After the incident with Quinn it got hard for Blaine to work at the store. All of Lima knew about it; she had only just returned to her parents house to get picked up by an ambulance and then she had disappeared from town. Blaine suspected someone from the hospital to not be aware what professional secrecy meant.

People had seen Blaine and Quinn together at either the record store or at the park, so the little shop quickly filled with teenagers sending curious glances in his direction, or people snapping him remarks they very likely thought to be discrete, but to Blaine they were very obvious. Too obvious. The only place he could truly find a refuge was in the listening booth or in his room.

His parents didn’t mention Quinn even though he knew they had heard it all too. He wasn’t planning on bringing it up, though. He didn’t see a reason to.

No one had talked about the military school either. However, it was mid-September and October was growing threateningly close.

His mom had started to not even get out of bed more often than do, and all Blaine knew was that she spent her time in the bedroom crying or sleeping.

His father kept up pretending that nothing was wrong, and continued his routines of going to work and the club where he played golf without as much as a concerned look crossing his face - Blaine found him repulsive.

They hadn’t had any conflicts since the morning when his father had just returned home. Blaine did his best to avoid him, and only replied to his limited question in ways that couldn’t lead to anything similar to a conversation in any way. His father didn’t seem to care, which was only a relief to Blaine.

Blaine started to work as much as possible, only stopping to get home to sleep or to eat - which he didn’t do much of.

He still saw his father as the biggest douche of the planet, and appreciated that he worked much too, because it often meant that he didn’t come until in the middle of the night, or sometimes even went out of town for a day or two.

Blaine was getting more and more desperate to find a way to break through to his mom. His father wasn’t going to help her, but Blaine knew that somebody should.

Some days he felt like doing his best to beat up his father, even though he knew that he would never stand a chance against the big military man - he just needed him to show some sort of sign that he cared about his wife.

*

“Mom. You know that I love you, right? I’m not going to leave you again,” Blaine said hesitantly one morning that she had come to the kitchen to have breakfast with him.

“I know, baby. I love you too. What an odd thing to say,” she chuckled at him as she put his empty cereal bowl in the sink. She turned around and let a hand run from his hair down to caress his cheek.

“Of course you have to leave me some day, Blaine. I’m getting old, and you need to get out there and find out who you need to be. Who you need to be with,” she crooned softly.

Blaine felt it as a shot through his veins.,

“I think you should call your friend Kurt. When you told me about him it seemed like you lit up. I want that for you, honey. Somebody to light up your handsome face.” She kissed his hair and left him to sit by himself in the kitchen, not really sure what it was she had just said to him.

He walked to his room to get ready to go to the record store, somehow feeling empty and misinformed. All he could think to say or do was to escape to the music to avoid thinking about what his mom had said to him.

Something inside him had awakened and he didn’t like it. It was uncomfortable, like she had poked a sleeping dragon. But what was it he was so afraid of?

*

The day was long and lazy. There wasn’t too many customers, and those who were didn’t stick around, which of course gave him a lot of time with his guitar, playing to Benjamin and taking his song requests.

It took his mind off when he was with Benjamin and it made him relax. He had almost forgot how it felt to be relaxed, and he wished that he could in some way thank Benjamin for being there to ease him without Benji even knowing it.

The door was locked when he came home, which he found strange as he knew that his mom should be home. An uneasy chill ran through his body, but he pushed it away as he went to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

On the counter was a note from his mom saying that she had gone to bed with a bad headache and if he needed something they would talk in the morning. He felt sorry for her. This had happened a lot lately, and he wished that there was something he could do for her.

He started rummaging through the cupboards for something eat and found out a book to read while he ate. As soon as he was done he decided to take a quick shower and go to bed. He had an early shift the next day and he felt heavy headed.

He flipped absentmindedly through the newspaper he had found on the table before he cleaned up after him and headed for his room, grateful that his father was out of town for work and wouldn’t be home until the weekend was over.

As he passed his parents’ bedroom he decided to go in there to see if she was awake so he could tell her that he really meant it; that he wasn’t going to leave her again so she could be stuck in Lima with his father terrorizing her.

He was sure that he had hit her before, and that he was going to do it again if he was in a bad mood or she disagreed with his reasons in some way.

Blaine knocked on the door, but as there was no answer he opened the door and crossed the floor to sit on the side of the bed next to his mom. Her eyes were closed, so he didn’t want to startle her.

“Mom. I… I’m sorry I just left like that. I should have told you instead of just disappearing that way. I just needed to get away. But I won’t do it again. I promise. If I leave I’ll take you with me next time.”

Blaine paused and took a deep breath, hoping she was awake just enough to hear what he was saying.

He began to stroke her hand, but as he felt her skin against his he realized that she was unnaturally cold. He put his palm to her cheek that just as cold as her hand, and he felt panic rise through him, making his stomach coil up and his nerves tingling burningly.

“Mom? Mom? Mom, wake up!” he bellowed anxiously but with no response. He reached to her neck to feel her pulse, but he couldn’t feel anything, so he started shaking her, yelling for her to wake up without any luck.

Dark spots started forcing their way in front of his eyes, and he felt like something heavy was pressing on his chest, trying to keep him from breathing.

He let her drop lifeless to the bed before he ran downstairs to find grab the phone. He wasn’t planning on calling his father. Screw him. He didn’t care anyway.

Blaine called an ambulance in desperation, not knowing what else to do. He didn’t cry or bawl, he explained the situation remarkably clear headed. So clear that it almost scared him. They promised to send someone quickly and he put down the phone not knowing what his next move should be.

