June 11, 2012, 6:19 a.m.
The Sound Of Silence: Loyalty
E - Words: 4,830 - Last Updated: Jun 11, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 43/43 - Created: Jan 08, 2012 - Updated: Jun 11, 2012 344 0 2 0 1
Trent started dropping by the record store regularly. They discussed new music that were just in, bands vs. other bands, American vs. British rock and Trent told him what the Dalton glee club, The Warblers, were up to. Every now and then Trent would even sing with him and the customers would crowd around them to hear the new guy sing.
"Hey St - Blaine," Kurt said, quickly correcting himself before he messed up in public. Blaine hadn't seen him coming into the store and had to stop himself from not letting his emotions take over from the surprise.
"Hey Kurt. This is Trent," Blaine introduced quickly when he found that he couldn't stop staring longingly at Kurt's lips. Trent's face filled with an 'aha'-expression and Kurt put on a soft smile.
"Hey. Thank you," Kurt said as he dreamy embraced Trent, taking him by great surprise. Confusion spread on Trent's face, but Blaine just shook his head. There weren't any customers but Benji was running around in the backroom, so he figured that personal talk wasn't the best idea at that point.
Both Kurt and Trent stayed for the rest of the day to keep Blaine company while he worked. He greatly appreciated it, and couldn't help but smile when he noticed them engage in deep conversation while he was busy elsewhere.
When Blaine's shift was finished they went to Breadstix together. Kurt and Blaine got to sit next to each other and lock their hands under the table. It was obvious that Trent knew that they were holding hands so he grinned at them, making Blaine feel his cheeks blush a little.
Trent and Kurt quickly fell into a conversation about art. Blaine merely listened; fascinated by how they talked about techniques, artists and materials. Before Blaine knew it Trent had invited Kurt to visit his mom's gallery, and Kurt was excited by the thought.
By the end of the night they walked Trent to the bus stop. It was a lovely night without clouds, but lots of stars, and as March was creeping up on them it was only chilly, instead of freezing, but Blaine still crept his hand into Kurt's whenever no one was near them.
"Uhm… The Warblers are doing this party… in like two weeks or something. I was thinking you could come if you want. I'm sure the other guys would think it to be cool," Trent said, surprising Blaine with his invitation. He was starting to wonder if the other Warblers might have forgot about him.
Kurt beamed at him, extremely satisfied that Trent was doing such a good job about helping Blaine in the right direction of taking back contact to his old friends.
"Sure. I would love that. That should be fun," Blaine accepted and felt a suck in his stomach from the thought of going back to his old school. That would mean facing who thought they knew him, but now he had changed so much.
Before his bus came Trent promised to call him with the right date and time. Blaine followed Kurt home and Kurt stole a kiss at his front door before Blaine had to leave to go home. All the way home he couldn't stop thinking about whether or not he would ever be able to tell his Warbler friends about Kurt.
"I'm sure you're gonna be okay, Stardust. You'll have so much fun that you will forget all about me," Kurt beamed encouragingly at him through the phone. Blaine had called him as a last thing before getting ready for the party with The Warblers, and he wasn't too proud to admit it, but he was a tad nervous.
"I could never forget about you. But I guess you're right. I should just… relax. If anything else screws up I will always have Trent there - and then I'll come running to you," Blaine mumbled, trying to brace himself for the upcoming face-to-face situation with people he hadn't seen for a long time.
"I will always wait for you with open arms. Just promise me that you will let go and have fun. Besides - even if you are not telling them about me, about us, it's not like they can see it on you or anything," Kurt reminded him softly and Blaine tugged his necklace in a tight grip. He just needed to keep it away under his shirt and everything would be fine.
"Yeah. I will miss you there with me, though -" Blaine sighed and started preparing himself for hanging up, or he wouldn't have enough time. He just didn't feel ready to let go of Kurt's voice yet.
"If you want you can come sleep in my bed tonight. I will tell my dad not to lock the door," Kurt suggested, and Blaine's heart skipped a beat, maybe even several beats; he was too giddy to notice. All he knew was that he was dizzy and wanted to kiss Kurt as quick as possible. The thought that no matter what happened he would be able to curl up in Kurt's arms by the end of the night was comforting.
"That sounds lovely. I will come over tonight then," Blaine smiled.
"Wonderful darling. Don't worry about me waiting up, though. Party all you want," Kurt cooed before they gave each other their goodbyes and hung up.
