The moment he was safely hidden in the bathroom he had to stop himself from not banging his head into the wall.

xXx

It was nice to be back in his dad's house. It always was. It wasn't the house he had grown up in, but it still felt like home and memories of his childhood and youth were safe to be found in the furniture, pictures and elements of the home. Visiting his dad was like taking his family on a travel back in time. The feeling was only enhanced when Finn was there and they talked about their days of high school. One more thing that made Kurt happy that he had chosen to marry Marley – she was a part of his youth, a part of the reason he was the person he was.

Now they were all seated around the table, ready for dinner. One of Kurt's favorite parts of Thanksgiving had arrived and he was eagerly listening to his family talk about the things they were thankful for in their lives. Until it was Marley's turn and his stomach turned to ice.

"I am thankful for my beautiful kids, even though they are devilish monkeys – and I am thankful for my loving, faithful husband," she grinned and squeezed Kurt's hand on the table between them.

She proceeded listing what she was thankful for, but Kurt didn't listen. All sounds were blurring together, like he was sitting under water. All he really heard was her words repeated "my loving, faithful husband". His throat tied up and his eyes started flickering around the room. He couldn't think straight. He felt sick.

"It's your turn, dad -" Lily said and pinched his arm, roughly dragging him back to reality.

"Oh. Yes. Yeah. I uhm – I'm thankful for all of you guys. My family, my brats and the best wife in the world," he stuttered weakly, doing his best to let his voice show how much he meant it, but it felt like an impossible task. He had no business addressing his family in this relation after what he had done.

After how long he had been lying to them all.

No one seemed to pay any notice to Kurt's half-hearted approach to his thanksgivings. They got through dinner and dessert without problems, everyone in good mood and without accidents in the form of spilled wine or smashed glasses. After cleaning the table they all went to the living room for coffee where the kids were clinging to their parents as the adults chatted.

Throughout the entire evening Kurt felt dizzy. He felt hot and tired. Milo was in his lap, fallen asleep against his chest and Marley was resting her head against his shoulder. He wasn't sure what the others were discussing; he had tuned out, doing his best to keep his brain from moving towards themes he didn't want to open. Especially not while he was in the middle of an evening with his family.

It became too much. Whenever he thought he had the prickling feeling of self-hatred at bay, a new image of an electrifying smile and shiny dark eyes popped into his head. It was getting late and he carefully shuffled Milo down to lie on the couch so he could seek for the garden door.

The cool winter air was relieving to his headache. The first breeze blowing in his face was sharp, but as soon as he got used to it he found that it was soothing. He sat down on the loveseat on the porch, looking over the garden. Over the summer he and Finn had helped his dad put up a swing-set for the kids, and Kurt remembered how excited all the kids had been about it. It was also the summer where Lily had started experimenting with two wheels on her bike.

"Hey babe. Are you alright?" Marley asked, surprising him when she sat down next to him. She shuffled close to him and accepted when he put an arm around her shoulders. She was shivering in the cold, but the warmth from the inside was still oozing from her.

"Just a little tired," he shrugged.

"Are you sure? You've been so – silent, and distant all night. You aren't overworking yourself with Carl's workload, are you?" She asked and nuzzled her nose against his neck.

"No. It's fine. I'll be fine, I promise." He kissed her hair and pulled her a little closer. He bit his cheek, doing his best to not scream from the gnawing in his chest, the pain that was rolling around inside of him.

"Good. I still wish you could go with us tomorrow, though. My mom is so sad you won't be there," Marley said and yawned into the sleeve of her coat. Her hair smelled like a spring day and memories of their life together. Every event that bound them together.

"I wish I could go with you, too. But I have to take this for Carl. Maybe I can get done early and I will fly out to you Saturday, alright?" He looked down at their hands with their fingers intertwined. Their wedding rings were perfectly slotting in next to each other. He didn't deserve to wear that ring. He had to look away.

They stayed on the loveseat for a little while. Kurt didn't dare move away, he was scared that if he looked at her face he would break down. He felt like he was suffocating, and the way his breath was white as it left his mouth and showed for him it seemed like a symbol of how he felt. No matter how much he tried to get the bad feeling to leave his body it kept being there.

When it was too cold to stay outside they went back in. They had another cup of coffee with the family before they picked up the sleeping kids and got them into their coats. They hugged and kissed everyone goodnight and went back home. Kurt would be driving Marley and the kids to the airport around noon the next day and after that he would go to the office to work.

"I know I say it every year, that I am thankful for you, but I really mean it. You're the best thing that has happened to me," Marley whispered when they were covered by the darkness of their bedroom. She tightened her grip around his waist and took a deep breath.

"Me too, babe. Me too," Kurt said silently, running his fingers through her long hair that was falling down her back.

He squeezed his arms around her and kissed the top of her head, a clear sign that he was falling asleep. Yet, in reality he was trying to ignore the feeling of a ball of shame and guilt that was growing in his throat. He had just started to think he could live with the secret, but now he wasn't so sure anymore.

If I can get through this weekend, I can easily get through it all, he promised himself and drew a sigh before going to sleep.

xXx

It had taken Kurt half an hour to pull himself out of bed. He felt awful. He hadn't slept much, and when he had, his sleep had been interrupted by dreams of strong arms holding around him and masculine hands running around his body, his own hands feeling around toned abs and pecs, making him wake up with a painful erection and tears down his cheeks.

The entire morning he stayed silent, packed the kids' bags alone in their rooms, and the drive to the airport he let Marley chat away about work and her family and friends. Kurt was starting to think that if he opened his mouth all that would come out was vomit.

"Just call me if you need anything. I love you, Kurt -" Marley cooed as she pulled Kurt into her arms.

They had just pulled the bags out of the car and he was now saying goodbye to his family as they were about to go to their gate. He held Marley close and kissed her as deeply as he could without falling down and cry.

