It was the hottest day Washington had seen that year, and Blaine felt like he was being choked up. Not as much as a breeze was over the town and all he wanted was to find an open-air pool or just the fountain he and Kurt had dipped their feet in the previous day; but he was stuck with Gary, Linda and a group of other people - some from the commune, some from outside.

Quinn and Ginger were making garlands in their underwear, letting the sun tan their delicate skin, while Gary and Linda didn’t have any problems about lying completely naked on the square of grass behind the apartment building.

Blaine just sat running his fingers through the grass, looking at the tree at the corner of the yard, feeling restless. His guitar was lying on the blanket next to him, looking sad and un-used. He didn’t know why but he felt empty, and wished that he hadn’t promised Linda to stay for the day. He wondered what Kurt was doing; where he was and who he was with.

Blaine suppressed a hollow laugh; there was no reason for him to think about Kurt, because there was no reason for Kurt to think about him.

“Man, what’s going on in your life?” Gary asked, while tracing patterns over Linda’s back.

“Not anything, really. I called my parents yesterday. My mom cried and my father demanded that I’d come home. Nothing I didn’t expect.” Blaine let the sun bake his eyelids, feeling the prickle of pain from the heat, but not wanting to make it go away.

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it. Blaine, you never tell me anything anymore. You should quit hanging out with that Kurt boy and hang out with more ladies. I know Ginger there has a weak spot for you, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Quinn has too -” Gary winked at the girls, making them giggle and look away, their heads going closer in whispering.

“You need to share your love with the girls,” Gary said, returning his attention to Blaine.

“They’re nice. Yeah.”

Blaine had no idea what else to say. Sure, the girls were sweet and pretty, but they were so alike - all of them. All they ever wanted to do was kiss or talk about how horrible Johnson was at ruling the country but also that Nixon wouldn’t be any better even though he was the favorite for the upcoming election. Never did they say anything constructive or stimulating.

“Nice? Have you looked at the body of them - and needless to say; Ginger is a pretty good fuck. And knows how to head -”

“Just stop, Gary. I’m not interested in any of that. You know that. I like the girls, they’re sweet but they don’t do anything for me, alright. Could we just… drop it?”

He knew that Gary just wanted to help Blaine get ‘a purpose’ in life, or ‘share his love’ or whatever it was that he kept saying. Only thing was that Blaine also knew that Gary was a slut - he was in a relationship with Linda, who he undoubtedly loved, but he was really out to get himself as much pussy as possible, and he needed someone to position as his wingman. A position he had eagerly tried to get Blaine to take for the last few years.

Gary was well aware that Blaine was a big interest to girls, which could be an advantage for Gary. Whenever Blaine turned one down Gary would pick up the pieces - that just took Blaine to actually be with someone once in a while.

“You’re such a prick, Anderson. Leaving all the girls broken hearted while you run around seeking a higher meaning with that tease of a lady-breaker.” Gary fell to his back on the blanket, his sunglasses threatening to jump off his nose.

“Wait - what?” Blaine blurted out before knowing it.

“Yeah. That Kurt is always running around making the chicks feel special before he dumps their asses. You don’t wanna learn any tricks from him.”

Gary didn’t even look at Blaine as he casually swung it out, neither did anyone else. It seemed like it was this thing that everyone knew and everyone agreed on.

“I wouldn’t know. We never discuss those kinds of things,” Blaine retorted, struggling to let his voice be casual, but instead it ended up coming out sharp.

He realized that it was true. Kurt had never once mentioned anything about girls. Blaine had never even seen him send looks after girls or even brush the concept of romance. Not that it mattered. Or did it?

Blaine suddenly felt like his head had got heavy and thoughts were spinning around in his brain. When he thought closer he actually didn’t really know anything about Kurt, and yet it seemed like Kurt knew everything about him.

Blaine didn’t say anything, he just picked up his guitar and left the green patch.

As he came upstairs he went into the meditation room where he tried remembering what Kurt had taught him on how to disconnect the brain and let his body and soul be one - but he couldn’t. The thoughts of the mysterious boy refused to leave him.

He gave up and went into the mattress room where he curled up in a corner with a book, pretending to read, but no matter how many times he went through the same sentence it didn’t stick.

*

Clouds were drifting over the sky, fluffy and lazy, shielding the sun. A couple of dogs were barking at each other in a dull game as a toddler dangled around on his chubby legs, his mom chatting lively with a friend on the bench a little away from where Blaine was sitting.

For the first time since he had left Ohio he was alone. He had brought his guitar to the green where he and Kurt had spent their day of silence, hoping to clear his thoughts a little.

