The Sound Of Silence
klairy-dust
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The Sound Of Silence: Boyfriends Means Nothing


E - Words: 5,111 - Last Updated: Jun 11, 2012
Story: Complete - Chapters: 43/43 - Created: Jan 08, 2012 - Updated: Jun 11, 2012
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A week until Christmas. Kurt kept asking him if he wanted to come to his place, but he continually declined politely. He loved Kurt's family and he had started to feel home in their house, but he simple didn't feel that he couldn't barge in on them on Christmas.

Blaine pushed his chair away from his desk and folded up the letter in his hand. He put it into an envelope and did his best to scribble down the address as neatly as possible. Of course nothing could ever be as artistic as Kurt's calligraphic hand writing, but he still wished that he could have done it a little better.

He hadn't seen Kurt for two days. He had promised to help Carole with Christmas preparations and Blaine had long shifts so all he really did was get up early, go to work, and then go home to sleep again.

Now he had written a letter for Kurt. It was short and didn't say much, just enough to what he needed to know. He thought he wanted to at least try to be cute and mysterious the way Kurt always was it, though he already knew he had failed miserably. He put on the stamp and dragged on his coat so he could hurry to the mailbox with it before he went to sleep.

All the letter said was:

"Meet me by the fallen tree on Saturday at 3 pm."

That was two days before Christmas so it should be enough for the post to arrive in time for Kurt to get the letter.

He hadn't even signed it. He knew that Kurt would know it was from him, so it wasn't really necessary.

The days were slowing down. The store was filled with customers from opening to close and Blaine was sure that he was going to end up with stress before he could get to his Christmas break alive.

When he hit his pillows in the night he was so exhausted that he didn't even get to watch the moon outside his window. Lately he had tried catching the moon every night before he fell asleep, reminding himself that Kurt was probably looking at them same moon as he was and it helped him sleep.

Fortunately he hadn't had any nightmares since they had been to the cemetery. Actually, he hadn't had any dreams at all. His body was simply too overworked to have his brain produce images enough to form a dream. It was comfortable though. It was way to prefer over the dark dreams glooming in the back of his head.

Luckily his Christmas break started Friday so he had the entire Saturday to himself. He took a long shower and strolled around the house in his pajamas, eating cereal in his room while listening to Elvis and reading comic books. When the clock hit 2:30 he panicked and realized he was late to meeting Kurt.

He dragged on the first clothes he could find and ran out the door. When he reached the green patch he had to slow down. It was way too cold for his lungs to run, and the ice wind felt like needles through his windpipe.

He found Kurt sitting on the trunk waiting for him. He jumped to his feet when he saw him coming from the path. He was turning his hands in front of him, and Blaine knew that if he hadn't been wearing his faithful mittens his fingers would have been twisting each other. Why was he so nervous?

"Is everything okay? What's going on?" Kurt asked anxiously and took a few steps closer when Blaine was almost in front of him through the snow and mushy leaves.

"Hey - slow down. It's fine. I guess. At least I hope it is. Are you okay?"

"It's just… that note was just… never mind. What's going on?" Kurt shot a smile that only seemed half-sincere and Blaine got curious.

"What's going on, Kurt? Just tell me what it is?" Blaine inquired, determined not to continue anything before he had spilled what was making him so anxious.

"It's lame. Just… it was so mysterious. When I got the note I was all chill about it but Puck panicked and kept fearing that you wanted to break up with me, and Finn kept saying that you wouldn't do that, and I kept saying that as well - but Puck was ready to go to your house and ask you, and I just…." Kurt blabbered out, so fast that Blaine nearly didn't catch half of what was going on.

"What? That's ridiculous. Puck's a jerk then. Because I could never do that. And you're a jerk for letting him freak you out that way. Soul mates, right -" Blaine nudged him with his shoulder watching Kurt blush in embarrassment.

"I know. I kept saying that it wasn't anything - but just… the worst fears are always those creeping quickest. I don't wanna talk about it. Why are we here?" Kurt hurried to change the subject, but Blaine was determined to hold it against him for the rest of the day.