"I love you too. Have a safe flight," he said weakly. He kissed her one last time and crouched down to pull Lily and Milo into his arms.

"Take care of mom while you're away. I love you guys," he said and clenched them tight into his chest, kissing their cheeks and letting the sound of their giggles print itself into his brain.

"We love you too, dad. Have fun," Lily said and pecked his lips before she twisted herself out of his arms and picked up her backpack.

"I love you, dad. I'll miss you," Milo said teary-eyed. Separation from his parents had never been his strongest trait, and whenever he knew he would be away from one or both of them for more than a few hours he would cry and be miserable. It broke Kurt's heart every time.

"I'll miss you too. But mom is going with you. And you can call me to say goodnight," he assured the boy, suppressing a strong urge to scoop him into his arms and simply take him home.

"We'll call dad tonight before we go to bed. And maybe dad will come tomorrow. We'll only be away for a few days, Milo -" Marley assured the boy and stroke a hand over his hair.

Kurt squeezed the boy tight one more time, assuring him that he loved him and kissed his temple before he got to his feet and let Marley pick up their crying son. They exchanged one last peck and Kurt watched as his family disappeared through the airport full of people.

xXx

The office building was dark. No one was at work. No wonder considering it was the day after Thanksgiving. Everyone were at home with their family and friends, or going crazy over Black Friday shopping. Kurt on the other hand was sitting in his car in the parking house, staring into the concrete wall in front of his windshield. His head felt like it was about to explode and his throat was sore from screaming on the top of his lungs.

How was he supposed to go in there and work like everything was normal? Like everything was good and fine, perfect as always. How was he supposed to pretend that he was the same person when he had changed so drastically?

Without care or thought he stumbled out of his car. He locked it up and wiped the tears off his cheeks, then he shoved his hands into his pockets and walked out of the parking house, into the crowded Manhattan streets. It was only around 1pm, but the streets were packed with shoppers and families, business folks not caring about holidays and babysitters with kids and dogs unwilling to cooperate.

The bar wasn't as filled as on regular days. Or maybe it was just because it was the afternoon rather than the evening or night. Kurt found a spot by a table in the corner of the bar. He ordered a drink, and it was quickly followed by the next. He wasn't crying anymore, he had forced his tears to stop when he had left the parking house and the freezing cold in the streets served as a stopper whenever they were about to return.

His head was swimming. He knew he shouldn't be drinking but go to the office. That was why he hadn't gone with Marley and the kids to Ohio. Once again he had lied to her. The shadows of the bar were good for him to hide from any curious looks, but the shadows in his brain was floating around, filling his entire body and judging him for what he had done.

He had been living his entire life on a lie. This beautiful, incredible woman loved him to death, they shared two amazing kids and had a life behind them, a life in front of them. He had a wonderful family who all loved him and supported him in everything he did – but it was all a lie. None of those people knew him, knew who he was, knew his lies or what he had done to them. How he had thrown stones at their crystal house.

"Hey, I don't think you should drink anymore. Let me call you a cab," a waitress said as she came to Kurt's table.

He couldn't go back. He couldn't go to the office, he was completely unable to work in his alcoholic haze, but he couldn't go home either – home to their house. He had nowhere to go.

After a few deep breaths, struggling to keep the tears and screams back he pulled out his wallet to pay. As he was fumbling with the plastic cards a little note fell out and landed on the table in front of him, only just missing a drop of vodka he had spilled.

The paper was folded up and he almost tore it apart when he unfolded it to figure out what it was. At the top the name of a hotel and a logo was printed, under it a neat handwriting had formed out a name and a number.

"Hello. I – I'm not sure why I'm calling you. But uhm... can you meet me at the hotel? I don't know what to do," Kurt stammered thickly into his phone, not sure why he was even doing it. Why would he pull such a stupid stunt? And right now when it was the last thing he needed.

"Are you drunk? No, of course. I'll be there in a minute, I'm right nearby. Just – take a cab. Don't drive yourself."

Kurt hung up. He hurried to the bar to give the bartender his card. It only took him a moment to be back in the streets where a cab pulled up to the curb right next to him. Before he knew it he was in the elevator of the hotel, headed for the room mentioned in the text he had received a few minutes before.

He didn't knock. He simply swung open the door, relieved to see a well-known face waiting for him, sitting on the bed. He didn't even get his coat off before he stumbled across the floor and fell into Blaine's arms.

"I'm gay. I'm gay. I don't know what to do. I am gay, and I – I've been lying to everyone," Kurt cried into his shoulder, tears and snot running down his face as he dug his fingers into Blaine's soft sweater.

Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt, soothing a hand softly around his back. He cooed comforting sounds into his ear and let him cry until his limbs felt like jello.

"Hey. Easy, easy. Just – come here. Take it easy," Blaine said softly and guided Kurt over to sit on the bed. He brushed a hand down Kurt's arm, waiting for him to get his sobs under control.

"I'm gay! I don't... I – I can't – I have a wife. I have two kids! I've been lying to everyone my entire life. I can't deal with this," Kurt cried, feeling the fat drops roll down his face, not even caring to wipe them away because there was no point; they would be back in no time anyway.

"Kurt – you need to breathe. Just take it easy, and breathe. I know it's a lot for you, but you have to -" Blaine started but was stopped.

Kurt had pressed his face against Blaine's, attacked him with his mouth. Kurt was kissing him sloppily, his lips sliding around, wet from tears and saliva from his crying. He had no idea what he was doing, he just needed to see if it really could be true – if he couldn't just chase it away.

"Kurt, no. No – you really don't need this right now. You're drunk, and... look at yourself; you're miserable," Blaine said sympathetically. He lightly pushed Kurt away with soft hands on his shoulders. He tilted his head and those brown eyes that had been haunting Kurt for over a month were now piercing into Kurt's swollen eyes.