His night had been awful, and he had slept until the middle of the day, feeling nauseated when he woke up, needing some space from the heavy packed apartment, where people were starting to get ready for a big demonstration the following Tuesday.

He had just grabbed his guitar without knowing where to go, and out of nowhere he found himself at the great lawn Kurt had showed him.

He stroked the strings a few times, but for some reason music failed him and nothing went to his fingers. He sighed heavy and got up to follow the sidewalk to the phone booth at the corner of the streets.

“Hey. It’s Blaine. I - I just wanted to well… let you know I’m fine, I guess.”

Blaine waited in silence, hoping for the receiver to say something.

“Hi Blaine. It’s so nice to hear your voice, honey. Your dad and I have been so worried about you. This won’t do, you know that right? You need to come home.” His mom’s voice sounded as if she had been crying. Blaine squeezed his eyes closed as hard as he could and rested his forehead against the cold metal, letting the curls flight to his eyes.

“Mom. I - I can’t. Not right now. I’ll come home in a month or two. I promise. I just need some space.” He let his fingers lightly drum on the case, biting his lower lip, fearing what his mom might have to say in response.

“Blaine. I’m sick again. It’s nothing to worry about. I just hoped I didn’t have to tell you over the phone. But it’s okay, sweetie. I understand that you need this time. Just - don’t be a stranger, baby. I love you, and so does your dad.”

The message hit Blaine right to the gut.

His mom had been sick. One day she just started getting better, and she came back home, and they hadn’t ever talked about it since. This had happened when Blaine had been 10 and he hadn’t known what was going on; his parents didn’t tell him anything, but he knew that it was bad.

“Mom. If you want me to I’ll come home. If you’re sick then -”

“No, Blaine. Just stay. You’re young, and I don’t wanna keep you from finding yourself. Call me every now and then and I’ll tell you how I’m feeling. Have fun, and take care of yourself, honey.”

“Alright. I love you mom. I really do.”

“I know, Blaine. I know.”

His mom hung up, and Blaine felt like a big empty hole had been carved in his stomach. He stood for a minute still holding the phone before he put it back and turned around.

“That didn’t sound too good.”

Blaine almost jumped from the shock of standing face to face with Kurt. He hadn’t seen or heard him come, and Kurt hadn’t done anything to get Blaine to pay attention to his presence.

“No, well - it’s fine. It’s okay,” Blaine replied, his heart still racing, a little flushed in the cheeks.

Kurt was looking gorgeous with his usual James Dean hair and a tight white t-shirt stretched over his torso, and what looked like a red sarong perfectly matching his bare feet. On any other male this would have looked ridiculous, but for Kurt it worked perfectly.

Blaine took a little firmer grip around his guitar and starting walking back to the green area he had left only a few minutes before.

Kurt tripped next to him in silence, Blaine suspecting that he was afraid to say anything that might upset him.

Kurt lay on his front for a little while, running his fingers through the grass, making garlands and observing the playing kids on the playground at the other end. Neither of them said anything until Kurt rolled over to lie on his back, his round sunglasses shielding his eyes from the hidden sun.

“Kurt. Tell me about your family.”

Blaine didn’t know why he asked, or if it was even okay of him to ask about such personal information.

Kurt never talked about himself, and most of the time it seemed like he wanted to pretend that he wasn’t even from Ohio. That he hadn’t had a life before coming to Washington.

“My dad is married to a woman named Carole. She has a handsome son named Finn, who’s a half-year younger than me. There’s not really much to tell.”

He almost snapped, and seemed transformed, in a way he had never acted before, Blaine regretting he had even asked, making a mental note to never bring it up again. He could see how Kurt almost dragged into himself, like he shrunk in front of Blaine’s eyes.

“My dad only remarried two years ago. Finn… was in my school. And our parents met at a parent-teacher conference. My dad hadn’t seen anyone since… since my mom - you know,” Kurt explained, rolling to lie on the side, dragging his knees up to his chest, his head resting on his arm, making him look like a scared little boy.

“My mom she -” He paused, holding so completely still that he resembled a statue, Blaine wishing that he could see his eyes to have a shot at figuring out what was going on in his head.

“She was the most amazing woman to step foot on this planet. She taught me about life and love and beauty. She taught me to love the nature and be one with the universe.”

“Kurt. What happened to your mom?” Blaine’s voice was so low that he almost didn’t hear it himself. A cloud had drifted from the sun and was shining down on them, as if to mock this precious, delicate moment.

“She was sick. She had a heart disease. They said that - they said she had a hole in her heart. When I was eight… her heart just couldn‘t anymore.”