It was strange to be back in the halls of Dalton. The extravagant interior and the luxurious furniture never ceased to make Blaine wonder how they could put that much trust in teenagers. Not that the Dalton boys were bad kids, quite the opposite actually; they studied hard, were polite and respectful, and they always played by the rules. But they were still teenage boys after all.
"Hey. You made it," Trent thrilled when Blaine walked in the door of the Warbler rehearsal room. It was a spectacular room with high ceiling, chandeliers and comfortable Oxford couches. Even the fireplace were roaming tonight, the flames reflected in the great artworks on the walls.
The other boys hurried to welcome him back when they saw that it was him. They drowned him in questions about where he had been, what he had been doing and why he never returned after the summer. He didn't even have time to answer everyone before they started giving him their condolences for his mom, and telling him about all that he had missed. Everyone was talking at once, and Blaine had to sit to take it all in, but was ecstatic to be back and surrounded by his friends.
It was tough to avoid dragging Kurt into the conversation when they asked him about his new life outside of Dalton. He wanted more than anything to tell them about all that he had shared with Kurt, what Kurt had taught him; he simply wanted to tell them everything about Kurt and let his heart take over his mouth. He just wasn't ready, and he felt guilty about it.
After a few hours they had some drinks, and Blaine had joined on a few songs on the piano. The party was bubbling with conversation, laughs and music. Blaine actually found himself relaxing after a while. He felt an odd sense of home, and he had to take a moment to himself to cherish that feeling.
"Are you gonna tell them?" Trent asked when he and Blaine had found a corner without too much noise and or too many people close. He wasn't expecting anything from him, and it made it easier for Blaine to take in the question and turn it over on his tongue.
"I don't know. I mean - I was thinking that maybe I could tell Nick at some point, but I have no idea when that would be," Blaine shrugged, not wanting to mess everything up now that he was finally back and everyone seemed ecstatic to have him back in their midst.
"Hey guys. Don't look so serious. What' ya talking about?" David barked with a laugh when he dropped down in the couch next to Trent. He took a mouthful of his drink and looked awaiting at them, clearly it hadn't been a rhetorical question.
"We uhm - we were just talking about my b - my friend." Blaine wanted to kick himself. That was too close. It didn't seem like David noticed it, but it was definitely too close.
"A lady friend? Or not some football jerk, huh?" David rolled his eyes, remembering that Blaine once had a fall-out with a football player in town because he had been playing in the park in the middle of Lima, and the guy was not amused with his playing.
"That reminds me - I think it's time we get the story of Gary's fall from the man himself," he suddenly declared and both Trent and Blaine stared at him. Trent looked to Blaine to see his reaction, but Blaine had no idea what to say or do.
"Uhm… there's not really much to tell, actually. When we were in D.C. I just realized that he's a prick," Blaine said casually, hoping to be able to shrug it off without too much notice of him wanting to avoid the matter.
"Well, I heard it was something about a girl coming between you -"
"Jesus, Blaine. Did you go for Linda?"
Some of the other Warblers had gathered around them and wanted to take part in the conversation of Blaine's personal life. The temperature seemed to rise in the room, and he needed to get away from the party.
"It wasn't like that! Linda is - was - my friend, and there wasn't a girl involved. Well, yes, there sort of was; but not the way you think," Blaine snapped at them and jumped to his feet.
Suddenly the room was quiet and everyone was staring shocked at him. Blaine usually didn't raise his voice, and he was certain that he had never done so in Dalton. He felt sick and excused himself before walking towards the door for the green area behind the school.
The March evening was freezing without his jacket, but in the same way it was comforting. He felt awful about the way he had overreacted inside and hoped that the cold could get him back to Earth and lock his stress down. At least until he left the party. He just wanted the conversation steered away from anything that could put him in an awkward position.
"Are you okay?" Trent's voice sounded behind him, and Blaine turned to find him at the doors. He was alone and even though his face was nearly hidden in the shadows Blaine could see that he definitely was concerned. He came over to sit on the bench next to Blaine and waited.
"I don't know, honestly. It's not their fault, I know, but -"
"They're interested in what goes on with you. You know Gary never was popular around here, but you always defended him. Now they're just curious to hear why you suddenly think he's an asshole as well," Trent reasoned.
Gary had always been very unpopular in Dalton because he didn't stick to the values the school represented. He wasn't polite, he cursed in more or less every sentence he said, he held no respect for authorities, but worst of all; he treated girls awful. Blaine always made up excuses for his behavior or stayed out of it - he was his best friend and he wanted to stay loyal to him.