"I'm sorry. I – I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called you. I just didn't know what to do," Kurt cried, his hands falling to his lap. Another sob fell over his lips and he dissolved back into uncontrollable sobbing.

"Yes. Yes, you should. You have no one else to call. I know that – it wasn't exactly good for you what we did, but... right now you have to not think about that. We aren't really friends... but for now just see me as a friend. The only friend you have who can be there for you, because it seems to me that you have never told anyone about this. Allow yourself to be upset. I promise that I won't do anything," Blaine stated, looking at Kurt and patiently waiting for him to get a grip of himself.

"Here. Now you will get rid off your coat and your scarf. And your shoes. Then you will lie down and relax so you can get that alcohol out of your system. You can't deal with anything in that state," Blaine smiled and started helping Kurt off with his coat and scarf.

He was limp and dizzy, sure that if he tried to stand up he would fall and crack his skull open on the table by the window. In his current state he was considering whether that would be a better option than sleeping his bender out and go back to his life.

He sat on the edge of the bed and watched as Blaine folded his coat and scarf neatly over the armrest of a chair, his eyes blurry and swimming. Kurt toed off his shoes and allowed Blaine to help him lie down. As soon as he was situated on the pillows Blaine took off his sweater and put it over Kurt's torso before he started walking towards the chair.

"Wait – are you leaving? You can't..." Kurt groaned thickly, amazed by how warm the sweater was over him.

"No. I just... I just thought I would go sit on the chair and wait for you to feel better. I didn't think it would be too appropriate for me to -"

"Will you lie with me? Please?" Kurt asked, not really sure why, but all too far away too care.

Blaine stopped in his tracks. He looked surprised, taken aback by the request. He scratched up his arm, his biceps very pronounced under the blue FDNY t-shirt. He looked unsure, his eyes flickering uncertain around the room for a moment before he slowly walked towards the bed.

"Okay. Alright," he agreed and crawled onto the bed.

He lay a little from Kurt, as if he was scared to do something wrong. At this point Kurt didn't care much about anything, so he shuffled clumsily over the bed and put his arm around Blaine's waist so he could bury his face against his chest, the crying back to claiming his brain and eyes.

Gently Blaine returned to running his hands over his back, cooing comforting sounds in his ear and promising him that they would figure it out as soon as he was sober again.

Kurt knew that what he was doing was wrong. He shouldn't be in a hotel room, lying in the arms of a stranger – a man – while Marley thought he was at work. He shouldn't be drunk and he shouldn't be crying like a child. He should find a way to deal with the consequences of his mistakes like a man.

However, what struck him hardest in the moment was how safe he felt with Blaine's arms around him. How right it felt to be cuddled by big, strong arms instead of being the one to cuddle up around a petite, feminine frame.

He was a horrible human being and there was nothing he could do about it.

xXx

When Kurt slowly came to his senses his head was throbbing. It was a wonder that he never learned to lay off vodka, it ended the same way every time. His head would feel like one of Puck's motorcycles were parked on top of it, and his body would be sore and restless.

He shifted a little on the bed, his toes cold. He had probably kicked off the comforter in his sleep. When he was drunk he would be all over the bed in his sleep, so it wouldn't be the first time.

That was when he noticed. He wasn't in his own bed; the smell and feeling of the fabrics were different and strange. He wasn't covered by a comforter, but lying on top of it. Wrapped around his torso was a soft, white sweater that smelled like perfume, car soap and coffee. Serving as his pillow was a firm chest under his head, and his hand was resting on a warm belly covered by soft cotton.

Bit by bit reality returned to Kurt; what he had done, where he was –whohe was with.

He was back to feeling like he was going to throw up. He awkwardly fumbled himself to sit up, not looking at Blaine next to him. He hid his face in his hands... and started hyperventilating.

He couldn't breathe and dark spots were dancing in front of his eyes. Tears were back to rolling down his face and his lungs were hurting from not knowing whether to pull in air or throw it out. Within a second Blaine was sitting up next to him, his hands on Kurt's shoulders.

"Shhh – take it easy. Focus on your breathing. It's gonna be okay," he whispered and soothed his hands up and down Kurt's arms, underlining his own breathing to get Kurt to follow.

It took a moment before Kurt was back to breathing normally. His head was light and the hands on his shoulders were the only thing to keep him sitting up on the bed, but at least he wasn't suspecting to faint anytime soon.

"That's it. Deep, slow breaths. That's good. Are you better now?" Blaine asked calmly and ran a hand down Kurt's back before letting both hands to his own lap.

"No. No. How could I ever be okay? I have ruined everything! My family's lives, my life, everything – I have ruined everything!" Kurt cried, constantly reminding himself to breathe.

"Of course you haven't... Listen, I know this is a huge chunk to chew right now, but you are gay. And for you to face that is good. It will be tough and hard and extreme to deal with right now, but as soon as the shock has settled you will be able to see it with completely clear eyes," Blaine explained indifferently.

"What have you told your wife? About where you are right now?" Blaine asked, clearly doing his best to get Kurt's thoughts somewhere else.

"She's... I took her to the airport at noon. She's taken the kids to her mom's place in Ohio," Kurt cried and wiped his face off tears.

"You came out to her already?" His eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his skull and his mouth fell open in shock.

"What? No – no! Of course I didn't! I could never do that to her. No... we switch between our parents for Thanksgiving each year. This year we were at my dad's so we were going to her family for the weekend. But since I've had to take over Carl's workload after he got sick I was supposed to stay here and work, and now I haven't been doing my work, and -" Kurt blabbered out, losing his breath again as he raised the pace of his words.

"Good. That's good. You can... just take your time coming to terms with this and then figure out what to do," Blaine said. He moved to sit back against the headboard of the bed and Kurt followed.