"Well… it's Christmas in two days. I don't know if I see you before, and I don't know when I'll see you after so… I got you something, and I just wanted to give it to you so you have it on Christmas," Blaine said insecure. He dug his hand into his pocket and found out an envelope. He was happy to find that he had filled it with enough cotton to not tell of what it held before Kurt could get it open.

"Oh but… Blaine - you shouldn't have done that. That's just…" Kurt was actually lost for words. Something Blaine had never thought would happen - the boy who always had an answer for anything, the boy who always knew what to say at the right times, the boy who never shut up - he was speechless.

"Just - open it, and you'll see that it's nothing fancy. It just made me think of you, and I wanted you to have it." Blaine put the envelope in his hand after Kurt had slid off the mittens to put them between his rib and elbow so he could use his fingers.

There was no way he could see through it, Blaine was sure when he felt the soft under the paper.

Kurt opened the envelope and fumbled his fingers around in the soft cotton. The second he found what he was looking for Blaine could see it in his eyes.

He pulled up the brown leather bracelet and held it up to see the gold pendants. The mittens and envelope fell to the snow under him as he turned it delicately over between his fingers.

"This is… this is beautiful, Stardust. I just…" Kurt took a step closer, his eyes still focused on the pendants in his fingers not even noticing the cotton soaking in the snow under him.

"I just… the g-clef because… music with your mom and all… and the peace symbol shaped as a heart because that is just - everything you are. And -" Blaine started explaining, hoping he made any sense at all.

"And the star because of you," Kurt ended his sentence before he could himself, reading his thoughts, and making a grin cover Blaine's face.

"Yeah. Because of me. Oh I forgot something -" Blaine suddenly realized the last part and dug out a plate of dark chocolate from his pocket.

"Stars and dark chocolate -" Kurt recalled with a smile. He accepted the chocolate with a confounded smile.

Blaine gave a relieved sigh on the inside; he did remember. Then he didn't look as stupid as he had feared when he had packed it all up Friday night before going to bed.

"Good. You remembered. Cause I'll never forget it." Blaine put his hands on Kurt's hips and dragged him closer so he could fold his arms around him.

"Thank you, Stardust. It's amazing. Better than if anyone had given me the moon and the sun," Kurt muttered high pitched in his ear, with his hands folded around the bracelet and chocolate squeezed between their chests.

"Will you put it on me?" Kurt asked and broke his grip around Blaine. His eyes were green in the twilight of the forest, and gold was playing around the pupil.

"Of course I will. Come here," Blaine said and took gently around Kurt's wrist so he could close the bracelet around his arm to lock it securely.

There it was. Even though people wouldn't know this would be Blaine's mark on Kurt. Without people's knowledge they would look at the brown leather chord with the golden symbols, possibly even compliment them, and what they would see would be the evidence of Kurt being his.

"There you go. It looks perfect on you," Blaine smiled and brushed his hand over his cheek before he bent down to pick up Kurt's mittens and the envelope, saving whatever could be saved of the soaked, now-heavy cotton.

"Let's go back to my place and get some heat into you before you start shaking." Blaine kissed Kurt's cheek before he put his arm around him and started leading him out of the forest.

The second they entered Blaine's room Kurt started peeling off his many layers of clothes. He folded them neatly and put them on the chair before curling up under the covers in nothing but his boxers. It didn't take long for Blaine to join him and once they were relaxed he quickly realized that they were both so extremely cold that it would take a long time for them to defrost so they could feel close to normal.

Kurt fell asleep with his face against Blaine's shoulder. Blaine figured that he'd wake him up just in time for him to go home before it got dark, but Blaine fell asleep too. He was way too comfortable with Kurt in his bed to stay awake, so when Blaine woke up around 7 he panicked because he couldn't let Kurt go home in the dark alone, so he decided to let him sleep and tiptoed out of the room and downstairs to the telephone.