"I know. I know, but…"
"They don't know that you have a boyfriend, and if you don't want them to know we'll just go in there and find a way to twist the conversation away from you, alright? As long as you want to keep it a secret we will do that," Trent exclaimed high spirited, emphasizing how much it was 'we' and not Blaine alone.
He couldn't stop grinning. He wanted to hug Trent right then and there for putting so much into helping him. He was overwhelmed by Trent's friendship, and terrified because he knew that there was no way he could ever repay him.
"Wait… you have a boyfriend? Like… you're a fag?" Someone asked behind them and everything inside Blaine screamed. He could feel his brain threatening to cramp and the blood in his veins turned to ice. It was like in the movies where everything stops because the hero is trapped in the tragedy of his life. His heart stopped and even the oxygen in his lungs froze all the way through his throat.
A tall, blonde boy came over to them. It was a guy who had started after Blaine left Dalton. All night Blaine had done his best to avoid him. He found him arrogant and Blaine had been uncomfortable about his presence. Now he knew why.
Blaine couldn't look at him. He was paralyzed and he could feel Trent and the boy's eyes locked on him. He knew that he had to have some sort of reaction to the question, and he knew that Daniel, the new guy, had heard their conversation so there was no chance out.
"I don't believe it," Daniel spat out and rushed away, headed for the doors. Back to the party. Even if Blaine had something to say he wouldn't have had time to before Daniel was gone.
"Fuck," Blaine whispered, even himself shocked by how low and calm his voice was. He wondered what was going through Trent's mind, but even more if there was any way he could get out of the party without having to face the rest of The Warblers.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for anyone to hear," Trent blabbered nervously out. Blaine squeezed his eyes so hard that white sparks started dancing on his closed eyelids before he stood up.
"It's fine. I know you didn't mean to. I'm going home," Blaine assured him and headed for the door. He knew that there was only one way out and that was through the rehearsal room. He could feel that all blood had left his face and his fingers were summing. He had to get it over with. Fortunately Trent was right next to him.
When they entered the room everyone was staring at them. They had all just been waiting for the door to open. Blaine headed directly for his coat in the corner, determined not to look anyone in the eyes. He was afraid what would meet him if he did.
"So you're queer, Anderson? No wonder Gary didn't want to hang with you anymore," someone said loud enough for everyone to hear. Blaine didn't look to see who it was, he just wanted to get away as quick as possible. To his surprise Trent put on his coat too.
"I don't think you should come back. I don't wanna catch it. I like my ass without intruders," another voice laughed when Blaine turned down the hall to head for the main entrance.
"It's sick! It's wrong. Stay away, you freak," the first voice yelled after them before buzzing of voices sounded from the rehearsal room behind them.
The night air felt like knives against his skin when they exited the huge double doors. Blaine had to bite his lower lip hard to avoid his pressing tears get free run. Without caring he opened his coat and pulled out his necklace to clench around it.
"You don't have to do this. You can go back to the party. I'll just take the first bus back to Lima," he stammered to Trent. His feet refused to stop, but kept up a speed he didn't even know he was able to walk with.
"No. I'm not going back. Not after what they did to you," Trent maintained and the spot in Blaine's heart where Trent had found himself started growing. He kept doing it; surprising him with his loyalty.
They stood at the bus stop and waited together without exchanging a word. When the bus came Blaine thanked him and Trent apologized one more time. He was truly devastated and felt that it was his fault.
Blaine felt so guilty the whole ride back to Lima. The only thing that kept him from staying on the bus all the way to the last stop a few hours from there was that he knew Kurt was expecting him to come over.
He got off the bus in Lima centre around 11.30. He needed the fresh air more than anything, so he walked slowly back to Kurt's place. The bus ride had made him nauseas and a headache was pounding in his temples. He couldn't stop thinking about what to tell Kurt.
The Hummel-Hudson house was dark except for the light from the TV and the little lamp in the corner of the living room. Blaine toed his shoes off and hung his jacket in the hall before he headed for the stairs.
"Hey kid. Had a good party?" Burt asked as Blaine walked through the living room. His stomach curled up and he had to force his heart down to avoid spitting it on the floor.
"Yeah. It was… fine," he lied, only wishing to not have to talk to anyone for the rest of the night. If only he could get out of this politely he would be eternally grateful.
"You know, I get the feeling that's not entirely true. I understand if you don't wanna talk about it. To me at least. But I'm here if you change your mind," Burt said fatherly to him and an urge to blabber it all out started pressing in the back of his throat.