"So – are you gonna tell me what happened? Why you broke down like that?"

Kurt took a moment, thinking back to the night before. How they had been going fine with no problems, how he was slowly easing himself back to normal, and then it had hit him.

"It was Thanksgiving last night," he croaked, his throat rasp from crying and hyperventilating.

"I am aware," Blaine smiled. A line like that would usually have ticked off Kurt – but for some reason it didn't. The corners of his mouth twitched, but he returned to what he was saying.

"We were at my dad's house. The whole family was there, Finn with his family – everyone. And then Marley... she just – we were coming with our thanksgivings and..." he trailed off. He couldn't get the words over his lips.

"I see. That's not too good. I'm sorry you had to go through that. If it's any consolation I feel sort of bad about – everything. Now that I sort of know you. And your wife," Blaine said and let his head rest against the headboard, looking at Kurt with those big, dark penetrating eyes.

"Thank you. I guess. I just can't grasp it. I'm sorry, it's... it's nothing personal. I'm just sitting here talking about how terrible it is that I – have been with you. But it's not like that. It's just -" Kurt rushed out again, when he realized that all he had done was talk about how awful it was that he had slept with Blaine.

"Kurt, don't worry about it. I know what this is about. I mean – I hope you didn't think it wasthatbad, if the circumstances had been different. But I know it's not about me," Blaine said, smiling with a spark in his eye.

"Well, you weren'tthathorrible. Not that I have anything to compare it to," Kurt chuckled awkwardly. He couldn't believe that he was sitting in a hotel room with a guy. A guy he had had sex with. Three times. Talking about said sex. No tension, just talking.

Blaine laughed and bumped his shoulder against Kurt's. It almost felt like they had known each other for years. Like Blaine hadn't been a guy Kurt had done his best to avoid and forget the existence of for over a month. It was comfortable.

"So – what are you gonna do?" Blaine suddenly asked, shooting Kurt a careful glance.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean – what are you gonna do about your life? Are you just gonna... stay in the closet and continue like nothing has changed? Or will you tell your family and friends?" Blaine asked, his words like war drums in Kurt's ears.

"I can't tell them. I just... I know it's wrong to lie to them, but – I can't stop thinking about how much it will hurt them all," Kurt sighed heavily. He was scared, so incredibly scared.

"You don't have to excuse yourself to me. I understand. I've seen a lot of guys being in the closet because they didn't know how to handle coming out," Blaine assured him.

It was nice. Kurt's head was still feeling like he was constantly banging it against a wall and his muscles still felt like they were twisting and turning under his skin – but it was nice to be with Blaine. Now he was happy that he had called him. There was no one else Kurt knew who would be able to understand what he was going through.

"I've always known. I was lying to you, too. I – just kept postponing telling anyone," Kurt told, shrugging. It was a major relief to finally speak the words out loud, even though it was one of the hardest things he had done in his life.

"Why did you postpone it if you've always known?" Blaine asked and turned to his side, resting his head on his arm, earnestly interested.

"Because... I was scared. My mom died when I was little, and my dad is such a... man-man. And he was alone with me, and he had so much to deal with. Then I sort of started considering telling him, but he married this lovely lady who had a son – he was so homophobic. And I... I had a crush on him. He changed though. Finn is one of my best friends now. He's much more tolerant and open. But then I considered it again when I was 16, but then my dad got into politics. I couldn't ruin his chances of doing something good by coming out at such an important time in his life. And then I met Marley, and she told me she liked me and – it was so mean of me, but it was so easy to just... she was my best friend, she made me feel good and I made her feel good. It seemed like the best solution," Kurt told, tears back to itching his eyes.

He had never thought he would tell anyone about it. About how he had been hiding his whole life, lying and scamming to keep people from finding out who really was.

"It all just seem so hopeless right now," Kurt cried, squeezing his lips shut to stop himself before he returned to sobbing.

"I know. I know it does. But I promise you it will be better," Blaine cooed and put his arm around Kurt to drag him into a hug.

Kurt didn't stop him. He was in such need for closeness that the arms of the man who had kicked the snowball into rolling seemed good enough.

"If you want me to I will support you through it all. I won't go anywhere," Blaine cooed into his ear, and it was like his voice crept under Kurt's skin.

It felt good to hear Blaine make his promises, even though Kurt had no idea what was going to happen. It was like the world was lifted off his shoulders now that he was able to speak freely about all those thoughts that had been floating around his brain for his entire life.

As Kurt let himself melt into Blaine's embrace it was like the atmosphere changed. Maybe he was still drunk and hadn't noticed? Maybe he had lost all sense completely. No matter what, Kurt would never have thought himself to do what he did.

He pulled a little back and put his mouth to Blaine's. He ran a hand up his neck and down his shoulder to feel the neat muscles hidden under the cotton of his t-shirt.

"No, Kurt. Listen, I can't – you're so upset. You don't wanna do this," Blaine mumbled as he dragged away from Kurt. It was impossible to detect whether he was glad to have an excuse or if he was sad to say the words, but to Kurt it didn't matter much.

"Yes. I do. I just... wanna know how it feels like. To be with someone without being drunk," Kurt said lowly. He was so close to this man who had previously shown interest in him, and right now Kurt just needed to feel that the life-change he had recently allowed himself to face was real and not just a hysterical reaction to the pressure he had been under.

"Just kiss me," he willed, lunging his face back to Blaine's.

And Blaine gave in. He folded his arms back around Kurt's torso and kissed him back, his lips moving softly and his tongue gentle as Kurt found it with his own.

Kurt could feel himself go hard in his pants. He pressed his body closer to Blaine's, craving to feel him more and more by the second.

