"You are more man than I could ever be," Blaine whispered, surprising himself with the direct response instead of trying to at least dig into what had caused this abrupt change of mood. Wasn't this where he should try coming up with explanations that could lead them away from the subject they were scarily close to?

"That is not true, Blaine. But then... god, I can't believe I'm about to say this – then why don't you get... erect, when we kiss and I touch you?Do you need someone who's more feminine? Am I not sexy? Why don't I turn you on?" Kurt asked panicky, voice shivering and fingers trembling. He couldn't hold it back any longer and when he faced Blaine his eyes were watering and he was biting his lower lip, fighting to at least hold in a sob.

"Kurt, you are – so much more of a man, and wear your femininity more fabulous and masculine than anyone I could ever have made up in my head. You have no idea how sexy you are. You don't even know how much you turn me on when I'm watching you perform, or when you touch me or kiss me – or simply when I think of you. Kurt, you are so sexy. Don't ever think anything else," Blaine choked out and squeezed his eyes shut with the realization that there was no escape route from the direction of the conversation.

"Then why don't I ever... feel anything? Why are you lying to me? I can take it, Blaine!" Kurt demanded of him – if Blaine found him sexy then what else could it be? He needed to know so he could do something about it.

Blaine knew that Kurt was embarrassed of saying the things he was, but he was also sure that Kurt was frustrated that he had been put in a corner where he felt like he needed to say those things.

He sat up slowly and did his best to not look at his boyfriend. Kurt was still curled up around himself with pain over his face, his expression awaiting and his eyes burning into Blaine's skin.

"Kurt, there's... there's something I need to tell you. This is so embarrassing and I completely understand if you – don't want me anymore once you know. I wouldn't want me either."

Blaine was surprised he could even get the words out. His brain was clogging up and his throat felt like it had closed for anything to come in or out.

"Blaine. Are you... is this – are you, like, permanently impotent? Cause I've read about that and, Blaine, I don't care – I don't want you for your... penis. I just want you. If that's the case we can work something out when we get to that. I still think we should wait anyway. I just want you to be honest with me," Kurt blabbered out and his voice sounded like it was coming from far away. He hoped that was the case, permanent impotence. The alternative was much too painful to acknowledge as a realistic possibility.

Blaine nearly cried from the gesture. It was so big of Kurt to say that – if only a dysfunctional penis had been the problem maybe it would have been easier for him. No. It definitely would have been easier for him.

"No, Kurt, I'm not... permanently impotent. If I had that would have been so much easier. Maybe you could still... love me. But – Kurt I am like nothing you have ever come across. I am highly misconstructed," Blaine tried explaining. He knew it wouldn't make any sense to Kurt, but he needed to buy himself some time to figure out how to throw the bomb.

"Don't say that. You're so handsome and beautiful. You're the best construction of the world. Last night I considered who to write to have you officially accepted as the world's eighth wonder. I could never, ever stop loving you. Sometimes I still can't believe that you love me," Kurt tried but was mortified when he was cut off.

"Kurt, I don't have a penis!" Blaine blurted out, unable to hold it back anymore, the pressure too much, before he hid his face in his hands.

"What do you mean you don't have a... Blaine, please look at me and explain what's going on. I can't help you if you don't talk to me -" Kurt said. Bis voice had turned shaky and scared, absolutely frightened. He hated situations where he wasn't one step ahead and he knew that this was one where he hadn't even started the race.

"I have... girl – looks. A v... I have a vagina. Instead of a – penis," Blaine broke down and got off the bed to hide his face in his hands while hiding in the darkest corner of his room. The place where he felt most hidden in the shadows of the dimmed lighting.

"Oh... I – oh..." Kurt said. He sounded like he had just had all air punched out of him, and Blaine didn't blame him. Now there was nothing left to do than wait for Kurt to quickly gather his things and run out the door with the message that this was the end for them.

However, no such thing ever happened.

Blaine nearly jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. A soft, insecure hand – not trying to get him to turn around, but to comfort him. Another hand was placed on his other shoulder, and before Blaine knew it Kurt had slid his hands down to hold around him from behind.

He could feel Kurt crying. He could feel it in the small thrusts of Kurt's chest and the way his own shirt was slowly going wet where Kurt had pressed his cheek against Blaine's shoulder blade. It only took Blaine a few minutes to turn around to fall into Kurt's arms where he let go and cried his eyes out.

Kurt clenched his arms around Blaine's shoulders and rested his cheek against Blaine's hair. He held his eyes squeezed shut, afraid that if he opened he would be faced with light and a hysterical sobbing would take over him and he wouldn't be able to comfort Blaine anymore, and this wasn't about him but about Blaine.