He didn't know how to react without losing control of himself so he merely nodded to acknowledge that he understood what his father-in-law had said to him. Burt nodded back and Blaine knew that it meant that he was dismissed, so he returned to his plan on climbing the stairs.
When he was at the top stair he stopped. It was like some sort of magnetic force pulled him back down to the living room. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs, looking for words. Burt hadn't seen that he was back so Blaine debated whether or not to interrupt him. Again.
"They… outed me. Called me a freak," he suddenly burst out, and tears sprung from his eyes. It was such a relief to tell someone, but he was also so incredibly ashamed to stand there in his boyfriend's living room, without his boyfriend even being present, and break down this way.
Burt turned around and stared at him in disbelief. His eyes were huge and was clearly waiting for Blaine to continue, for him to lighten his chest.
"Somene heard Trent and I talking. This dude I don't even know. He told everyone. They… called me sick and -" he couldn't finish the sentence. He couldn't tell Burt the things they had said to him. What if someone had said the same to Kurt?
Blaine was fighting not to break down completely. To not dissolve into a puddle of tears, sobs and spit on the living room rug. His knees were quivering and his eyes were burning. He had to blink rapidly to even be able to see clearly.
Burt didn't wait for him to say anymore. He jumped to his feet and crossed the floor to put his arms around the crying boy in front of him. It was clearly as awkward to Burt as it was to Blaine, but he did it nonetheless and Blaine let himself fall apart.
He cried heavily into Burt's arms for a long time, but pulled himself together. He couldn't stay like this. He took a step back and dried his eyes in the sleeve of his blazer.
"Look, kid. This sucks, I know - but don't worry about them. I know that this is a lot more than just a bunch of teenage boys being cruel, but now I want you to go up there and wake up Kurt -" Blaine started to object, but he held up a hand to stop him and Blaine stopped the words before they left his mouth.
"I know he will want to be there for you even though he's asleep right now. So wake him up and tell him what happened. You need that. Then tomorrow we'll discuss how to tackle this. It's your problem and that makes it Kurt's problem, that way it's my problem too, so we'll deal with this as a family," Burt said and squeezed his shoulders one last time.
Blaine didn't know what to say. He felt horrible for dragging his own troubles into their home, but he would never be able to express his gratitude towards the way Burt received the news. He knew that his own father would never have reacted that way. He nodded and said a thick 'thank you' before he turned back to the stairs.
Kurt's room was dark and it smelled like incense. Blaine could hear the silent humming of Kurt's breathing and he knew instinctively that he was asleep. He would recognize that sound and feeling any day. He didn't think further, simply let his clothes fall to the floor before he snuck under the covers as close to Kurt as he dared. He knew that Burt had asked him to wake him up, but he couldn't bring himself to drag him out of his peace.
Kurt turned around to hold him almost immediately, and Blaine fell into his embrace at once and realized how happy he was that Kurt was asleep. All the tears that he had held back since leaving Dalton, and struggled to hold back while talking to Burt in the living room overwhelmed him and it didn't take long before he had silently soaked the pillowcase.
"Baby? Stardust? What's wrong? Why are you crying?" Kurt cooed mumbling and pulled him closer.
Great, now he had woken up Kurt too. A perfect ending to a perfect night. He caved in and clenched Kurt harder before letting a heavy sob into his chest, where he nearly drooled and bore his teeth into his flesh from his crying.
Kurt didn't ask anymore. He kept running his fingers through his hair and came with soothing sounds in his ear. Blaine appreciated that the darkness was over them like a blanket protecting them from what had happened.
After what felt like an eternity Blaine was simply too exhausted to cry anymore. His muscles had given completely up on him and his throat was burning from sobbing. He grabbed a handful of Kurt's night shirt and squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that he could sleep soon so the reality of the world would be gone - at least for a few hours.
He wanted to sleep, needed to sleep, so badly. But the faces of his shocked friends and the sounds of the mocking, unfamiliar voices were haunting him every time he closed his eyes, so he didn't dare to. He couldn't take it.
Kurt's fingertips kept running up and down his back and through his hair. He hummed quietly into his ear and ghosted his lips over his forehead and hair. On any other night Blaine would have turned to mush and fallen asleep from the safety in Kurt's arms.
"I love your loving ways when you hold my hand
And with a little squeeze you make me understand
That I'm the only one underneath the sun for you, for you
Well, I love your loving ways, yes I love your loving ways
Yes I do, yes I do, yes I do"
Kurt started singing quietly. His voice was like velvet ghosting over Blaine's body, and he hoped that he would never stop. He needed him to never stop.