Before Kurt knew it he was frantically unbuttoning his own shirt, his lips not leaving Blaine's whilst doing so. As soon as he was sure his shirt was open all the way down he grabbed around the hem of Blaine's t-shirt and started pulling it upwards, but once again Blaine backed away.

"Come on, don't stop now," Kurt whispered and pressed himself back, his bare nipples stiff against Blaine's hard chest.

"Kurt, I can't do this. Not when you're feeling like this. I don't wanna take advantage of your misery," Blaine said sympathetically and ran a hand down Kurt's cheek. The touch didn't do much good for his erection.

"You're not. I want this. I can't stop thinking about you," Kurt did his best to assure him and let his hands find way under Blaine's t-shirt. The skin on his hips were warm and smooth, and Blaine twitched lightly by his touch.

His eyes were piercing into Kurt's, like he was looking for a sign of which direction would be the right to take this. To Kurt's satisfaction Blaine rushed his hands to Kurt's shirt, dragging it off and let Kurt pull off his t-shirt, their mouths now back to moving against each other.

"I've been thinking about you all the time. I wanna feel you inside me. I wanna know what it's like," Kurt groaned into a kiss when he started fumbling with Blaine's belt buckle.

This time Blaine didn't stop him. He helped getting rid off their clothes, letting it fall to the floor and lifted the comforter so they could disappear under it.

Kurt felt hard as a rock as his cock bopped against his stomach. Blaine was on his side next to him, naked too, and Kurt wanted to reach out to feel his naked member in his hand, but he didn't dare to. This was already so much, and what if Blaine didn't want him to touch him?

"You want me to top?" Blaine whispered sultry and moved so close to Kurt that their naked bodies were clasped against each other.

Kurt gasped. He couldn't help it. He had never felt a naked man against him before. Never felt another cock against his own. He could feel himself blush and he started sweating. Suddenly it was very hot under the comforter.

With a firm hand Blaine took a handful of Kurt's ass cheek, massaging his thumb against the flesh, before he let his hand slide down to Kurt's thigh. He caressed softly over Kurt's skin, and led his leg up to lie on Blaine's hip.

"You want to feel me inside of you?" Blaine asked, his hand caressing back and forth over Kurt's thigh. Gentle strokes and his eyes intensely locked on Kurt's.

"Yes, please. I need it," Kurt confirmed, his need mirrored in his voice. He could almost feel the need in his ass, filling him up with nothing but aching. His left hand was running down Blaine's chest, feeling how pronounced his muscles were.

"Okay. Let me get lube and a condom. Don't move," Blaine ordered and put Kurt's leg back where he had found it.

He scrambled to his other side, reaching to the floor where he fumbled around. Kurt was holding his breath, blocking out reality so he could let himself stay in the moment: for the first time in his life he was going to feel a man's cock inside of him.

He gulped. If he pretended that he wasn't scared it would be a lie. He had fantasized about it since he was a teenager and his hormones started running wild, since he first found gay porn and experimented with himself when he was home alone. It had always just been a fantasy he had pushed away – but now it was going to happen. Right here, in the middle of a hotel room with a stranger he had already fucked three times.

"This may hurt a bit, but it's gonna be fine. If you just relax it'll take the sting off," Blaine cooed when he returned with two silver packages. He ran his hand down Kurt's arm, making every nerve inside of Kurt tingle and a tickling form in the back of his throat.

"Okay. Just... just do it," Kurt groaned and dug his fingernails into Blaine's biceps.

A grin filled Blaine's face before he feinted Kurt on his back. He slid a hand from Kurt's ribs, over his hip and down to his thigh where he spread his legs gingerly. Carefully Blaine moved between his legs and was on his knees. With a soft hand he helped Kurt's leg to bend, his foot safely on the mattress.

"I'm gonna open you. Just... take a deep breath. Stop me if it's too much," Blaine said, his eyes weirdly comforting to Kurt.

His balls were aching and his lungs wanted to hyperventilate, but his brain wouldn't allow them. The fingers on his one hand was crunching so hard into the mattress he was suspecting that he would be breaking the sheets, his other hand was by his head; opening and closing nervously around nothing. With his teeth he grabbed his lower lip and nodded.

Blaine nodded back and opened the pack of lube in his hand. Kurt could hear the slick sound as Blaine moved his fingers around to warm it up. Out of nowhere Kurt felt the wet slickness between his cheeks as Blaine's fingers were sliding down, a hand pulling his one cheek to the side.

"Oh... oh..." Kurt gasped in surprise. It was cold, but not as cold as he had feared. It was strange to feel Blaine's fingers there compared to his own.

He had often fantasized about one day coaxing Marley into fingering him during sex, but he had never dared asking. She was so pure and sober, even during sex, that he didn't even dare imagining how she would react. It had also been ages since he had done it to himself. When he was a teenager he had done it a lot, but later he had settled for jerking off and only fingered himself every now and then. When he moved in with Marley he had completely stopped. All masturbating was kept to jerking off in the shower, and that was mostly when he was alone. However, those times were often accompanied by thoughts of faceless men and what he would do to them.

With careful movements Blaine started circling his hole with one finger. Kurt's ass tensed, regardless of how much he tried to relax. The feeling of Blaine's free hand caressing up and down his thigh only served to run directly to his dick where he was sure he would go up in flames if something didn't happen soon.

Then it happened. Blaine's finger was slowly sliding into his hole while Blaine had his eyes locked on Kurt's. For some reason Kurt felt watched, but he didn't mind. It was a comfort to know that Blaine was so observant of how he was taking this.

The feeling of another man's finger inside him was so much different from his own. The push-in was slow and careful, almost too slow and careful, while Kurt still wished that they didn't have to do this so they could just get right to it.

With easy movements Blaine started moving his finger in and out, every now and then crooking and moving to the sides. The tip of his finger was brushing over all of his walls and Kurt could feel sweat starting to prickle out on his forehead.