Naturally he was in complete shock himself. He still wasn't sure he had heard right, that the words that had hit his ears actually were the ones that had left Blaine's mouth. If it was true he had no idea what it meant – for him or for Blaine.

"It's... it's okay, baby. Just calm down – we'll talk about it. Shhh," Kurt tried calming him down, mindlessly stroking his back with his own voice thick as wool and pierced through by fear and confusion.

Blaine's sobbing turned harder. He dug his fingers into Kurt's back and Kurt could feel that his pajama top was soaked where Blaine was mushing his face against his shoulder. It only was a second before it occurred to Kurt that Blaine was paralyzed. He was holding onto Kurt with a cramp-like force, and he was nailed to the spot.

So Kurt shook himself out of it, pushed his own fear and confusion aside and hugged his boyfriend a little tighter before he slowly took short steps back towards the bed.

"Come on. Let's go back to the bed and we can get you relaxed a little so we can talk about this," he cooed and let his lips smooth over Blaine's neck, desperate to get the boy to stop crying.

This was going to be the last time he would spent in Kurt's arms, the last few minutes before Kurt would tell him that he couldn't deal with it, that he was sorry and that he didn't think they should be together anymore, so Blaine decided that he would use those brief minutes (the seconds wasting, tick-tock, tick-tock) to memorize everything he could from the feeling and scent of Kurt being close to him.

They sat down on the bed, arms still locked around each other before Kurt twisted himself out of Blaine's grip, Blaine nearly whining and pleading him not to let go, but the fear clogging up his throat so instead he folded his arms around his chest and looked away, afraid to see the disgust in Kurt's face.

"Blaine I -" Kurt started, but bit his tongue when no words came out.

Words, questions, wonders, frustration, desperation, fear and panic all filled his brain, but his brain simply couldn't contain it so it seeped out to the rest of his body and took over his vocal chords and filled his throat.

"I don't know what to say. I don't... I don't understand – anything, right now. Honestly. But... don't think that anything about your... anatomy, about your body, could ever make me stop loving you. Because that will never happen. I love you so much," he tried to assure him, but it sounded so unconvincing.

Blaine still didn't look at him. He couldn't. Surely Kurt was still in shock over the news or in denial about the severeness of the information he had just been given, and now he was just trying to keep his head up until it sunk in.

This was all way too much and way too hard to take. Kurt's eyes flickered to the door and back to Blaine's shaking frame before they returned to the door. He needed a moment. He needed to cope and grasp and get hold – but this wasn't the time. This wasn't about him.

Instead he took a firm grip on Blaine's chin with his thumb and index finger, forcing Blaine to face him, but his eyes were still focused on somewhere else – probably somewhere that was far, far away from reality and Kurt really didn't blame him.

"Blaine, you're gonna have to look at me at some point. Or we can't talk about it. And you really need to help me understand what is going on here," Kurt said, pleading and needing in his voice. He wiped a tear away from Blaine's cheek before drying off his own with the back of his hand.

He let his hand drop from Blaine's chin. Blaine still wasn't looking at him and he hadn't said a word since he broke down. Kurt didn't stand a chance to figure out what to do, he could be in shock for all Kurt knew at the moment.

Talk about it. Talk. Have the talk. We need to talk. All the things people say in conversations that leads to a break up. From here on Blaine could only do one thing to try to keep his head somewhat sane.

"It's okay, Kurt. You don't have to stick around here. I'll... manage. And since no one knows we were together we can avoid explaining why we aren't anymore. Just please promise me you won't tell anyone. Please," Blaine finally choked out, eyes trained on his fingers twirling nervously around each other.

It went very fast, abrupt. Kurt was on his knees on the floor between Blaine's legs. He let his hands up to cup Blaine's tearfilled face, his thumb brushing lightly over his cheekbone without rhythm or mind. Blaine couldn't look at him, but Kurt's face was right there in front of his, so he squeezed his eyes as hard as possible, tears yet escaping the slits to flee down his cheeks and wet Kurt's fingers.

"Blaine? Blaine, look at me. I am not breaking up with you! Of course I understand if you don't wanna be with me after I pressured you in that terrible way – but Blaine, I love you so, so much. Your body is a part of a package deal. So it doesn't match what I thought I had signed up for? I don't care, because I still love the whole package – the other things are just details that I will find a way to make work. I love you – and with that comes loving every little part of you. My handsome, strong, masculine man," Kurt cried, unable to stop smiling, because wow he really loved Blaine that much.

Slowly Blaine opened his eyes and for the first time since his world collapsed he met Kurt's blue orbs. Kurt's face was wrecked with tears, but of course it was elegant and completely like Kurt to be beautiful even in a situation like that.