"Hey. It's me, Blaine. Uhm - I... Kurt is staying over tonight. He fell asleep, and I just woke up and realized it, so I'll just let him sleep." He wasn't nervous about Burt anymore, but he still felt it strange to inform him that his son was currently sleeping in his bed even though he knew perfectly well that they shared Kurt's bed whenever Blaine was at their house - a very small bed that was.

"You just let him sleep. He needs it. Doesn't get much sleep when he's home. Thanks for letting me know, kid. You take care of each other."

And that was it. They bid each other a good night and hung up - leaving Blaine with a feeling of not understanding what was going on.

Why didn't Kurt get much sleep at home? Apparently he wasn't on the verge of getting sick, it was the lack of sleeping that was making him tired and anxious, leaving a constant fatigue gloom darkening his face and eyes.

Blaine went to the kitchen and found some food. He ate rushed before he hurried to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He staggered back to his room where he found Kurt with his back on Blaine's side of the bed, but clinging his fingers around the pendants of the bracelet on his arm.

He had his knees dragged nearly to his chest, and his arms were holding an iron grip around Blaine's pillow. He smiled at the sight and decided that he could go without the pillow.

He turned on the reading lamp on his night stand before he pulled out a book from the nightstand drawer. He smeared his lips with a thick layer of Vaseline, hoping his lips wouldn't hurt too much from the cold wind that had abused his face so much lately before he started reading. He only got through half a page before Kurt abandoned the pillow and turned to put his arms around Blaine instead. He was still sleeping but his grip on Blaine seemed very conscious.

Blaine quickly started yawning and slid back down to fall asleep again; happy that he had called Burt to let him know that Kurt was there. He could only imagine the terrors that would go through his head if Kurt didn't let him know where he was - if he had run away again, if he was in trouble, if the jerk from his school had found him, or if he had tried to die again.

"Stardust? Blaine!" Kurt hissed through the dark. He had opened the curtains just enough to let a beam of moonlight in to bathe the bed in silver.

"It's okay. I called your dad. You can come back to sleep," Blaine yawned and hid his face under the blanket to keep out the light.

"I know you did. But that's not the point. Come and sit with me," Kurt eagered with his fingertips brushing featherly over the naked skin of Blaine's abdomens. Warmth spread through him, and he feared a wake-up-hard-on was about to overpower him, and something in Kurt's tone told him that he wasn't waking him up to get a midnight fuck.

"What's going on, Kurt?" Blaine inquired and pulled the cover away from his face just enough to let his eyes free. The awaiting expression on Kurt's face was stunning; his huge eyes were close to silver in the pale light, and his mouth was reduced to a thin line in anticipation. There was no way that Blaine would ever go back to sleep before engaging in whatever purpose Kurt could have of pulling him out of his dreams, so he sighed under his breath before he rubbed his eyes and sat up.

"Whatever it is we're not going outside," Blaine declared a little sharp, knowing that he should probably be fast if he wanted to set some sort of boundary to the night's events.

"Of course we're not going outside. It's dark and freezing out there," Kurt retorted in a shocked tone as if it had been Blaine's crazed suggestion out of nowhere.

Kurt got off the bed and sat cross-legged in the middle of the floor with his gaze and posture leaving no doubt that he was expecting Blaine to follow his example.

Blaine drew a heavy breathe, a little annoyed that he had been woken up in the middle of the night, but nonetheless dragged himself out to the floor to sit in front of Kurt so he could mirror his position.

The room was chilly on his naked skin and for a moment he considered asking Kurt if this wasn't something that could wait until the morning; something he already knew Kurt would decline before he could even get a chance to finish his sentence. Instead he decided to play along and just enjoy the sight of Kurt get the kick he usually got out of doing these things.

"What are we doing?" Blaine asked, hoping to at least receive some sort of information.

Kurt got on his knees and let a palm gently brush over his face to close his eyes. He didn't say anything, he waited. Waited for Kurt to give him instructions, but all he heard was Kurt sitting back down in front of him and inhaling strong; but slowly. Blaine did as well.