"More... please, more," Kurt grunted under his breath.

For a moment Blaine stopped all moving, taking in the sight of Kurt's face as if to check if it was the right thing to move on, but then he slowly moved his finger out and pushed two back in.

"Oh... god!" Kurt huffed out.

That was a lot. Blaine's fingers were strong and thick inside of him, moving with care and concern, and somehow the way Blaine was watching him while pumping his fingers in and out of him made the moment feel sensual and intimate.

It took a little longer before Kurt asked for another finger, but this time Blaine obliged almost immediately. His cock was pressed against the back of Kurt's thigh and Kurt could feel that his hips were itching to rut against his leg, the pre-come warm and wet over his naked skin.

"I can't... in me... now -" Kurt demanded.

It was almost impossible for him to lie still. The feeling of Blaine's fingers working him open, his muscles tightening around the digits, his own heavy breathing – he needed more, he needed something bigger, he needed Blaine closer.

"Are you – sure? I can... little more," Blaine assured him, but his own breathing was stuttering.

"No. No. Just – now!" Kurt snarled, too horny to discuss security or logic.

Blaine looked at little startled by the force in Kurt's words, but he quickly shook himself out of it and returned to the task.

With torturous slow motions Blaine let his fingers exit Kurt, leaving him open and on display. He felt empty, too open and shown. As Blaine was sitting between his legs, back on his haunches and fumbling to open the condom, Kurt almost didn't look at him. He had always shied away from any sort of contact when he was close to other naked men, like in the locker room in school. He didn't want to be caught staring.

Now he could stare all he wanted. He could look down there and take in the sight of Blaine in all of his naked glory, with his hand on his cock eagerly waiting to make contact with Kurt's own body. Not wearing a thing, and Kurt waiting for him to come back against his own exposed nudity.

Kurt couldn't decide whether it was way too fast or way too slow, but suddenly Blaine was resting his one hand next to Kurt's head, and his other hand was somewhere between their oh-so-close bodies. He pushed a little closer and the blunt feeling of his head was pressing against Kurt's entrance.

"Yes. Yes," Kurt whispered, not sure if it was mostly to himself or to Blaine.

This was it;a man was going to push his cock into his body.

"Are you ready?" Blaine asked, stopping mid-motion with eyes oozing from his skull into Kurt's and spreading in his veins, making his brain buzz.

"Yes. Come on!" Kurt demanded desperately. He was so close, he couldn't back out now.

"Alright. Just checking," Blaine muttered and let his eyes travel down Kurt's body to where his hand was locked around his cock. Slowly he started letting his hips forward, pushing into Kurt.

Everything inside of Kurt was on fire by that. He had felt so open before, but now that Blaine's head was sliding into his hole he felt like he hadn't been stretched enough. His breath hitched and he could feel sweat prickling out on his forehead. Out of his mind he clasped his hand to Blaine's elbow, locking it tightly around the bone and muscle.

"Okay?" Blaine asked, not really stopping but not really moving either.

Kurt nodded frantically, scared that Blaine would pull out if he thought the slightest thing to be off with how Kurt was taking it. Blaine was debating, Kurt could see it in his eyes, so he took a deep breath and moved his ass further down the bed, feeling Blaine go a little deeper, making Blaine express a little grunt.

"Okay. Okay. Let me just..." he huffed out and released his hand from his cock to let it drift to the other side of Kurt's head.

Now he was hovering right above Kurt, their faces aligned with each other and Blaine's strong arms on either side of his head. He could just turn his head and kiss or lick or bite the masculinity surrounding him.

Blaine was staring down at him, his mouth slightly ajar and a drop of spit pooled on his tongue. Slowly he started pushing his shaft inside and Kurt's eyes widened.

He could feel everything of the way Blaine was moving into him. The way his head was slightly bigger than his shaft and the way his hole closed safely around it with every in-push he did. Kurt's breathing sped up, and his nails dug into Blaine's skin. It stung, it burned, but it wasn't uncomfortable.

It felt good. It feltright.

With sweat-smeared face and harsh breathing Blaine reached his goal and was deep in Kurt, all the way in as far as he could go. It was a battle of wonders for Kurt to not just clench as hard as he could, but he managed to stay calm, focusing on his breathing and closing his eyes to take in the reality of the situation.

"Are you – okay?" Blaine asked, his voice low and trembling. Kurt had no doubt that he wasn't up for talking, but needed to let loose. The fact that he was willing to hold back, to take Kurt's well-being into consideration that way made Kurt slide his hands up Blaine's arms to lock his arms around his neck, pulling him down so Blaine could rest on his forearms.

"Need it. Need it now," Kurt whined into his ear and allowed the scent of Blaine's perfume and gel and sweat fill his nostrils.

As Blaine moved his hips backwards Kurt closed his eyes. Without his eyesight interrupting the feelings and smells between the two men became intensified. As Blaine was dragging himself slowly halfway out of Kurt, goosebumps spread around Kurt's body, leaving his nipples taut and needy as they were pressed against Blaine's chest.

Little by little Blaine started a careful rhythm of in-out-in-out. Kurt let both his legs up to make it easier for Blaine to work into him. He let his palms slide over the top of Blaine's back, feeling the muscles of his shoulder blades work with every push in and every drag out.

With every movement Blaine did Kurt could feel his flaming dick rub over the man's abdomens. His balls were pressed against Blaine's stomach and he felt like everything inside him was drumming.

The feeling of Blaine's strong thighs against his own was so hot it was nearly itching. He strengthened his grip around his neck before letting his right hand slide down, feeling his triceps and down to grab at his ass.

"Oh god. Don't stop," Kurt moaned as he could feel the friction of Blaine's cock against his inner walls.