"You are – the love of my life, Kurt. I am so sorry I lied to you," Blaine sobbed embarrassed, but before he knew it Kurt had his arms around his neck and was rocking him slowly back and forth in comfort, caressing the back of his head with soothing coos in his ear.

"It's okay. We're gonna be okay. You just need to... help me understand," Kurt smiled, the tears stopped but replaced by a pressuring need to shower Blaine with kisses instead.

"Maybe we should go to bed and – we can take it back up when you have adjusted to the idea that I... know," Kurt suggested and Blaine nodded eagerly.

To go to bed seemed like a good idea. Then they could turn off the lights and he could push reality away for a little bit until he could find a way to realize that Kurt knew about his secret – but he didn't hate him for it.

They crawled into bed, lying a bit awkward with neither of them knowing what to do about themselves. The darkness felt both protecting and scary. Kurt couldn't push away his need to feel Blaine but he didn't want to cross his boundaries if he wanted some distance – ironically enough that was exactly the way Blaine felt about Kurt.

Silence filled the room, except for the drumming of the rain and the wind still roaming outside the window. It nearly sounded like earpounding mayhem in the room where both boys were nearly too afraid to move.

"Kurt – I... I'm really sorry. I – I don't know what to tell you. I wanna explain it all to you so bad – but I don't know where to begin," Blaine suddenly said, taking himself as much off guard as Kurt. He had only wanted to say that he was sorry, but he couldn't stop the words.

There was silence. A lot of hell, heavy, hard silence. But then Kurt turned to his side so he could face Blaine and Blaine followed his example so he could let Kurt's shiny eyes pierce his own.

"First of: don't ever feel like you have to apologize for your body. It's not some sort of fault on you. Your body is beautiful because it is a part of who you are. And you should never apologize for being you, because you are my favorite person in the world," Kurt said firmly and Blaine felt a bubbling in his stomach.

"And – I don't know where to start either. I guess I should... are you transgender?" He asked, the words falling from him before he could stop them or at least try and form them to be less intruding. That was surely crossing the line. Of course Blaine wasn't transgender – he would have known. Or maybe he had just been hiding it really well. Was he dating a transgender person? Was he still gay?

"No, I'm not transgender. I am a boy. I don't have de la Chapelle syndrome or Swyer syndrome or any of those things. My chromosomes are perfectly XY," Blaine said, and he couldn't help smile because as afraid as he had been of Kurt finding out he had never considered that they would even get to the point of having a normal, relaxed conversation about it. And now that they were it was a huge relief.

"Okay. I have no idea what that is... but it's nice to know that I'm still gay," Kurt chuckled and dared himself to move an inch closer. Even though Blaine was right next to him it wasn't enough; he missed feeling him.

"Of course you're still gay. No matter what I would still identify as a gay boy -" Blaine shrugged like it was the most natural thing in the world, and Kurt loved that he could take it that way.

"So uhm – can you like... you know, get pregnant?" Kurt murmured, ashamed that he was asking, but he needed to know. It was important.

"No, I can't. Just because it looks like that on the outside it doesn't mean I have the... equipment on the inside. I don't have a... uterus, or ovaries, or anything like that, so I don't get periods either -" he explained casually.

Kurt was relieved. He didn't know why, but he was. Suddenly an image of Blaine being all big and round and caressing his pregnant belly popped into his head and he nearly started crying again. He couldn't deal with that. He couldn't stand the thought of his stepbrother being pregnant. If his boyfriend was pregnant it would be his fault. Oh god, all those fantasies about Blaine thrusting into him with his big penis – he would never have any of that. Everything was so real now.

"Then – I uhm... what about... sex?" Kurt asked, hoping Blaine didn't sense the confusion and frustration simmering in his voice.

"I don't know. I never had sex. What about it?" Blaine said and squeezed his thighs a little. Was this the point where Kurt declared himself strictly bottom so they would have to live in a sexless relationship?

"I mean where... how do you – I mean, being gay it's – but when you have... I'm sorry, I'm just gonna shut up now."

Kurt groaned, ashamed, and hid his face in his hands. This was a disaster. He kept saying all the wrong things, and he really didn't want to make Blaine uncomfortable about talking to him about this, but it was impossible.

"It's okay, Kurt. I think -" Blaine said and removed Kurt's hands from his face.

His own fingers caressing down his vulva, spreading his legs and rolling his fingers over the sensitive nub. Wetness burning and his fingers daring themselves deeper with an aching need for the real version of the mental image of Kurt nearly hard, big and heavy in his hand as he stroked himself. Blaine needed it to fill him up and his pelvic bone almost pained with the hardness of his fingers thrusting in and out in time.