"Kurt, wha -"

"Shhhh - feel yourself. Feel the dark. Feel the night. No words are needed. Just you - and your breathing," Kurt declared in his soft, dreamy way.

He drew one more breath and Blaine did the same.

He listened. The wind was hissing and wailing outside his window. The house was creaking around them. His pulse was speeding in his ears. Kurt was breathing.

He felt like the darkness in the room served as a protecting blanket. He was still cold, but somehow it didn't seem to matter anymore.

The silence between them, where nothing but their breathing was heard, traced trails up and down his torso - like tickling feathers caressing. He started paying close attention to the rise and fall of his chest, and prickles were running through his toes from being locked to the same position for too long.

After some time it was like the wind wasn't screaming and pleading at them anymore. It was more like it had transformed into singing a melancholic tune that made a chill run down Blaine's spine.

His eyes were still closed, afraid that if he opened them without permission it would upset Kurt that he didn't fully engage in the experience. At least now he was more curious for next move than he was tired and annoyed.

Surprisingly he felt the tip of one of Kurt's fingers on his one knee. One more touched the other. He wasn't sure he was meant to, but he stretched out and put the tips of his index fingers against Kurt's knees as well.

He wasn't surprised when Kurt slowly let their hands slid together to lock. Kurt evidently wanted them to reach a joined connection rather than achieve something individually.

Their hands weren't clenching each other, not even squeezing. They stayed flat; barely touching one another. It was like balancing paper on his palm, or having a light silk fabric covering his hand. It started feeling like Kurt's warmth was running into Blaine.

After they had sat with their hands together for what easily could have been five minutes, or maybe an hour, he realized that he wasn't cold anymore. It was like he was slowly being lowered into a steaming hot tub.

The feathers bushing his skin got much more sufficient, now they reached every inch, every corner, every cell of the surface of his body - only it felt like they were melting into the deeper layers of his skin; like the surface wasn't enough anymore.

Blaine could hear Kurt's breathing go heavier opposite him in sync with his own heartbeat growing faster. He had no idea what was happening between them, and he hadn't quite made up his mind whether he found it comforting or scary - but for some reason he knew, without even trying, that he couldn't break their connection.

They were fused together and there was nothing to do but sit back and wait for what was to happen.

A tiny whimper came from Kurt's lips and for a second Blaine wanted, needed, to open his eyes and search for Kurt's. But he couldn't. It wasn't time yet. Instead he pictured them for his inner eye. Bright azure with spots of green; and a golden ring around his pupils.

The heat channeling from Kurt through their hands had transformed, and the more waves of lava was running through him the closer he got to admitting that there was nothing to be scared of.

Adrenaline started pulsing, brushing like ocean in his ears and he let ecstasy overflow him.

He couldn't stop his thumbs from boring into Kurt's light palms, and yet Kurt let his thumbs stroke gently over the back of Blaine's hands; sending streams of consoling electricity through his nervous system.

In time with the fire inside him growing more powerful Kurt slowly started to carefully turn his hands to entwine his fingers into Blaine's; delicately squeezing in assurance that he wasn't going to let him go.

Blaine was so confused of what was going on inside him, what had taken over his body - but the only thing he could wrap his brain about as comparison was... the sensation of coming into Kurt, or by Kurt's hand.

And there it happened - as if on cue they synchronically let out a heavy breath, a feeling of orgasm filling Blaine, transported through his veins, and goose bumps covering his skin.

He wasn't sure, but in a far distance he thought he could hear himself panting, but he didn't open his eyes. He knew that he hadn't really ejaculated, but he was still afraid that if he looked down he would find his own sperm bleeding through his boxers - it had felt so real.

Lips pressed against his and he realized that Kurt was on his knees, covering his mouth with his own. He hadn't even noticed him moving.

Blaine released his fingers from Kurt's and entangled them into his soft hair instead. He pressed Kurt's face closer to his own, so close that their teeth nearly scratched, but he just needed badly to take him in to fullest - everything that was Kurt.

"Wow," Blaine burst out thickly when he finally let the kiss end.