"I won't. I won't... - fuck! So good!" Blaine groaned as he worked himself deeper, harder, into Kurt.

Blaine rested all his weight on his one arm so he could let his other hand slide over Kurt's shoulder and down his arm. He let it drift further down to caress Kurt's chest, flicking a nipple on the way as he continued down his ribs. All Kurt's hair was on ends, he had chills running down his spine and when Blaine grabbed his thigh a whimper escaped his lips.

Kurt's insides were on fire. His abdomens were flexing and the heavy breathing Blaine's lips brushed into his ear and hair made his eyes roll back in their sockets. He couldn't believe that it was finally happening, that he was so lucky to be lying there; pressed down by another man's heavy body, another man's heat enveloping him with sweat and muscles and a trail of hair under his bellybutton to rut over Kurt's screaming cock.

"Oh shit. I can't... so good," he heard himself grunt as he dug his fingernails into Blaine's skin.

To his satisfaction Blaine grabbed a little harder around his thigh, and thrust a little deeper, hitting him just right in the way that made Kurt arch his neck, having his head swamp deeper into the pillow. Warmth was whirling around in his lower stomach, filling his crotch with heat that sent shivers around the rest of his body.

"More. Please... I'm so close," Kurt whined, throat clogging up, tears prickling behind his eyes, but he fought them back.

With a quick, grunting motion Blaine moved to lift his right side a little off Kurt and had his hand between their bodies. He took a firm grip around Kurt's shaft, making his cock nearly scream in need as Blaine started swiping with unsteady motions the rhythm of his hips.

"Come... just – come," Blaine groaned as he swiped his thumb up over Kurt's head, pre-come and sweat mixing as Blaine continued pumping his erection.

Kurt's fingers were scraping down Blaine's back, sure to leave marks, when he felt all blood leave his head and rush through his veins towards his crotch. Blaine's hand around his shaft was like fire as his sac were closing in on explosion. It only took him a few seconds to fall over the edge and bury his face in Blaine's neck to strangle a howl of pleasure as dancing stars filled his vision, empowered by the white-hot ropes spurting over his stomach and chest.

"Oh fuck. Fuck! That's so hot," Blaine chanted, biting down on Kurt's shoulder.

Quickly his hand released Kurt's cock and drifted up to lock around Kurt's shoulder. With his other hand he grabbed Kurt's arm and sped up the moving of his hips. Kurt was clenching his hole around Blaine's thrusting dick and he could feel Blaine's balls slamming against his ass, but all he did was keep his face hidden against his neck.

With Kurt's nails digging into the skin on Blaine's back he came with a growl. Kurt could feel his hips losing rhythm, pumping erratically against his ass, not to mention Blaine's teeth biting harder into his shoulder.

"Holy... hell -" Blaine groaned as he step by step released the flexing in his muscles and fell lax in his entire body.

He was heavy on top of Kurt. Like he had been asleep. But to Kurt's surprise he was mindlessly brushing his thumb over Kurt's shoulder.

After a moment of silence, of no moving from either of them, Blaine turned his head lightly and pressed a sloppy kiss to Kurt's neck. He eased himself up, his forehead against Kurt's shoulder, and held the condom to his root as he pulled out. Then he carefully moved to lie down next to Kurt and got them condom off, tying it up and throwing it away.

Kurt didn't look at him. He kept his eyes shut, but could feel all the movements, knowing the drill that followed after sex. He had no idea what to do next and he felt like his body was in shock or asleep.

The mattress moved a little and Kurt could feel that Blaine had got up. He snuck an eye open and watched as he walked to the bathroom, his entire body naked and exposed for Kurt to see all muscles and flesh and tan skin. When Blaine didn't close the door after him Kurt hurried to close his eyes again, still unsure of what his next move should be.

He was startled as a soft, wet washcloth was wiped over his chest and stomach. He opened his eyes to find Blaine cleaning the come off his torso with a smile before he left to put it back in the bathroom. When he returned he lay back down under the comforter, keeping a little distance.

"So – is this where you panic and run off as always?" Blaine asked when he had been watching Kurt for a while, observing him. His voice was different. It sounded soft and innocent. Not at all like the voice that had just expressed an animalistic growl of ecstasy into Kurt's ear moments ago.

"What? No. No, I... no," Kurt stammered. He had to take a moment to figure out what Blaine meant, but then it hit him. Whenever they had done this before it had only been minutes from their climax to Kurt had stormed out of the room.

"No. I can stay a little longer. If that's okay," he said insecurely when it hit him.

He had just called Blaine out of the blue and it hadn't taken Blaine anymore than twenty to thirty minutes to arrive at the hotel. He had to have just dropped everything he had so he could run to Kurt's rescue.

"Oh god. I'm so sorry. Do you have somewhere you need to be? Did I interrupt something when I called you? God, I am so stupid..." Kurt rushed out and clasped a hand over his eyes.

"No. It's cool. I was just at the fire station with some of the guys. It's fine. You needed someone to lean on so I came. Don't worry about it," Blaine assured him and shuffled a little closer, but not close enough to touch.

"I'm so sorry. I'm such a jackass. I just..." Kurt trailed off. The tears were back and this time he couldn't fight them. He had screwed up again. Sobbing.

"Hey. What's wrong? I thought we just agreed for you to take it easy, and not overthink anything. That you'll give yourself some time to think things through," Blaine cooed and then he was so close that Kurt could feel his soft member against his thigh.

Blaine removed Kurt's hand from his eyes and placed it on the comforter on his chest. He stroke his thumb over the back of Kurt's hand a few times before he retreated to let his hand rest on his own side.

"I'm just... I guess I'm just overwhelmed. I never thought I'd... get to do – that. And it's just..." Kurt thrust out between sobs and turned to lie on his side, curling up.