"Both. I think I would be good with both," he said and tried shaking the images off and clenched his thighs a little harder, the way too familiar flaming right there.

"Blaine I... you know I've said for ages that we should wait. You know it has nothing to do with this, but... I really still think we should wait. I need to – adjust to this. I don't know anything about... them. I never thought I would have to get acquainted with that. It's not like I've – fantasized much, but I'm gay, Blaine, so... penises are kinda my -"

Oh god! Stop talking, stop talking, just shut up.

"Kurt, I never expected you to be all on with this. And that you're taking it this way is such a relief. I'm just happy that you don't hate me. If you're not comfortable with that – part of me then it's fine. And if you're like... all bottom, we can figure that out when we get closer to that," Blaine assured him.

"I've never really thought about that -"

Lie. He had lost count of the times he had imagined himself on his back or on all four with Blaine big and hard pounding into him and making him moan and scream in a mix of pain and pleasure. But he could never tell Blaine about that. He had thought about topping too – but not much, not as intense.

"It's fine. We can discuss that when we get there. It's not until far in the future anyway, so it's fine," Blaine smiled.

"How many people know?" Kurt asked, desperate to change the subject.

"My mom, of course. And your dad. My mom couldn't keep it from him. It's been hard on her too. That's why she sometimes gets really sad, when I... when I'm having a rough day over it," Blaine said, feeling guilty for all the pain he had caused his mom through all of those years.

"And my dad. He uhm -"

"Oh Blaine. I am... was that what happened, so -" Kurt asked and his hand was on Blaine's on the mattress between them, mindlessly needing to be there for him. Suddenly it felt like things fell into place and the half stories he had heard were starting to connect with the times Blaine and Susan had spent hours in Blaine's room and he was sure he had heard crying, but his dad had told him to give them some time alone, not to mention the way they had popped up in Lima out of thin air. Everything added up now.

"My dad never... of course he knew since I was born. He hated me. He hated me so much. He would call me a girl and a sissy and those kind of things. Whenever I made a mistake he would say that if I had been a real man I would've been able to do it right. Never in front of my mom, and I didn't tell her. I didn't want to bother her anymore than I already was. Then I finally told them that I'm gay and... he ticked off. He wanted to send me away. To a reform school or a clinic or something, some place they could cure me. My mom didn't say anything against it and I was terrified. I had never thought she would agree with me. So I cried myself to sleep, I wanted to die, considered ways to do it. In the middle of the night she told me to pack my stuff. They had a fight, her eyebrow was bleeding – he hit her. So we ran away and came here. My mom met your dad and he helped her out of her depression. I think he saved her life," Blaine told, quivering from speaking the words out loud. He had never told his story to anyone before, but to tell Kurt was like showing him his heart and soul – it felt right, and safe. He wanted Kurt to know everything about him.

Kurt was stunned, shocked. He felt like he had been pushed into a pool of slushies. He knew that Blaine had a rough life, that things had been tough for him and that his dad hadn't exactly been supportive of his sexuality – but this was cruel.

"I am so sorry, Blaine. I wish I could take that away from you. No one should treat their child that way. No one should treat anyone that way," Kurt said sadly, wishing he could do something.

"Kurt, if he hadn't been that way my mom and I would never have moved here, and then I would never have met you. That's enough to make it up for me," Blaine smiled and turned his hand so he could let his fingers melt in between Kurt's.

"I don't even have an answer for that – I love you," Kurt smiled, honestly lost for words, because his boyfriend had just said that he would rather go through abuse so he could be with him, than live without having been abused that way and never have met him. Was there anything bigger than that? Wasn't that the exact definition of love?

"I love you too. And I know I said it before, but I am really sorry that I lied to you. I just – I was so afraid," Blaine apologized again and Kurt had to squeeze his hand a little tighter.

"Blaine, you never lied to me. It wasn't like you came up to me and said 'I have a penis, let's make out' – you just withheld information, and I understand that. Anyone would have, because it's a terrifying thing to share with someone. I can't even imagine what you must feel like every day living with this," Kurt said, a pain filling his chest because there was no way he could relate to this. Even before he admitted that he was gay everyone knew, so that hadn't even been a secret. He had never tried anything like it.

"It's been... lonely. But after we got together it hasn't been as it used to be. I don't feel lonely when I'm with you, even when you didn't know."

"I'm glad. I don't want you to ever feel lonely again," Kurt assured him and leaned in to kiss his boyfriend for the first time after all walls had been torn down between them. Nothing was separating them anymore.