His sunglasses fell to the grass next to him, and revealed his eyes wet with tears staring blankly down in the grass, before he looked up at Blaine from under his long wet eyelashes.

“Will you play for me?” He asked, his voice weak and insecure.

Blaine didn’t respond. At first he was a little baffled by the request, but he hurried to pick up his guitar and started playing. Without knowing it he started playing a soft version of the Elvis Presley song She’s Not You. For some reason that had been the first song that popped into his head when he looked down at Kurt, so fragile looking in the grass in front of him.

“Her hair is soft and her eyes are also blue
She's all the things a girl should be
but she's not you

She knows just how to make me laugh when I feel blue
She's everything a man could want
but she's not you.

And when we're dancing
It almost feels the same
I've got to stop myself from
Whispering your name

She even kisses me like you used to do.
And it's just breaking my heart
'cause she's not you.”

Kurt sniffed as the tears rolled down his face, before they stopped and the dry streams glittered in the sun. His fingers were playing with the folds in Blaine’s jeans, as his eyes flickered in sync to the music. There was no doubt in Blaine’s mind that he was listening, and taking in the lyrics of the song.

“Thank you.” Kurt whispered not looking up at Blaine.

Blaine let down his guitar on the grass and laid down on his side next to Kurt to catch his eyes.

“Your voice is really calming. I wish you could sing for me forever,” Kurt said carefully.

“Kurt. I’m really sorry about your mom. It’s not fair for you to have been through that.”

Blaine wanted to put his arms around Kurt, drag him closer and stroke his hair. Hum in his ear, and assure him that nothing could ever hurt him again.

That would be crossing the line. So instead he just glanced at him, clenching his fists to not reach up his hand and cup Kurt’s cheek.

Why was it that everything with Kurt seemed so easy, and yet it felt so complicated at the same time?

“The wise ones say that there’s a reason for everything. Didn’t you know?” Kurt said, pretending to be fine, even though Blaine was sure that this wasn’t the case.

“Maybe. But that doesn’t make it any less painful for those it affects,” Blaine replied in as comforting a tone he could muster.

Kurt’s eyes got stronger in some way, their gaze deeper, and it felt like he was back to staring directly into Blaine’s soul.

“You are much brighter than you give yourself credit for,” Kurt said suddenly.

He made his lips disappear in a thin line across his face, a deep thinking expression welling in over him.

“What was it… that upset you when you were on the phone?” Kurt sounded scared to ask the question, but a concerned look was lurking behind his eyes.

“The thing is… when I was little, my mom got very sick. No one told me anything about it. I was 10 so I didn’t understand, and the adults certainly considered me way too young to let me ask about her. All I remember was that - she was crying all the time. It made me scared. I thought I might have done something, and I tried comforting her, but nothing helped.”

As Blaine paused he didn’t look at Kurt. He felt the shiver of the dark memories run down his spine and make chills rise all over his body.

“One day I got home from school and she was gone. My father told me she was in a better place. We didn’t speak of it at all. He wasn’t home much because of his work, so there was a maid to take care of the house, and the practical about me. Then after a few months one day I got home from school one day and she was back. Everyone acted as if nothing had happened, and it sort of just - slipped away into the past.”

Blaine bit his lower lip not knowing why he had just blabbered out with all of that to Kurt. The only one who knew about this was Gary, and that was because Blaine spent endless amounts of nights at his house while his mom was sick.

He looked down in the grass in embarrassment, not sure how to tackle it, when he felt Kurt’s index finger crook around his own between their hips.

A warm rush went through Blaine as he looked up and saw Kurt slightly smiling at him.

“Are you ever going back to Ohio? I know it’s none of my business but - I think you should. I’m sure your family misses you.”

Blaine held his breath, waiting for Kurt to react.

“Maybe. Some day. You’ll never know. What is more important right now is that we appreciate being in this moment. Time is so flighty. Once we’ve had it it’s never coming back. We need to treasure it.”

Kurt’s eyes grew big, and he was back to his usual self with philosophical words and dreamy eyes. It was amazing.

“You’re cold. Let’s go back. We can hide under a blanket and I can read to you,” Kurt suggested, letting a thumb stroke over Blaine’s.

Blaine hadn’t even noticed it himself, but now that Kurt mentioned it he realized that he was almost shaking from the cold breeze. A cloud had drifted for the sun again, and a dark shadow had closed over the green space.

He nodded in agreement, and astonishment over Kurt once again showing how well he knew him better than he did himself. Then they stood up and walked back through the streets, Kurt looking dreamy and graceful as he smiled and waved at the playing children and people on their way home from work.