Kurt didn't move his head. He stayed close and Blaine dared himself to open his eyes. He was staring directly into Kurt's - blue like a summer sky with vague black spots. Like the eyes on the wings of a butterfly.

Kurt broke their contact, startling Blaine by the abruptness of the action. Wordlessly he stood up, offered Blaine a hand and led him back to bed.

He fell down and made Blaine lie down to rest his head on his chest, endorphins still raging through every cell in him. He could hear that Kurt's heart was running just as fast as his own was. Had he felt it too? Probably.

"How did you do that?" Blaine whispered, now finding the pale silver light from the moon beautiful. Like a promise of a better tomorrow - strongly controlled by fate - the perfect metaphor for what he hoped was waiting for them in 1969.

"I didn't do anything - we did it together," Kurt whispered back as he started running his fingers through Blaine's hair and the other hand gently up and down his arm.

"It was... amazing. Surreal - orgasmic" Blaine blabbered out, unable to hold it in.

He tightened his arm around Kurt's waist and let his free arm up to caress up and down his ribs.

"It was heavenly mind blowing," Kurt purred, his words muffled by his lips being pressed into Blaine's hair.

So he had definitely felt it as well. He had known they could do this - that was why he had even woken up Blaine in the first place.

Suddenly a horrifying thought hit him; if Kurt had known they would achieve the orgasmic sensation, then he had probably done it before. With someone else.

"How did you know?" he asked tryingly, hoping for Kurt to open up to it himself. It was too awkward to ask directly. It wasn't like it was sex - although it felt very much like it. At least the ending ecstasy fumes did. Even so it wasn't his place of concern. What Kurt had done before they met wasn't any of his business, he reminded himself.

"Sometimes a spark just shows when it's the right time for something."

Alright, hat didn't help at all. Why couldn't he just answer like a normal person every once in a while? As soon as the thought ran through his mind Blaine felt bad. That was unfair - his dreamy senses were one of the things he loved about Kurt.

"Why didn't we do this before? I mean - all those times back in the commune where we meditated together; you didn't even touch me once through all of those sessions," Blaine wondered out loud, a silent wish in the back of his head that this would lead him in direction of his answer.

Maybe Kurt hadn't been comfortable about having sex and letting people touch him after what happened in his school, so maybe this had been his way of having sex with people.

A rush of jealousy filled Blaine. Maybe other people hadn't been allowed to touch him, but this felt just as bad, in some strange way. What they had just shared was so much a symbol of everything that defined Kurt, this was not a matter of satisfying the flesh but connection of souls; something private and intimate.

If Kurt had shared that with someone else it was like them sharing it tonight didn't mean anything anymore, even though it had meant everything to Blaine only a minute before.

"Some things are not to be shared before the perfect moment arises -"

Oh no, he wasn't going to do that now; answering in short, mysterious sentences that couldn't be deciphered. Blaine felt desperate - he needed to know. He almost couldn't keep his head on Kurt's chest anymore, but he was afraid to see his face when he finally got to the point.

"I once tried - with Puck. But neither of us could do it. We were stoned, and we didn't really believe it was possible to reach that level. Especially not two people together like that. We kept giggling, and eventually we just fell asleep on the floor," Kurt explained.

His heartbeat was back to normal pace as opposed to Blaine's that felt like it wasn't really sure what to do.

He had tried before- but with Puck. But they hadn't been serious about it. Didn't that sort of cancel it All out? When they hadn't even believed it to work? When it hadn't been more than a mere joke in the weed-influenced moment?

"Then why now? Why did you take it seriously with me? How come you believed it to work now?" He inquired, almost demanded to know.

"Isn't that obvious? Because... we're boyfriends. It had to work with you, because we are so strongly connected as one. Because us being boyfriends is stronger than just that. Because I truly believe that what we share is bigger than anything anyone could share. Because the word 'boyfriends' seems almost meaningless to us. Saying that we are boyfriends seems almost low because it could never describe the spiritual bond that we share. It's magic."