He couldn’t go back up there. He couldn’t see her like that. He had no idea how long she had been gone, and he felt it frightening to know that she had been lying there all alone while he had been down in the store playing and having fun.

He couldn’t think. He couldn’t even sink his spit. His eyes were dry and itchy. He knew that he should be crying, but he wasn’t. Something had locked and nothing came out of him. It was like he was drained.

Before he knew what he was doing he had picked up the phone and dialed a number.

“Halloooo,” a female voice sounded at the other end of the receiver.

“Kurt. I need to speak to Kurt -” Blaine stammered, not caring how rude he was being.

“And who may I say is calli -” she started asking, but Blaine got angry and stopped her.

“Just get me Kurt, would you!” he roared into the phone.

The girl groaned at him, muttering something about bitching and he heard the receiver being put to the table and voices talking and laughing in the lounge, music playing and someone drumming on glasses.

“Hello. This is Kurt -” Kurt’s silky, dreamy voice sounded, making a fire run through Blaine’s veins and muscles.

Without being able to stop himself he broke down and cried into the phone.

“Kurt. My mom is dead…”

The other end went completely quiet, like there had been a malfunction and they had got disconnected - but suddenly Kurt spoke.

“Stardust. Take a deep breath and listen to me…”

But there was a knock on the door, and Blaine knew he had to hang up.

“I’m sorry. I’ll call you tonight,” Blaine sobbed and hung up the phone without further explanation. He dried his eyes and went to open the door, showing the men to the bedroom.

He couldn’t go in there himself. He just couldn’t.

He went down and waited for them in the kitchen. Refused to look at the stairs where they would come down, carrying her to the vehicle.

His face was wet from tears, but he didn’t even think it over for as much as a second.

“We found some pills in the bedroom. We’ll bring them to see if they have anything to do with it. It looks like it’s suicide. Do you have anyone to stay with you for the night?” The man said, looking worried down at Blaine.

He didn’t answer. He just nodded. He couldn’t take the thought of having to spend the night somewhere, so he lied.

“My father is coming home later,” he said, not knowing how convincing he sounded, and not really giving a damn about it.

“That’s good, son. I’ll leave some papers for him here, that I trust you to pass on. I’m sorry, kid -” the man said as he let a hand onto Blaine’s shoulder before he left the kitchen, and shut the front door after him.

Now Blaine was left to himself in the dark of the kitchen.

*

Blaine had fallen asleep on the couch. He didn’t want to go upstairs to his room. To get to his bedroom he had to pass the bedroom and it was just too soon.

When he woke up it was in the middle of the night and he remembered that he had promised to call Kurt, and ran to the hall and dialed the number.

“Kurt. Can I talk to Kurt?” Blaine burst out before the person at the other end even got a chance to say anything.

“He’s not here. Screw you - do you know what time it is?” The person slammed the phone back on, and Blaine stood looking at the phone in his hand not sure he had grasped what had just happened.

Kurt had just left? Had he become angry when Blaine hadn’t called as promised?

Blaine shook his head and went back to the couch, trying to fall asleep but couldn’t. When he finally did his sleep was troubled by dreams of his father yelling at him that it was his fault, that he should have been there for his mother instead of running around with those hippies.

The next morning Blaine called the store and said that he wasn’t feeling well so he wouldn’t come to work. He didn’t want the real reason out yet; there was no reason to hand them over the basis for rumors.

He stayed downstairs the entire day. He tried convincing himself that he needed to go to his room, take a shower and change his clothes, but he felt like he was being repulsed by the door to his parents’ bedroom.

Late in the afternoon he finally did it. He went upstairs and ran past the bedroom. He knew that it was childish, he just couldn’t get himself to stroll by it casually like nothing had happened.

He rushed through a shower, desperate to go back downstairs. He wished that he could leave the house, but it would be impossible - then he’d have to face people, and he wasn’t sure he could fake it. He hadn’t cried since he talked to Kurt, but he was afraid that if he was being put face-to-face with people who would ask about the ambulance he would break.

When he was done in the bathroom he returned to his room to pick up a book and stuff he would need downstairs - so he didn’t have to go back in there for a while.

That’s when he found the folded piece of paper on his pillow. How hadn’t he seen it before?

“Honey.

Life is hard, and sometimes some people just aren’t strong enough.
This has nothing to do with you. Remember that.

I want you to go out and have a long and beautiful life.
You are such a strong boy, with such a passionate heart.
You will do good in life. I know you will.

Hold on to your music - that is the true you.

Find your friend Kurt, and let him make you happy.
I know he’s the reason you’ve been so sad. You miss him.
Allow yourself to be happy. Call him.

I will always be with you.
I love you, Blaine.

Mom.”

Her flowery letters twirled over the paper as if they were dancing, and Blaine read it over again and again. Memorized every single word. Let it burn into his brain, and closed his eyes to make sure he could see the paper clear in his mind, hear her voice read the words to him.

He felt like a hand was cramping around his heart, and threatening to squash it and fill his chest with tar instead.

He brought the letter downstairs with him, put it on the coffee table so he could read it again when he feared that he had forgot what it said, even though he knew it every time.

He didn’t read, or listen to music. He stayed on the couch, sniffing in the smell of his mom from the pillows, staring into the dark of the living room. He didn’t even turn on the lights; he didn’t have the energy to get up so he could flip the switch on.

Suddenly there was a loud knock on the door, making Blaine jump, feeling his heart race to his throat. He looked at the clock; it was almost midnight.