Tuesday.

Blaine didn’t open his eyes when he woke up. He kept his eyes closed in a hope that he would fall back to sleep and miss out on the event of the day.

When he had laid there long enough and he finally convinced himself that it wouldn’t do - that he needed to get up and do it, or he would regret it later in life - he opened his eyes to see a little piece of folded paper on the pillow next to him.

Suddenly he was wide awake and he sat up in a rush. His heart was racing when he picked up the note and started to unfold it. He was convinced that this was Kurt saying that he had to leave, and they could never see each other again.

Sure, it was Kurt’s neat, artistic writing that was dancing over the paper, but the message was nowhere what Blaine had feared.

“I can’t hold your hand today, but I will be there with you still. You are strong. I’ll wait for you.”

Blaine swung his feet to the floor and hurried down the hall to Kurt’s room. He knocked the door lightly before he carefully pushed it open without waiting for an answer.

He wasn’t there. The room was empty and looked like no one had even been in there. Except for a piece of paper on the pillow.

“I knew you would come in here to look for me. I went out to meditate and borrowed your key so I am sure to be back when you are.”

Blaine couldn’t stop a smile forming on his lips. How was it that Kurt knew him so well that he had known that he would go look for him?

He hurried back to his own room before his dad saw that he was in the guestroom. He picked up some clothes and went to shower, and as soon as he was done he took both notes and shoved into his pocket.

*

The entire ceremony was unbearable.

The black suit was uncomfortable, and the tie felt even more out of place. The church was filled with people - mostly people in military uniforms. Everyone shook his hand and commiserated.

He didn’t cry at all, despite how sad the service was. It was cold and impersonal. Only one picture of his mom was shown and no one said anything about her. Blaine wanted to stand up and make a speech to feel that at least someone had tried doing something, but he didn’t want to give his father anymore reason to get on him.

Throughout the entire service Blaine was clenching the paper in his pocket with closed eyes as often as he could get away with. A desperate attempt to feel Kurt’s presence. He wished so badly that the whole thing could be done differently - be done to show his mom’s spirit.

The only thing that kept his head high was that as soon as he could get away from it all Kurt would be waiting for him in his room.

*

As soon as Blaine was back in the driveway he felt himself speed up. It was like he was dragged towards his room, like a magnetic force was pulling him towards Kurt.

He hurried up the stairs and almost crashed the door to his room open.

But Kurt wasn’t there.

His room looked like it had done when he had left it earlier that day. It was cold and empty, his bedspread perfectly folded over the sheets, the guitar in the corner and a bunch of records placed next to the gramophone.

When the lack of Kurt in his room hit him he felt it like a hole started growing inside him. He dragged his feet to the bed where he sat down, and let his head drop to his hands. He could feel the corners of the notes in his pocket cut through the fabric against his thigh, and his mind was foggy. The hole in his chest grew bigger with every breath he took and he let himself dump down to hide his face in the pillow.

He screamed. Screamed as much as his lungs and voice would allow him into the pillow. When he couldn’t anymore he gathered up breath to start all over again. His voice was rasp and itchy, his throat was burning and tears were stinging his eyes.

He screamed so hard and long that in the end he wasn’t even sure any sound came from his mouth, but his lungs were screaming at him to stop. He pounded his fist hard down in the mattress and wished that he had something hard to beat up instead.

His muscles were aching, and his brain cramping. He bit his lip so hard that he was sure he would break through and make it bleed. His skin felt like it was stretched too much, and he was in one time both cold and hot.

“Shhh, it’s okay,” Kurt’s smooth voice sounded as Blaine felt his hand running down his back.

Blaine could feel Kurt lie down and curl up around him, covering his body with his own, as he whispered comforting sounds in his ear, and let his fingertips caress every surface of his body he could access.

The tension in his muscles slowly took off, and he let himself fall naturally into Kurt’s body that felt like it was molded perfectly to fit Blaine’s.

He could feel Kurt’s nose in his hair, and his lips against the skin of his neck. Kurt’s breath made chills run down his spine, and he felt a fire roar in his intestines and running through his muscles. He wanted so badly to turn around and push Kurt to the bed and kiss him forcefully, grab around his arms and throw him to the bed, crawl on top of him and feel his tongue against his own, tear his clothes off and feel Kurt’s body warm his.

He didn’t. He stayed where he was and let the energy suck out of his limbs so he couldn’t do anything but lie there and wait to fall asleep or life to drift by without him.

As soon as he had calmed down, and he felt his eyelids starting to flicker, Kurt sat up and moved to lift Blaine’s head and place it in his lap.

Kurt slowly stroke his hair, still making comforting sounds, making Blaine feel like a child. He grabbed a fistful of Kurt’s t-shirt and clenched it as hard as he could. He let the fabric brush over his lips so he could taste the soft cotton and take in the scent, so he could let Kurt‘s fragrance fill his entire being.

He reached a point where he couldn’t tear anymore. He was still crying but his eyes were dry, and he suspected it to be because he was dehydrated, but he didn’t care.

“You weren’t here. You promised, but I came home and you weren’t here -” Blaine thrust out, not knowing why he said it. It was childish to cry over something like that. So what if he hadn’t been there.

“I know. I’m sorry. But I’m here now, and I’m not leaving you. I promised that I wouldn’t leave you, and I won’t,” Kurt answered softly, his fingers running through Blaine’s hair.

Blaine felt the aggressiveness that had filled him before slowly disappear, like it faded away with each of Kurt’s strokes.

“I should get out of these clothes,” Blaine said in a thick voice as he finally sat up. He was amazed by how patient Kurt had been. He had no idea how long he had been lying in his lap but he could see on the changes of the sky outside his window that it was starting to get late. Kurt hadn’t complained for one second - he actually hadn’t said anything but consoling sounds, and Blaine appreciated it very much.

He started to get off the bed, but Kurt grabbed around his wrist.

“I think you look really handsome like this,” Kurt said, as dreamy as ever. He let his eyes run down Blaine’s frame of the crumbled up suit and the loose tie, to his curls that was starting to go wild again and his bloody lower lip.

He was sure that he looked like someone who had just come from a bar fight.

From all he knew about Kurt this was absolutely something he would not have expected; for him to think that anyone could look good in a suit. It somehow seemed too formal for Kurt to find it interesting.

Kurt let his hand up to let his palm slide down the front of Blaine’s blazer with rosy cheeks and a distant look in his eyes.

“I think you’re beautiful,” Blaine stammered out, before he wanted to kick himself for the stupid remark and hurried off the bed to head for the closet.

He started pulling off the suit, when Kurt’s face suddenly showed in the mirror he was standing in front of. He pulled him into a hug, before he kissed him on the cheek and tiptoed back to the bed where he curled up to a ball with closed eyes, and Blaine knew that it would be no good to talk to him.

He felt his cheeks go red and watched as an unstoppable grin crossed his lips. It had felt really good to see Kurt standing next to him in the mirror like that.

He changed into a t-shirt and pajama pants - there was no way he was leaving the house for the rest of the day. Then he returned to the bed and laid down to watch Kurt as he relaxed.