Even though Blaine couldn't see him he could hear the shine of honesty and ecstasy in his voice - the happiness radiating from him, even in his touch.

"I don't know how you do it. All of this crazy, amazing stuff. Like you've got some sort of superpower."

Blaine remembered when Kurt had told him that he was a psychic - the first time Blaine ever experienced him not being serious and pensive. He had to stop himself from not laughing out loud at the memory. It had been so comforting to know that he had a sense of humor as well as this incredible gift of touching something inside Blaine. That was the moment where Blaine had realized that this boy might actually be the closest to perfect there was.

"I can't believe you actually thought I was a medium," Kurt chuckled teasingly and dug his mouth into Blaine's hair to kiss his head, still suppressing a laugh, reminding Blaine of his stupid question after they had been to he cemetery.

"Of course I did. You do all of these things and know all kinds of stuff - and you're so intense. It would only make sense if you actually were."

Blaine blushed. He was embarrassed to have suggested such a stupid idea. As if mediums actually existed. Maybe Kurt didn't even believe in that kind of stuff.

"Sometimes I wish I was. But I think it would only make me miss her more. And who am I to keep her bound to this Earth if there is a need for her elsewhere?" Kurt was back to his usual pondering self. This was something he had really thought through.

Blaine started picturing how Kurt had sat day after day for hours by his mom's grave; waiting for some sort of sign, maybe even crying and begging for her - frantically pleading her to come back. Devastated when he realized that nothing happened, and nothing would happen because she was gone for good.

A burning agony spread in Blaine's chest and he had to bite his lower lip hard to choke a whimper knotting up in his throat. He clenched as hard as he could around Kurt, his fingertips boring into his ribs. He pushed his nose into his chest; kissed the skin of his chest, his collar, his nipple, his shoulder - everywhere Blaine could reach to press his mouth against his warm body without releasing his grip.

"Let's make a deal; right here, right now -" he offered thickly, Kurt not saying anything merely nodding and purring in response.

"Let's agree to stop mourning our moms anymore. It's no good and I can't stand seeing your heart breaking over and over again. We should - focus on making them proud. Of course loving them, and missing them - but letting them go, to not let it consume us. I see how big a wound it's left on you... Please let it heal."

Blaine pressed his mouth to Kurt's chest, to his heart, one more time before he placed his hand on the same spot and moved to lie next to Kurt instead, Kurt searching his eyes before he spoke, nearly inaudible.

"You're so wise. And brave."

Kurt silenced, but it didn't seem like he was thinking it over, it was more like he was taking it in and tasting the words - absorbing the sounds that had streamed from Blaine's lips and making room for them to fill the space before he would voice himself.

"I think it sounds like a wonderful idea. I wish I had been brave enough to make that decision myself. You're like my rock -" Kurt grinned at him, and nudged his shoulder before turning to lie on his side to have a better look at Blaine next to him.

Blaine observed how the bracelet smoothed its way around his wrist, the pendants brushing lightly over his skin.

"This is the best thing on you. I don't think you should ever wear anything but this," Blaine said and flipped the g-clef with a smirk.

"Even though you thought I would break up with you - what's up with that? Gotta say that hurt." He was only joking. He knew that Puck had kept bugging him about it since the letter arrived, and now that he thought about it he could see why it seemed a little vague and odd with only that single line, so he decided that the cute and mysterious should stay as Kurt's part of their relationship.

"I'm sorry I made you anxious though - but I still wanna punch Puck because he made you think that way. But I am sorry," Blaine blabbered. He didn't want Kurt to think that he blamed him or have him feel guilty over it.

"It's fine. I did know that you wouldn't leave me. It was just Puck stressing out. He gets so easily upset and freaked out over nothing. It's actually kinda cute -" Kurt explained with a chuckle, his dimples showing and his eyes starting to swim from fatigue.

"You're so adorable," Blaine burst out before he kissed his temple and enfolded Kurt's hand in his, knowing they had to sleep soon but didn't want to because there was no question that Kurt would have to leave early in the morning.


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