June 11, 2012, 6:19 a.m.
The Sound Of Silence: Within You Without You
E - Words: 2,264 - Last Updated: Jun 11, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 43/43 - Created: Jan 08, 2012 - Updated: Jun 11, 2012 688 0 0 0 1
“Blaaaaaineeeeers.”
Linda dropped down next to Blaine where he was eating his cereal with his back against the radiator. She looked excited, as if she had something big to tell him and was just waiting for him to ask what it was.
“Morning Linda. What’s going on?” Blaine asked with his mouth full of cornflakes, soymilk almost dripping on his shirt through his words.
“Gary and I want to take you out today. We rarely ever see you, and we’re a group who’re going to this park and we’re going to play and sing and -”
“I can’t. Kurt is taking me somewhere. I am so sorry. It really sounds fun,” Blaine blurted out, accidentally spitting a little corn flakes on her shirt in his desperation to emphasize how sorry he really was. At least he wanted to be sorry.
“Hey. Why don’t you just bring Kurt? He’s such a loner. He only ever talks to you, and it might be good for him to be with other people too.”
Quinn, a girl who was from Ohio too, put out her cigarette to engage in their conversation.
She was a really pretty girl, with long blonde wavy hair and was always wearing long dresses in bright colors, with flowers on the light fabric.
Blaine had met her back in Ohio at some of the demonstrations and parties they had been at. He knew that Quinn was out of a wealthy family, and her parents saw her as a disgrace for having chosen the life she had. When she had met them at the bus for Washington she had carried a large suitcase that contained any material she would need; she wasn’t coming back to Ohio.
Blaine started chewing on the same mouthful of cereal for several seconds until it was almost a mush in his mouth, but he had no idea what to tell them. He didn’t want to go with them. He wanted to go with Kurt, wherever it was that Kurt had planned for them to go.
“I don’t really know -”
“Come on, Blaine. Kurt can’t keep you to himself forever,” Quinn said flirtingly, her eyelashes waving at him.
“But I promised him that I would go. We can do something tomorrow, okay?” Blaine tried, not wanting to lead Quinn on, but he didn’t want them to think too much of him and Kurt together either. What if they thought that him and Kurt had something going on?
“Gary is gonna be so disappointed,” Linda exclaimed and stood up.
“Tomorrow then. You promise?” Her tone was sharp, and Blaine knew that this wasn’t a time to joke around, so he nodded convincingly in agreement.
He watched her walk off towards the bathroom as he let his head fall backwards against the radiator. He just knew that now she was going to tell Gary that he had blown them off for being with a guy, and then Gary would come to try and frit him for information for the next hundreds of years.
Quinn was sitting on the futon braiding her hair, sending Blaine looks and smiles every now and then, and he smiled politely back, just wanting to finish his breakfast, eager for Kurt to tell him that they could get going.
*
Kurt walked with a determined pace down the sidewalk, Blaine following him, confused about where they were headed for. He had quickly found out that it was purposeless to ask Kurt questions on where they were going when he had a plan; that would only result in a hazy reply about no one ever really knowing where they were going until they had reached the crossroad where they had to decide.
They ended in a neighborhood with concrete buildings and kids playing in the streets with their jump ropes and kicking a ball across from one sidewalk to another. Blaine guessed that it was very rare that cars visited that end of town, and the pavement looked like it could use a little help.
A group of shops were located at a corner of the block, and Kurt walked down the stairs to a store under an apartment building.
The room was big and cold, but it felt incredibly small because it was filled with close-standing shelves and boxes all filled with records. On the walls posters of rock groups were hanging and incense were fogging in a cloud under the low-hanging ceiling. A little radio on the counter was playing through a scratching speaker as a long bearded man was singing along.
“Wow. That’s - that’s a lot of records,” Blaine said sniffing in the smell of vinyl, remembering just how much he loved them.
“You love music. I can see it when you play your guitar. But I feel like I’ve been keeping you away from it. Even now your eyes have a spark that only comes when you play or sing. The yellow-green from your heart is so much stronger, even lavender is surrounding you now; your imagination, your vision is so much stronger in here. You belong here.”
Kurt started tripping down the aisle between the wooden boxes, looking like he was dancing.
Blaine was left at the door, looking over the sea of music, letting the scratchy tones reach his ears and run to his heart, making it pound even harder as if it was trying to let the music pulse through his veins.
He started flipping through the records, letting his hands caress the slick paper of the pockets, carefully taking out the vinyl discs to hold them against the light and look at the perfect tracks smoothing over the black.
He went through all of the boxes. He didn’t care how uninteresting one box of records seemed, he flipped through all of them anyway.
Blaine had completely forgot how it felt to do every day stuff like this, and he shocked himself when he realized that he hadn’t listened to music on his own accord since he had been home.
He picked up the newest record by The Beatles and took it to the listening booth where he put it on the gramophone, and sat down with closed eyes and just listened.
It wasn’t until the record ended and he had to flip it that he opened his eyes and saw that Kurt was standing with his head resting against the wall and observing him, the corners of his mouth lightly turned up.
“I didn’t see you there,” Blaine said, wanting to kick himself for the stupid remark.
“You had your eyes closed. You weren’t here,” Kurt stated, his voice soft.
“Yeah. I guess you could call it that.”