"I know it's overwhelming. You need to give yourself time or this will eat you up. But you'll be okay. I know you will," Blaine smiled and let the tip of his index finger meet Kurt's over the comforter. And Kurt smiled from his touch.

"Thank you. For everything," he said, voice rasp and throat thick.

"It's cool. I told you I'm not going anywhere as long as you want me to stick around," Blaine said with a sympathetic smile.

Kurt took a deep breath and chewed on his lower lip. Without knowing why he chuckled and made himself more comfortable in the bed. Now that he had a little clearer head he noticed that the bedding was cozy and the comforter felt like being covered in melted marshmallows.

"How's your hangover?" Blaine asked, this time with a grin and a teasing spark in his eyes.

"Better. I think it helped to... sleep," Kurt choked out.

"Good. I'll get you to drink something as soon as I'll have the energy to get up," Blaine laughed and turned to lie on his back, looking like he belonged there; in a bed with this guy who wasn't his friend but not a stranger anymore either.

Kurt closed his eyes and sniffed in the scent of sex and man that was filling the bed. The smell of hotel sheets was almost covered completely up, and Kurt found that he enjoyed being surrounded by the smell of Blaine – of course it was just the fact that it was the scent of man, but it was comfortable.

He was just starting to feel like he could take another nap when something started vibrating. He looked to Blaine who shook his head in answer to the unspoken question. Kurt flew to sit up and fumbled for his pants on the floor. He grabbed out his phone and looked at the screen. Marley.

Fuck!

He had completely forgot about the time. He should have checked for messages. It was hours since they had parted in the airport and the flight to Ohio was short. She would surely have texted him when they were safely arrived at her mom's house and now she was worried because he hadn't replied.

He checked the watch on his phone. 7.15 – it was much later than he had expected. With a nervous finger he pressed the button and answered.

"Hey handsome. Caught up in work?" Marley asked as he picked up.

"Hey babe. No, I – I didn't feel well so I... I went home instead. Took a nap. But I'm better now," he rushed the words out, scared she would hear how his voice was trembling with nerves.

"Aww, I'm sorry. But as long as you're better. I just wanted to check that you weren't working yourself to death," she cooed into the phone.

Kurt closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Wishing for strength.

"I'm fine. I'll be fine. I'll just get started early tomorrow instead," he assured her.

"How was the trip?"

"It was fine. My mom says hi. Both monkeys fell asleep right after dinner so they won't call you tonight. I got them straight to bed," Marley told and Kurt could hear in her voice that she was smiling that soft smile that always made him feel like home.

"Oh... okay. Will you kiss them goodnight for me?" He asked, not sure he was happy or sad that he wouldn't hear their voices tonight.

"Of course. I just wish I could kiss you goodnight," she said and sighed. He knew that sigh; she missed him.

"Me too," he rushed to say.

He missed her too. A lot. He missed being able to tell her everything that was going on in his life. He missed being able to hug her and kiss her without feeling guilty. He missed the time he didn't feel sick about himself when she was sweet as always.

"I uhm... I have to go. I need to – fix some things, before bed," Kurt said awkwardly, hating himself for it. He didn't know what to tell her. But he couldn't just sit there talking to her like nothing had happened while he was naked in bed with another man – also naked.

"Okay. I'm exhausted too. Just... text me when you go to bed. I miss you," she said, pouty voice.

"Yeah. I will. I miss you too."

"I love you, Kurt."

"Love you too."

And he hurried to hang up. Guilt fussing back in over him, like the dam had broken. He stared at the phone in his hand, the picture of his kids laughing back at him. He didn't look at Blaine. He couldn't. Not now.

"Don't beat yourself up. You didn't have anything else to tell her right now. It's not really my place to tell you to lie back down, or to get up and go home. But... no matter what you want I will stay here with you if you don't feel like being alone right now. I can put clothes on if you want. But..."

He paused and put a hand on Kurt's, and Kurt looked to his side to meet his eyes.

"...this doesn't make you a bad person. This makes you a confused, scared person who doesn't know what to do with your life right now. And that's okay," Blaine crooned.

Tears strolled down Kurt's face. He sniffed and fell back down to lie on his side, clenching the pillow in his arms. He was so sick of crying. He never used to cry, but now it felt like it was all he did.

"Come 'ere," Blaine cooed and put his arms around Kurt, letting him cry out into his chest.

Blaine didn't say anything. He didn't ask any questions or told Kurt that things would be okay. He didn't tell him to calm down or take it easy. He kept his arms around his shoulders and stroke his hair and back every now and then until Kurt felt dehydrated. Until he had no more tears to cry.

He moved a little away from Blaine. Not entirely out of his embrace, but enough to make sure their naked, heated bodies weren't clasped completely against each other.

"So I guess we're sort of friends now," Kurt croaked, trying to shrug, but it only made a twitch run through his shoulder.

"I guess you could say that. I'd like that," Blaine smiled with a vague nod in agreement.

"I just... it's really nothing personal. But I – could we not tell anything to anyone. That we like... have talked and met up and stuff? I just can't deal with the questions right now, and I... I'm really scared someone will started putting the pieces together, and -" Kurt started, but Blaine cut him off.

"It's fine. I don't take it personally. We'll keep it between us. We didn't accidentally run into each other before, and I'm sure we won't now. Nothing to worry about. Just... put my number in your contacts. So you'll be sure to not need someone to talk to again and you'll have lost my number. This is not a battle to fight on your own," Blaine assured him.

"Thank you. I'm sorry I've been such a bitch to you," Kurt apologized, slightly ashamed of the way he had talked to Blaine previously.

"Nah, I was a bit out of line myself, so I guess we're even," he chuckled. His eyes were deep and warm, diamonds sparkling around his corneas matching his bright smile making Kurt forget to be embarrassed.

"Yeah. I guess we are," he said, feeling a little short-breathed.