"I love your loving ways when you kiss, a kiss
The way you pop it up makes me go for this
Because you make me feel
I'm the only one you need, yes you need
Well I love your loving ways, I love your loving ways
Yes indeed, yes indeed, yes indeed"
He curled his arms stronger around Kurt and stared into the closing darkness of the room. The song was creeping under his skin and he wanted it there. He felt like Kurt was crawling inside of him to stay forever, and it was exactly what he was craving.
"Oh yeah, your kisses
That taste so good to me
Oh they tell me
Darling, you're not made of wood
Well I love your loving ways when you hold me tight
You're always good to me and you treat me just right
So baby take my love
Cause it's meant for you, just you, just you
Well I love your loving ways, oh I love your loving ways
Yes I do, yes I do, yes I do"
The tears were back to running down his face that he had buried in Kurt's chest. He could hear the silent purring from his singing in his lungs, and the way his heart was pounding strongly directly into Blaine's ear. One of the most comforting sounds he knew.
"I love your loving ways when you hold me tight
You're always good to me and you treat me just right
So baby take my love
Cause it's meant for you, just you, just you
Well I love your loving ways, oh I love your loving ways
Yes I do, yes I do, yes I do"
Kurt closed the song with a soft kiss to Blaine's forehead. He nearly panicked when he stopped singing, but remembered that Kurt always had refused to sing to him, so this was more than he could ask for, more than he could ever have hoped for.
"How come you've always said no when I asked you to sing? Your voice is so beautiful," Blaine stammered thickly. He was barely whispering; he didn't want to talk out loud because he was afraid it would break the darkness protecting them.
"No. We're not talking about me now. You need to tell me what happened, Blaine. You're scaring me when you come crawling into my bed and start crying in the middle of the night like that," Kurt said firmly and sat up, forcing Blaine to follow. He had called him 'Blaine' so he was definitely serious. It couldn't be brushed off so they could discuss it in the morning. He would never agree to that.
"It - happened. Some new guy overheard me talk to Trent and now… they all hate me. All The Warblers know what I am," Blaine stammered out. A fire ran from his stomach, through his lungs and up his throat. It was a test of his strength to not break down again from speaking the words out loud in that way.
"Darling, I don't think they hate you, how could th -" Kurt started softly, but Blaine broke him off.
"You didn't hear them. The things they said when I left. Or see their faces. The way they all stared at me. Like I had some sort of poisonous disease," Blaine snapped at him, immediately regretting that he had talked to Kurt like that, but desperate to let him understand that no one wanted him anywhere now.
"I am so sorry, Stardust. I wish you hadn't been through that," Kurt crooned and dragged him into a close hug. Blaine buried his nose in his hair and sucked in the scent. Not even Kurt's smell of summer rain could calm him down.
"It will probably be around all of the school on Monday and all of Lima on Tuesday. Then I'll lose my job at the record store, and I won't be able to get another one. My father will hear about it, and… I'll never see you again. He'll send me away, and that will be it," Blaine declared and faced the reality of his words. He could feel Kurt go stiff in the bed next to him.
"No. No! That won't happen. We'll figure something out. I am not letting that happen," Kurt said thickly. Now he was crying too.
Blaine let a hand rush to his cheek and felt the tears streaming down over his fingers, so he leaned in to kiss Kurt's cheek instead, to kiss the tears away. The tears he had caused. Kurt's hand clasped over his on his face and held it strong, kissed it and continued crying.
"No matter what happens I will not let anyone separate us. I have been searching for you for centuries, and now that I finally have you I am not letting go," Kurt announced sharply and in a surprise he clasped his lips against Blaine's. When he broke apart they were so close that Blaine could see the shine from his eyes.
"We're back to being one and not even death can take us apart."
Blaine was shocked, and a little scared from his words. The words themselves sounded so dramatic, but from Kurt's voice they were beautiful. He knew Kurt didn't say anything if he didn't mean it, and this was something he believed in stronger than much else.
"I love you," Blaine simply stated, out of words to return to him. He felt like he had been hit in the face by a boulder, and his entire body was threatening to give up so he had to lie back down, and Kurt followed him. They closed their arms around each other and Blaine relieved himself to let Kurt's body warm up his that was still ice cold from the night air outside.
Comments
This story... just... is perfection.
Awww poor Blaine, I hate them assholes that were saying that bs to him. I hope it doesn't end up to bad with people and his dad finding out