Blaine nodded, not really knowing what to do when Kurt walked over and sat next to him on the small wooden bench.
“Teach me how to listen to music.”
It wasn’t a joke. He really meant it. It was the strangest thing Blaine had ever heard, and yet he knew that Kurt really meant it.
The bench was small and they sat really close, which for some reason made it hard for Blaine to breathe.
He took off the record and turned it over so he could put it back down. He led the arm to find the groove, and turned to Kurt.
“Now close your eyes, and listen. Let the music become a part of you; let it flow into you and let yourself feel it.”
Kurt closed his eyes, and Blaine watched as his eyelids did rapid movements before they finally calmed and held still as if he was sleeping.
The lyrics floated out and filled the tiny booth, making it feel like they were sitting even closer than they actually were, Blaine’s jeans feeling warm and itchy on the place where his thigh met Kurt’s.
He carefully grabbed around Kurt’s hand, making Kurt do a little jump of surprise, and led his hand up to his heart, making Kurt let two fingers out so Blaine could tap them in the pace of the bass.
“Let your pulse run with the beat. Can you feel that the music is running through your blood, and giving oxygen to your muscles?” Blaine asked, feeling his eyes grow big, and adrenaline running through him with the excitement of sharing this with Kurt.
The pale boy nodded slowly at him, as Blaine could feel how hard he was concentrating on listening to the music to keep up the beat with his fingers.
“And the time come when you will see
We’re all one, and life flows on within you and without you”
As Within You Without You ended Kurt didn’t open his eyes, he merely waited for the next track to begin, not letting go of Blaine’s hand held to his chest, making their fingers pound against his skin in unison.
Blaine didn’t remove his hand either, he just sat there, glancing at Kurt taking in every tune and word of the new world Blaine had introduced him to. Sure they had music in the commune, and there was music flowing around them all the time, but there was no questioning that passion of music was a completely new concept to Kurt; but he was open and willing to let it in so he could embrace it.
Side two ended and their fingers went calm, their hands still placed on Kurt’s chest, before he opened his eyes and stared at Blaine in amazement.
“I can understand why it means so much to you,” he said, almost sounding hurt, for some reason Blaine didn’t see when it hit him that they had been there for a long time, and it had to be really boring for Kurt as he wasn’t attached to music.
“Do you wanna go? We could go dip our feet in the fountain we passed on our way here.”
Blaine stood up very abrupt, almost making the cardboard cover fall to the floor, only saved by Kurt making a quick movement to push it back to the middle of the table.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to do that. I like watching you with music. It’s like watching love materialize itself in front of my eyes,” Kurt assured him, not leaving his seat as if he was waiting for Blaine to sit back down next to him.
“But I want to. Let’s go outside and feel the sun and hear the life of the city.”
Back home Blaine would never have left a record store unless he was being kicked out. He was on first name basis with the local shop owner, and he was friends with the black kid, Benjamin, who made sure the store was nice and clean for customers. Usually he stayed for hours and was the last person to leave the shop as they closed up.
But he really meant it; he wanted to go with Kurt and experience the world buzzing around them.
He took a step closer and grabbed around Kurt’s elbow and made him stand up. He then left the listening booth, placed the record in its box, and said politely goodbye to the man at the desk.
As they came back to the fountain on the way back to the commune Blaine rolled up the edges of his jeans and let his feet sink into the cool water, Kurt doing the same next to him.
They sat there for a long time, without talking, only letting the sun bake on their skin, smiling at the children passing them, before they took up their walk back to the apartment where Blaine was sure that he should expect a long discussion with Gary.
As they passed a phone booth Kurt stopped and sent him a saying look, and Blaine knew that he had to do it. There was no way around it, so he picked up the phone and threw in some coins.
The beeping felt like it lasted forever, and as the phone was finally picked up at the other end Blaine had almost promised himself that no one was home.
“Anderson residence.”
“Hey mom. How… how are you?”
“Blaine. Where are you? Your father and I have been so worried? What did you do? Please come home.” His mom’s voice was high pitched by the sound of her son, and she quickly started crying, letting the ice cube return to the pit of his stomach.
“I - I’m sorry mom. I just had to do this. But… I don’t know when I’m coming home. I’m in D.C. Gary and Linda are here too. We’re staying... with some friends. It’s okay, mom. I’m fine. I promise I won’t let it be so long until I call again.”
Blaine did his best to sound convincing, to let her know that he really was sorry, that he didn’t want her to worry about him.
“Anderson. You are coming home right now!” His father had grabbed the phone from his mom, and as if one cue the ice cube jumped to his throat, making it almost impossible for him to answer.
“I can’t, dad. Not right now. But I promise I’ll stay in touch. I’m running out of coins now. Tell mom I love her, would you.”
He hung up. He felt awful for having lied to his father. He had plenty of coins, he just didn’t want to spend them all on being yelled at by his father.
“I’m sorry.”
Kurt’s voice was weak, and sounded almost embarrassed. He was standing a little away, as if he had just walked in on some very private event.
“Don’t be. It’ll be fine,” Blaine assured him and started walking down the sidewalk, Kurt by his side.
The walk home was spent in silence. Blaine kept hearing his dad’s angry voice and his mom’s cry over and over again in his mind, and he wished that he could just shake his head and they would go away. He felt so guilty over having left his mom like that.